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@lovebitebuck
terfs fuck off šŖ
AO3: SewingNatural | Bluesky: starvingdog
minors can interact, but please block ā#minors dniā and ā#nsftā
imagine eddie making a new friend, someone who's 100% unrelated to anyone or anything else in eddie's life, just a guy he meets at the gym and vibes with. and the guy thinks that buck is eddie's husband. it takes eddie a while to realise that's what his new pal had taken away from their chat about their kids, where more than half of the photos of chris eddie showed off had buck in them. so at first eddie's just too fucking startled to correct him when idk CRAIG says 'oh shoot that's my bus, gotta go, but hey you and buck should come round for dinner one day. my husband keeps saying we need to make more queer friends with kids since we moved here! ok byeeee' and eddie goes home thinking I'll just explain next time I see him it's fine and hey I can hook him up with hen and karen I bet they'll get along great. and the thought makes him feel...... something.
and he is going to explain to craig, he is, but the next time they bump into each other is right after him and buck have had an argument, like they keep having since buck moved into his new place, and it's nice to be able to vent to someone who doesn't know buck but who has the right... well, no, the wrong idea about what place buck occupies in eddie's life. but it's nice to be able to vent without having to explain. so eddie doesn't explain. and he keeps not explaining, while craig gets the impression that eddie and buck are going through a really rough patch since buck's dad died but eddie wants to make it work while buck keeps pulling away.
OBVIOUSLY they're grabbing coffee one day when buck happens to walk into the same coffee shop. EDDIE! HEY! and... uh who's this?
eddie, kill bill sirens blaring: this is craig. my... friend. from the gym.
buck: oh that's cool... you've never mentioned him before....
craig, desperately: you must be buck!! I've heard so much about you! don't worry, I'm a married man, not that you would have anything to worry about anyway. eddie's so committed
buck: he is?
eddie with one thousand yard stare: i am
everyone hold my hand for the Buck Saying Hes Bisexual Out Loud prayer circle. and we arent going to let go of each others hands until he says it ok?
completely normal gifset. don't worry about it
Buck.....
Thinking aboutā¦. Chris is like 16 and Buck and Eddie get married in a friends to married way and they asked if Chris was okay with it and he said yeah because maybe some big Event had just happened and he was caught up in the relief and love of the moment but now it's been a few months and he's having some weird feelings about it that he's not sure he's allowed to have because he already gave his approval. It's justā¦. He didn't even know his dad liked men. Which is fine! It's whatever! Eddie just never told him about it. And Chris doesn't know if it's just men or just Buck or if he likes girls still too or what that means for his mom or even like. Ana or Marisol. Or Kim. Like what is his dad's problem. Is he going to fuck up and drive Buck away too? Butā¦. He looks so happy. Chris isn't sure he's ever in his life seen Eddie this relaxed and happy and that feels weird too because⦠was he not enough? And Chris loves Buck, of course he does, but like. As a dad? Buck is suddenly his dad now? And like everyone was clear he doesn't have to call him dad or anything but like that's what all this means, right?
And then like⦠they're doing a geology unit in school and they learn about tsunamis and of course the LA tsunami is used as an example and Chris says he was on the pier and the teacher saysā¦. Well you must have been pretty little when that happened, I'm sure you're misremembering where you were and Chris is like no Buck threw me in a prize booth. It smelled like popcorn. There was a bright purple teddy bear. And the teacher looks like shocked and disturbed and as they learn more about what happened exactly and the death toll and Chris remembers Buck was on blood thinners back then he's like. How in the fuck did we survive that.
So heās just⦠thinking about buck a lot and how he fits into his life and the demonstrable extreme lengths heād go to for Chris and heās feeling even more guilty that heās not just purely happy that theyāre a real family on paper now and he's carrying around this gratitude and fear about this event that he lived through but maybe didn't understand the specifics of until now and then he overhears Buck and Eddie having an argument (Buck: just- will you fucking listen to me? How many times do I have to tell you that? God- don't roll your eyes at me-) and is like catastrophizing that it's over and all these mixed feelings were for nothing, and then some of his cool new high school friends have those electric bikes and one of them asks him if Chris wants to ride behind them on the seat and Chris is like. Fuck it. Yeah. But it takes more strength/coordination than he thought even just to be a passenger and he ends up falling off and breaking his arm and at first he's begging his friends not to call 911 and they're like uh dude we're absolutely calling 911 and Chris is like fine just- just don't say my name! And when they get to the hospital he asks them to call Buck and not Eddie (as soon as they got married they got everybody on everyone else's paperwork as much as they could) and the doctor dismisses that request initially but one of his friends who stuck around is like uh hey that's not cool if he's on the paperwork it should be fine right you should listen to him! And the doctor is like well fine I guess and Chris is grateful to the friend but also fucking angry and just. Embarrassed that he didn't get listened to and it's maybe because he's a teenager but probably because they saw a kid who speaks and moves differently and figured he couldn't make any choices for himself. So he's sitting there stewing and his arm fucking hurts and Dad is going to be so so mad at him and it's nice that his friend stuck around but he doesn't even know her that well and she's obviously getting kind of bored and this is the worst day ever and then Buck appears. Hisses air through his teeth. Oh bud, looks like you've had a rough one, huh.
And Chris nods and tries not to immediately start crying and Buck tells the friend he's got it from here and sits with him and asks what happened and likeā¦. Chris has a moment of realizing that Buck knows he was the one who got called because Chris thinks of him as the⦠not-really dad. And Buck sees Chris having this realization and is like oh kid it's okay, Eddie is your dad first and is always going to be, it's okay that it's different with me, I'm just so glad to be a part of your family in any way I am. And anyway I'm the cool one he's gonna have a fit when he hears about this. And Chris laughs a little and then starts crying harder and Buck's like aw.. Chris, he's just going to be mad because he's worried⦠he loves you so muchā¦.
And they also kind of get intoā¦. Buck got himself hurt a lot as a kid and some of it was intentional self harm but some of it really was just because he was a dumb kid having fun! He thinks that's important! Chris should also get to be a dumb kid who has fun! But says likeā¦. āAny time you're going to do something that could maybe get you hurt I just want you to remember that I love you, and Eddie loves you, no matter what.ā
And maybe they talk about the tsunami a little and Chrisā feelings in general about Buck and the marriage and Chris cries again (ugh) because he's realizing⦠he really does love Buck so so so much, he really is also his dad, a lot of the weird feelings were partly just fear that this was temporary or didn't mean as much to anyone else as it means to Chris, but of course this is forever of course Buck LOVES his kid!! Chris is his kid he loves him SO much!!!!
Enough to soft launch the injury over the phone while Chris gets the cast out on (hellooooo my beloved, my dearest one, love of my life, okay don't freak out there's just one broken bone and it isn't even broken that badly!) and to be a buffer as Eddie comes rocketing in half an hour later, and they all eventually head home together and Buck and Eddie have resolved whatever fight they had and they're both fussing over Chris and Chris and Eddie talk about Buck, and happiness (oh, mijo.. you canāt- happiness canāt come all from one person. Youāve never made me sad, it wasnāt your fault if I wasnāt- I just needed a partner, an adult, someone to, you know, romantically love and be loved by that i wasnāt forcing myself to choose because it felt like the right choice) and Eddie's sexuality and stuff and⦠I dunno, yeah, I just think Chris has a lot of big big feelings!! He's a teen! Heās got a whole life heās living with his own thoughts and feelings and problems! He's been through so much!!!! This family all loves each other so much but they're all often kind of bad at explaining that to each other!! They'll get there eventually though!!
And thinking about Buck, whose father is dead. Eddie kissed him, Eddie married him, Eddie finally said what he wanted and what he wanted was Buck, in his life, forever, and Buck doesnāt get to tell Bobby about it. And itās been a year or two since he passed, it doesn't hurt so bad all the time, but at the wedding when heās wearing one of Bobbyās ties that he had to tie by himself it hurts a lot. Heās still happy alongside it! Eddie doesnāt stop smiling all night, and he never gets further than three feet away from him, Buck is sure anyone with a tape measure could prove it. And Chris dances between them and laughs at them both and he hugs buck like he forgets heās doing it, his arms just wrapped around him idly as he looks over at the cake table, and Buck thinks he was so small when they first met and he feels scared heās going to mess this up, this specific part of it, having a kid whoās sort of been his for a long time but also really hasnāt. Bobby had step kids. Bobby had Buck, who was sort of his kid for a long time but also really wasnāt. Buck wishes so badly he could talk to him about it, about what it was like changing roles in May and Harryās lives, about what being a good dad means. He wishes Christopher could have been sort-of his grandson. He thinks Bobby would have been a great grandpa.
But heās not around anymore, so Buck does his best. He tries to be a good husband (which is easy most days, so easy. Itās just Eddie. Heās easy to love.) and he tries to let Chris set the terms for where theyāre at. Buck can take him to school or his friendās houses, but neither he or Eddie are allowed to walk him to the door anymore. Thatās okay. He doesnāt really ask for homework help these days which Buck is a little glad for because heās not sure heād know the material very well now that the kid is in high school. High school! He was so little once! It makes buck feel crazy and kind of desperate to stop the passage of time, he cant imagine how Eddie must feel having been there from the beginning. He wishes he got to hold Christopher as a baby. He wishes- he wishes Bobby got to hold him as a baby. He wishes his dad was here. Heād tell him how smart Christopher is and how heās made so many friends at school, heās always been great at making friends, and how funny he is and how kind and how amazing and Buck can hardly believe heās got to watch him grow and be any part of that. Heās so grateful. He just wants to talk about that to someone whoād understand what its like to be outside and let in.
But, like, things are going well! He has been let in! He so much likes making Eddie happy, and Eddie is, like, better at being happy these days. He laughs and flirts and they touch each other all the time and like. Even when nothing else is happening buck will sometimes look over and Eddie is smiling just because. And Eddie brings him flowers on their dates. And Eddie holds his hand even at work sometimes. Eddie so much likes making Buck happy, too, which makes his own happiness a little easier to accept. And chim lets buck go into his office sometimes and he sits there in the chair in front of the desk and if he closes his eyes its like- he can almost smell Bobbyās cologne in there, can almost hear another person breathing, and he says hey cap Iāve had a good day today. Eddie kissed me awake- sorry, uh, tmi- and we had breakfast together at 5 am which is stupid early but it was kind of fun, trying not to laugh over our nasty protein bars. He loves me. I just wanted to tell you that. You didnātā¦.you didnāt leave me without love. Iāve got a family. And⦠I know how to- to be a part of that family because of you. So. Thanks. Okay, bye. Talk to you soon.
And he and Eddie, you know, they fight sometimes. More often, maybe, because theyāre so sure theyāll get through it. They know how to do this now, how to get stuff off their chests and trust the other will be able to take it and stick around after. Buck has never in his life felt so solid with somebody. They can snap a little, argue over stupid stuff, and then theyāll take deep breaths and explain whats bothering them and work it out. Eddie holds his hand here, too. Makes sure heās loved even if theyāre angry. They go to sleep side by side, no matter what, and by the morning nothing is ever really so bad.
And thinking likeā¦. He gets the call from the hospital that Christopher Diaz has been in an accident, and he gets this feeling like- like the whole world compacts and crushes him all in an instant. But⦠okay, they called him and not Eddie. Chris apparently requested they call him and not Eddie. So that means heās alert enough to be making requests, and probably also means the injury is embarrassing or obtained while doing something he definitely shouldnāt have been doing. Okay. Alright! He can be calm and cool about this. He can be someone Chris goes to when heās in trouble but canāt bring himself to talk to his dad yet. Buck is honored to have this trust. And, oh, poor kid, all scratched up and his arm all swollen, and embarrassed at getting hurt doing something dumb (promised he was wearing a helmet though, they taught him so well), and it turns out Chris has also been having all these feelings about how they fit together in this new form of their family and heās been thinking about the tsunami which buck thinks is still maybe the worst day of his life (and heās got some real contenders) and when Chris wraps his arms around him and says he loves him Buck thinks, oh. Bobby knew. I didnāt get to say it back at the end, but of course he knew. If Chris never said it again, Buck would still know.
eddie and his straightness are to me like... what if schrodinger was so afraid to find out whether the cat was alive or not, he never opened the box. and now he's convinced there's no point in checking anymore anyway because it's been decades, right? no cat can survive that long locked away. so it's dead. he never saw it, he just knows. the cat is dead. why open the box.
@escapetomerlegaritaville
you get ittttt
the people i follow have made way better posts about this but just to reiterate: a buddie blood transfusion would eat so bad. either one donating to either one would cause such extreme levels of horny in-love derangement that i donāt even know which scenario is best. Eddie donating to buck? part of eddie inside buck? yayyy literally what buck has always wanted. heād trace the veins on his wrist and forearm swearing he could feel eddie there. Buck donates to eddie? the Ultimate act of service? buck was so so good for eddie, good enough to save his life! eddie feels lightheaded with it as buck plants kisses up and down the inside of eddies wrist, eddies other hand running thru bucks hair. āyou saved me buckā he would whisper reverently and theyād both be soooooo crazy and wonderful about it.
Oh no do you think. when christopher was at bucks bed in the hospital saying "wherever you are, you have to come back" well. It's just how many times do you think he's said that silently to his dad when he was gone? Or to his mom when she wasn't around? And now he has another parent who he needs to come back to him and this time he can say it out loud and maybe he'll hear him
WAIT. saint christopher.... to protect you and keep you safe.. to remind you that you have a family to come home to. to remind you that you have a family to come home to. to remind you that you have a family to come home to. wherever you are you have to come back
Um. Well. Now I'm thinking about the scene where they find Chris after the tsunami, and "you're buck?" "No I'm his father eddie" "oh he was looking for buck" and then. The scene in the coma dream where Christopher is like "can you help me find my dad?" Because we assume he means eddie but what if-
eddie should be chewing on bucks tummy i mean like not some pussy shit like kissing it gently and stuff he should take a real mouthful and bite him until hes all bruised. and there are teeth marks. and spit collecting in his belly button
hey guys don't think about how chimney was the only one bobby confided in about his plans to kill himself after making amends for the apartment fire deaths. don't think about how chimney knew better than most how hard bobby fought to come back to life and stay alive and how happy he was to see bobby build a family. don't think about how chimney now has to live knowing that bobby gave it all up so he could get home to his family š
- The West Wing, 2x10 "Noƫl" for @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels
don't drink the water
itās like only their third or fourth time fucking and eddie is just like absolutely losing his mind with how good buck feels and itās hot and sweaty and sticky and heās not so much dirty talking as just deliriously mumbling at this point and without thinking as heās thrusting into buck he goes āgod i wanna fuckingāknock you upā and for .2 seconds heās like oh fuck i made it weird and then another .2 seconds later buck immediately comes so hard it gets on his own chin. yay
hey, feverer
1629 words // rated g
There are protocols to follow after calls like this so Bobby follows them as quickly as he can and then goes to find Buck. He checks the bunk room and the lounge upstairs, but only cursorily. Hen had made eye contact with him over Buckās shoulder as sheād said āLetās get some air,ā her hand gently on his arm and Chimney on his other side. The roof, then. He grabs a water bottle from the kitchen on the way there, a granola bar. Something in your stomach. Canāt fix everything, but. Whatever. Canāt hurt.
ā
Bobby comforts Buck after a call gone wrong
and itās like. at the end of the day. buck just really needs to be sucking eddieās dick already. sorry
i swear somewhere this works ā trista mateer
buy me a coffee š