SELLING ILLEGAL TOUCAN SOULS

don’t you dare talk to me

[b1tchcup]

my favorite tweet ever. Every time I go to find it I’m blown away by how few retweets it has

[nutongzhi]

[senatortedcruz]

I am in fucking tears

[oswednesday]

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the trims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me

[dailycatsblog]

[jackkdaniels]

when i was a kid i decided that killing people was bad therefore war was bad therefore the military was evil. and adults would tell me it's more nuanced than that and i would understand when i grew up. well i'm a grown up now and idk i still think that killing people is bad and war is bad and the military is evil

[cowboy]

this girl must have pussy like a pizza bc Everytime she fucks me I have little seizures

[chilewithcarnage]

[only-cat-memes]

[maylilithreign]

can't leave that in the notes 😂

[balaclava-trismegistus]

ok.

[balaclava-trismegistus]

does anybody else feel like we're in an era of unprecedented misogyny and everybody's just kinda trying their damnedest to not think about it, often by engaging with it entirely uncritically? or have I become too isolated and weird

[balaclava-trismegistus]

Ok so the first one. got it.

[portaltomb]

this lettuce smells like dog

[iamoutofideas]

you bought dog lettuce

[swarnpert]

[captain-price-returns]

interesting rationale from a prospective juror in the Elon Musk Twitter stock manipulation case

[kibumkim]

The patriarchy won lmao

[disgracedmilfman]

Evergreen

[animentality]

[smokefuneral-deactivated2015020]

this girl ate only purple go-gurt for 10 years of her life and this is what happened.

Slurp on my ‘gurt.

Cause you know its purp.

Put me in the dirt.

Put me in a shirt.

[3000s]

[thriron]

[ooppo]

At this point it's more disappointing than shocking that not a single assassin in the states can aim a fucking gun

[ooppo]

Not fucking really

[cpericardium]

hey everyone "I" have something to show "you"

[cpericardium]

[cpericardium]