(ง •̀_•́)ง

[meowthiroth]

[semiotician]

bro LMFAOOOO

[caterwauljirachi]

[omtai]

How do they choose which sand to be the glass and which sand to be the sand in an hourglass... Imagine you and your best friend were two grains of sand and you had to be in the hourglass and your bestie had to be the glass. Ur together but youve never been more apart. A Sick and twisted practice hourglassery is...

[omtai]

This was me off 1 chocolate croissant

[spazzdhn]

[frogkenny]

I FOUND IT GUYS I SPENT HALF AN HOUR LOOKING FOR THIS VIDEO AND ITS HERE

[tristikov]

Always reblog peent.

[videodromefag]

*before clicking play*: IS THIS WHAT i THINK IT IS???

*clicks play*: IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[rgr-pop]

omg!! omg

[ladimcbeth]

Forever reblog.

[thegreenwolf]

Heaven let your eent shine down.

[kosmogrl]

hey, we’ll be ok

[apocryphics]

oh ok

[gorps]

[ratguzzler-deactivated20181213]

i am tall enough that when i stand up in a public restroom i can see over the top of the stall door and stare myself in the eyes through the mirror reflection. i dislike this because it reminds me that i am in there, and by that i mean both my human body and the public restroom

[ratguzzler-deactivated20181213]

[woodrider]

Banishment is the funniest punishment I can think of. Just get out of here

[bidiotka]

tag yourself as the clients i’ve talked to while working as a telemarketer

the guy who told me ‘i can’t talk right now i’m at the stables and i’m being attacked by a horse’ and promptly hang up

the guy who, after being asked if he had the time to listen to my offer, replied with ‘i’m at a funeral right now. but i mean… yeah fine lets do it’

the lady who told me she couldn’t talk because she’d just cooked an egg and she wanted to eat it while it was still warm

the dude who was like ‘god i have so much money i dont know what to do with them’

the poor secretary who told me i couldn’t speak to the doctor i was trying to reach because he’d been fired 13 years ago

the man who literally gave me a 12 minute monologue on why capitalism is fucked up 

the woman who finished the call with me, a random bank consultant, with ‘okay bye i love you’

the guy who kept replying in russian to everything i said

the guy whose email address was [email protected]

the customer whom i accidentally called mr sausage

the guy whose outgoing voicemail was ‘mmmmmm this yoghurt be YUMMY’

the client who replied to my offer of increasing his credit card limit with ‘no, i’m too stupid for that’

[yassmines]

im honestly abt to cry it feels likr this tiktok was ripped out of my personal nightmares

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[eldritchscholar]

#this is how the economy should function

[tikkety-tok]

[famosoentrescalles]

[batsdotjpg]

[manrippedapartbydogs]

[an-american-whore]

The electronic signs outside of family owned seafood restaurants

[competitiveeatingfortheelderly]

[battybatty]

Date a guy who opens your jars and wine bottles for you

[futurefantastic]

“please. please stop opening all my jars and wine bottles. I’m not ready for them yet. you’re just letting it all go bad. my whole house smells like wine and pickles and I can’t live like this”

[hustlerose]

monkeys that have tails are so fucked up and scary they’re like the worst animals by far 

[hustlerose]

i feel like christ on the fucking cross on this site