Ric Grayson My Ass

Fic-specific blog!!! My main is RUNNFROMTHEAK and I have an ao3 account under the same username as this blog. My inbox is always open, so feel free to request fics!! I won’t always write the idea, but if I like it I’ll try!!

[runnfromtheak]

KOFI

Hello! I've been debating setting one up for awhile, and my friends told me I should! So if you feel like supporting me + my writing here she be! I'll also be opening commissions and stuff as soon as I have the time to like, figure out? How to post + price things? It's a WIP lol <3

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[lostandlonelybirds]

are you planning on finishing your dick grayson centric fic?

Yes! I will finish that fic (eventually lol) I just have a bunch of other fics taking up brain space, Undergrad Chemistry, and difficulty fleshing out where I want him to go from where he is currently. But, I have not abandoned that, pinky promise! <3

[lostandlonelybirds]

Rules: write 10 of your fav characters from 10 fandoms and then tag 10 people

Tagged by: the one and only amazing @boyblunder-thedarkheir

Fuck man. Fucking heck.

1.) Dick Grayson. Do i need to explain? Do i need to elaborate? We all know i have an (un)healthy appreciation for his character (because i project on to him, older sobling syndrome and depression ahahahhaha) and i love him. (DCU)

2.) Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter). If you expect me to choose between a bi disaster and a horny gay who take turns obsessively stalking each other, my friend, you are mistaken. (Mischief would be managed if Rowling would fucking admit Harry is bi i stg)

3.) Percy Jackson (PJO). Look, i have a thing for idiots with martyr complexes, black hair, and pretty eyes apparently. Don’t judge me 🤣👀

4.) Buffy Summer and Spike (BtVS). I literally can’t even explain it. I love them both. I’d die for the sexy british man who can’t stop sassing and has cheekbones that are just... and Buffy is Buffy. She’s more iconic than anyone ever.

5.) Adrien Agreste aka Chat Noir (MLB). Is it a children’s show? Yes. But the pining and identity shenanigans... DC could never.

6.) Tony Stark aka Iron Man (MCU). I love a bisexual disaster incapable of self care.

7.) Isabelle Lightwood (The Mortal Instruments). I love her.

8.) Damon Salvatore (TVD) this man has the prettiest eyes and dark hair and just... ❤️

9.) Mal (Descendants)

10.) Mulan (Mulan)

Tagging: @dbakeiro, @epistemologicals, and @batfamfucker

Enjoy~

[lostandlonelybirds]

Hello!! So I’ve been pretty busy with school work, and Stray is kicking my ass for it, but I figured I’d give a big spoiler for fun. In fic form, of course. This is a scene that will be in one of the upcoming chapters, at some point in the timeline, and if you aren’t up for a huge spoiler, well, don’t read!!

(I’m blaming @boyblunder-thedarkheir for this, because they got SladeDick into my head in the first fucking place with their fabulous stories. I love you, my friend, but also burn in hell)

You guys wanted Jason dead and Dick on a downward spiral, right?

[withthekeyisking-writer]

OH MY GOD YES BLAME ME BLAME ME AND THEN DO IT SOME MORE I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

[lostandlonelybirds]

*chuckles evilly* Stray has trauma™️

[lostandlonelybirds]

Hello!! So I’ve been pretty busy with school work, and Stray is kicking my ass for it, but I figured I’d give a big spoiler for fun. In fic form, of course. This is a scene that will be in one of the upcoming chapters, at some point in the timeline, and if you aren’t up for a huge spoiler, well, don’t read!!

(I’m blaming @boyblunder-thedarkheir for this, because they got SladeDick into my head in the first fucking place with their fabulous stories. I love you, my friend, but also burn in hell)

You guys wanted Jason dead and Dick on a downward spiral, right?

[lostandlonelybirds]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456077/chapters/56547151#workskin

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

GUESS WHO UPDATED??? I LACK SELF CONTROL!!!!

[lostandlonelybirds]

So not to get everyone’s hopes up or anything lol but I finally opened the How Could He document and I’m working on it rn!!!

[miss-choco-chips]

Rule: Post the last line you’ve written and tag as many people as there are words in that line.

Tagged by: @marudny-robot thanks!

-I think I did okay -muttered Bart sullenly.

Tagging @the-quiet-carrotcake @elecilaombre @animemangasoul @iphoenixrising @sideeffectsofwriting and @roseperthorns … I’m short of two people. Let’s imagine Bart isn’t sullen lol

[the-quiet-carrotcake]

Rule: Post the last line you’ve written and tag as many people as there are words in that line.

“Good, you’re still alive.”

Tagging @primeemeraldheiress @garpie64 @elloryia @whumpbby and anyone who wanna participate!

[primeemeraldheiress]

Rule: Post the last line you’ve written and tag as many people as there are words in that line.

Arriving just in time to feel the heat from the blast as it went up in flames.

Tagging: @scandalsavagefanfic @daemoninwhiteround2 @sirgnomethegiant @wajjs @thefightingbull @excuseme-howdareyou

I’m not tagging anymore. That’ll leave no one else for my mutuals to tag. lol

[thefightingbull]

Rule: Post the last line you’ve written and tag as many people as there are words in that line.

Jason pulled the cigarette from between his lips and turned to face what was sure to be an angry mother and her son, but instead found himself face to face with little Damian Wayne and a taller teen or young adult.

Tagging: @dn-ky, @xander-ereinion @fancykraken @atasteforsuicidal @sofiaottoman and anyone else who wants to give it a go! 

[atasteforsuicidal]

Rule: Post the last line you’ve written and tag as many people as there are words in that line.

I have so many wips and I never write a damn thing in order, so this may not, like, technically be the last line I wrote? But it should be close. Definitely the last fic I was picking at, just… you know, I was writing multiple little snippets at once to link up later, lol.

He spits, watching as it lands on Jason’s cheek and starts to drip down, and then lets go so that Jason’s head drops back down onto the mattress.

Tagging: Bruh, I don’t think I even know that many people, especially excluding those already tagged, lol. But, uh, let’s see… @kiseiakhun @elareine @meaninglessblah-writes @villainny @cdelphiki @warrior-of-the-blue-moon

[warrior-of-the-blue-moon]

Rule: Post the last line you’ve written and tag as many people as there are words in that line.

Okie doki, thanks for tagging me @atasteforsuicidal, let’s see what I got.

He felt like the luckiest man ever.

This is from my fic when in doubt… It’s not that amazing but it’s basically the last thing I have wrote.

Oh, and the post from Jason being amnesiac because of RHATO#25. Here goes a little part of what I’m planning for that one.

“Jason, if you don’t come back here this instant and hug me, William will take you fishing with him tomorrow!”

“Why are you using that as a threat, woman? It’s quality time between man and nature.”

Tagging: @cherrymiko-art, @doc-squash, @the-quiet-carrotcake, @lampwickgirl, @spartanbunjess, @dbakeiro, @randomfangasm.

There you go, unleash hell!

[dbakeiro]

Rule: post the last line you’ve written and tag as many people as there are words in that line.

I’ll start with, FUCK™️ because I am merely a beta (no A/B/O reference intended) I rarely write my own stuff because…and there goes my excuse I have no reason not to post my own stuff and you, my dear @warrior-of-the-blue-moon just outed me.

Let’s see what I pull from my overflowing “should be a story but it’ll probably stay in my head forever and ever and ever” … found something *blows on thin layer of dust*

“¿¡Que carajos estás haciendo!?”

EN: What the hell you doing?!

DE: Was zum Teufel tust du?!

So, guess you people need context for this one…if I ever write it or get my beautiful and talented writer friends to use as their own ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ oh well, now my turn at tagging *rubs hands together in a villainous way*

I bestow this gift on: @runnfromtheak , @lostandlonelybirds (am I tagging the same person twice, oh well), @tinn-tammm & @lee-fletcher

[runnfromtheak]

Tagged by @dbakeiro (ugh)

Oh god well, umm, Stray is sassy? And this is the last thing I edited? So I’m counting it? I don’t remember where I stopped, so I’m just gonna do a chunk and cut out the plot twisty part.

“Listen here you raggedy-ass fashion trauma, if I were to ever kill Bruce Wayne — and don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely thought about it — it would be for me or my mother because god forbid that man becomes my adoptive stepfather, or whatever. I’m not killing that asshole because YOU tell me to, you in your (spoilers), so disconnected from the world that you are blind enough to mistake complacency for devotion.”

Stray laughs, stepping closer.

“And while we’re talking devotion, if you think anyone is gonna call you master of anything besides bad choices in that outfit you’re crazier than the Joker. A fucking white suit doesn’t match your ugly cape thing. Like, what the fuck is the point of your outfit? Are you a Death Eater? No, you’re not. You’re just another asshat incapable of matching fabrics.”

Ummm, let’s tag @nightwingvixen23 , @batfamfucker , @batboysbatboys , and @boyblunder-thedarkheir because why not?

I’m ignoring rules so do what you want Ig 😂😂

[runnfromtheak]

fanfic author’s tagging game (yay!)

Thank ya darling for tagging me!!!! @boyblunder-thedarkheir!!!!!

AO3 Name(s): LostandLonelyBirds aka RUNNFROMTHEAK

Fandom(s): Primarily Batfamily (so, Dick Grayson) and Young Justice (along with DCU obviously, but I also dabble into Miralculous Ladybug, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter, and MCU (none of which I will ever seriously write for? Idk man).

Number of fics: 22 I will admit to (how do you have so many, my dear @boyblunder-thedarkheir​? What is your secret?)

1. Fic you spent the most time on: Are we talking writing or thinking about writing, cause those are two very different answers. I spent the most time writing this bitch of a fic I’m working on right now, and the most time thinking about the two latest installments of my main series, Death is But An Illusion (aka How Could He and How Could It Be). I agonize over every goddamn detail with Dick’s anger, Jason’s Jason-ness, and every person’s every move and word. I am a mess, and I’m going to be murdered if I don’t update them soon. I am not sorry about that XD

2. Fic you spent the least time on:  You Came Behind Me Secretly and Shattered Every Piece of Me (There’s Blood On My Hands) aka my pick-your-own-canon clusterfuck of Dark!Dick Grayson and Dick Grayson being traumatized and tortured with no comfort (Some of them are so fucked up I question my own mind). I take less than an hour to write 80% of them, cause they’re short, and they very rarely take any time to plan. Fun and easy!

3. Longest Fic: At present, he had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars (pain became the only way that he could ever learn)  is my longest, but the fic I’ve been hinting at on my other tumblr, @lostandlonelybirds​ is easily double the length (why do I do this to myself? Why am I like this?) the long boi (named one, not the one I won’t shut up about) is easily my best fic at the moment, and I’m so excited to write a sequel whenever I get the chance.

4. Shortest Fic: With Bated Breath and Pain You See (We’re Nothing More Than Memories) technically, I have one shorter than that, but it’s a collab that wasn’t my original idea so I’m not counting it :)

5. Most Hits: You Came Behind Me Secretly and Shattered Every Piece of Me (There’s Blood On My Hands) why do you people like this trash-fire so much? I don’t understand

6. Most Kudos:  How Could He which does not surprise me.

7. Most Comment Threads: Technically, How Could He followed by the trash-fire AU title thing I’m too lazy to type again, but I’m gonna love on this one: Just Close Your Eyes (No One Can Hurt You Now) because it’s my baby, and it deserves it okay?

8. Fave Fic You Wrote: Ooo we are doing a top five.

             5. How Could It Be (Jason is precious and sad and Dick is oblivious, and I love one-sided pining wayyyy too much)

             4.  How Could He (I put my life force into this stupid fic, so ofc it’s here)

             3. I’m Scared to Live But I’m Scared to Die (I’m Numb Inside) (the suicidal boy, major trigger warning)

             2. I See Things That Nobody Else Sees (And It’s Slowly Killing Me)  (the only fic I’ve ever written from Cass’s perspective, and definitely one of the creepiest and most fucked up. Bruce does not look good here)

             1. he had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars (pain became the only way that he could ever learn) (so ummm Bruce doesn’t look good here either? RHATO #25 if DC wasn’t cowardly and let Dick react how he actually would, aka fuck Batman is the new motto)

9. Rewrites?: Fuck. All my older ones? Everything? Who knows.

10. Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning:

Let’s do two. I’m nice.

Keep reading

[lostandlonelybirds]

I forgot to tag @boyblunder-thedarkheir

[musingmemes]

injured memes

“ oh my god what happened? ”

“ you’re bleeding! why are you bleeding? ”

“ who did this to you? ”

“ that’s… a lot of blood ”

“ i think… it’s broken ”

“ can you move? does it hurt? ”

“ we need to get you to a hospital ”

“ what are you talking about? this is not just a scratch ”

“ it’s just a scratch ”

“ it’s nothing, i’m totally fine ”

“ that’s not supposed to bend that way ”

“ what the hell did you do? ”

“ don’t you pass out on me ”

“ i’m just so tired ”

“ hey, whoa, you alright there? ”

“ i just need to sit down for a minute ”

“ let me carry you ”

“ it won’t stop bleeding! ”

“ you’re gonna be just fine, i promise ”

“ hey! i said stay awake! ”

“ tell me what hurts ”

“ does it hurt when i do this? ”

“ ow! that hurts! ”

“ i’m fine, i can walk, just give me a minute ”

“ it was an accident ”

[lostandlonelybirds]

Hello everyone!!! I have a fluff request I’m working on at present, but until I finish that, have some random AU ideas from my notes that I might turn into full fledged fics one day! Feel free to request anything from any of the prompt lists, within my ship limits ofc lol. And if anyone requests a fully fledged fic from this list, I’m definitely willing to see what I can come up with! Also!!! If any other fic writers sees one of these and wants to use them, feel free to do it so long as you credit me and send me a link!! I’m always down to read some new fics!!!

He laughs, sending chills down Jason’s spine. “What? You want me to apologize? To say I’m sorry? I can’t. I can’t feel sorry, I can’t feel guilty, I can’t feel anything. Isn’t that the whole point? They took everything from me, and there’s nothing left but me, a parasite dancing in a dead man’s skin. You want me to say I love you? Guess what Jason, I don’t.”

Sex with Dick is animalistic desperation, it is biting and clawing, kicks and punches transitioning into kisses and thrusts just as violent. Every time he throws his clothes back on and leaves, he sees Dick’s fragile and bruised heart break a bit more. Sex with him is benediction, salvation, the feeling of which Jason hasn’t experienced since he’d first donned the R and matching pixie boots. It makes him love and hate Grayson in equal measure.

He’s lifted into a guard's arms. He reaches a hand to grab Bruce, to have someone to catch him when he fell. For a moment he bathes in the fantasy that Bruce is alive, and his corpse is a gag. Everyone is up and fighting, and Bruce raises his hand up, urging his protege to join him. To help him win. The hand never moved. There is no net to catch him when he falls.The cowl falls into a red haze, disappearing as Dick approached what he knows is his end. This is the end. He's fought his whole life. He'd fought against Zucco when he got justice for his parents death. He'd fought against Joker when he killed the clown for Jason. He'd fought against Deathstroke when he'd threatened Damian's life. He'd fought against his own blood and Destiny when the time came. He....He...He... He doesn’t have any fight left in him. He has nothing left to fight for.

Sometimes he hated Bruce, hated that he’d left him. Hated that he’d abandoned him. Other times he just wanted his father back

If he ignores the cold pixilation of the hologram, he can almost pretend Jason is still there, still alive.

For a moment, just a moment, Dick thinks he hates Bruce. Hates his inability to let him go, let him be with Damian

Because he is safe. It didn't matter how far he falls into darkness, as long as Grayson is always there to catch him.

Dick turns his back to the group, pained. “I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be the one to survive and move one every time.”

Sometimes Dick wonders if it’s his never-ending supply of self hatred or his adrenaline addiction that keeps him in the hero business. Batman told him he loved the thrill of Robin-jumping off buildings and bending the laws of physics and gravity like he was beyond them, facing hoarded of men bigger than him, stronger than him, and not knowing if he was going to make it through the night. That’s what kept him in it, but that’s not what made him trade in his leotard for a cape, not in the beginning. Something him and Bruce shared was their aptitude for blaming themselves for every mistake around them, including the deaths of those around him.

He’s perfect at everything he does and sometimes he hates how perfect he is at this.

He never used to believe in poetry or poetic nonsense, but if nothing else changed after his death, at least he did.

It wasn’t blood and broken bones that haunted his nightmares, it was circus colors.

What could one possibly say about life to a person who has already seen the smirk on deaths face

There were nights Jason knew Dick perfectly, intimately. Then there were nights he didn’t know his predecessor at all, catching Dick staring off into the distance looking like he was made of porcelain, heartbreak coloring his eyes and unable to summon any smile.

Jason is still alive, even if it’s only for the moment, even if it’s only in Dicks hallucinations

“I don’t want to be another roadblock on your grand journey to love your fucking soulmate again!” Jason shouts at Dick, red in the face and fuming.

He feels more than anyone else, And anger is an emotion after all.

“If I’m alive, why do I feel so empty? So hollow?”

He’d wanted something that was HIS, only his, no matter how selfish it sounded.

There’s the light at the end of the tunnel, right? The gingerbread house you aren’t supposed to enter, the yellow brick road you aren’t supposed to deviate from. And it’s confusing, because somewhere along the way he changed. And he doesn’t think he likes the end result.

His honesty is a lie, Dick Grayson is the best liar by far

Loneliness comes to him more naturally than he’s willing to admit. Perks of being a vigilante, I suppose.

It should be a hard choice, his father or the son none of them had expected, but it’s easy. Too easy.

“Say it,” Dick whispers, eyes burning with hate. “Get it over with.” “I thought you were fixed.” “Slade, you know you broke me. Say the damn words before I slit your throat open.” “Renegade, rise.”

[lostandlonelybirds]

Dick+stumble? He’s always graceful so I would like to see the opposite

Ah!!! Love this!!! I went a lil bit off script, but I think you’ll like the end result!!! Keep the prompts coming!!! I’m loving everything so far lol!!!

(also @dbakeiro wanted a tag for notification purposes, so here ya go sweetie!!!)

Stumble

Transitive verb

1.        

              a.       To fall into sin or waywardness

              b.       To make an error – blunder

              c.       To come to an obstacle to belief

2.       To trip in walking or running

3.        

              a.       To walk unsteadily or clumsily

              b.       To speak or act in a hesitant or faltering manner

4.        

              a.       To come unexpectedly or by chance

              b.       To fall or move carelessly

  Dick is, quite honestly, having the worst night of his month.

It’s been hard adjusting to New York, in the aftermath of Bludhaven’s destruction and everything else that has been going on. He’s never felt this lost before, not when Bruce fired him and sent him away, not when Jason died and left a bitter taste of regret and guilt on Dick’s tongue – “Call me, I know how he gets…” – for not being there. He’s only felt this lost when his parents died and no one thought it was murder, or maybe when he had to pretend to be Slade’s apprentice for months on end.

He feels lost, and it’s hard to think when he feels lost, broken defeated.

Tonight it rained, which didn’t exactly help. Rain makes him think of Catalina and her hands, makes him think of Blockbuster and his threats, or the fucking nuclear fire – in and out, he tells himself. Too bad his panic attack doesn’t like listening to him.

 He’s never been the clumsy sort, Bruce would kill him for it, but tonight… Tonight he’s off his game. He’s so far off his game it’s not even funny. He stopped a mugging attempt, earlier, with a young woman with almond eyes that made him think of her and a girl who couldn’t be older than fifteen.

 “Fork it over!” she’d barked at the teen, lips twisting in some cold mockery of a smile, and the teen frozen, watching helplessly as the woman pushed her against the alley wall.

 “Please, no,” the teen had cried as the woman’s hands wandered, squeezing and caressing in areas where they shouldn’t have. “Stop.”

 Dick had broken them up, sending the woman to the NYPD, but her flashing almond eyes stuck with him, haunting him. The knife that she stabs into his right side leaves a bad impression, but that’s only part of it.

 “Don’t touch me, I’m… poison, numb…please…”

 It hit in his weak spot, literally and metaphorically, but still he patrols. The rain feels like tiny daggers as the icy shards cut through his haze, his cloud of numbness and absence. It stings, and it smells a bit like jasmine coated gunpowder. Smokey and sweet, a scent combination that makes him feel ill.

 Maybe that was his mistake. He should know better. He should be better.

 The cut is shallow enough that Dick feels comfortable not dressing it once he stops the blood flow, and he’s not dizzy enough to worry about it.

 Perhaps that is his mistake. Maybe he should have taken greater care of the wound, of the cut.

 Either way, when he sees the flash of blue on a rooftop opposing him, he doesn’t hesitate.

 Graysons don’t hesitate, and the last time he’d hesitated, someone had died.

 He chases the figure as it runs, darting between rooftops with a similar fluidity to his own. It’s more jagged, more punctuated, straight to the point and lacking the theatrics Dick liked adding, but it’s fast. Almost fast enough to lose him, if he didn’t grow up with a speedster that loved playing tag.

 He tackles the man to the next rooftop, bracing himself for impact as they crash. His cheek rubs against the concrete roof painfully, and he ends up sprawled across the man. His jawline is square, with hints of a five-o’clock shadow growing. He’s big, too, bigger than Dick by far, maybe as big as Bruce.

But the thing that truly bothers him, the one detail he really notices, is the blue wings painted across his chest.

 Dick sets his escrima to stun and puts it to the guy’s throat, glaring.

 “Who the fuck are you?!”

 “Golden Boy,” an all-too familiar voice calls, sardonic grin just a bit bloodthirsty. “Didn’t think you’d see me, did you?”

 Jason Todd rips his mask off with one hand, stunning Dick into silence. His tongue feels like a leaden weight in his mouth – useless, and heavy.

 “H-h-how…?” He breathes, dropping his weapons to cup Jason’s cheek delicately. “W-w-when…?”

 ‘Words, I know words.’

 Jason drops his grin, frowning slightly as Dick remains frozen.

 “Bats told you, I know he did. I just tried to blow him up, like a month ago! Why wouldn’t he…”

 His eyes seem to laser in on Dick’s own suit, and the areas it hung off his frame loosely. So Dick hadn’t been eating properly, sue him. Hard to eat when all you can smell…

All you can see…

 “He…I…” Dick looks down. “I haven’t been on speaking terms with him for a while. I’m…”

 “Dick?” Jason asks, sounding concerned.

There’s the sound of a gun ringing loud in his ears, a roar of thunder and a loud thud.

 He hears a scream, and it isn’t until a minute later that he realizes it came from him. There’s red spilling from his side, pouring out faster than he can stop.

 “Dick!”

 He stumbles, smelling jasmine and gunpowder and blood, falling to his knees.

 Arms try to lift him up, but he fights, feeling her hands pulling, taking, demanding as his back reaches the rooftop edge and she corners him…

 And he must succeed, because no hands catch him when he falls.

[mottainaiiii]

The way you said “I love you.“

Some fluffy, some angsty prompts

As a hello

With a hoarse voice, under the blankets

A scream

Over a cup of tea

Over a beer bottle

On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair

As a thank you

As an apology

When baking chocolate chip cookies

Not said to me

With a shuddering gasp

When we lay together on the fresh spring grass

In a letter

A whisper in the ear

Loud, so everyone can hear

Over and over again, till it’s nothing but a senseless babble

When the broken glass litters the floor

From very far away

With no space left between us

As we huddle together, the storm raging outside

Over your shoulder

Muffled, from the other side of the door

Through a song

Without really meaning it

In a blissful sigh as you fall asleep

Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave

A taunt, with one eyebrow raised and a grin bubbling at your lips

When I am dead

Slowly, the words dripping from your tongue like honey

Too quick, mumbled into your scarf

In awe, the first time you realised it

In a way I can’t return

On a post-it note

Before we jump

As a goodbye

[lostandlonelybirds]

👀 here’s another prompt list for fun! Although for ships I’m pretty picky lol. Any platonic as long as there is a Batfam member in it, and for romantic, I’ll do JayDick, Harleywing, and BatCat 😂

[lostandlonelybirds]

dick + hunger? idk i just feel like that’s not done too often. i love your writing!!

Ahhhh! Thank you darlin for the prompt!!! I love you!!!!!! Here ya go! It’s set Post-Leviathan Arc aka Robin Requiem, and Pre-Forever Evil!! And I didn’t super stick with hunger, but I love how it turned out!!! Hope you enjoy!!!

                                                     *

              In the aftermath, Dick spirals.

 It’s a thing anyone who truly knows him notices. He doesn’t grieve in stages, as most do, he grieves in behaviors. It’s a pattern engrained in misery, marinated in tears, and sautéed in his pain.

It didn’t start with his parents, it started with Jason.

And now, Damian…Damian… 

                                   “We were the best, Richard…” 

A lone corpse on a field of his mother’s making, a single weapon impaled in a                              child’s chest as his clone stares on and on.

 “I’ll always love you in my own way,” Talia al Ghul had claimed, “And I will permit        you to leave with your circus boy in tow. But from now on, you may consider                        yourself an enemy of the House of al Ghul.” 

And Dick had watched as Damian didn’t cry, didn’t frown, or look the least bit concerned.

          “Very well,” Dick’s Robin had replied, “I hope I can be a worthy one, Mother.” 

What kind of Mother can order the death of her own child? 

Damian is…

Damian… 

Stage One, for him, is carelessness. 

He jumps a bit faster than he should, a moment of calculation and precision that has saved his life countless times, ignored for the mere thrill of falling. He isn’t as thorough in his stakeouts, preferring to find out when his fists meet flesh instead of finding out through observation alone. He’s cruel, sometimes. Angry, always.

He takes on more criminals than he should, running to the point beyond exhaustion, beyond near misses and barely dodged bullets, until something strikes.

Sometimes it’s a bullet, sometimes it’s Slade Wilson pissed off for ruining another contract. This time it had been Joker, and his mad ramblings and deep incisions only left Dick hollow, falling to the next stage. 

Stage Two is sleep deprivation. 

The death, or his conjuration of it, haunts his dreams and his nightmares. He sees Damian them in every memory, every corner of his cramped apartment and every rooftop along the night skyline. He drinks at first, drinks until he forgets, but even then he dreams, wakes screaming until his throat is hoarse and his eyes run out of tears.

When the alcohol stops working, stops giving him brief reprieve from the sad shithole that is his head, he stops sleeping. It’s a slow process, all-nighters scattered here, three-hour naps with about an hour of restful-ish sleep there, until the hours turn into days, and the days turn into weeks.

By the time he’s constantly swaying on his feet, drinking enough coffee that Tim would be concerned, the hallucinations start.

Sometimes he sees random, unrelated things, not scary, just confusing.

Most of the time he sees his parents falling, Jason being beaten by a crowbar, Donna’s eyes filling with tears as the clone cuts through her heart with heat vision, Bruce fading into time, Lian blowing up alone and afraid, Damian…

 When the hallucinations start, he moves onto the next stage, just as careless, just as tired, and still feeling the knives stab through his chest each time he draws breath.

 Stage Three is rage. 

Blinding, mind altering, all-encompassing rage.

 He rages against anyone and anything, from his friends, to his family, to the smallest criminal to hit the wrong button.

He’s a livewire humming, waiting for a spark.

He’s a ticking time bomb counting down, clenching and glaring and so furious he doesn’t know what to do with it. 

He feels it deep in his soul, corroding and poisoning, strengthening…. He kills the Heretic without hesitation when he finds the monster at Talia’s side, nearly kills Talia too. Would have, if not for Ra’s and Jason. 

They pull him off, tell him he’s even with her now, for her slight, her betrayal... but nothing could possibly equal Damian’s life, not even her own. Dick isn’t afraid of Ra’s, isn’t weary of Batman. He won’t rest until that bitch is dead and forgotten.

 Everyone watches him spiral at this point, he makes it well known with his anger and his pain and his inability to bottle anything up anymore. He lashes out, and they watch, and they listen, but they never stop him.

 Everyone lets him self-destruct, because deep down, they know just like he knows, that he deserves it. 

Stage Four is bodily deprivation, or self-punishment.

 Before, his injuries and mistakes and inability to take care of himself came from a place of inattentiveness, recklessness, but now…

Now when he sees Damian’s face, bludgeoned and bloodied by a clone created by his bastard of a mother, he stops eating. If he eats, his body rejects it. He doesn’t get hungry, even if he feels the pain and rumbles of it.

Now when he hears the name Robin, and sees the cape cover its owner’s corpse, he jumps off buildings until he collapses, until he doesn’t stick a landing, and sometimes he still continues.

Now when he hears Talia al Ghul’s voice in his dreams or his nightmares, he seeks out fights. Sometimes in bars, sometimes on the streets… He doesn’t stop when his fists are bloody, and his face is bruised. He never really stops.

 When he is hungry with no appetite, bloody with no pain, and broken without trying, he doesn’t move on to the next stage. 

There is no Stage Five, no equivalence to the stage where acceptance was supposed to occur. He doesn’t accept it.

He doesn’t move on. He holds onto that pain until all he feels is pain. He lets it consume him, lets it destroy him. If he’s still breathing by Stage Five, he’s numb enough to live with it, and fake a smile so no one worries. 

Damian’s dead, and Dick’s half-way there himself. By the time the family comes together, Dick’s corpse is buried next to Damian’s. There is no acceptance, there is no relief. There is only pain. It’s a good thing Dick’s numb to his own by now.                                            

                                                              *

[whumpster-dumpster]

20 One-Word Whump Prompts

- Bruise

- Gasp

- Bedside

- Wail

- Kneel

- Stumble

- Numb

- Shudder

- Flatline

- Choke

- Gash

- Plead

- CPR

- Defend

- Bite

- Chains

- Dizzy

- Hunger

- Whiplash

- Run

[lostandlonelybirds]

I’m bored and don’t start college online until next week. Anyone want to send me some prompt asks for the Batfam? (Excluding Duke, Harper + brother, Carrie, Terry, and Jarro ofc)

[lostandlonelybirds]

So I decided to post another little ficlet I’ve had in my notes FOREVER!!! It’s based on Forever Evil and deals with Dick’s death, and the family’s poor reception of his status among the living.

Here ya go!

He hadn’t even had a chance to think of what his death meant before Bruce beat his trauma into him. Every bruise for every lie, every drop of blood for every tear shed. Dick had given as good as he got, communicating in the only way a family as fucked as there’s could.

Then Bruce told him he was going undercover as himself, that he was staying dead. He’d begged, begged, Bruce to not force him into this, to not ask this of him. He didn’t want to lie anymore, he didn’t want to hurt anymore, but he had no choice.

So he went undercover and pretended he’d never died. Pretended he was still the happy go lucky Dick Grayson that took up the Batman mantle, that saved the world, when all he wanted to do was die.

He learned to ignore his nightmares, to fake coughing fits rather than fits of panic (poison pill... forced down his throat... hands on his mouth.. can’t breathe....) and he learned how to live a complete lie.

But then he went home. Home to his family, home to the people he’d begged to see when he felt... when he had...

And Jason doesn’t listen to a word he says beyond ‘I’m alive’ before reacting. Tim doesn’t listen to a word he says beyond ‘I’m back’ before denouncing him, shaming him.

‘Liar,’ they say, words like venom. They tell him he didn’t die, that it was fake, and he’d spent the last year and a half living that lie, that falsehood, so what would it hurt if that’s what his family wanted from him?

Damian... Damian cares. Damian missed him. Damian doesn’t hate him, but god is it hard to hold onto Damian when he can’t unsee his corpse, when he can’t help but think of how broken he’d been, how torn apart and destroyed and positively wrecked.

Damian died for him, taking his place like Donna had, and that terrifies Dick enough to put in some distance, to leave Damian and Bruce to bond because no one should love him that much, not with the mistakes he’s made and the people he’s led to their deaths.

He isn’t worthy of that kind of loyalty, so he avoids them all.

He doesn’t tell them he died.

He doesn’t tell them about Bruce’s fists and anger.

He doesn’t tell them how much it hurt, their condemnation, their anger.

He takes it. He’s used to it by now.

(Bruce made him numb to it years ago)

[estrangedandwayward]

Ignoring canon is my kink

[lostandlonelybirds]

#ignoring dc canon by writing dc canon but better is my kink