Welcome To The Shit Show

Taking one day at a time. Doing my best to survive.

[laaylic]

Mood

[followthebluebell]

I got catcalled today

So I get home, right?  My phone goes off and the caller id shows it’s my manager.  I’m not… entirely happy about this (see: “I literally just got home”).  I answer anyway, and there’s some weird static?   I can’t get my manager to answer me and I start to worry.

I text her instead.

Her cat was fucking sitting on her phone and butt-dialed me.  The ‘static’ I heard was him purring.

the only kind of catcalling that’s acceptable, quite frankly.

[followthebluebell]

My favorite thing about this post is how so many people were ready to fucking throw a punch at catcallers (of the despicable sort). I’m proud of u all.

[prismatic-bell]

That is the most fabulous thing I have heard today.

[ampervadasz]

[catsbeaversandducks]

“Sir, I can has fish?? Thank you, kind Sir!”

[theskoomacat]

Translation:

[weasel? comes up to a fisherman]

Fisherman: Friend, what do you want? [weasel sniffs at a closed bucket with fish] Hungry for some fish, aren’t you? Maybe I should give you a fishing pole? Eager beaver. Let me open it. [weasel is busy digging under the bucket. fisherman gently pokes it] Hey, there is a lid up here. Come on, pick any you want. [weasel grabs a fish and runs away] Hey, no “thank you”? Well, you’re welcome. 

[alexasenna]

I’m NEVER going to get tired of watching Russians interact with wildlife

[becausebirds]

potty mouth bird

[lrukasensei]

[Caption:

[WOMAN (OFF-CAMERA):] He’s gonna come sit by you.

[MAN:] That’s crazy!

[WOMAN (LAUGHING):] Try to pet him.

[MAN:] No, nah, he’s got that big-ass beak on him!

[BIRD:] Fuck you!

[MAN (LAUGHING):] Fuck you?!]

[silverhawk]

my date: hey im kinda hungry, u got anything for me to eat???? :)))

me: oh sure :)))

me: [walks over to my fridge and opens it]

me: the blue ones are my favorite u can have as many orange and purple ones as you want

[haggord]

*knock knock*

“Anyone there?”

“Ah ha! You are here. Won’t you let me in?”

“No? I’m afraid you won’t have a choice in the matter.”

“That should do it!”

“Now, now. Don’t be afraid.”

“I’m only here for your life.”

[stalker-among-the-stars]

But… I bought Skyrim… Twice…

[thominator47]

Buy it again

[stalker-among-the-stars]

I don’t have any money, Mr. Howard.

[thominator47]

Well, im sorry but you leave me no choice. Id rather not do this so im giving you another chance to buy The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim™ Remastered Edition. Its Skyrim in a whole new dimension!

[stalker-among-the-stars]

I just need to get my paycheck, and then I’ll buy it, I swear!

[thominator47]

It says here that you bought groceries this week. If you hadnt you could use that money to buy an incredible experience that is worth infinitely more, and it just works

[stalker-among-the-stars]

I can’t play Skyrim if I’m dead, Todd.

[bogsorcerer]

Really fool? I’ll have Skyrim: Special Edition ported to hell by this October, this one’s free

[stalker-among-the-stars]

And who says I’m gonna go to hell?

[bogsorcerer]

Mere bullets cannot stop me, mortal. Either bend to my will or you will suffer endlessly in my divine fire

[stalker-among-the-stars]

You revealed your true form far too early, Howard.

And I have yet to even start powering up!

First, I shall pause you in time!

And then,

This is no ordinary gun, Todd. Take a closer look.

I shall absorb your company into Electronic Arts and bleed you dry! Your fate shall eclipse that of Mass Effect in terms of severity!

[bogsorcerer]

FOOL, YOU THINK THAT BETHESDA MATTERS TO ME? THEY WERE ONLY A TOOL TO FURTHER MY PLANS. YOU WILL BURN!

KNOW MY WRATH MORTAL

[stalker-among-the-stars]

> mortal

He thinks I’m a mortal!

You have no clue who you are dealing with, Todd!

I have more power in my nose hairs than you do in your entire body, Todd!

You have one chance to earn your continued existence. Announce or release a game that isn’t Skyrim or Fallout 4 at the next E3. I shall be waiting for you there.

[haggord]

y’all did a whole RP on my post this is the funniest shit

[bardstardish]

my mama got home today and she was so excited. she said she got me a present, so then i was excited too. i had no idea what she got me. she said ‘close your eyes and put your hands out’, so i did. and then i felt her put something in my hands. i opened my eyes and

“i saw it and it was chubby and you called a frog ‘big boy’ last night and i had to get it! it’s big boy!”

[bardstardish]

mama loves that you all think she’s very sweet and she got inspired and went back today and got 2 more to show you all!!

she said “tell the ones that liked big boy thank you and that he has 2 friends now thanks to them!”

[pencopanko]

HE HAS FRIENDS!!!!!!

THREE IF YOU COUNT THE BIRD!!!

[pink-mage]

just wanna remind y'all that there was a character in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy who accidentally became immortal and decided to spend his eternity of suffering traveling through time and space to insult everyone in the universe, one by one, in alphabetical order, and if that’s not a hero idk what is

[jennamourey]

A Full Face of Rhinestones

[lovepsychothefirst]

#listen I don’t watch Jenna Marbles#I’ve never subscribed to hr channel#but there’s one thing about her that I absolutely respect#she does NOT clickbait#she fucking COMMITS to whatever bull shit she says she’s gonna do#90% of her video titles LOOK like clickbait#but then the video is EXACTLY what the title says#how many balloons does it take to life my chihuahua off the ground#I DON’T KNOW JENNA WHY DON’T YOU FIND OUT#spends entire video reporting on increasingly annoyed Party City employees#as she ties over 100 helium balloons to a sling that her dog falls asleep in#while floating 4 feet above the ground#because she fucking found out how many balloons it took#‘MY DOG RATES SOAP’ says the video title#her Italian Greyhound has some kind of soap licking neurosis and shows clear preferences#by the end of the video her dog does indeed have a favorite brand of soap#I EAT DOG TREATS WITH MY DOGS#literally does exactly that and actually enjoys like 2 of them#I don’t follow her at all but DAMN does Jenna Marbles not fuck around#she just … does exactly what she says she will#like some kind of chaotic entity that combats clickbait by being exactly as absurd as the marketing implies

[lesbianshepard]

in theory its super bad when straight dudes go “hey ur a lesbian? we both like girls we’re the same!” but in reality this has happened twice and most recently was today when a guy i was training in the frame shop went “oh you’re gay?” “yea” “that’s cool. it’s cool that you told me. we both like girls and star wars so it’s nice that we have a shift together :)” like god damn it brett you’re so respectful and thoughtful with your goddamned words

[lesbianshepard]

the posts that are like “straight men can never love a woman like a lesbian” are cool jokes and stuff but u gotta really appreciate dudes who have no idea what its like to be gay but try their best to try and relate. “we both like hot ladies” you know what, ryan? that’s close enough. i appreciate that.

[enigma-boi]

[theforgottenjew]

[apathetic-revenant]

can’t shake the devil’s hand and say you’re only kidding. 

[lokihiddleston]

[jokin-around]

[ororium-z]

Happy Pride!

[s-gellar]

[mishasminions]

IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE FRED & DAPHNE

[misha-let-me-touch-your-assbutt]

FUCK YOU AND YOUR BITTER JEALOUS LONELINESS HOWARD STERN

[lastseasonsloser-deactivated201]

YES SO GOOD!!!!!

[illogical-bullshit]

And she will be a completely different woman, but that’s alright.

Most folks with this guy’s mindset will go far in life. 

[ellactra-deactivated20180109]

THIS IS A PRECIOUS POST!

[jayykesley]

Now 16 years 💖💍🤵👰

[lothar]

death stranding fans are at it again, this time trying to decipher the presumed secret message in lindsay wagner’s necklace which also might’ve been inspired by the quipu method of recording information cause kojima’s an actual madman

[vanlifunhouse-deactivated202101]

@orandulum

[unlimited-nice-works]

Russian Twitter Decoded it

[charredasperity]

Kojima, what the fuck

[dangerousfishmonger-deactivated]

Holy shit so I looked the song up and the music video for it was uploaded almost a year ago…

And apparently according to the director, the music video is directly related to the plot and setting of Death Stranding? So there’s been this Death Stranding quazi-trailer just sitting here for a whole damn YEAR before Kojima thought to mention it. And he only mentioned it in a particularly obtuse code.

what the fuck!?

[jewishdragon]

the comments on the video that are almost a year old seem to indicate people already were suspicious about connection but it wasn’t confirmed until now

[weheartchrisevans]

[dutchster]

[eveshka]

Chosen.

[elionking-deactivated20191020]

If this were to happen to me i would burst into tears