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Smiler | He/Bun | General mental illness blog. not discourse free.

[m4d-pr1de]

its not like I would want an ID diagnosis on my record even, not in this hellscape, but it would be nice to be able to go "im not just a dumb stupid idiot who is being willingly obtuse" when i dont understand something that everyone else seems to get perfectly. I dont know. it would be nice to be able to say "I need you to walk me through (seemingly simple action) step-by-step because I have a disability"

[m4d-pr1de]

attempting to figure out if I have an intellectual disability is so frustrating. I hate the "mental age" bullshit and I hate that the symptoms I do have line up with autism and even though these two things have HUGE overlap and yknow. are frequently comorbid etc etc my brain is like "well youre not ACTUALLY intellectually disabled youre just autistic and also just looking for excuses for being lazy"

I always chicken out of looking deeper into this stuff bc im scared im Pretending and looking for excuses to just be lazy and actually if I WAS intellectually disabled I would have been diagnosed as a kid or otherwise have already known about it and ughhhggg

[m4d-pr1de]

gonna be working on some exposure therapy soon I hope... I would have done it a few days ago but I woke up feeling extremely sick and disoriented that morning and we had to reschedule...

[ocdiary-deactivated20241019]

very niche question to the OCD community, do any of you have low empathy mixed with moral OCD?

I don't feel empathy very often and usually it is over minor mundane things, but when it comes to major world events my empathy is very low and I struggle to connect to other peoples pain no matter how horrendous, or feel that pain myself even if I have been in a similar situation.

I can feel compassion, but not empathy for the most part, even when it comes to my closest friends. I am happy to help but I do it out of a sense of 'that's a good thing to do and I would want them to do that for me' rather than it coming naturally to me.

Yet all my life I have had moral OCD where I panic that God is disappointed in me, that I am sinning, studying philosophy to work out if I am an ethical person, working myself up into panic attacks about not being able to 'fix' the world and feeling like it is my sole responsibility etc.

This doesn't come from a place of empathy but more so a crushing responsibility to 'right a wrong', does anyone else experience this?

I feel like the assumption is those with high empathy are more prone to moral OCD but i want to see if that is true.

[kittydragondraws]

Having autism and ocd be like:

"I'm ableist by glancing at a person in a wheelchair for five seconds but I'm also ableist by going out of my way to avoid looking at them"

[m4d-pr1de]

do other people with moral ocd get like. genuinely anxious and nervous when they make OCs / write fan content for characters that are not part of your culture bc your brain alternates between stuff like "making them speak (language connected with culture) is stereotypical because of (x reason) and therefore you're racist and horrible and bigoted" and "if you don't make them do (x thing connected to culture) then you're erasing their heritage and being racist and horrible and bigoted"

i cant win!!!! no matter what i do i feel like im either overstepping and Stereotyping or Not Doing Enough and contributing to erasure!!!!

its gotten so bad that i genuinely get nauseous with fear just looking things up because my brain screams at me that i should know Everything Already and the fact that i don't means that i'm, you guessed it, horrible and bigoted!!!!!!

[m4d-pr1de]

does anyone else get these sudden flashes of fear when you're tagging posts that the order of what you tag somehow determines how important you find that particular subject?

I tag my posts in order of train of thought. if I think abt it first, it's the first tag. if I think abt another thing after that, it's the second, etc etc

but lately I've begun to fear that when I do that for posts that are about important issues, the tag I think of last is the one I actually secretly think is Less Bad or Less Important than the others.

and!! recently this has evolved into "if I reblog this fandom post and tag the female character(s) last, it means I hate women and am contributing to misogyny in fandom spaces." so. that's a fun new twist, I suppose

[em3rg3ncy-backup-deactivated202]

people on tumblr be like “I’m going to create an environment that is so bad for people with OCD”

[em3rg3ncy-backup-deactivated202]

I’ve talked about this before, but some of the hot takes on this website sound identical to the intrusive thoughts I have at 4 in the fucking morning, so do with that information what you will

[em3rg3ncy-backup-deactivated202]

“you are a bad person if you don’t have this exact opinion about this minute detail”. maybe you should shut the hell up

[em3rg3ncy-backup-deactivated202]

“you’re a bad person if…”

“you’re not evil if you do x, it’s actually y that makes you a bad person!”

“if you don’t do x, something horrible will happen!”

stop it. you do not need to make arguments in this way, you really don’t. my OCD ass is struggling here

[writing-disordered-thoughts]

hey, let me explain!

the “obsessive” part of “obsessive compulsive disorder” refers to the OCD brain’s tendency to get into obsessive thought spirals. these are triggered by intrusive thoughts. one of the most common “themes” in OCD is morality (a fear of being a bad person)

when a website is full of accusations that you’re a bad person, it’s really hard for that to not become an obsessive thought spiral. if I am constantly made to feel like I’m evil if I don’t reblog a post, that’s not a long way off from my brain telling me that I’m evil if I don’t complete a compulsion

TLDR; OCD is really good at making someone feel like they’re secretly evil, and being accused of being a bad person makes that worse

[accessibleaesthetics]

[image Description: Screenshot of tags reading: #i'm not seeing how this relates to ocd #probably bc i don't have ocd #but either way I agree #these arguments are nothing but manipulative guilt tripping bullshit. End Image Description.]

[m4d-pr1de]

I think the worst part abt OCD intrusive thoughts treatment is the fact that to get ur intrusive thoughts to be less upsetting to you, you need to just. let them be.

which would be easier if my moral ocd didn't equate "letting [my] intrusive thoughts pass by not immediately trying to force it out of my mind" with "embracing [my] fucked up thoughts"

[m4d-pr1de]

what the fuck is happening in the DID tags

[defectivegembrain]

Magical thinking is a liar the outcomes of things you care about are not determined by your thoughts or whether you happen to read a specific word or whether you touched x object when it was a specific time or any other ritualistic crap

[crippleculture]

[m4d-pr1de]

something that I'm glad was (for the most part) left behind in the 2010s era of Tumblr is the popularity of reblog bait posts, specifically the ones that were like "Reblog if you think that trans people are real I'm trying to prove a point to my family" esp when they got popular and ppl started to add on stuff like "this post must be reblogged by everyone" or "if you don't reblog this I'm side-eyeing you"

I see it sometimes nowadays too, but those posts aren't usually filled with people adding on Reblog Or Else threats, and people are also calling it out more.

because apart from the absurdity of a queerphobic family suddenly swaying their opinions on the lgbt community based on a single post on a blogging site getting a lot of notes, its also just really fucking bad for ppl with ocd / moral scrupulosity!!!

[warcrimesimulator]

[allmightyidiot-deactivated20240]

Will you dense motherfuckers please get your disgusting proship bullshit out of the OCD support tags? You defending disgusting behavior and the sexualization of media for children (plus more) is more triggering for my OCD than people who realize it isn't normal to want to depict things that I cannot and will not describe for my own health and sanity. Please get your stupid proship discourse out of the goddamn tags and stop using OCD sufferers as tokens for your bullshit. I hate you all and I hate this website. Fuck you.

[m4d-pr1de]

yeah u 'support neurodivergent people' but are u normal about people with POCD? do you understand what the disorder is or do you think it's just another word for pedophile?

do you actually support neurodivergent people when their symptoms aren't easy to talk about or are you just saying you do because that's what everyone else is doing?

proship dni.

[princessbriarrose]

i am at my limit with these proshippers in the POCD support tags saying that anti's are harming people with POCD and they mix in purity culture. i'm sorry that you feel like you have to justify your sick perversions by saying "oh i have POCD this helps me!" when i have to deal with nightmares about me hurting a child like i was hurt, even going into normal fandom spaces i'm seeing more and more of proshipping being accepted and it sickens me. you are romantizing, drawing and writing about some of the worse abuse in the world and exposing victims to it who are going into these spaces to escape like i am. its hard for people with OCD to come forward with it cause you hear these things like "oh OCD is a blessing!" or "oh i'm so OCD cause i like to keep a clean living space" THAT ISN'T OCD. OCD IS INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT IF YOUR GOING TO DIE OR IF YOUR SECRETLY THE WORLDS WORSE DEGENRATE CAUSE OF THE SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE A DEFENSELESS CHILD! normally i don't post about my mental health or the general problem with online mental health help but i'm at my limit! proshippers can suck a big fat cock i don't care if they harass me, look at yourself in the mirror and think about what you are truly supporting.