Here's our most requested item: Bob Katter's same-sex marriage speech, in all its unhinged glory
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Here's our most requested item: Bob Katter's same-sex marriage speech, in all its unhinged glory
Follow for more Batshit Moments in Australian politics!
“Generically medieval”, by which we mean our peerage is French, our castles are German, our weapons are Italian, and everybody speaks English.
you can have religion in one of 2 flavors: “woo hoo aesthetic garnish” and “Sinister State Control in Bad Allegory for Problems in Modern Christianity”
Also, the latter is aesthetically French Catholic, theologically German Protestant, and has the institutional structure of the Church of Scientology.
not to mention that this land is simultaneously inhabited by thinly modified northern vikings (Nordic pre-medieval/9th century), travelling mongols (European medieval/13th century) and a wealthy italian merchant family with a house full of oil paintings (Southern European renaissance/15th century). the dance of the day is waltz (refined German 18th century country dance).
But it will only actually be called inaccurate if an adaptation chooses to add a Black person.
Why do characters in stories where there's some time travel or interdimensional situation always go like "that's not funny" when the traveler character is like "where's dad/mom/friend/etc?" and it turns out that the person in question has died in this timeline/universe?
If someone I cared about was acting disoriented and strange, not recognizing stuff, obviously having troubles placing where they are and/or what the date is, and then asked for someone we both loved who died like a year ago or ten years or whatever, my first reaction would not be "they are playing an incredibly crass and tasteless joke of some sort on me"? My first reaction would probably be, oh shit that's a major sign of dementia and some other serious conditions.
BARON MARIUS VON RAUM IS NOT WHITE
I'm so tired of seeing people draw Marius white so I've decided to finally make this post.
While yes, on some pictures Marius might look white-passing, Kofi Young themself, who played Marius, is not white and is in fact a mixed race individual.
The general advice about drawing Marius' skin is going just 2-3 tones lighter than Ashes O'Reilly.
Here are some good photos with what is closer to Marius' skin tone.
If you're colour picking a skin colour from a photo, try to NOT to pick it from the lightest and from the darkest parts, try to find a middle tone.
Remember that lighting and background change how we percieve colours, including skin tone, so you might need to change it if you're doing some colourful background or a different-coloured lighting!
Here are some colour picked skin from photos with the most neutral lighting:
And here's how I usually draw him if it'll help you as well:
i watch baseball for the side quests
throwback to 2021 when the exact same player started doing this extended water bottle bincoculars sight gag in the dugout
this is the same guy who also made himself a fruit cocktail midgame. he is The manic pixie dream girl
baseball is actually not a sport it’s just a documentary of human nature and how we battle boredom. the stuff these teams get up to while they’re waiting their turn.
and it’s hilarious when they pull pranks on each other, like attaching things to other people’s caps:
or the beloved hot foot prank:
or when they decided to put a guy’s pants over his head and make it seem like he was walking on his hands:
or when they opposing pitchers took turns playing tic tac toe every time they got on the mound:
i take back everything bad i've ever said about baseball these boys can fucking Post
Sometimes you have to entertain yourself out in the field too, like the time Victor Robles made friends with a praying mantis.
and some college baseball shenanigans
keep thotting it up in heaven king
the only way i can learn new programs is by giving myself a project
random but here is a recipe for cold peanut noodles that you can make during hot weather because i just ate this and had a fantastic time
2tbsp of peanut butter. a splash of rice vinegar, soy sauce, sesame oil, maple syrup. some chili flakes, some sesame seeds. a splash of water to thin it out. now you put in your noodles (cooled!!!! boiled and rinsed so they’re cold!!) and then some chopped up cucumber or carrot or avocado or cabbage or any crunchy vegetable. i just used cucumber
you can also put in lime juice or herbs or sriracha or grated garlic/ginger or anything like that; tofu/tempe/meat for more protein etc. noodle wise this can be ramen soba udon whatever, i used soba. enjoy homies
I won't lie to you I AM a little fond of those "mortal au poseidon is a millionaire and finds out about percy and takes custody of him" fics but they're always like sally was murdered by gabe or died in an accident or something equally sad. I want one that still keeps the base plot of the lightning thief. just imagine how hilarious it would be if random rich guy poseidon turns on his tv one day and sees that 1) the woman he cheated on his wife with is missing in a mysterious car explosion and 2) her 12 year old who is being labeled a domestic terrorist looks exactly like him. the olympian family pr firm is going fucking CRAZY.
imagine. your wife and kids are finding out you had an affair from CNN. your ex's husband is on fox news trashing a 12 year old you just found out about and saying the 'evil' in him must've come from your side of the family. the 12 year old in question has just blown up a national monument. hera is threatening you at knife point in the emergency family meeting. you are begging your arch nemesis athena to defend this random 12 year old in court and she's refusing until she sees news footage of HER 12 year old daughter at the crime scene and frantically calls her baby daddy. conservatives that were already big mad about a powerful and rich family from another country being so entwined in american politics are having a fucking field day. you just wanted to run your silly little marine life passion project in peace.
apollo is live streaming the emergency family meeting and it's only fueling the media storm,
when percy's giving his 'here's gabe's phone number' interview at the end the reporter follows up with 'do you think your olympian family has done enough to protect you in this ordeal? why would they not publicly defend you and state your innocence? how close are you to your father?' and poor percy is just like. .what.
percy on live television finding out his dad is 1) alive 2) insanely rich and powerful and 3) has an evil father who just orchestrated percy's kidnapping despite literally no one knowing he existed prior to this
(and also 4) desperately trying to work out from context clues whether or not the cute girl he's been stuck with all month is his cousin or not)
poseidon frantically giving sally 12 years worth of child support and insisting he will always be there to Help from now on no matter what
like 3 days later he gets a call from percy who's like 'quick question how serious were you about that 'do anything for us' promise' (sally just murdered gabe and they don't know how to get rid of the body)
ooooh okay let's go:
1) Thalia wasn't in the camp she's been in a coma for years and in an act of desperation to get good press Zeus announces she's showing signs of waking up (she's not) (and it doesn't out shine the national manhunt at all) and then when she Actually wakes up a little over a year later the public doesn't believe the news at first bc of it. like they see the front page news about her miraculous recovery and the general public is like "what did Percy do this time"
2) the concept of Jason still getting raised by wolves- normal, non magical wolves this time- is KILLING ME!!! when he eventually gets discovered and rescued, Hera is his biggest supporter in helping him get readjusted to society and everyone is genuinely shocked that she's not Just doing it for good press
3) Hades actually takes custody of Nico and Bianca right away and it's not a big news story. when the press find out about HAZEL, HOWEVER,
4) Mr. D is still In The Family he's just cut off financially and out of the will and he literally does Fine for himself like he's rich in his own right between the strawberry wine vineyards and the camp he owns and runs. but every time he turns up to a family event he acts like he's a street beggar and has the hardest life imaginable. very 'woe is me I'm the only one of my siblings that can't afford TWO yachts' energy lmfao.
5) Kronos had Percy and Annabeth specifically kidnapped bc they were the two weakest spots in The Family- no one knew about Percy, so no one was protecting him, and while Annabeth grew up around the family because of her mom's job she wasn't Related to them and they never thought to extend any protection to her. Grover just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time bc he was tagging along on Percy and Sally's vacation and while Ares was okay with kidnapping and arson for his evil grandfather he decided to not be down for murder. this is why he never killed Percy's annoying ass during their cross country trip even when Percy kept fighting him and ruining his various bombing plans. AND he was mad as hell that Percy kept getting all the credit and being called the terrorist bc none of the reporters seemed to notice Ares was even there lmao
6) Annabeth was definitely missing for at least a week before Athena saw her on the news and Realized lmfao Frederick WAS trying to find her but he was more scared of telling Athena than he was for their daughter's safety
7) Amphitrite was mad about. well everything. but when she found out Sally murdered Gabe she was happy to help cover it up lmao she had a BLAST. she's like damn I married into such a shady family I can't believe I haven't had the opportunity to do this yet
8) Triton and Kym HATE Percy the beef is so immediate but Tyson adores him and Rhodes, who doesn't live at home, is nice when she stops by. Percy is literally more scared in this fuck ass family than he was when he was kidnapped lmao
9) Apollo keeps trying to get Percy to do an 'exclusive interview' with him and Poseidon keeps literally chasing him off
10) Zeus is never going to financially recover from this bullshit
screaming!!
Apollo's only like in his 20s in this and publicly he's just taking a gap year before starting medical school bc Zeus doesn't wanna admit he 'had to' cut off ANOTHER kid. but this means he can't control the narrative of whatever the hell Apollo's doing when it hits the press, so it's all like
Apollo Olympian spotted dumpster diving, seemingly confused of his surroundings
Apollo Olympian has reportedly kidnapped the 12 year old daughter of his father's business rival
Apollo Olympian and cousin Percy Jackson-Olympian seen in high speed car chase with the missing 12 year old girl in the front seat
Apollo Olympian comes clean about affair he had with one of his father's business partners when he was only 16!!
CEO accused of sleeping with Apollo Olympian says the then teen tried to kill him, disputes claims of a relationship
Breaking News: the 12 year old Apollo Olympian kidnapped is actually his cousin who was kidnapped years ago??
like just shit like that and everyone's losing their minds but the only people in the family he has regular contact with are Percy and Jason (minors, not allowed to talk to the media to clear his name) and Thalia (keeps encouraging him to be even more destructive). Artemis is M.I.A. on some "wellness retreat" in the Mediterranean but it later comes out Zeus is keeping her there to be an ass. the only person who really CAN go to the press to explain he's not actually on a crime spree is Rachel, but as she's not In The Family and also regularly creates scandals of her own out of boredom, no one really believes her lmfao.
eventually Apollo gives up and posts like a six hour long YouTube video detailing all the crimes he's caught the Triumvirate red handed of, he has a full blown conspiracy corkboard behind him and looks like he hasn't slept in a year, everyone is losing their God damn MINDS!! by the time his story culminates with him talking about having to fight a giant snake the general public already have their pitch forks and torches out.
Zeus is DEFINITELY never going to financially recover from this!!
@maedhroses THE IDEA OF KRONOS STILL EATING FAMILY MEMBERS IN THIS AU IS KILLING ME????
1) Zeus lying about Thalia's coma to get attention off Percy gets memed to shit over the years after this. when Percy is spotted at fjcking Mount Saint Helen's right before it exploded and the press was going crazy, the onion put out a headline that was like "Thalia Grace Threatens To Wake Up From Coma" and everyone loses their minds over it. Thalia has a framed copy of it.
2) I just can't stop imagining a Poseidon who hasn't slept in close to 3 weeks because he's been tracking this case trying to find his insane little kid and he like, gets swarmed by paparazzi while coming out of the police station and all they wanna know is why he cheated on Amphitrite and he finally snaps and is like
I'm with you but I don't think Juno and Hera are twins I think everyone in the Olympian family has multiple fake identities for their assorted shady rich people bullshit/emergency situations. She kidnaps Jason and Percy to keep them safe from whatever the fuck her evil grandmother is plotting, they were specifically being targeted so she was just gonna lock them up in a safe house for a while, but they have weird reactions to whatever sedative she used to nab them and lost all their memories and she doesn't have the patience to deal with that so she arranges for Jason to be looked after by the same guy she has keeping an eye on her secret grandson Leo that Zeus doesn't know about, and then Tries to get Hades to keep an eye on Percy since he's more off-grid then the other family members (and Percy tends to attract more attention than Jason), but he won't do it, so Hera's like "well fuck you. now I'm involving your secret daughter that no one knows about. yeah Nico found her and told me lmao", and sure enough within the week the press has a clear picture of Hazel escaping in a private jet with legally missing teen boys Percy Olympian-Jackson and heir to the Zhang family fortune Frank Zhang, who's mansion just mysteriously exploded.
In all the chaos of trying to a handle on the media storm, Nico, who was not originally a target, was left unguarded and gets kidnapped by Gaea (and Thalia once again threatens to wake up from her coma).
1) "Apollo your secret identity cannot also be named Apollo" "why NOT!!!"
2) when Percy is recounting his amnesia trip, Poseidon is like "I love you but you are lying about the wolves part. there is no way that happened twice in our family. please tell me you were nowhere near wolves" but Percy describes them all in great detail and where he was when they found them and Jason is like "wait that's...my wolf pack??? that's the exact pack that raised me? #mywolves" and everyone is like. WHAT.
3) Dionysus and Ares going by their fake names solely to fuck with amnesiac Percy
4) Nico was snooping through family documents and found Hazel's birth certificate, tracked her down, found out she was in foster care and snuck her out and then told Hera so she could arrange for Hazel to live at a boarding school run by the family. Hera was so thrilled to have dirt on Hades the kids hadn't even finished explaining before she got her checkbook out.
5) Frank was not originally part of the family but after the big news story about his house blowing up Ares adopted him for clout, and just kept sending him to the school he and Hazel went to
6) Leo finding out the reason he keeps getting caught by cps is because his billionaire grandmother has security guards around him at all times but she doesn't want to just take custody of him:
7) Piper realizing her amnesiac boyfriend is actually the younger brother of the man her mom keeps having affairs with:
8) Annabeth still somehow ends up getting sent on a suicide quest by her mom
oooh let me think okay.
like I said above it's funniest if Annabeth somehow still gets sent on a suicide quest. so Athena's having a breakdown for reasons separate from the main plot, I don't think the specifics matter right now bc it's midnight, but let's say she's mad that her daughter is moping (over her missing boyfriend mind you) and starts yelling about how Annabeth never brings any honor to her mother's name, she only gets in the news when Percy's in trouble, dumb shit like that. and she tells Annabeth to not come home until she does something noteworthy, and instead of being reasonable and 1) just moving in with her dad or 2) starting a charity like rich people do when they want good press, Annabeth's like well fine I'm gonna do the hardest possible thing I can imagine and track down a statue of the goddess you're named after that's famously been missing for centuries. fuck you. then your name will FOREVER be associated with me bitch.
So she takes Piper, Jason and Leo with her- Jason is a big history buff, he's a good help with research, Leo is good at squeezing into weird and tight places, Piper has a lot of travel connections through her dad and is definitely able to flirt her way into getting access to dig sites. They PLAN to also take Nico, cause he's a little freak and is good at sneaking around, but when they get to the school in California they find out not only that he's been kidnapped by his evil great grandmother, but PERCY IS THERE!!
Percy's memories don't come back as fast as they did in SoN, but he does remember Annabeth so he's like immediately on board with this stupid rogue archeology trip. Hazel decides to come along bc they already had reason to believe Evil Great Grandma is in the Mediterranean, and she's hoping they can try and track down Nico while they're there. Frank tags along bc his fucking house just exploded and he has nothing better to do quite honestly.
Many, many hijinks later they get info that Gaea has an extensive collection of stolen ancient art and she Knows they're looking for the Athena Parthenos and she offers Nico's freedom in exchange for the location they think it's buried. Percy is like "bet" and then just lies about the fucking location after they get Nico back so she's on like the other side of the country once they get to the parking lot in Rome that Annabeth has narrowed down as the most likely spot. Piper manages to get some permits and Leo's on the excavator while the others just have shovels and are sifting through rubble.
They DO find the statue, obviously- but since they're also a bunch of teenagers that have no idea what they're doing, all the digging triggers a huge fucking sink hole. Percy and Annabeth fall in and everyone assumes they're dead.
Meanwhile Percy and Annabeth are having like, "journey to the center of the earth" bullshit happening to them, and after about a month manage to make it back to the surface, grab a phone from the first kind samaritan they find and call in to CNN or BBC World or whatever and are like "hey yeah we're alive. listen there's a huge fucking super volcano underneath most of Italy from what we could tell, and it really doesn't seem like it's gonna be dormant forever. heads up? yeah we entered in Rome and we're now in fuckign Sicily somehow??? huge underground and underwater volcanic network guys and it seemed pretty Awake"
and then, because they just gave away their location on live international TV, they are PROMPTLY kidnapped by Gaea's people and taken to Greece.
Meanwhile, their friends and family are all on a plane to Athens to honor their memory while officially restoring the Athena Parthenos to her rightful place. They're in the air while Percy and Annabeth are calling into the news, so they completely still think they're dead until they get to the Parthenon and find those bitches Tied To A Ritualistic Altar.
Huge brawl between the assorted Olympian family (and extended friends) and Gaea and her henchmen. Half the Parthenon gets destroyed. International scandal.
However, between finding the statue/surviving underground/successfully warning people in time for scientists to come up with some bullshit to stop the volcano, therefore preventing what probably would've been an extinction level event- Annabeth and Percy managed to get just enough good press that Thalia got to stay happily comatose.
This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8
I hate that my aesthetic sense agrees with this but everything you just said was correct
I went back to dig up this post because I was thinking about poetry.
This is one of those non-poem things that are among my favorite poems.
As the OP stated, the use of alliterative consonants is aesthetically just great, especially the placement of the strongest use at the end: “fuck him on the floor.” The use of “chintz” is indeed great word choice.
Because I’m insane, decided to scan the poem:
Not only is the second sentence, indeed, perfect iambic pentameter, the entire poem is perfectly metered, though the first sentence has four iambs rather than five.
There are further things I love about this poem, though: I like the casual connotations of “keep it real” juxtaposed with “chintz.” It causes me to interpret the “chintz” more strongly as meaning something fake, a facade. There is also of course the coarseness of “fuck,” which is a contrast with “chintz” but a different kind of contrast, gutsy and carnal where “chintz” is flimsy and inanimate.
And then there is the storytelling: there is SO MUCH storytelling in just these two lines. To break it down: The speaker is having sex with a married man, in the house he shares with his wife, which is “filled with chintz”—something that here connotes fakeness, in contrast with “keep it real.”
The illicit encounter in the poem takes place within a house filled with facade, the flimsy construction of the wife’s marriage and domestic sphere, but the encounter itself is a taste of something “real.” That’s a story, and it’s just two lines.
This is EIGHTEEN SYLLABLES, y’all. The amount of meaning condensed into these eighteen syllables is stunning, and it is so elegantly done.
From a technical standpoint (and ive taken 300- and 400-level poetry classes so I can say this) this is damn near flawless as a poem.
Kept thinking about this ever since I saw it and had to do something
there's art now
Ah dang to go further; the floor is framed as a refuge. As if there is literally no other space in this house that hasn't been populated by his wife with flimsy inanimate fakery. There is no space for this man in this house save for the floor. There is no space for him on the sofa, oon the counter tops, and most notably, no space for him in the marital bed.
I’d also like to point out the use of the word “has.” The wife has filled the house with chintz. She isn’t filling the house with chintz. She doesn’t fill the house with chintz. She has filled the house with chintz. Use of the past-tense makes the wife a subtly removed element in the story, someone whose presence we see in the environment, but who is blissfully distant during the actors throes of passion. There is an element of physical as well as emotional separation from the wife that is catalyzed by being fucked on the floor. Use of the past tense is an end to the wife presence in the actors life, a carnal catharsis amid cold fragility and emotional distance.
This is my new favourite post in the world
everyone cheer for the one (1) time tumblr had reading comprehension
And, predictably, it's because it was about gay sex
here’s some project hail mary studies i did recently in heavypaint
In the throes of a migraine, I review Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell
Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell starts with a question: Why is magic no longer being done in England? You might expect that the book to spend it’s considerable heft dissecting this question (1), but instead it is answered almost immediately: Magic hasn’t gone anywhere, Susanna Clarke informs us. The king is awake in the mountain.
Written over a period of 10 years, Clarke’s debut work is a layercake of influences. She affects a dickensian, Austen-esque style, complete with archaic spellings and familiar archetypes of gentleman ne’er-do-wells, haughty scholars, candid soldiers, ladies, and aunts of ladies. Her fairies are from Gaiman (2): seemingly unpredictable, amoral and yet mirror images of English society. Her labyrinthine narrative is episodic, heavy with interludes. The titular magicians are orbited by dozens of characters whose lives were touched by magic. They are, by and large oblivious to this, as the omniscient, (and highly opinionated) narrator is quick to point out. Through these stories, Clarke interrogates aspects of English society such as class, race, and gender. Her lighthearted tone and meandering speed don’t undercut the strength of this commentary. She leads you on a journey that doubles back on itself to give new meaning to initially confusing episodes, and multiple page-long footnotes (3).
The England of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell was once a magical kingdom, the Northern half of which was ruled by a mysterious, and seemingly immortal magician called the Raven King (4). He came out of Fairie as a teenager, and brought magic with him. He ruled for 300 years, then one day disappeared mysteriously, as magical kings are won’t to do. The use of magic declined after his disppearance, and by the time the book starts there are only theoretical magicians left in England. There is of course a prophecy, about two magicians who bring magic back to England. The central conflict is predicated on the differences between Mr Norrell (5), and his pupil Jonathan strange. Norrell is a recluse, a misanthrope obsessed with preventing anyone he views as an unworthy magician (read: everyone but himself). Strange is a jovial young man, much taken up with idle pursuits, but he proves singularly talented at magic once he takes it up (mostly due to random chance).
Yet the two men are more similar than they are different. Like most theoretical magicians, they are of the landed gentry who look upon those needing to work for a living with disdain. Norrell treats his servants, and those of the lower classes with outright contempt, yet he is completely dependent on them, lacking even the most basic social skills himself. Strange is kind to his servants, in an absent-minded way similar to how he treats his wife (more on that later), but he takes their services for granted (6) much like Norrell does. The prophecy speaks of two magicians, and it never occurs to them (nor their wealthy patrons) to regard anyone else as one. Their sense of superiority blinds them not just to the many lay-practitioners of magic they encounter, but to those subjected to magical violence.
Norrell, obsessed with reviving English magic, travels to London at the start of the book to introduce himself to high society. Desperate for the patronage of the politician Sir Walter Pole (7), he revives Sir Walter’s fianceé from the dead, with the help of a fairy gentleman with thistle-down hair. The gentleman demands half of Lady Pole’s life in return, so the poor woman is spirited away every night to his decrepit castle in Faerie (aptly named Lost-Hope) and made to dance incessantly. There is a black servant in the household of Sir Walter named Stephen Black, who encounters the gentleman with thistle-down hair by chance, and gets embroiled in the enchantment himself. The gentleman becomes obsessed with Stephen, bringing him gifts of immeasurable value and spiriting him away to strange places, eventually deciding to make Stephen King of England. Lady Pole and Stephen cannot tell anybody of their plight because the enchantment turns their begging for help into stories of fairies: An obvious metaphor for the way women and people of color are silenced by their opressors, this effect of the enchantment highlights the magicians’ ignorance and prejudice.
There is a particular way the story congeals around Stephen. A free man (as slavery is no longer legal on English soil) and a highly competent and eductated servant, Stephen has risen as high in English society as his race & birth allowed for. He identifies himself as English to the gentleman with thistle-down hair several times, though the gentleman insists the English ought to be his enemies. And while those around him treat him with respect (8), and he occupies a relative position of authority among his fellow servants, he is still very firmly othered. He maintains a forced air of respectability, and is careful not to associate himself with poor black people, so people respect him. The independently wealthy widow pursuing him romantically believes him to be a lost African prince, a belief shared by Stephen’s subordinates. This is how they can reconcile their racist preconceptions of black people with Stephens professional poise. This exoticizaton is just one of the ways English identity is denied to him. The enchantment creates a kind of invisible wall between Stephen and the rest of the world, a forced emotional detachment reinforced by his inability to ask for help. Stephen is forced to tiptoe around the temperamental gentleman, who is oblivious to the fact he treats Stephen the same way his white English masters do. When he discovers that Stephen’s mother was enslaved, and she died in childbirth before she could give Stephen a name in her own language, the gentleman vows to discover the name she imagined for Stephen in her mind but wasn’t able to utter before her death. The suggestion that he has a name truer than the one his mother’s slave master gave him, while alluring to Stephen, also works to further his despair because the gulf between him and Englishness grows further. England is the only home he is ever known but he can’t be an equal member of it’s deeply racist society. The gentleman with the thistle-down hair claims Stephen’s isolation is due to his “exceptional nobility” but being exceptional is something Stephen does everything in his power to avoid. Many people dismiss him, or outright ignore his presence, but this is preferable to the violent treatment he is sometimes subjected to. He dismisses the gentleman’s attempt to make him King as impossible; the English would never suffer a black man to rule over them.
Stephen’s negative identity is paralleled by the Raven King, called John Uskglass who identifies himself as a nameless slave. Having been abducted by fairies as a baby, he was raised in Faerie and taught magic there. He came back to England to conquer it as a teenager, claiming to be the son of a Norman aristocrat (the John Uskglass whose name he claimed as his own) who was owed land by the king, but this was an implausible story that Norrell calls into question. His origins are hazy and mysterious. That the most powerful magician in the history of England would refer to himself as a slave is very interesting (9). He learned magic from fairies, who were his allies during his reign as King of Northern England, but he was at one point in his life subservient to them. The character of the Raven King is always just beyond the reach of the narrative, only ever appearing in second-hand accounts and unreliable histories. The most concrete information about him seem to be the things he wasn’t. Yet this paralell to Stephen I find curiously lacking in a way that’s difficult to explain without spoiling the end of the book. Stephen’s story is that of powerlessness. He skirts the margins of society like John Uskglass skirts the margins of the book, but Usklgass is a powerful magician, someone whose lack of name and concrete identity affords power and safety from the prying eyes of history. Stephen is uniquely visible in a predominantly white society. The resolution of his story, and the way he gains power, while undeniably satisfying and a perfect mirror of Uskglass’ own journey, individualizes his struggle in a way. There are many women in this book experiencing patriarchal violence, many servants suffering under a rigid class system, yet there is only one Stephen (10).
Fairies, while they are openly distasteful of Christians (as they refer to all humans), play at a sort of warped, magnified version of high society. Lost-hope is littered with the decayed corpses of the gentleman’s enemies, and he often makes his court reenact his victories over them (11). This is interesting, when you contrast it with the military victories against Napoleon Strange & Norrell aid with their magic (12). The spells they employ are (somewhat heavy-handed) metaphor, starting with Norrell summoning an illusory English fleet that surrounds every European port, to Strange displacing entire cities and rivers (13) in Spain to suit the needs of the English army. The appearance of military power is important to English society, just as it is to the gentleman with the thistle-down hair. There is also a strong undercurrent of nostalgia, for a golden age of magic and violence. Norrell and Strange want to revive English magic through performing military feats. The gentleman remembers the times he crushed the skulls of his enemies fondly. Englishmen and fairies are united in their longing for a past when magicians curried the favour of powerful fairies. Curiously, the only exception to this is Norrell who for all his conservatism, hates fairies with a passion (14). It’s ironic that he is the only magician in the book to outright solicit the services of one. This anti-fairy agenda shows remarkable prescience on his part, something that he never exhibits otherwise. English magic comes from the Raven King, and by extension from the fairies who raised him, but the alliance between the two groups has always been uneasy. There is an undercurrent of indigeneity to the fairies, but I cannot say if it is intentional.
Stephen and Lady Pole eventually grow desperate enough to make an attempt of the life of Norrell, which they believe will break the enchantment over them.. Lady Pole fails to kill him however, as Norrell’s much maligned servant Childermass saves his life. Before, Lady Pole was considered an eccentric and a recluse- but after her attempt to kill the magician, everyone thinks her mad, and she is sent off to a madhouse managed by a former magician (coincidentally also someone Norrell has maligned) (15).In many ways Lady Pole is of a higher social standing than Stephen, being a white, upper-class woman, married to a high-ranking government official, and yet help is denied to her too. People dismiss her as ill, and eventually mad. Her only friend and visitor is Arabella Strange (wife of), who is endangered by this association; the fairy gentleman grows enamoured with her and whisks her away to Lost-hope too. This event is not without warning signs, yet Strange, distracted by the writing of his masterwork, doesn’t recognize the marks of fairy magic and believes his wife dead. Arabella’s apparent death marks a turning point in her husband’s life, spawning a newfound passion and focus that eventually leads him to previously unimagined magical heights, though the reader is left with the persistent impression that Strange is more attached to the memory of his wife than he ever was to the living woman.
Lady Pole, enchanted, is not mad, but in many ways madness is the key to magic. Or rather, the affected reason of the English magicians prevents them from understanding limiting the world by imposing sanity upon it. Mental illness being in some way key to, or indicative of magic is a very old and overused trope (16), but Clarke’s presentation of it is so delightful, I barely mind. It’s like this: Jonathan Strange is commissioned, by the royal spawn, to cure George III of his madness. Magic so far has had little medical application, but since it’s the princes asking, Strange obliges. The madness of the king is little explained, Clarke instead focuses on his mistreatment by his two doctors, a pair of brothers referred to as the Willises. You’ll need to excuse me for the insertion of an excerpt now: “It was not that the Willises were liked or respected – they were not. It was not that their treatments granted the King any relief from his torments – they did not. The secret of the Willises' success was that they were cool when everyone else was in a panic. They embraced a responsibility which everyone else was most anxious to avoid”. In practice, The Mad King of (Southern) England is a fairly jovial old man, isolated from his family and the outside world and administered “purging medicines” by the Willises, which have little effect. He can see the gentleman with the thistle-down hair, invisible to Strange, and holds a long conversation with him. This is what eventually sets Strange on the path to researching madness, but it takes him a long time, and he never quite arrives to the openness to magic the King naturally had.
The case of King George III is emblematic of the treatment of (the appearance of) mental illness in the book’s version of England. Lady Pole is held first cooped up in her own rooms, then a remote house in Yorkshire. Her husband scarcely mentions her condition, and she is forgotten by society at large. Norrell, who knows she is not mad, still treats her as such; he is made uncomfortable by her. The old lady who eventually teaches Strange the secret to madness is completely shunned by society; her only companions are cats. The idea of normalcy and sanity, upheld by society, actively oppresses instances of real magic, and obscures its workings even from its best-renouned scholars.
Strange posits the theory that madmen can confer with fairies because fairies themselves are mad; this is transparently untrue. If madness is a state of being open and ready to receive the world, the gentleman with the thistle-down hair is the sanest character in the book. His dogged narcissism makes him as blind to the actions of the magicians as they are to him. He dismisses them as rubes out of hand (which they are) and doesn’t even begin to consider that anyone else in England could be practicing magic. He’s too caught up in his glorious past.
The last stretch of the book is a delicious toppling of dominoes. Villains get their comeuppance in a dramatic, dickensian fashion, all set in a strikingly visual, bleak Yorkshire winter. The question at the start of the book gets answered again. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell is a gorgeous, unique book, and I can’t help thinking I’ve failed to adequately convey all its complexities here. Many thanks to my friend Lee for helping edit this review, and to my friend who lent me the book, and introduced me to the work of Clarke via Piranesi the year before. See you next time!
1 my copy (kindly lent to me by @exeterbook) clocks in at a whopping 1006 pages. i used it to press fabric.
2 albeit better executed
3 sometimes she even cite’s her own footnotes
4 the hungarian version is simply titled the raven king, which almost certainly made the work of reviewing the book easier.
5 his first name is gilbert but this mercifully does not come up very often.
6 when he goes to aid the duke of wellington in portugal, he takes his servant jeremy johns with him. most of his subsequent complaints of discomfort he experienced in an active warzone are a bit ironic as a result
7 i’m going to be frank, i forgot what his job was and i can’t be arsed to page through the book to look it up.
8 clarke has a bit of a rosy view of how a black person in stephens social position would be treated in this era, to be honest
9 nameless is also interesting. i hope all my readers are sufficiently familiar with the importance of names in fairy stories
10 i kept expecting clarke to reveal that the raven king was also black, or at the very least non-white, but no dice
11 stephen and lady pole are forced to carry flags during these reenactments
12 there is quite a bit about the napoleonic wars in this book that i don’t feel equipped to discuss
13 at one point he places the entire city of brussels in north america and theres a couple of paragraphs that are almost gaiman-esque in their condescending anti-native racism
14 at one point calling them a “degenerate race”
15 readers of the book will forgive me if i leave discussion of some of the more minor characters out of this review. please be assured that the above-mentioned mr segundus holds a special place in my heart.
16 see percy jackson for example
One of my biggest literary pet peeves is when historical or history-inspired fiction pretends that "courting" is a synonym for "dating". Usually it's just a one-to-one word swap--in a modern context, these characters would be dating, but this is olden times, so they call it courting instead. Sometimes they'll pretend there's a shade of difference, and that courting is a more serious exploration of marriage or something. But I read a lot of fiction that was actually written during these historical eras, and the word "courting" is never used like that.
Two people do not decide that they are "courting". One person decides to "court" someone else. It's an action, not a stage in the relationship. A man decides to court a woman because he wants to encourage her to have romantic interest in him. He's trying to win her favor. It's not an exclusive relationship--a woman could be courted by multiple men at once. She'll spend time getting to know the guy who's interested in her, but they won't officially define their relationship as one where they only show romantic interest in each other. If they reach a point where they want it to be exclusive, that's when you propose.
There's no middle ground--either you're getting to know each other, or you're committed to marrying each other. This idea of a period where you kind of commit to each other until you decide you definitely want to get married is a modern one, and it occurs in eras where they use the word "dating" to describe it. The closest equivalent I can think of are times and places where they'd talk about a couple "stepping out together", but they're still not calling it "courting". Words have meaning, and the word "courting" has never meant that, so stop using it that way!
the other mild historical disjoint i run into is when people talk about dating in the fifties like it automatically meant exclusivity. the whole reason we have the expression "going steady" is because the default was to or "go around with" or "go out with" multiple people. not in the sense of being in a stable polyamorous vee, but in the sense that archie is actively "seeing" both betty and veronica during the entire time the two girls are competing for his attention and they're both seeing other guys to make him jealous, and nobody involved considers this "cheating."
bizarrely, America has in many ways gotten more conservative about dating since World War II.
I ran into a truly wild cultural misunderstanding with my father some years ago, when I had to explain to him what “hookup culture” actually was, and that the thing he assumed it was was actually what we call “cruising culture”. His response was “how is that different from dating?” and when I explained how it was different, he said, and please note that this a direct quote: “That’s ridiculous! You can’t expect a woman to stop fooling around with other guys for anything less than a marriage proposal. I mean, she’s not a prostitute, you can’t buy her.” Now obviously there’s like… a lot to unpack there, but I think it’s pretty darn illustrative of a substantive cultural shift around the assumption of monogamy!
Also, following this, I asked my mom what her thoughts were on the matter, and she said that while she “wouldn’t put it in those terms” she broadly agreed, and thought that anyone expecting any sort of exclusivity when a marriage proposal wasn’t at least on the very immanent horizon was “nuts, honestly.” I hesitantly asked if she was including relationships with premarital sexual activity in that, and her response was “Of course. I mean, gosh, you know your Aunt Terri used to have a guy for every day of the week before she finally settled down.”
And this was when I learned, to my shock, that the oft-repeated story of how “Aunt Terri used to have a guy for every day of the week” didn’t just mean “Aunt Terri had a full dance card” but rather meant that Aunt Terri had a period of her life where she literally dated exactly seven guys at once, all of whom she was sleeping with (or, my mom was quick to disclaim, “well, fooling around with, I don’t know how far she actually went with any of them, but they were definitely all fooling around behind closed doors”), on a literal weekly rotation. Like, they had a schedule. A schedule that all seven of the guys knew.
America has gotten a lot more conservative about dating, actually.
what was this episode even????
Since this very very much in progress fish plate has gotten some surprising fame, I would like to ask you a small favor:
How should I finish this? Which fish is obviously missing? Help me fishblr!
Dear comrades, I would like to inform you:
THE FISH PLATE IS READY!
They have a bandcamp!
https://hengemusic.bandcamp.com/music
Important rules for the "age verification" era of the internet that we're living in:
1. Do not do age verification.
2. If you have to do age verification, cheat. Do not under any circumstances give them your real ID.
The tool presents users with a 3D model they can then manipulate to, the creator says, bypass Discord's age verification system.
Oh no I dropped my link, what a horrible thing! Sure hope this doesn't get reblogged until it reaches users from the UK and Brazil!
And remember to not make a second account just to test out what works best when verifying your identity
A reminder that we still dont support Age Verification bullshit.
Paywall removed here