hello male writer. before you is a typewriter. you have one day to write a novella with a woman as the protagonist without describing her breasts. the timer begins now
Her ass was like a peach, and brother I’m in her pit.
well. that one’s on me

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@lowbrr
hello male writer. before you is a typewriter. you have one day to write a novella with a woman as the protagonist without describing her breasts. the timer begins now
Her ass was like a peach, and brother I’m in her pit.
well. that one’s on me
The last week has been so ridiculous even the satirists can’t take it any more
the fucking timestamp
Happy tenth birthday to this post which will apparently haunt my notifications for all eternity.
It’s about Brexit, by the way. The timestamp is a week post-referendum. Newsthump is UK-based and I myself am scottish. And yes, things have 100% got worse since then, but personally I regard the referendum as the point at which we entered the Clownshoes Timeline.
💯 but its 000 for when something's fuckall
you're not a real necromancer until you've got ghouls and zombies and shit. skeletons i mean, useful, sure, but it IS accurate to say they are basically just scary telekinesis. what i'm saying is you've got to have some skin in the game
ghouls are a drain on resources because they eat corpses. skeletal wolves, though? Once you tame them, you're set. what i'm saying is you've got to give a dog a bone
eevee should have a normal type evolution called eeveevee and it's just an eevee but bigger and floofier
great news op
GET IN THE CANNON
eevee should have a normal type evolution called eeveevee and it's just an eevee but bigger and floofier
great news op
when it takes you a while to process what someone is saying and you realize they asked you a question
I cannot fucking believe I am drunk, past midnight, and tumblr is throwing fucking saturated fatty-acids at me
Listen here friendo I didn’t sit through a year of organic chemistry for you to come into my house and call a carboxylic acid a saturated fatty acid you respect that hexadecanoic acid
And I didnt get a degree in biochemistry to hear you say that carboxylic acids with aliphatic chains arent fatty acids. That hexadecanoic acid IS a saturated fatty acid!
when i was a kid i decided that killing people was bad therefore war was bad therefore the military was evil. and adults would tell me it's more nuanced than that and i would understand when i grew up. well i'm a grown up now and idk i still think that killing people is bad and war is bad and the military is evil
Remember in 2010 when Taio Cruz said "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes"? I appreciated his restraint. You can't just throw your hands up in the air whenever. There's a time and a place, and that time was 2010, and the place was the club.
“you support gay rights so you must be gay”
i support animal rights do i look like a fucking alpaca to you
turns out i am gay
holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type
Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!
he was a llama
a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!
pov you are sent to hell
They grow grants there like rhubarb
actively cannot believe this is the most visceral reaction we got (shown) in response to this absolute fucking nightmare just Being there, Waiting for you behind That Door.
Dogs serve as a kind of virtue eater for Americans to pour all of their kindness into without the risk of improving society or being nice to someone with any agency
(In a Werner Herzog voice) The perpetual references to Lassie in popular culture, an archetypal savior of the family and its children, positions the dog as an enforcer of the status quo. Beneath those watery irises is an endeavor to sequester the latent kindnesses of society into a furry, lovable vessel rather than allow individuals to direct it towards each other. Lassie is an evil, borne from our innate cowardice towards the prospect interacting with one's fellow man. Perhaps it is easier for the American to die than to reach out a hand in fellowship. Under the prevalence of canines, cruelty is a preferential morality.
[footage of police dogs is shown over the last few sentences]
in zis sense, we arr all little timmy, down hiz well
“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?
a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war
goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me
CAUSE I DON'T LIKE THAT THEY JUST EAT SAND
AND IF I CANNOT WALK IN A RHYTHM
I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE FELT BY THEM
Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake
We could have been eating him
vader every time he came across 3po and r2 during the war probably