[bambicoded]

I've been behind on manufacturing these im sorry to let you down gang

[jewelcoatfish]

shane (a little tipsy) being cornered by a few fans at a bar one night and they ask him what’s the best thing about coming out, expecting him to say something motivating like self-expression and liberation and shane just goes

“i don’t know, probably that i can have ilya’s photos on my phone now :).”

and the whole of non bigot hockey twt just fucking crash out and montreal metros and crowell gets burned at the stake

[toapoet]

These tags are my fave

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

One of my favorite cliff headcanons is that he is supportive of Ilya and Shane, but he doesn't really get it not bc of the whole 'Shane is boring Ilya is not' propaganda everyone on the internet is saying he thinks Shane makes sense for Ilya he just doesn't understand how gay relationships work, like he understands conceptually that people are gay and Shane and ilya are in a gay relationship he understands they are in love, and they fuck, and he isn't homophobic, but he has never seen a gay couple and especially a gay couple where both parties are Masc and all his experiences with romance are based on relationships with traditional gender roles so he thinks that's how gay relationships work also so when the summer after their wedding he calls ilya up like 'bro I missed you we gotta catch up and shit' and ilya is like 'I can't leave my beautiful husband to come see your ugly mog you understand' but Shane feels bad that Ilya had to leave Marley when he moved bc he is a good friend he was at their wedding and shit and Shane lowkey wants to prove he deserves ilya to marly bc ilya doesn't have any family left that isn't his asshole brother so sveta and marly are the closest thing he has to family, and he wants them to like him and its stupid bc it's not like if Marley doesn't like him anything will change they are already married, but he just needs this one thing to work out so bad so he is like 'why don't you invite him to the cottage I am sure he'd love to spend time there and I want to get to know him better he is one of your best friends.'

So Ilya invites Marley to the cottage and Shane brings his A game he is usually a good husband naturally, but he is trying to impress Marley so he brings flowers to ilya when he gets back from grocery shopping or cooks his favorite meals or is just being generally physicality affectionate in front of cliff like kissing his forehead and holding his hand while watching a movie that type of stuff bc he knows ilya likes being shown off, and he tries to do all the little house errands that need to be done himself so ilya can spend his time with cliff catching up and eventually when Shane is out of the house for like a commercial cliff finally is like 'dude why is Hollander doing all that I thought he was the girl are you the girl?.' And ilya is like 'first we are both men so what the fuck second if you say that about my husband again I will hit you hard.' And cliff is like trying to explain himself by saying he thought all relationships had one person who was the one getting spoiled and one person who spoils them and the one getting spoiled is always the girl based on his relationship with woman and ilya is like wow he is in a prison of his own making, and he tells Shane and Shane feels so bad bc it kinda reminds him of how he thought about relationships before he realized he liked man, and he doesn't think cliff likes men, but he still wants to talk to him about it, and they end up sitting down and talking about how if he wants quote unquote princess treatment he can just ask for what he wants and needs relationships are about compromise and just bc they are men doesn't mean they don't deserve nice things also and of course cliff understands him to an extent, but he is a little stupid, so his takeaway isn't 'I should ask for what I want fuck gender roles' its 'dating a dude is like having a best friend who fucks you and still treats you like a princess, and he is like maybe I should date a dude.' But Shane isn't there for the second part of this revelation ilya is so he is like 'yes you should.' And then cliff wishes them a good rest of their vacation and leaves and then when they meet up during the season 4 months or so later cliff sees Shane on the ice, and he is like an exited puppy so he goes up to him and tells him he's got a boyfriend, and thanks him for the advice and tells him how awesome it's been and Shane is stunned for the rest of the game but after the game ilya is like supper smug bc he knew this was going to happen and is like 'cliff invited us to meet his boyfriend.' And Shane is like 'fuck it I guess this is my life now at least cliff likes me.'

[wintersoldierfell]

you've heard of death of the author, now get ready for death of the audience: where instead of basing your reaction on a thousand uninformed opinions online, you actually read the text and engage with it

[snowsmoked]

On the topic of Shane being sensory seeking instead of sensory avoidant, I do think that Shane sometimes get the impulse to hit his head or hands against something. He has worked very hard to keep that under control (can't risk head or hand injuries in his line of work.) But sometimes he just wants that percussive feeling when he feels like there is too much energy trapped under his skin.

He is also aware that he is a large man, a hockey player, and any type of violent-looking motion is going to be judged and he'll be called short-tempered or violent.

The violence of hockey helps. Sometimes, he likes getting slammed against the boards or pinned there while fighting for the puck. But that doesn't help him off ice. He has a punching bag, but its not the same. Wrestling with Ilya or Ilya laying on top of him also helps, but it's not perfect.

A couple years into their marriage, he tells this to Ilya. He works hard on sharing these things, that he'd usually worried about being judged for, to his husband. Ilya's already so vulnerable with him that he tries to return the favor as well as he can.

A week after he tells this to Ilya, he walks into their home gym to find Ilya attaching velcro strips to the walls in the corner Shane usually does yoga in, where there is no weights, equipment, or mirrors . There's a stack of huge gymnastic mats next to him, velcro on their edges. There are also boxing gloves on top of the stack.

"If anyone sees," Ilya says without turning around. "They will think this is for boxing. I recently took this up, you see."

Shane swallowed. "What is it actually for?"

Ilya grabbed a large mat, taller than him even, and pressed it against the wall, pulling to test that it's firmly stuck on there.

Ilya then takes a couple steps back and throws himself into the wall.

Shane takes a startled step back. "What are you doing?"

"Didn't hurt at all," Ilya grinned, now sitting on one of the mats on the floor. He bonked the back of his head back against the mat. "Completely safe."

Shane cheeks flushed. "I don't need this."

"Okay," Ilya bonked his head harder. "Its for me, then. Maybe I let you use it sometimes."

"Ilya...," Shane walked over and climbed in Ilya's lap, face in the crook of his neck.

"Shane," Ilya said back, wrapping his hands around him. "You know there is nothing you could do that I would think is weird?"

"This is weird."

"Well," Ilya hummed. "I have had my tongue in your asshole, so this is-"

"Shuddup!" Shane slaps him on the shoulder.

The set up goes unused until a couple weeks later, when Shane is feeling like there are ants under his skin. He tells Ilya he's going to work out in the gym, but based on the blush on his cheeks, Ilya understands what he's saying. Ilya tells him he'll go for a run, recognizing Shane wants privacy to test this out.

When he gets back, all he asks Shane is, "anything hurt?"

"No," Shane smiles at him, feeling settled in his body. "Nothing at all."

[snowsmoked]

The fact that Cliff is at the Montreal club implies one of two things. It was late by the time Ilya snapped and decided to go out - Connors was already settling in, probably assuming Ilya would leave soon to meet his Montreal girl. Cliff was also not likely expecting Ilya to join him because he's always meeting his girl when they're in Montreal. So Cliff was either:

still at the hotel (maybe wanted a quiet night in to watch Deadliest Catch or something) and he got the SOS from Connors that he was needed at the club, or

he was somewhere else (another club, bar, etc.) and got the SOS to meet them there.

Either way I like to imagine Cliff absolutely locking in because his bro needs him to party and party he would. He was full on superman-style leaving his room or another club.

[snowsmoked]

I do think that Shane gets a Russian language tutor. He sees that Ilya is always having to think, speak, and translate in his second language. And he knows that Ilya is fluent by this point, but if he's serious about forever with Ilya (which he is) he wants Ilya to be able to communicate with his boyfriend in his native language. He also saw how much his grandparents struggled with learning English as adults and how much more expressive and talkative they were when they spoke Japanese at home together.

So he gets a tutor. He meticulously researches her (she's from Moscow, so he'll learn from someone with Ilya's same accent). She's signed to more NDAs than he can count. She has 10 years of experience, she's certified to teach English and Russian, and she has 4.8 stars on MyTutor.

Shane pays her a frankly concerning amount of money to make house calls. Twice weekly, unless he's on the road, she arrives at his apartment to teach him foundational Russian. She gives him workbooks, Russia cartoon recommendation, podcasts for beginners, etc. He tells her he's learning because his boyfriend is Russian and she outlines a course that focuses on domestic language first (as opposed to travel or business). She even teaches him what she calls a 'culture course' with lessons on Russian music, food, and various traditions.

She's only a few years older than Shane and he actually finds himself looking forward to her visits. At this point, she's the only person other than his parents that knows he has a boyfriend.

About 4 months in, Shane finally feels comfortable enough to ask about what he'd been very excited about learning.

"You want me to teach you how to talk dirty to your boyfriend?" Ekaterina raised an eyebrow.

"Um," Shane blushed. Was this a little too far? Was this inappropriate to ask of a tutor? "Yes? If - If that's okay, I mean."

A slow smirk spread over her face. "This will be fun. Fun for me, now. Fun for you, later."

"I made a list," Shane admitted. He wasn't going to back out now, he put a lot of thought into his list. He turned to it in his Russian notebook and handed it to her.

She scanned over it indifferently. "You will use all this in one night?"

"Yeah, probably. Is it too much?"

"It is good you have a Russian man," Ekaterina said. "They have good stamina. Mostly, anyway."

And while it was a little embarrassing for Ekaterina to correct his pronunciation of please let me suck your cock, it helped that she seemed just as comfortable with that as there is tea on the stove.

Though, maybe he shouldn't have learned those phrases at the same time, because Ilya will never, for as long as they live, allow him to forget asking, while down on his knees and with excellent pronunciation, please let me suck your tea.

[shrekhollander]

Jade Pike: *Hayden, Shane and Jackie are inside the house getting food and Ilya is outside with the Pike kids and Anya* Uncle Shane, Uncle Ilya had an accident in the car... Ruby is helping him.

Shane and Hayden: *They get super concerned and get outside fast af because Ilya was showing off his Porsche to the kids, they immediately head out to see what happened*

Ilya: *Is stuck inside this thing*

[themoonandmyman]

I reblogged this earlier but I wanted to add the hilarious imagery of Ilya having to be cut out of this thing by the fire department and it makes the local news

[luni-of-the-valley]

It’s literally what happens in the book.

And I’m deep in the Project Hail Mary rabbit hole, please help me.

[redstonedust]

"i know this show was made for children but i enjoy it too." > awesome and cool. watch whatever you want forever.

"i know it LOOKS like it was made for children but its SECRETLY for us. calling it a kids show is an insult cause kids could never understand these THEMES and EMOTIONS. we're the TRUE fans." > i dont think i trust your opinions. you seem lame as fuck.

[paradoxspaceheater]

kids shows can be good! kids shows can be better than shows for adults, even. they are still for kids. it's ok. you can like something even if you aren't the target audience

the idea that a kids show that is high quality and handles its themes with respect "isn't really" for kids reinforces the idea that kids should watch only shallow shows that don't respect them. is that really what we want the next generation to be raised on?

[enki2]

[angrysexyshortstack]

This is why it’s important that we don’t dehumanize bad people who do bad things. Because they ARE human and that isn’t an excuse or a defense. These people are doing horrible things to their fellow humans for the sake of an incredibly harmful system. That alone is terrible and worthy of being shunned

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

graffiti discourse is so stupid why the hell would I give a shit if people spraypaint their names or do some cool paintings under a bridge

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

sorry didn't realize the bridge has to be plain beige concrete. that was a load bearing plain beige concrete if anyone tags it the whole bridge collapses

[crazy-pages]

Especially because there's a well proven solution to graffiti. Graffiti artists are, you know, artists. Like actual for real artists. If a local artist paints a wall with something beautiful, they aren't gong to paint over it and wreck it. So if you pay local artists to paint murals on things, they don't get tagged.

And you know that saying, "you get to tell people how to solve their problems to the degree you're willing to help"? It's like that. If you want to have a say in the way humans add their artistic mark to their environments - and they will - you need to fund people adding and maintaining beautiful art that other artists respect. Simple as that.

Because your bridge has a design flaw. There's no art on it. And ever since humans have been blowing crushed berries over their hands to mark cave walls with their handprints, a world without art has been a void we are compelled to fill. If you don't fill it, someone else will.

[teal-tealwren]

there are only ghosts here

[kcsplace]

HRM

[cupcakesandhags]

i refuse to believe shane never jerked it to scott hunter even once. lil 18 year old shane had very inappropriate thoughts about scott's under armour campaign that he refuses to acknowledge or think about outside of some moments of weakness at 1 am when he can't sleep. and once he gets drafted he has many months to contemplate that sometime soon he's gonna be on the ice with hockey captain america. and what's this about a sex dream about the leading goal scorer in the nhl in 2009? shane certainly hasn't had one of those (he's had three).

[cupcakesandhags]

au where shane gets invited to a party after tunamelt-gate but instead of movie stars jj's friend is hosting a party for the women's national hockey team ahead of worlds (*handwaves at timelines and locations and international competition dates*). deeply closeted and desperate to fit in with heteronormative values metros captain shane meets the women's team captain - let's call her sally - and is instantly transfixed. enraptured. captivated. he has a crush™️! on a woman™️. he manages to make it to one of the preliminary rounds at women's worlds to cheer on team canada and his certified woman crush™️ captain sally scores a dick trick and after they have celebration sex! and the adrenaline rush from the phenomenal hockey scoring shane just witnessed means it's the first time in his life he doesn't have trouble getting hard or finishing with a woman. he asks sally to be his girlfriend right then and there and he's so proud of himself for finally being an outstanding heterosexual.

cut to two months later (the worst months of ilya's life) and shane is sitting in a wine bar in montreal listening to his girlfriend explain to him that shane is in fact gay. but it's okay because sally thinks maybe she is too and this is why none of her past relationships with men work out. shane confesses about ilya when she asks if he's ever been with a man because she's the only person he thinks might actually get it (and she does).

she actually goes to all stars with shane to ilya's absolute horror except it's because within 24 of coming out to herself and shane sally has made it her life's purpose to get these two hockey boys to admit their feelings and she doesn't trust shane to do it without having moral support. cue sally smugly sipping a beer in the stands watching that helmet kiss with the biggest smirk on her face.

[cupcakesandhags]

(tv edition) skip & co. post stanley cup headcanons

kip has one little moment when he slips on the ice but catches himself before he falls. scott doesn't see, he's busy doing interviews, but the admirals head coach does and quietly whispers some tips to kip on how to keep his balance walking on ice. kip is extremely embarrassed at this being his first interaction with his boyfriend's boss.

carter and eric also catch it and immediately decide they are adopting kip for the night until scott is free. if one gets pulled into an interview the other stays with kip. they keep trading off. kip notices, and wants to feel offended, but now that the adrenaline is wearing off and reality is sinking in he's kind of glad for the company.

someone on the admirals staff arranges for elena and george to get passes to go down to the family room. kip reunites with them there when the team finally goes back to the locker room. george has obviously been crying, which makes kip cry, which makes elena cry. it's a whole thing.

kip gets sent a picture of a shirtless scott doing a keg stand out of the stanley cup in the locker room from scott's phone. that helpfully interrupts the crying cycle.

this is followed by a series of videos also sent from scott's phone. it's clear some of the rookies have commandeered it while scott was busy with the aforementioned keg stand. they most consist of drunken proclamations of how excited they are to meet scott's mystery man. all of the videos end with the rookies getting interrupted by beer showers.

the trio wind up at the kingfisher out of sheer bewilderment over what to do and where to go next. the players are still partying in the locker room and kip knows scott will probably still have to do even more media appearances. but everyone is too wired up to just go home plus george and elena are not willing to leave kip alone to spiral in his thoughts about what happens next.

it isn't just the three of them for long. the rest of the team INSISTS on bringing the cup to the kingfisher that night. they hit the kingfisher right after last call. kyle just shrugs and figures scott can afford to pay any fines the bar might get for alcohol violations. as long as one of these millionaire jocks puts a credit card down for the tab what the shitty absentee owner doesn't know can't hurt him.

the kingfisher runs out of beer by 4 a.m. completely. kyle just shrugs and starts introducing a bunch of jock hockey players to the wonders of a cosmopolitan.

george disappears at around 3 in the morning. everyone figures he finally went to bed. the next day he vows no one but god and his primary care physician will ever learn about the truly atrociously drawn stanley cup tramp stamp tattoo he drunkenly got (instead of going to bed) to commemorate his future son in law. lots of people find out about the matching one admirals defender #72 got, but he keeps the fact he got it with his new best buddy george a secret.

elena wins a rolex, 10 grand, and naming rights to one of the player's firstborn child in an impromptu poker tournament.

scott has a panic attack over what happens next in the kingfisher storage closet.

kip finds him and eases him through it. they try to fuck about it but scott's so drunk he can't get hard and kip is fairly wasted as well so they just makeout for like 40 minutes.

scott sobers up enough to blow kip in the bathroom just before dawn.

carter and eric got booked for the morning show press circuit the next day. eric is fine since he doesn't drink. he left the bar early, and even wakes up in time to do his morning yoga routine before the interviews.

carter, shockingly, is also fine. this is because, as he very seriously explains to kyle around 5:45 a.m., the secret to not being hung over the next day is to make sure you never sober up. his breakfast consists of two vodka shots and mozzarella sticks and he leaves the interviews with the phone numbers of no less than three separate producers utterly charmed by him.