nothing's ever that serious, choose peace

she/her, 22

[snowsmoked]

A list of things where Ilya and Shane are not compatible and how they compromise.

Shane is messy in the kitchen (cleans everything after), Ilya cleans as he goes. This causes problems when they cook together. 'where is my measuring cup?' 'in the dishwasher'. They compromise with designated counter space

They have very different workout music. They keep headphones in the gym and don't play music on the gym Alexa if the other one is also there.

Shane doesn't really care about wasting food. Even though Ilya did not grow up poor, wasting food was a big no-go at home and it still makes him anxious when Shane throws away a full box of granola bars because he 'didn't like it'. Shane will now set anything that is not expired to the side for Ilya to either claim as his or take to their community pantry.

Shane does not like dog hair everywhere. Ilya takes Anya to be fully brushed out at her groomers once a week and bathed at least once a month.

Ilya loves to fall asleep to the sound of a TV going. Shane hates it and can barely sleep with a TV running. They buy a TV with a cut-off timer so if Ilya feels the need to fall asleep with it on, it will shut itself off by 11:00pm.

Shane is a front seat driver. This irritates Ilya to no end. Its a constant stream of, 'you need to be in the right lane, get in front of this car, why are you going down Central Street, Clearwater is faster, the speed limit is 55 here'. So Shane drives most the time and Ilya gets to pick the music.

Shane is a sore loser at video games. Ilya does not care, which makes Shane more upset. They tried to play Fortnight once (on the twins' suggestion) and Ilya got them both killed because he wouldn't stop fucking around with that stupid fucking dumpster tunnel and got us fucking killed. Ilya buys some less competitive games, but that kind of backfires, too. Shane, with a smug fucking grin asked him the other day, my island is already paid off. What's your loan at?

The both think their way of loading the dishwasher is the correct one.

Ilya is not good about communicating when something upsets him. He gets quiet and short with Shane and will say 'I'm fine' when he isn't. Shane learns to give him a couple hours of no questions or talking and Ilya will be able to decompress and come around.

Ilya will rearrange rooms sometimes without consulting Shane. Or, he'll buy something for the house without consulting Shane. 'What is this?' 'New fridge.' 'But I liked our old fridge.' 'Okay but this is an upgrade.' Ilya works on communicating better before making those kinds of decisions.

All in all, they are very compatible. But still, every relationship has its littles quirks and both of them are more than willing to find compromises to make each other as happy and comfortable as possible.

[talking-fox-actual-deactivated2]

I upset a few people in my intro to western philosophy class with this one.

[missouriangothic]

[furbearingbrick]

[freelyunder]

[lioinsurreality]

They should start making Mamdani appear in every Marvel movie the way Stan Lee did

[afterblossom]

Morning Stars ✨

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[womanaction]

one of the best sentences I've read on Wikipedia

[utopians]

I consider myself a real hater but sometimes you really do go too far with haterism. once I had to break mutuals with someone bc they hated the entire art form of poetry and the final straw was when they started hateposting about soup. The food

[hottestthingalive]

hi op. every time I see this post I hear it in her voice

[wannabetonthat]

was your mutual fucking Mafalda?

[whatthebodygraspsnot]

out and married hollanov having drinks at a non-hockey friend's house. maybe shane's old stylist who he really got along with and then her friend group absorbed him, which in turn meant they absorbed ilya.

anyway they're all sitting around a fire pit having cunty little cocktails or smth and just enough has been consumed that the convo turns scandalous. someone (we'll say his stylist) is waxing poetic about her gorgeous new fwb and their equally gorgeous friend and says "that's a sandwich i'd love to be the jelly in."

and shane - tipsy but ever present - his ears sort of perk up puppy style across the fire like, "sandwich...?"

which inspires this whole conversation about handsy threesomes. and shane's gonna be honest, in theory that sounds hot. he's had his fair share of late-night jerk offs around the idea, don't get him wrong. but he's got ilya locked down - he's not sniffing around for a third. the concept, however...the physical sensation of being caught between two hot sweaty dudes? yeah that's juuuust enough to get him zoning out into the fire, tipsy mind having a field day filled with sweaty muscles and tight, delicious pressure crowding him in on all sides.

ilya recognizes this look in an instant, of course. he's sitting right next to him after all. "making your imaginary sandwich in front of your husband..." he tsks, but it's all in good fun. he's obviously very interested, just like everyone else who has tuned into the convo because shane's kinda-

"panini..."

"what?"

"meat in a panini," he drowsily explains, in what he thinks is a perfect and impressively cohesive explanation of the image in his head right now. "absolutely fuckin' crushed..."

ilya can't even pretend to be surprised because he knows his man. and his needs. and his frequent desires to be smashed into oblivion under ilya's full weight. not even fucking him, most times. just squeezing him. pressure for pressure's sake. "ah... of course." this makes perfect sense. even if the rest of the group doesn't seem to be following. "and who is bread for your meat, my panini?"

that gets a couple giggles, but shane is fucking locked in, brother. like he's making plans already. "well you, obviously."

"obviously." okay thank god. "and who else?" he's reaching out to run his fingers through the back of his husband's hair while he speaks. "who will help me keep you still? maybe bood would if we-"

"marleau."

ilya pauses. blinks. "what?"

"cliff marleau," shane says. as if ilya is seeking clarification on which marleau is being discussed and like-...

ilya tilts his head and it's a little judgy. he knows. like the careful tone he carries with what he says next but like...hello? "sweetheart, cliff marleau fractured your collarbone and put you in hospital..."

and shane, god love him, he's just sitting there with this dreamy, almost blissed out haze over his eyes as his mind wanders. "exaaactly..."

[lavenderprose]

I hope Connors got climbed like a fucking tree that night in the club God look at his cute fucking face. I think as a little treat for him I'm going to institute a headcanon wherein Connors pulls just INCONCIEVABLE amounts of pussy just by being so fucking earnest and having that funky little mustache. He walks into the locker room and Ilya is like "Connie! Did you take that girl home last night?" And Connors is like, "Oh dude you know I did." And Ilya daps him up and calls him a king and someone is like "Okay I understand Rozanov, he's like objectively hot and he's rich, but Connors I just don't get," and Ilya turns to that guy and says, "Of course you fucking wouldn't, when was the last time you ate pussy," and the other guys just all groan because here we go again...

There's a separate groupchat that someone accidentally added Cliff to and in that group chat someone is like "Hey does anyone else think it's super weird that Cap and Connors talk about eating pussy like all the time. Like they've gotta be capping. Or compensating for something. Like, nobody actually likes eating pussy like that."

"Hate to break it to you," Cliff tells them the next time they're all hanging out at Ilya's place, "But the boys put their heads together and now they think you're both gay for liking pussy too much."

Ilya rolls off the couch laughing. Connors says, "Fellas, if it's gay to eat pussy they're gonna have to put a new color on the rainbow just for me" and then won't stop saying it for the next week.

Ilya laughs every time, mostly because at least half the times he's mentioned going down on someone in the last two years he's actually been talking about Shane Hollander's ass.

[gaylor-moon]

An autistic man with a special interest in the Harry Potter series has made the decision to value the lives and dignity of his trans friends more than a book about a wizard who grows up to be a cop, leaving you with no excuse whatsoever to keep wearing that Hufflepuff scarf, sources have reported.

Jack Harrington, 38, grew up reading the popular children’s stories, and soon developed an intense fascination with the world of the books, including knowing all about the suspiciously depicted money-hungry goblins, and that one time it was revealed that slavery is commonplace and accepted in the wizarding world.

In spite of this, however, Harrington has recently worked to redirect his interest towards media created by someone less troublingly focused on his friends’ genitalia.

“It was hard to do,” Harrington said. “I really love collecting things, and there’s so much merchandise to collect! But once I realised that it’s possible to collect things in a way that doesn’t make it harder for my mates to go for a piss when out and about, it really was a no-brainer.”

At the time of publication, Harrington was marvelling at the sheer amount of fiction available in the world that doesn’t actively contribute to material harm, and questioning whether you specifically really need that copy of Hogwarts Legacy for your PS5.

[soulakuarian]

[theworsethingsgettheharderifight]

[bi-shop]

we are so excited to announce that we will be opening the Children's Pizza Restaurant from the hit horror game franchise There's Murders At This Children's Pizza Restaurant

[penandinkprincess]

obviously we have the montage of shane getting ready so we know yuna wasn't in his room with him before the first hookup, but i am laughing about the idea of shane stressed as FUCK trying to get his mom out of the room after she stopped by to go over a new brand deal with him.

watching the clock and SWEATING because he doesn't have rozanov's number atp obviously so he can't text "HEY MY MOM IS HERE. CANCEL IT. CANCEL IT ALL. DO NOT COME UP HERE.", but yuna can read that Something is up with shane, so she's even less likely to want to leave him, so she's actually stretching this out LONGER trying to figure out if shane is just really nervous about this new brand or something and honey, did someone say something today? do i need to kill someone?

and shane is pulling out EVERY ounce of deception he has never consciously had to use on his mom before to just get her OUT. he doesn't even have time to fuck around with his outfit because he needs her to GO. in a moment of ABSOLUTE fucking desperation he says he feels sick and retreats to the bathroom and pours some water in the toilet so it sounds like he's puking, but he WAY overshot this one because now no WAY is she leaving.

which means ilya still knocks on the door.

and it's YUNA who answers.

ilya's whole body takes a screenshot.

and shane in the bathroom atp heard the door open, so he almost hits himself in the face with the bathroom door trying to get out and do...

what, exactly?

so they're now in this WILD three way standoff, and yuna is being polite about it but is clearly 'what the FUCK are you doing here?' and shane genuinely for a moment thinks his mom is about to find out that he was not only about to have sex, but he was about to have GAY SEX.

nope.

"sorry, i forgot i asked if he wanted to come up later and watch the game"

"what game is on tonight?"

*shane aol dial-up noises*

ilya jumping in because oops guess this is a group project now, taking a WILD swing in the dark based on something that was on a tv in a bar he snuck into a couple of weeks ago: "uh, cars. car racing."

"you two are going to watch...nascar?"

ilya, has never heard the word nascar in his life: "yes. sounds very interesting. i love...nascars."

yuna ends up leaving the room so they can...watch?? nascar???....but also shane has never been less turned on in his fucking LIFE.

they actually do end up talking because now shane is paranoid his mom is going to be in the hall watching and waiting to catch him in a lie, and the more nervous he gets about it, the more lowkey ilya is worrying about it, too, so they do actually end up spending a chunk of time together.

and it actually?? ends with them talking to each other?? and finding out they actually LIKE talking to each other???

[penandinkprincess]

GOD yuna doing a little bit of research on nascar because she wants to support shane's interests and bond with him (even if she's??? a little thrown???? by this?? but okay?? he's trying out adulthood and getting to explore things beyond being a teenager at home. okay.)

but now shane is trapped in pretending to like nascar because his mom asked how watching it with rozanov was, and he's like, "...really fun! yeah, it was exciting. they, um, they go really fast."

now shane who doesn't give a FUCK about cars beyond Thing That Takes Me Places is stuck in summer watching fucking nascar with his mom. and david clocks that shane isn't into it, but he figures that maybe yuna? has found an interest in it after the topic came up? so shane is bonding with her over that? aw, how sweet.

yuna teasing him about danica patrick being too old for him so don't get any ideas, and shane is just How Did This Happen To Me.

poor guy just wanted to explore gay sex and now he's doing a photo op in jimmie johnson's car???

save him.

[noctuathene]

one of the centaurs' favorite games to play is called Catch Troy. the rules are simple: whenever Troy, who is both Short and Fast zooms by, they try to simply grab him and pick him up mid-zoom by. however, he is well aware of their intentions and he will be actively trying to dodge them. if they successfully grab him and pick him up- and this must be witnessed by one or more other players- they get a point. points reset at the end of every month.

the game is not without risk, he WILL be kicking and he has occasionally been known to bite

[lokaror]

GOUGAR CLAIMS COOL ROCK

[ubersaur]

God forbid women do anything

[justpastsaturn]

She had a good time, too

[werewolf-transgenderism]

oh my god I just saw the cutest thing in the world. little Black girl with beads in her hair for the first day of school and the beads were pink then silver then a bunch of yellow then beige then grey to make them look like pencils 🥺🥺🥺 brb I will draw an artist’s rendition

[werewolf-transgenderism]

^ like this. waaaaaugh 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[freakoutgirl]

when the conversation is women talking about how much weight they want to lose or what cosmetic surgeries they would get done