A Hobbit Among Man

Random ramblings of a mentally ill queer. She/Her

[lonelyvermonster]

Don't make your Queerness easy to swallow

Make Them Choke

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[byjove]

tall guys might have the upper hand (pun intended) in dating rn but my 5'4" self will have the last laugh when I’m the hottest guy in the nursing home

[lonelyvermonster]

Another reason why it pays to be a hobbit

[renthony]

I was 12 when the first of my siblings was born, so I have very vivid memories of the way my mother was excluded from a lot of spaces because people find children annoying.

If you think "children should not be allowed in this space," you HAVE TO reckon with the fact that you are now excluding parents (and very often women specifically) who don't have access to childcare. You are isolating people who are poor, or rural, or single parents, or any number of other factors that might prevent someone from having on-demand childcare. You are cutting them off from being able to exist in public. You are denying parents and children the ability to fully participate in society.

My mom spent several years only leaving the house to buy groceries or take me to school, and even then, people would still come up to her to complain TO HER FACE about how she shouldn't bring a crying toddler to Walmart. Entitled strangers would literally try and demand that my mom leave and come back without the kids.

"Why can't your husband watch them?" Because he was at work, usually working extreme amounts of overtime so we didn't get evicted, because landlords don't like it when you stop paying rent.

"Why can't you send them to daycare?" Because that costs money.

"Why can't your teenager stay home with them and babysit?" Because I also deserved to be able to leave the house for something other than school, and taking me to the grocery store was how my mom taught me to manage a household budget, shop sales, and meal plan.

"Don't bring your kid in public if you can't CONTROL them and make them stop crying!" Kids cry when they're upset, and being dragged around a store is upsetting! Don't be an asshole! Children are human beings who are still learning how the world works, and they don't have a lot of agency. You'd cry, too.

"Spank them until they learn to stop crying!" That's just straight-up child abuse, Jesus Christ.

What the fuck was our family supposed to do? Never go to the grocery store? Starve because strangers couldn't handle a toddler existing in public?

[lonelyvermonster]

This encapsulates an argument that I try so hard to get across but I often can't seem to articulate right.

I myself am a big believer that there needs to be more adult only spaces, especially ones that don't revolve around alcohol. When I bring this up I unfortunately get people talking about how they hate kids like they think that is my point. It's not.

The idea of child free groceries stores, or other similar spaces is appalling. OP perfectly outlines why the idea of making the public less kid friendly is detrimental to parents, particularly for mothers who more often than not are the default caretakers. You would end up isolating a group of people that have already been so easily harmed and overlooked. Even if you don't like kids (I myself have never been enthused to hang out with little kids) you can't push them out of the public eye without creating a situation where the primary caretaker is trapped in isolation. In the best of situations this means they have no support or outlets but that's the BEST situation. You know who really benefits from creating a situation where a person is hyper isolated with no way out? Abusers. It is already a well-documented abuse tactic for someone to be forced into the role of parent to keep them under control, there is 0 reason to make that any easier.

When I say I want adult only spaces a huge beginning step is fixing the way childcare is handled as well as a massive overhaul of how we consider the needs of kids when building public spaces. For me to be able to have a space to talk openly to/hang out with other adults there has to be places built for kids so that parents can also use the adult spaces. Don't try to ban kids from Walmart, find ways to make Walmart easier to handle for kids who are just trying to learn how to be a person. Then, make it so the cafe on the corner has a childcare area that is easily affordable. Accessibility improvement for everyone in general spaces as well as the creation of spaces just for adults would have massive benefits for everyone. If there was a place where you could trust that your child would be well cared for so you can go and talk with other adults, that place would offer support that we all need sometimes and honestly, I think it could also prevent harm to kids.

That's the part that really seems to confuse people when I say it. I really do believe that parents having outlets away from their kids will act as a pressure release that could make the difference in someone close to getting so overwhelmed they do something they shouldn't. Most people have this idea in their head that harm to kids comes from bad people who enjoy hurting kids. I'm not saying that doesn't happen. It does, and that's not a problem that can be fixed with adult spaces. However, there are many times where stress can drive people to do things they never thought they were capable of.

One of the most common pieces of advice for new parents is "if you're too stressed, set them down and walk away." There is a reason for that. Stress clouds the judgment and there have been entire studies that look at the effect of infant crying and how much it can screw with your head. Do I think having an adult only cafe will eliminate child abuse? No. But, I do think that the single mother with the colicky baby will be a lot less likely to be driven to the point of lashing out if she could trust her baby to be looked after a few times a month so she can go to that cafe, drink a cup of coffee, and enjoy the company of people who aren't reliant on her for everything.

I don't make this argument selflessly. I don't have kids, but I too would like that kind of cafe or similar kinds of places to exist. A place where I can relax and enjoy the company of my peers without having to be ever mindful of little ears listening into the conversation or some poor toddler not understanding that the fireplace is look-y no touch-y. Hell, maybe some people would find it easier to be around the sensory overload that is a child if there were places where they could get away from them. Kids need to be in public so that they can learn to be functioning members of society. Denying a kid access to the world hinders their ability to grow and out right denies the fact that they too are people just as deserving of a rich social life as any adult. If you don't like the screaming toddler at Walmart, put on some headphones.

That being said, it is just as important to have places where adults can talk to each other and have mature discussions away from kids that are too young to be hearing them. Some people argue "that's what a bar is for" but the enmeshment of alcohol with adult spaces is a whole other problem that I truly think has serious detrimental effects on society. (And I say that as someone who drinks, in case anyone thinks I'm trying to argue that alcohol is inherently bad. I'm not.)

[lonelyvermonster]

Her parents raised her to be kind. They did a tragically good job.

[lonelyvermonster]

[lonelyvermonster]

(NO AI; Sources - One Two Three)

[lonelyvermonster]

(NO AI; Sources-One,Two)

[lonelyvermonster]

That chest of gold wasn't the only thing Bilbo brought home with him.

(NO AI USED. Sources: one two)

[lonelyvermonster]

There, But Never Really Back

TW: Mentions of death and PTSD

While watching The Hobbit I began to think about what it must have been like for Bilbo after he returned home. The books and movies don't talk about the trauma. How much of bilbos life must have been different after the quest. The other hobbits talk about how reclusive he becomes in his later years, but I want to know more from bilbos side.

How terrifying it must have been for Bilbo the first night he slept in his own bed; finally safe again, only to awake screaming. Blood and fire and dead blue eyes haunting him. I wonder how many years it took Bilbo before he no longer carried Sting everywhere he went. How much longer still before he stopped needing to check to make sure that horrifying blue glow didn't come back. It may not have been present in the books or the movie, but Sting gained a permanent place next to Bilbo's bed.

It didn't take long for Bilbo to pull away from everyone else but it's only because how could he possibly expect them to understand. How could the innocent hobbits who have never known war and death be able to understand the haunted look in his eyes? How odd he must have seemed. The only Hobbit who wouldn't eat any stew at the gatherings and parties. The only Hobbit who shrunk away from hugs because being grabbed was no longer comforting.

Do you think the first time someone tried to pull him into a hug he was overtaken with fear, Thorin's name slipping from his lips?

Do you think Bilbo noticed the way people would stare at him? The Hobbit's may have noticed him pull away, but I don't think they noticed the rest. They may have heard about trolls and dragons, but they didn't know about the sickly little creature he found in that cave. They didn't know about the nights he would wake up frightened, eyes searching for the shadows for Gollum. His neighbors didn't notice how he froze up the first time he heard a little hobbitling ask for some "eggsies". He still spun the occasional riddle but there were some he never repeated again.

Then there is the protectiveness that often comes from the trauma of watching others die.

How odd it must have been for Merry and Pippin's parents to watch Bilbo fiercely defend them against those who disapproved of their pranks and yet in the next breath berate them for the danger they put themselves in. The first time the boys got hurt bilbo could barely stand to see them; the image of two young dwarves who he had loved like family all his mind could see.

God how much worse that must have been when Frodo came along.

Dark black curls and bright blue eyes. Just close enough to haunt him. When that little hobbitling came into his life, how much of his decision to take him in was because he looked like Thorin? How many nights did Bilbo peak his head into Frodo's room to reassure himself that Frodo was alive and breathing, rather than laying on a stone slab? He protected him the way he could not protect his dwarf. Yet he also never bought him a single piece of clothing that was blue.

He filled that hobbit hole with greens and yellows and browns. Never blue. That color was perhaps the deepest tie to the pain he carried. Blue fabric, blue eyes, blue light; all capable of spiraling him into a pit of hellish memories. There were days he could not even bear to go outside because even the blue of the sky was too much.

Because at the end of the day Gandalf was right.

Bilbo was not the same, and he never would be again.

[lonelyvermonster]

I found my self thinking about this post again so here's Bilbo checking in on Frodo.

(NO AI!! I don't care if AI could do a "better" job, at least with photoshop I'm not stealing from people with actual artistic skill.)

[lonelyvermonster]

First Time

In hindsight,

I should of guessed you had never done this before.

You were so unsure so I talked you through it.

I figured maybe it had just been a while.

I once went four months and it had taken me so much longer then usual.

It had never occurred to me that someone older then me could be new at this.

I've lost count of the number of times I've sat breathless, heart racing

Waiting for feeling to come back to my legs.

Maybe its because I was so young my first time.

Too young, some would say.

I had just hit puberty;

All i really remember is wiping the sweat away and going back to class.

Mom still blames herself,

I try to tell her she couldn't of prevented this.

I don't think she'll ever believe me.

Its happened hundreds of times for me since then.

I like to think I've gotten better at it.

I don't remember how each time started.

I didn't always get the name of the person with me.

Looking back, its defiantly better when you know them.

I just wish I had paid a little more attention to what they did.

It took me longer then it should of for me to give you what you need.

After, as you try to catch your breath, we talk.

You seemed so embarrassed.

I don't want you walking away feeling ashamed so I tell you about the last time I had done this;

One of the rare times I took my full lunch break.

I am so grateful that the bathroom at work has a lock.

I hope you believed me when I said it gets easier.

You learn your body; what works for you and what doesn't.

As we sit together I tell you more.

I stopped being ashamed to talking about this years ago.

I hope one day you will be just as comfortable.

You don't have to be willing to talk so freely but its a great way to really get to know people.

For now, I tell you to just find someone you trust.

Keep them on speed dial so next time you don't have to do this with a stranger

Before we leave I give you the name of my therapist

He has a lot of experience with anxiety

[lonelyvermonster]

Human Beings and The "No" Word

I recently had a conversation with a family member about elective surgeries; the idea of voluntarily going under a knife to change your body, some times right down to how it fundamentally exists in the world. I for one believe that each and every single adult of sound mind should be able and encouraged to make any and all alterations to there body that they want with out exception. And I mean that. ALL ALTERATIONS. If a cis-guy who 100% identifies as a guy wants breast implants then it should be just as accepted and normal as a cis-woman getting implants. If there's an artist who realizes that they could create art better/easier if they could position there hand just so then they should be able to elect to have a finger or two removed or reshaped. Tattoos, Implants, Amputation, Bone Shaving; I truly and honestly think that the ability to craft ones body the way they want it should be no-holds-barred.

Even among people who are into tattoos and body mods, this is often seen as an extreme take. Why would you be okay with some one cutting off a perfectly healthy body part? How could you say that some one who wants to change there body like that is of sound mind?

Two reasones

If there is one thing in this world that must remain absolute, it is bodily autonomy. If you do not have ownership of that which only effects yourself then you have nothing. I am not talking about individuals who are suffering from a delusion and who would deeply regret these choices once they get help; nor am I talking about some one who it not capable of understanding the pros and CONS to this decision. This is about the vast majority of people. People for whom no one but themselves can say how their life is meant to be. I do not live your life, so who am i to tell you that you don't know how you feel and what you want.

(and this is a odder opinion of mine) That change and creativity in every thing, even the way our bodies look and work, is so fundamentally human. Not a single change I'm talking about has come to us "naturally". Even something as simple as changing our hair color is something that arguably humans are not "supposed" to be able to do. There are a number of species that can change things about themselves almost at will. From octopi that can change there skin color/pattern at will to the goby (Lythrypnus pulchellus) that flexes from one sex to another. Yet as a species we decided that even mother nature could not tell us what we can and cant do. In every culture and every time, we have found ways to change how we look in ways that we shouldn't be able to. We don't just sit down and accept that "this is how life is meant to be". We find ways to bend realty to our desire and I think that's pretty fucking awesome. Over and over again, in all of recorded history we have looked to things that, from all previous experience, we should of learned were imposable. Yet just about every time we say "to hell with possibility we want to do this so we are going to find a way". We don't have wings but we figured out how to fly; we don't have gills but we found ways to spend days at a time deep under water. You can argue all you want that inventing the airplane or putting a man on the moon aren't comparable but it all comes from the same place. The deep and unending human need to push ourselves to extremes. To find a way to experience every little thing in this world regardless of whether or not we are "supposed" to be able to. That is something to celebrate and embrace. We as a species have never been good at being told No; I'm not denying that there have been some pretty awful things to come out of that but even more so, it means we have carved out a place in the world and are working to make it look just how we want. Why shouldn't we give the same freedom and exploration to our own bodies?

[lonelyvermonster]

I just spent 4 hours gardening.

I now understand why hobbits eat 7 meals a day and appreciate rest and relaxation. I have decided that hobbits are the hardest working people in middle earth.

[lonelyvermonster]

[lonelyvermonster]

[lonelyvermonster]

[lonelyvermonster]