literally shut up im not crying.
artist - @marceline2174 (tumblr - twitter - IG)

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@m00se-nuggets
literally shut up im not crying.
artist - @marceline2174 (tumblr - twitter - IG)
i have this writing style i like to call “uncertain.” it’s where the narrator isn’t really sure what they’re talking about either
That is so powerful and I want to write a short story in this style now thank you
“the park had been there for as long as i’d lived there, i think. i couldn’t be sure. i was never one to go to the park anyway” nobody has any clue what’s going on
self aware unreliable narrator
#the only puppet show
just saw “this show is bad because nobody will write fanfiction about this character of color” placed as a legitimate take. i don’t say this often but…..please go outside.
please say sike
I ain’t watching anything I can’t ship the characters of either tbqh
entertainment nowadays is shit
at least the shipping somewhat engages me
Please go outside.
Oh look, another edgy post about how allegedly shippers are the origin of all evil in the world.
It’s not guns, it’s not capitalism, it’s not the complete lack of compassion between humans. No, it’s queer women thinking one character would be cute romancing another character.
what are you talking about
Male writers writing female characters:
“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”
me_irl
Podcast where every week someone different interviews me, and if they ask something I've answered before, they get Nickelodeon slimed, so episode one is like, "Where are you from? What's your favorite color?" but episode one-hundred is like, "How many birds would you estimate you saw on the family vacation to Yellowstone you took when you were seven?" and they still get slimed.
This post is only mildly funny by virtue of the fact that it takes place in a world where I'm capable of answering questions.
if I had a wrestling persona they would be part demon part pharmacist and their name would be DVS (like CVS but pronounced Devious) and their catchphrase would be Welcome To The Harmacy
Every time I see a post about updog I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help the poster complete their joke.
okay but what’s updog ?
Updog is a long sausage in a bun often served with ketchup, mustard, onion e, and/or relish.
No, that’s a hotdog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released
You’re thinking of update. Updog is when you end a sentence with a rising intonation.
No, that’s uptalk. You’re thinking of the fourth-largest city in Sweden.
surely that’s Uppsala, whereas Updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs
You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
no that’s an updraft
updog isn’t a noun at all, it’s a verb; it basically means to chew someone out, or harshly lecture them
No, that’s upbraid. An updog is a small dog that likes cuddling on people’s laps.
No that’s a puppydog. An updog is when the Mets win.
No that’s an upset. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
What’s a henway?
Oh, about 5 pounds.
GOTTEM
this post pushed me down the stairs and stole my firstborn child
A little update to this since I’ve been told the Romanian version and it is just terrific.
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going from “today is a good day” to “i hate my life” takes me approximately 2.6 seconds
op can we please talk
all i know about female gamers is that they want to be topped by a character named c/kassandra
you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life
New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.
“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.
Day 24093 This is my house. I won’t allow anyone to harm it. There should have been no more intruders after the last one. I do not want these people here. They will leave-
Day 24095 They are siblings. They are loud. Always singing and talking and stomping. As if they must be louder than anything else.
Day 24106 There are bolts on the door now. Bolts and hideous, gaudy new locks. How dare they-
Night 24112 I was going to fill the night with terrors. But he woke up screaming before I began. She came running from the other room. They sleep right across the hall from each other, with the doors on a crack. …they are young, are they not, to be living on their own. Was I ever so young?
Day 24129 She has fixed the squeak in the door at the top of the stairs. It never squeaked when I still lived.
Day 24121 The noise of the doorbell scares them. But they get so many deliveries. It is a good bell. It has worked all these years- I can see one of the men coming now with his packages, trudging up to the door. …perhaps if I knock before he is here, they will come and look before he can sound the bell.
Day 24114 He is planting flowers in boxes on my windowsills. I always wished I could have some flowers.
Night 24137 She is afraid of the dark. I could see it in her eyes when she got out of bed. …I lit the lamps for her.
Day 24142 They have moved the couch to the sun spot a little to the right of the window. That is where I used to have my armchair. It is the only sensible place for it.
Day 24163 Sometimes the noises of the world are suddenly too much for him. He winces and tries not to sway his head. This is my house. …I can keep it calm and quiet for a while.
Day 24178 She just got a phone call and now they are both laughing. Laughter is a good sound, isn’t it. They said this house has been good luck…
Night 24205 They are singing in our kitchen. He found my cookbook in the gap at the back of the kitchen cabinet and now they are trying to cook. They wanted to start with the soufflé. They don’t even know how to make béchamel! I turned the page to the casserole instead.
Day 24236 This is my house. These are my boarders. I won’t allow anyone to harm them.
Saw someone say the USPS is the largest employer of veterans in the country and I think this is the tactic we should take for all political conversations. You want to privatize the postal service, you hate vets. You don't want universal healthcare? Why are you disrespecting cops
Oh you want strong voting restrictions and fewer polling places? You want to make it harder for AMERICANS to exercise their God-given, constitutional right to VOTE? What are you, a fucking commie?
Russian psyops have been spreading fake news about how raising the minimum wage would be bad for the economy. Do NOT listen to this propaganda, they want us Americans to be weak and exhausted so that they can invade us with greater ease,
Build a wall? So communists can make it easier to lock us in and brainwash our children? Yeah, Paul sounds totally safe!