again... wilson being pet

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@lionslavellan
again... wilson being pet
he's in his cocoon
cuddy: do you ever want to talk about your emotions, house?
house: no
wilson: i do
cuddy: i know, wilson
wilson: i'm sad
cuddy: i know, wilson
my beautiful hair flip angel girlfriend. her name is shithead and she was born without morals or a cerebral cortex
HOUSE S3E13
dr james wilson - house 2004-2012
Me giving my parents my report card in second grade
This post starts getting more notes around the end of every semester.
phic ign mysion
part me agrees that house someone's proper pronouns to more accurately insult them, but i also sometimes think he would find neopronouns ridiculous while also taking immense joy in changing his pronouns daily entirely because he's not been annoying this way before and like he Just Can. he just comes in to work with a sticker nametag thing that's like "my pronouns are [big text] ___ / ___" and he fills in the blanks at random. even after it stops being as funny he keeps using them because he bought a pack of 50 of them and doesn't want to waste them
house in 2024
House installs 24/7 tracking apps on Wilson's phone. In return, Wilson books Ubers to take his phone and drive to various nefarious locations, sit there for half an hour, then come back home
Similarly, Wilson gets a smartwatch that monitors his heart rate. House gets updates sent to his phone and calls Wilson whenever his heart rate increases by more than 20 bpm to try and interrupt him jerking off
Kutner writes fanfic and replies to almost every comment he gets. His author's notes are full of things like "sorry this chapter is late, I accidentally gave myself a concussion trying to save a patient's life"
House posts on the Am I The Asshole subreddit but gets annoyed at everything thinking he's the asshole so he immediately deletes his account and pretends it never existed
Cuddy spends an hour of her day responding to the hospital's negative google reviews about "that rude doctor with the cane"
A young patient of Wilson's convinces him to be in a TikTok they're making, and he doesn't really know what that is but he agrees and ends up going semi-viral
Chase is secretly seething with jealousy over Wilson's accidental TikTok success, because Chase has been making thirst-trap videos in his scrubs for months with barely any views (it's because he's trying way too hard)
Thirteen gets really into Drag Race/the local drag scene and accidentally introduces House to gay slang, which he instantly adopts
House in 2024
House: faggot
Foreman: I.. don't think you should be saying that
Chase: arh naur I theenk he carn archally. Ave you seenim with Wilson?
Cameron: I think it's a little rude to speculate about someone's sexuality while they're in the room
House: oh no no, let Chase continue. I wanna know when he'll start describing how I take in in the ass-
*house realizes something*
House: WE HAVE TO CHECK THE PATIENTS ASS
truly nothing about house md prepares you for wilson. he's fucking insane. he's been divorced three times. he's the only person who can scheme just as well as house. he gives a patient his own liver bc he felt bad for him - a patient who didn't even know wilson's name. btw. he noticed a patient had depression bc he never mentioned his grandkids. he starred in a porno. he dosed house with antidepressants for several weeks. he allowed his boybestie and his gf to share custody of him and didn't even try to stop it. house told him to buy a piece of furniture that represented who he was, and he bought a $4000+ organ for house. he was gonna torpedo his career to talk abt euthanasia bc one of his patients suffered longer than he had to. he let house move into his 1 bed apartment bc his therapist thought it'd be a good idea. this man would do anything for anybody if they let him. he'd fucking quit his job to save a snail off the sidewalk. bro is not normal in the slightest
House drugged that coffee btw
Josh has never laughed like this, I can't believe this is the joke that got him like that.
the hardest I’ve ever laughed watching this show
(also—)
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