Kermit going: “However-“ and immediately firing a pistol repeatedly is fantastic and my new favorite clap back for literally anything

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YOU ARE THE REASON
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Kermit going: “However-“ and immediately firing a pistol repeatedly is fantastic and my new favorite clap back for literally anything
Oh my god, who is she?!
mentally at the mamma mia wrap party
Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know that this is the right way, gives us a sign to let us know!"
As soon as he has spoken, a cloud materializes out of nowhere, moves in front of the sun and dissolves again.
The other three look at him, at each other, go "Well... That was certainly unusual, but the weather's been acting up a bit lately, so this does not really mean anything", and just continue with the discussion unmoved.
The fourth rabbi, increasingly desperate, again stands up and calls out "My Lord, they continue to defy your word, please send another sign to help them see the error of their ways!"
This time, it's not just one cloud, but the entire sky darkens, a thunderclap sounds and a bolt of lightning hits just next to the other three rabbis. They're startled, but after catching their breath conclude that no, you don't see that every day, but it's late summer, thunderstorms can come in surprisingly quickly, we're out in an open garden, there's no lightning rod on top of the synagogue even though there really should be, etc. So this still doesn't mean anything, we'll stick with our viewpoints thank you very much.
Now absolutely livid and still outvoted, the fourth rabbi gets up one final time, stamps his feet, raises his hands and shouts "Oh Lord, you who created all, for the love of your people and the ways of the world, make your will known, so that it must be clear even to these stubborn mules!"
And a booming voice fills the sky, "HE IS CORRECT"
The other three rabbis look up, look down to their colleague, and finally one says:
"That's still three against two"
If you had been born in caveman times, would you have lived to your current age*?
I would’ve never been born (pregnancy complications)
I would’ve died as a baby
I would’ve died as a toddler
I would’ve died as a child
I would’ve died as a preteen
I would’ve died as a teen
I would’ve made it to adulthood! and then died.
I’d probably be alive but it would Fucking Suck
I’d be alive and it would be eh okay
I’d be alive and well, hunting berries, gathering mammoths, thriving :)
*this is just about having medical needs that would have meant death without modern medicine, so no ‘I’d probably die from not being able to distinguish the blur as a lion’ we have a healthy caveman squad who cares for each other, we just also dont have, yknow, penicilin. etcetera.
pls reblog for sample size etc
follow for more occasional useless polls :)
thinking about this
the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire
icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down
cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)
feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated
Promethean task: opposite of a Cassandraean task. You have the right information, and SOMEONE has to share it. But it's all in the delivery and if you're the person to identify the problem you WILL be hated forever.
Oedipal Task: (1) Attempting to avoid an unspeakably awful outcome and in doing so creating the circumstances that will bring it about. (2) Trying to solve an problem and discovering that you are in fact the problem you are trying to solve.
Odyssean task: you’ll complete it but it’ll take 20 times longer than it should and involve multiple side quests and mini-adventures
Pandorean task: some people fucked around and now it's your job to make sure they find out
So I'd like you to meet my partners. This is the broken, this is the beaten, and this is the damned.
Here is the lover, theres the dreamer, and that one there on the right is me.
Just entered a new relationship. There's Paul, a real estate novelist who never had time for a wife, and Davy, who's still in the navy and probably will be for life.
Yeah, this is my new boyfriend and girlfriend. Yeah, he was a punk and she did ballet. What more can I say?
Yeah, just got a picture of our polycule back. On the left is the clown, on the right is the joker, and of course, stuck in the middle, there's you.
my three girlfriends, the soldier who carries a mighty sword, the writer whose weapon is his word, and the king whose brow is big and worn. And yes, they do smoke weed.
if I could ask God anything and get the real, genuine answer, I'd ask him why He commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. He knew He was going to stop him. He knew that He'd never truly ask him to do it. He knew that if he went through with it then His promise would be frustrated.
The thing is... the story has led parents to think it's okay to sacrifice their children, metaphorically and sometimes literally, for a false sense of moral superiority. How many LGBT+ children have been sacrificed in the supposed name of Christianity? How many autistic children? How many orphaned children? How many abused children?
Maybe it was the right lesson for Abraham, especially about how it paralleled Christ's atonement. But it's not a story that has translated well into modern times.
do you want the Jewish answer? It was to challenge him to think critically about commandments from g-d (and translating to religion as an institution, rulings from religious leaders and scripture), and it's a challenge he failed. He was supposed to, theoretically, fight g-d and say "no, by no means am I going to do this. I don't care that you created everything, that is my child and my world, and I'm not going to do it just because you said so."
Instead, Abraham royally screws up, traumatises his son, and in doing so, loses his son, loses g-d's will and favor, and in the Tanakh we never really hear from Abraham again after this point, because he failed.
It's a story about someone blindly following in faith, and losing the most important things to them because they never stopped to think "Wait, did I hear this right? And if I did hear this right, am I so sure that this is something I want to follow?"
Isaac was Abraham's only son at the time, and the child he had fought so hard to have. Him following an order blindly without thinking of the consequences is not supposed to be a good thing (It just kind of benefits the feudal society that eventually embraced Christianity, which is why the understanding was changed in Christian worldviews.)
btw i dug up an old book of snoopy comics and thought you guys would like this one.....happy autumn
some important advice
getting into the shower: evil evil evil
being in the shower: there is no past and there is no future, there is just the here and now, i am alone but i am not lonely, i am calm and one with the universe, existence is sublime
getting out of the shower: evil evil evil (wet version)
love is stored in the cow
Show some respect, people.
THANK YOU
The story of Balto is interesting. He led a team of sled dogs across the Alaskan wilderness in the dead of winter with diphtheria antitoxins to stop an outbreak in Nenana Alaska. Diphtheria is a deadly infectious disease that could wipe out a third of a town’s population. It is mostly unknown to the public today because of vaccines. Balto’s body is preserved in the Cleveland Museum of Natural History.
He’s a big hero of mine!
Let’s not forget Togo! Who, at 12 years old during the serum run, lead his team 200 miles through much more dangerous conditions during the first leg of the journey before Balto ran the last 55-mile stretch.
Togo and Balto didn’t bust their asses for dying children for you to turn around and not vaccinate your damn kids
HOW THE FUCK
That has got to be one of the most clever uses of transparency I’ve seen on this site yet.
we interrupt your regularly scheduled lack of meaningful content, to bring you
but how did you…
70’s ad for Asbestos
Excuse me, what
This is relevant in a million different ways, too. For me as an archaeologist, when I find purple slate roofing tiles on an archaeological site, I know that they could either have come from Wales, or from Newfoundland, because it’s the same damn slate formation!