Megabekatron

Recipes and cooking advice.

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Puy Lentil Hash

This is a recipe taken from Waitrose (with a few changes), it is a great way to use up a few things out the fridge and get a load of veg down your neck without you feeling hungry or that you have had a rubbish tea, which is how I always feel after a salad for ma tea. There is nothing worse than a disappointing tea/dinner. (Yeah, yeah wars and death and famine I know.) 

My version differs from Waitrose because… number 1, I don’t like butternut squash, I think it is weird, 2 - I use a tin of precooked puy lentils to make this a quicker mid-week tea. And because I am lazy, and 3, I shove in other bits of veg that I usually have that need eating up.

This is a pretty quick recipe once you have got the sweet potato cooked, so have all your ingredients ready to go.

If you need a veggie tea (dinner to anyone who isn't northern) then leave out the ham, it is still really good, also this is great for dinner (lunch to southerners) the next day. I think I have also done this with left over beef before now. 

My recipe feeds 2 hungry people or maybe 3. Use the spare portion for lunch the next day.

Serves 2-3

Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time: 35mins

1 medium sized sweet potato

1 sprig of fresh rosemary

1 tin of puy lentils (400g) (Merchant Gourmet Puy Lentils)

1 small onion, finely chopped

1 tbsp dijon mustard

100ml Single Cream

180g of ham ends (get these at the deli counter, they don’t have them on show you have to ask) chopped up in to cubes

25g (or 2 handfuls) sunflower seeds or pumpkin seeds (not pine nuts, it doesn't work, I tried it.)

20g parsley, chopped

4-5 chestnut mushrooms, sliced

1 clove of garlic, finely chopped

2-3 leaves of savoy cabbage sliced up with the storkes cut out or a few handfuls of spinach

 Preheat the oven to 180C fan, gas mark 6. Peel and chop up your sweet potato. If you have time then par boil first/ drain and then shove it in the baking tray, if you are hungry just skip it and get it in a baking tray with a slosh of olive oil and the rosemary. Roast for 20-30 mins giving it a little turn half way through. The smaller you cut the sweet potato the quicker it will cook…

Open and drain your tin of pre-cooked puy lentils. They are a bit salty so give them a rinse in a sieve with cold water and put them on the side. If you want to use puy lentils from a box, see the original recipe.

 In a nice big frying pan (low heat) chuck in the onion (a little salt to help soften it) and garlic until soft but not coloured, then add the mushrooms (medium heat for the mushrooms and for the rest), and get a little colour on the mushrooms, nothing worse than slimy mushrooms. I usually add a little butter now just to help them along. Add the cabbage or spinach if you are adding them. Stir it all around until the cabbage or spinach is just cooked or wilting.

 Now pretty quickly add your cream and mustard (stir it) then the lentils, ham cubes and sweet potato. Let it simmer and then turn the heat down or all your cream will disappear (it’s gonna anyway as the potatoes will suck it up) give it all a really good stir and season.  Give it a taste just to make sure the lentils are heated through.

 Get your plates or bowls out ready - then add the chopped parsley and seeds to the pan. One more stir and then slop it in to a bowl to shovel in to your face. YEAH VEG! (And a tiny bit of ham).  

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Gluten Free Fish And Chips (a love letter to beef dripping).

I have lived in London for 11 years and not once in those 11 years have I ever had decent fish and chips. I don’t know what they do to their fish and chips - I do, they cook them in oil, leave the skin on and buy the saddest grey-est fish they can – but I wish someone would get all ‘gourmet’ and ‘next level’ about fish and chips, like everyone is for burgers at the moment, and open some decent chip shops.  

Finding out I was celiac a few years ago thankfully ended the torment of eating battered fish in London and I have just been eating chips from chip shops, sad, anaemic, under cooked greasy chips.

Making fish and chips at home can sound like an arse ache and if you leave your washing in the kitchen like I did, you can maybe think it was a terrible idea, But it isn't, you will be well chuffed with yourself and everyone will appreciate the ‘treat’.

Cooking fish and chips at home is very much cooking by instinct and eye. Be safe and confident when cooking with hot fat, do testers with a sliver of fish and a small chip and adjust the heat appropriately. Take your time, don’t rush and for the love of god do not burn down your house.  Even if you bugger it up (burning the house down not withstanding), these will still be the best fish and chips you have had in London. I thoroughly recommend dribbling in bits of batter with a spoon to make scraps and having them too. (If you are from Yorkshire you will know what I am talking about.)

Cook and prep time: 1 hour, fifteen mins

Feeds: 2 (Double the recipe for 4.) 

3 oz Rice Flour*

1 Flat Teaspoon of Bicarbonate of Soda*

Salt and Pepper

2 oz Cold Water

1 Egg White, Whipped in to Firm Peaks

1 Big White Fish Fillet or 2 Small Ones – Whiting/Haddock/Pollock/Cod are all good but buy them from a fish monger not a super market if you can  

2-3 Big Floury Potatoes

2-3 Blocks of Beef Dripping – Can be found in the supermarket with the butter or a butchers. Start melting 2 blocks and see how deep it is first before adding the third block, you need to fit your fish in there so it doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan

Kitchen Towels

*If you are a normal person you can swap the rice flour for Self-Raising Flour and lose the Bicarbonate of Soda

1. Put the kettle on and peel your potatoes, slice into finger length quarters or sixths depending on how big the spuds are, the smaller they are the quicker they will cook. Put the hot water in a pan with some salt and when it is trembling put in your potatoes to par boil for about 10-15 mins depending on the size and how vigorous your water is trembling. You want to be able to get a knife point in part way, but for the potatoes to not fall apart, if in doubt, under cook. Drain in a colander and set aside to dry out.

2. If you are making proper fish and chips you need to skin your fish. If you don’t have a big pan/being frugal/like fish and chips but find them a bit too much, then I would get 1 big fillet and cut it in two or if you want ‘goujons’ again these would cook quicker and mean you can use a smaller pan. To skin a fish put a sharp knife in to the tail end so it cuts through the flesh only, then turn the knife so it is flat and facing the other end of the fish and gently move the knife in a gentle saw action until you get the skin off, if you get stuck, flip it over and pull the rest of the skin off. If a bit of fish comes free from the fillet that is OK, this is now your tester strip of fish.

3. Cut the big fillet in 2 pieces that will fit in the pan you have decided to use for frying (you want a heavy bottom pan with high sides). Put the fish on a plate with lots of kitchen roll and get the fillets dry, keep pressing down until you have got as much moisture out as possible. On a plate sprinkle some flour and season with salt and pepper and dust the fish in flour. Put your high sided pan on a low heat and dump in the blocks of dripping to melt, you need enough fat so your fish won’t stick to the bottom. Add from the third block of dripping if you need to, have more rather than less, but only if you have a high sided pan. To be on the safe side never have a pan more than 1/2 way and if you can (with a high sided pan) have it only 1/3 full of fat.

4. Turn your oven on to 100C and turn the heat on the dripping pan to medium, the fat is ready when you see a shimmer on the surface. Chuff up your chips in a colander and then pop one in the fat as a tester. When frying we are looking for a gentle yellow colour and the chips are ready when there are fewer bubbles in the pan next to the item you are frying. Gently lower 2 slotted spoonful’s of chips to the fat at a time. If you don’t have asbestos hands please be careful. When the chips are a light yellow and the bubbles have calmed down scoop them out and put them in a pyrex dish with some more kitchen roll. When you have done all the chips, turn the pan up to med/high and then repeat the process until your chips are golden. If the fat makes you nervous then put in less chips at a time. When they are all done, bung them in the oven to keep warm. Turn the heat down if you are going to make the batter now, OR get someone to make the batter while you do the chips…

5. BATTER. Gluten free batter must not be left to sit like normal batter, you want to make it and use it straight away. In a big bowl add your flour, bicarb and salt. Separate your egg and in a separate clean bowl whisk your egg white until it has firm peaks (or near as damn it). Add the water to the flour and whisk lazily, don’t listen to Delia, fish batter should have lumps in it. Add the egg white and fold that in with a spatula. You are looking for the consistency of single cream; if it is a bit too thick add a drop and only a drop of cold water. Turn the heat to medium/high on your dripping pan and let the fat heat for a few minutes. 

6. For some reason rice flour separates in liquid so take your flour dusted fillet (this helps the batter stick to the fish) and drag it through the batter, makes sure it is covered and really rub it in there. If you have a scrap of fish from when you skinned the fillet use this as a tester, fry it, let it cool and eat it to check the temperature is right. Carefully and gently lay the fillet in the pan away from you, if you are nervous use tongs. The bubbles will go mental and the batter should bubble up, when it calms down a little turn it over with some metal tongs and watch it, do not leave the pan. When the fish is floating, golden and the bubbles have died down, take it out and rest it on a baking tray over a roasting dish and pop it in the oven. Do the second fillet the same way.  

7. Get your fish on to some warm plates with your chips and serve with peas, bread and butter and a can of pop. Proper chippy tea. 

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Crunchy Flapjack With Seeds

Flapjacks, to me, have always had a crunch. Pale and soft cakey flapjacks do not interest me yet I find they are the norm if you buy a flapjack in a shop or coffee shop.

I have no problem using my teeth and I like a mix of textures with my flapjacks with the slightly caramel crust and the soft centre.

Maybe I am wrong and everyone else is right but this is my Gran's recipe and what I know so if you don’t like a crunch in yer jack this isn't for you.

Don’t be frightened by the butter and sugar quantities, believe it or not I have reduced these from my Gran's original recipe and then added in the seeds and honey, ‘cos seeds cancel out the butter and makes it healthy right? Either way if you want energy, these flapjacks will give you energy. If you eat more than three in a row you will trip your face off on sugar and butter… Perfect with a nice brew or to shove in your face as you run for the bus.

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: 12-15 mins, watch them like a hawk.

Makes: 16 finger sized flapjacks

7oz  Unsalted Butter

7oz Porridge Oats or Gluten Free Porridge Oats

3oz Brown Sugar

2oz Caster Sugar

Pinch of Salt

Squeeze of Honey

Zest of a small orange

X2 small handfuls of pumpkin seeds*

X2  small handfuls of sunflower seeds*

X1  small handful of sesame seeds*

Greaseproof paper

*You can use any seed or chopped nuts you like or have kicking about the cupboard, if have any dried fruit then shove that in too. Play about and come up with your own combination, though I would put less in than you think to start with.

  1. Put then oven on 180°C fan and get a big heavy bottomed pan and a 10.5 x 7 inch baking tray, that’s about 1-2 inches deep. Line the baking tray with grease proof paper.

2. Get your heavy bottomed pan on a low heat and dump the butter in there to slowly melt, give it a stir with a wooden spoon to help. Measure out your sugar and oats. When the butter has melted, add the sugar and keep stirring until it stops feeling grainy (you will not what I mean when you are doing it). The sugar needs to dissolve in to the butter before you add the oats, when you stop hearing and feeling the grainy sugar add in the oats, give it a good stir so everything is coated.

3. Add your pinch of salt, squeeze in a blob of honey and the handfuls of seeds/ fruit. Give it all a good stir and turn off the heat. Dump the mix on to the baking tray and smooth it out so it’s even. Shove it in the oven and lick the spoon.

4. Now this is the hardest part, watching the flapjacks. We want a caramel to hold the flapjacks together and so we have the crunch/soft centre we are after - BUT- over cooking will mean total crunch and no soft centre. After 12 mins have a look at them, they should be bubbling and have a patchy brown/ golden colour on the top, if you are nervous, turn the oven off and leave them for 2 mins in the residual heat. If they still look quite light in colour at 12 mins, hang on in there until 15mins are up. Whip them out the oven and let them cool, after a few mins lift them out of the tray on the grease proof paper and then after another 5mins cut down the centre of the oblong and then across to make 16 slim fingers. Pop them in some air tight Tupperware with kitchen paper to soak up a bit of the excess butter and they should last week. So easy you could even make them when drunk. (I have.) 

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Moroccan Spiced Shepherds Pie

Lamb is pretty expensive at the moment so I decided to use some of my favourite flavours to tart up a frugal family favourite. This is a great bit of fancy comfort food and can be frozen after it is assembled. As usual this probably could feed four if stretched with some extra vegetables, but we just scoffed it all between the two of us, mostly because we were both surprised how good it was. And we are greedy bastards. 

Anchovies are one of my favourite ingredients and I also just happened to have some in the fridge, if you don’t have any don’t worry, though they do add a special depth of flavour. Henderson’s relish (for anyone outside of Sheffield) is basically a better, Yorkshire and gluten free version of Worcester sauce. Worcester sauce is an OK alternative but if like me you are celiac then I suggest trying out Henderson’s relish. Did I mention it was from Yorkshire?

As usual I would advise buying the minced lamb from your butcher as this just adds to the great flavour and smell (as well as being cheaper in most cases than a supermarket). Also if anyone has ever poured off lamb fat without tipping the mince all over the kitchen counter, you have my respect and admiration.

Super easy and satisfying – give it a go. If you have friends having a baby I would suggest this as a ‘present’ so they have a tasty meal in the freezer on standby.

500g lean minced lamb

1 med/large white onion, finely diced

1 large carrot, finely diced

2 bay leaves

460g potatoes, peel, boil and mash them up ready to go for your topping

410g can of drained butterbeans

1 teaspoon cumin seeds

1 teaspoon of oregano

3/4 teaspoon of dried mint

2 – 4 anchovies (not essential)

Henderson’s relish (not essential)

1 teaspoon of tomato puree

400ml of water

1 lemon

1 bulb of garlic

30g of butter - plus a bit extra

Extra virgin olive oil

Salt and pepper

 Prep time: 15mins

Cook time: 1 hour

Feeds: 2 fatties or 4 people with extra veg on the side 

Heat some oil in a non-stick pan (that has a lid) on a med/low heat and add the finely diced onion and carrot, add some salt to help them both soften. When the onion starts to go translucent add the cumin seeds, oregano, mint and bay leaves. Give the veg and herbs a stir and then add in the lamb mince. Turn the heat up a little and brown the lamb.

 When your lamb mince is browned, tip out the fat in to a bowl or mug (hang on to it, we will use this fat later) and try not to tip half the mince on your kitchen counter. Good luck with that. Add in the squeeze of tomato puree and about three slugs of Henderson’s relish/ Worcester sauce. Pour in 400ml of water, turn the heat down, put the lid on and simmer for 40mins. Take the lid off after about 30mins.

While the lamb simmers, make your mash and simmer the butterbeans as per the tin’s instructions.  Drain and mash the beans up and then add them to the mashed potato, season and squeeze in the juice of 1 lemon, 30g butter and a few swirls of extra virgin olive oil. Tip in the lamb fat you poured off as this is all extra lovely lamby flavour. Give it a good stir. Put the oven on low (120Cish), cut a bulb of garlic in half width ways and put it in the oven with a little splash of oil for 15-20mins until the garlic is nice and golden.

 Take the garlic out the oven and let it cool slightly. Turn the oven up to 160C fan (180C or Gas 4). When the garlic has cooled squeeze it in to the mash, you can break up the cloves if you want or leave them as little garlic surprises to be found in the mash, your call, I went for the later.

Pour the lamb mince into an oven proof dish (approx. 26cm) and with a spoon or wooden spatula dollop on the stiff mash (the mash is quite stiff so that you can get good potato peaks on your pie, this way you get the textures of soft and crunchy mash) think more in the terms of a cobbler with big blobs that slightly connect rather than flattened mash with tiny little fork ridges. To ensure the mash turns golden add tiny blobs of butter to the potato peaks.

The pie can now be chilled and frozen for up to a month. Bake for 20-25mins (160C fan) until the top is starting to colour and the mince is bubbling through at the edges. Leave to stand for 5mins before serving.

  (To bake from frozen, cook at 160C/fan 140C/gas 3 for 1 hr-1 hr 20mins until piping hot in the centre. Flash under the grill to brown, if you like.) 

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Mighty Beef Ribs - Feeds 2 Greedy Guts

I love Beef Ribs (Short ribs or Jacobs ladder they are sometimes called), absolutely love them. Making ribs at home is easy and incredibly satisfying; it just takes a long time, these are great for weekends, mates coming round, Bonfire night, basically they are always good and everyone always loves them.

I think the thing I love about ribs is the contrast of texture between soft melty meat close to the bone and the outside crust from the long slow cooking and the wet rub. I also love the bones, don’t be shy, chew and suck on the bones, they are delicious. And finally I think my favourite thing about ribs is you have to eat them with your hands, there is no pretence there is nothing to slow me down, it is an animal need to get the meat in my face and for me good food is like good sex, if you don’t get some of it on your face, you aren't doing it properly.

This marinade would work with Pork ribs too, I recommend following the dry rub but experimenting with the wet rub to really make this recipe your own. This recipe (as you can see from the picture) is for big old ribs, if you have smaller ones then reduce the cooking time and check them more often.

2kg of Beef Ribs (big un’s)

 Dry Rub

3 tsp Ground Corriander

2 tsp Ground Cumin

1.5 tsp Ground Garlic

½ tsp Ground Ginger

2 tsp Oregano

1 oxo cube

1 tsp Mustard Powder

1.5 tsp Hot Smoked Paprika

Wet Rub

These are very specific quantities…

3 squeezes of Tomato sauce/ or part Tomato sauce part Tomato puree

1 squeeze of Honey

What is left of the Dry Rub

1 squeeze of either Balsamic Vinegar or Soy Sauce  

Other things that work in the wet rub – Sweet Chili Sauce/ Chili Jam/ Red Onion Chutney or Jam/ Oxford Sauce/ Grain Mustard

Prep time: 10mins

Cook time: 4hours – 4.30hours

 Feeds 2 

Get your oven on to 140C Fan and get your ribs out the fridge. We want the ribs at room temperature so take them out an hour before cooking.

In a bowl, chuck in all your dry rub ingredients and mix them up. Put your ribs in the biggest high sided baking tray you have and then chuck on 8/10ths of the dry rub and massage it in to every rib, every corner, over the bones and in to any little crevice you can find, try to pick up any loose bits of dry rub from the bottom of the pan with the meat.

 Sling it in the oven and try not to go out of your mind with the smell. Check on them every hour and turn them over now and then.

After about 4 hours/ 4hours 15mins check on the ribs and give them a poke they should look shrunken and a bit squashy. Take them out the oven and turn it up to 180C fan. Make your wet rub up, taste it and add some salt and pepper, if the wet rub tastes good now, it will taste good cooked, use this opportunity to make it your own. Don’t forget to include what is left of the dry rub and mix it well.

With a pastry brush paint every corner of the ribs, even the bones (if you like chewing on bones you will reap the benefit of this) be meticulous and make sure you lovingly paint every inch. If you have a good gnarly bit on the rib, paint this with extra mixture to get a really nice crunchy crust.

Put them back in a hot oven for 10-15mins, you want them a bit darkened but not black. Set them on the side to rest for 20mins, try and be patient if you can…

Get some kitchen towel and stuff your face, treat yourself to a good bottle of wine and if you want to serve them with anything, have my winter coleslaw and beef dripping chips. YOU ARE WELCOME. God now I want some ribs…

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Haggis Pie

Haggis is not just for Burns night. I will say that again as that is probably quite confusing for non Scots. Haggis is not just for Burns night.

Haggis is a tough sell, people are put off by what it is in it and it has a very strong flavour, but if you think about the current fashion to show respect to the animals we eat and the need for frugal meals, then haggis should be eaten more. Yes it has pluck in it, but that is what gives it its deep flavour and the added spices means that if you just don’t think about it, you actually have a really tasty, rich lamb dish.

I love haggis but find it quite dry with neeps and tatties so I thought I would make a ‘Shepherd’s pie’ so that it’s a bit moister. I have put a lot of mash on this pie, 1. Cos mash is awesome and 2, because haggis does have a strong flavour so the extra mash just dampens down that flavour a bit and makes it less intense for those of you who think you don’t like haggis.

Serves 4

Prep time: 10mins

Cook time: 35-40mins

825g Peeled potatoes

Haggis ( size:feeds 2-3 ) 

1 small onion

1 small/medium carrot grated

1 teaspoon of finely chopped rosemary

Beef oxo cube (if you have lamb cube – use that)

1 tablespoon of caramelised onion chutney

Big squeeze of tomato purée

200ml water

Generous splosh of Henderson’s relish or Worcestershire sauce

Oil and butter for cooking

Milk for making mash

Salt and pepper

Serve with honey and mustard parsnips (1 parsnip cut in to 4 with half a teaspoon of wholegrain mustard and 1 teaspoon of runny honey) and kale

Peel you potatoes and get them on a gentle boil. They should take about 20-30mins a few mins before you can get a knife in add the parsnips. Drain and let them steam and dry a bit.

Remove the haggis from the skin and remove the clips, chop it up a bit and put in a microwaveable bowl and microwave for 5 mins (1 min under packet instructions.)

In a frying pan with high sides, on a low/ medium heat, add your finely chopped onion, a bit of salt and grate in the carrot and soften. Add the teaspoon of rosemary and mix together. When the haggis pings, add that to the pan and stir everything together. Add the tablespoon of caramelised onion chutney and the squeeze of tomato paste, Henderson’s relish (if you’re not from Sheffield you will have no idea what I am talking about) or Worcestershire sauce and oxo cube. Mix it all together again. The mix is wet so it might stick to the bottom of the pan a bit. Don’t worry. Pour in 200ml of hot water, turn the heat up a tiny bit to medium and give it another good stir, take it off the heat and stir it to  get anything that has stuck off the bottom back in to the mix, when it’s done this put it back on the heat for a couple of minutes. Right about now you are going to look at it and think: ‘This looks pretty horrid, what the hell has she told me to make.’ Have a taste and you will see I am not completely mental. Season with salt and pepper and turn off the heat.

In a 26cm/ 1.3L dish (or as near as damn it) spoon in your haggis mix. In the potato pan pour enough milk to cover the bottom and then a bit more, turn the heat on low and put your drained potatoes in the pan. Add lots of salt and pepper and start mashing, you want stiff mash potato for the top of your pie. With a wooden spoon or fish slice dollop on your mash it to big turrets or even it out by jabbing the potato about the dish to make deep trenches, don’t smooth it and don’t use a fork, the big dents in the potato make the top crispy and that difference in texture is was makes a mash topped pie awesome. Cut up some blobs of butter and put them all over the mash.

Put the pie and the parsnips (with a bit of oil in a separate tray obvs) in the oven at 180C fan for about 30-35mins until you have a crunchy golden top. You will need to check on the parsnips and turn them half way through to paint them with the honey mustard sauce, cook for a bit and turn and paint the other side. Get your pie out and serve with your parsnips and some kale or cabbage. 

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Guilthead Bream With Jansson's Temptation.

I am pretty sure I am the first person to mention that it is a tad chilly at the moment. If you are in need of comfort and warmth then I thoroughly recommend this dinner. Though I maybe wouldn't have 2 portions of eat ups for your lunch the next day as it is quite rich… (I was hungry!)

Jansson’s Temptation (Jansson’s Frestelse) is a Swedish dish traditionally served with a smorgasbord. This dish was suggested to me by two friends of mine of Scandinavian decent, I forgot all about it until I heard some people talking about it on Radio 2 and was inspired to make it.

Jansson’s Temptation should be made with pickled sprats, something that is not as easy to get your hands on in the UK so like every other version of this dish I have used anchovies. Anchovies have a meaty, salty tangy taste that I love.  Put them in most dishes and they disintegrate only leaving their flavour behind, in this dish they will just about hold their shape.

Serve with some nice cabbage or multi-coloured beetroot.  This is for 4 people. If you are feeding 2 people I would make the same amount of Jansson’s Temptation, just cos it is great for eat ups the next day.

Prep time: 30mins

Cook time: 1 hour

Feeds 4

Fish

X4 Guilthead or Black Bream fillets

Table spoon of oil, knob of butter

Salt and Pepper

Jansson’s Temptation

X4 medium sized floury potatoes (I used Maris Pipers)

X2 small onions, sliced thinly in half moons

300ml Double cream

12-14 anchovy fillets (from a 70-100g tin or jar in oil – keep the oil)

A bit of butter

3-4 handfuls of breadcrumbs (I used bought ones.)

Salt and Pepper

In a frying pan on low heat, add a little oil and put in the onions to soften. Add some salt and keep an eye on them and give them a stir. We want soft white onions, no colour.

Peel the potatoes and cut them in to thin match sticks, place the matchsticks in a bowl of cold water, 1 – to soak off some starch, 2- because cutting matchsticks can take a little time and putting the potatoes in water will stop the potatoes from browning. When you have done them all, drain the potatoes and check on the onion, if it is soft, take it off the heat.

Mentally divide the potatoes and onion in to 3. In a 26cm dish (1.3L) put a layer of potato and cover with onion, a twist of pepper and 6 anchovy fillets placed across the middle of the dish. Add another layer of potato, onion, pepper and anchovies. Finish with potato. Pour in the cream all over the potato, get it in the corners and jab your finger in there to make sure the cream seeps down between the matchsticks. Now if you are so inclined you can pour in half the oil from the anchovy tin/jar, if you do this you only want to add a tiny bit of salt to the top layer. If you don’t want to do this, add a little bit more salt. I say try it, the flavour is in the oil.

Add the breadcrumbs to the top and some little knobs of butter. Put it in a preheated oven (180C fan) for 10-15 mins (when the top is brown) then turn it down to (140C fan for 1 hour.)

Now we tackle the fish. I thought I could skin fish fillets (I used to do this regularly a very long time ago) but I found this difficult and it requires a bit of patience so if you can’t be bothered just dry the fish with kitchen towel, season and put in the pan skin side down. If you want to be fancy and do separate crispy skin, stick with me. 

Get a sharp knife and your fish fillet. Cut of any flabby belly bits and remove the skin from the fillet, this video shows you how.

Now scrape the skin to remove any bits of flesh stuck on there. You need to get every bit off so it is just skin otherwise it won’t crisp Good luck…

 Wash your skins and dry on kitchen towel. Get two baking tray the same size or where one will fit in the other. Put a sheet of greaseproof paper down and smooth out your skins, add tiny blob of oil on each skin, place another piece of greaseproof paper and the top tray to keep the skins flat. Pop them in the oven with the potatoes and check on the skins after 5-8 mins , they should be totally flat and crunchy. 

*IF* they stick to the trays cos you didn't have greaseproof paper then use a pallet knife to get them off and salvage what you can, cut it in to smaller pieces and divide out amongst your guests and pretend that is what you were meant to do, they won’t know.

Pat dry your fillets and season. When the potatoes have had an hour, turn the oven off. In a large pan on a med/high heat add some oil and butter and fry your fillets. When the fish has gone opaque white half way up the fish, turn the heat down and flip the fillet over and cook for 1 min on the other side and then turn the heat off to cook the fish in the residual heat. Serve up a portion of potatoes with the fish fillet and stick your crispy skin in to the potato or fish at a jaunty angle like a chef. Or eat it before you even sit at the table. 

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Accompanying video for Breast of Lamb and Butterbean mash. 

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Breast of Lamb and Butter Bean Mash.

Breast of lamb is an economical but deeply overlooked cut. I managed to put myself off it by buying it from a supermarket as a student and thinking (as it was rolled) that it was like a normal roasting joint. The fatty sloppy texture that I got from not giving it a bit of love and attention put me off for many years. 

10 years later I am looking through a favourite cook book of mine and I am inspired to try breast of lamb again, this time (with more knowledge, experience and buying it from a renowned butcher rather than the supermarket)  I was amazed by the difference and felt thoroughly pleased with myself as I wolfed it all down.

 Breast of lamb doesn't have a lot of meat on it and it is quite fatty (I’m northern so I don’t see fat as a bad thing), It is this fat that holds a lot of flavour and it is very cheap at about £3.50 - £4 for a breast from the butcher. For cheap cuts like this where you need the flavour please go to a butcher rather than a supermarket. Because it is fatty the meat will stay moist through the long slow cooking it needs. The other thing is, because of its shape breast of lamb it cries out to be stuffed and rolled.

You can stretch out a breast of lamb with nearly any form of stuffing, but I have chosen the frequently abused parsley and the delicious but expensive pine nut. The freshness of the parsley combined with the sweetness of the artichokes and tang of lemon and garlic cut through the fatty lamb to make it extra sweet and fresh. The pine nut gives it an earthy base and a fantastic aroma while also providing little nuggets of crunch.

 Mash potato for me is the ultimate comfort food, if I am poorly or hung over it is the only food I can face and the only thing I ever want. The problem is I eat quite a lot of potatoes and though you might not believe it from this blog I do *sometimes* have healthy food thoughts. Only sometimes mind, so making lemon butter bean mash makes me feel like I am being good eating beans and thus am justified in eating more. The lemon butter bean mash also does a good job of cutting through the fatty lamb. Butter bean mash is also really good with a whole bulb of roasted garlic mixed in and goes well with firm white fish.

Serves 2 (This would serve 4 people if you used a whole (large) breast of lamb , added another potato to the mash and some more green beans.)

Prep time: 15mins

Cook time: 2-2.5 hours  

 ½ a large breast of lamb

Large handful of parsley (flat or curly)

5 cloves of garlic, finely chopped

5 chargrilled artichokes from a jar

3 tablespoons of pine nuts toasted and gently broken in a pestle and mortar

Lemon – half the juice  and a few scrapes of rind

1 tablespoon for extra virgin olive oil

Salt and pepper

1 tin of butterbeans in water

1 small/medium potato

Salt and pepper

150 -200ml of extra virgin olive oil

The other half of the lemon juice

French green beans

 Take the breast of lamb out of the fridge 1 hour OR for as long as you can beforehand to bring it to room temperature. If it is wet then dry it with kitchen towel.  Preheat the oven to 180C/ Gas mark 3 ish. In a dry pan on a low heat spoon in your pine nuts and toast them. Keep an eye on them and roll them around the pan to try and even out the colour. You are looking for a golden brown – black means through them and start again. Once you can smell them it is probably time to take them off the heat, pop them in a pestle and mortar and gently break them up so you have a few broken and a few whole.

 Finely chop the parsley, garlic and artichokes. Pop them in a bowl with the lemon juice, a few scrapes of rind and olive oil and add the warm pine nuts and give it a stir. The warmth of the pine nuts kick starts the aroma and flavour of the other ingredients.  

Lie the lamb skin side down on a large piece of kitchen foil. Spoon the artichoke and pine nut stuffing on to the flesh and give it a little massage. Roll up the lamb as tightly as you can and wrap the foil around it, twisting the ends to seal everything in.

Place the lamb in the oven for 1.5 hours. After this time, take it out and drain off the fat in the bottom of the foil. The meat should be pale, juicy, and soft from being wrapped in the foil but now we want to brown the outside and crisp up some of the edges. Fold the foil down at the sides and put back in the oven for another hour. Check on it after 30-40mins. When it is brown and the skin is crispy, take it out the oven and cover again with its foil to rest for 10mins (basically until the mash is ready).

 Peel a potato, chop it in to small chunks and gently simmer it until you can get a sharp knife in to it. Drain the potato and let it dry a bit in the colander. Using the same pan empty the tin of butter beans and their water and gently simmer for 4-5 mins. When the beans are soft drain off the water. To the pan add the potato and the butter beans on a very low heat and add a splosh of olive oil and mash everything together, when everything is mashed start gently adding the olive oil until you have a slightly firm mash potato texture. Season with salt and pepper and squeeze in half a lemon at the end.

  In a pan of boiling salted water add a handful of French beans per person and boil for 3 mins. When everything is ready plate up the mash and beans and carve the lamb and spoon any leftover juice in the bottom of the foil over the lamb and mash. Perfect for a day at home or feeding the family on a weekend.

[megabekatron]

Mars Bar Chocolate Mousse.

When you make this, and you will, people will look a little suspicious; they may even be a bit disparaging about it because it uses common-a-garden mars bars. BUT.

They will eat all of it, and they will have a little glint in their eye that says ‘OM NOM NOM’.

This isn't my recipe, it is taken from Good Food, the only thing I have added is the salt to boost the chocolate flavours. I recommend trying it as it is very quick and easy to make.

This recipe has raw egg whites in so if you are old, young or knocked up, don’t eat this and then sue me if you get poorly.

Prep time: 15mins

Cook time: 2 mins

Serves 6 ( I used small ramekins I got with a bought 'fancy' supermarket chocolate mousse or use the glass Gu pots that are at the back of the cupboard.)

x4 mars bars, chopped in in to small slices

50ml Milk

4 tbsp on cocoa powder

X3 large egg whites

X2 big pinches of salt

Optional – chocolate shavings or red fruit to serve

In a heavy bottomed pan – on a low heat – chuck in your chopped mars bars, milk and cocoa. Stir it constantly until it is all melted. Take it off the heat and let it cool down. If any lumps come up in the chocolate use a whisk to blend them in. You are looking for a smooth shiny sheen to the chocolate.

 Put your egg whites in a clean glass bowl and either whisk them to soft peaks OR put them in a machine until it does it. With a metal spoon add 1/3 of the chocolate sauce to the egg whites and mix it in, then add the rest of the chocolate. Fold it all together until everything is mixed in. The sauce should expand and look bubbly.

Spoon or carefully pour the chocolate mousse in to small ramekins, old glass Gu pots or double shot glasses. Put them in the coldest part of your fridge to set at least 3 hours. I make this the night before we want them. Serve with fruit or more chocolate. Or both – even better.

 Spoon it in your face and feel pleased with yourself.

[megabekatron]

Winter Coleslaw

I love coleslaw, in my head it is a healthy food lubricant because it has vegetables in. I don’t pay attention to things like fat in yoghurt and mayo, certainly not in these small quantities.

Making your own coleslaw is very satisfying, easy and people are always a bit impressed. It will keep in the fridge happily for 3-4 days and is great on sandwiches, jacket potatoes, with any roasted meat or even, as I did today, just eaten with a pitta bread as a snack. I will be making a big bowl of this for our bonfire party this year; I suggest you do the same.

This coleslaw is tangy and crunchy, the quality mayonnaise has a slight vinegar tang that cuts through the richness and the mustard and herbs give it a slight warmth and wintery feel. You can also add grated cheese and celeriac to this and it will only taste better.

6-8 portions

Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time: 0 mins

 Half a white cabbage

1x large carrot

1x small white onion

Handful of finely chopped parsley, chives and/or coriander

X1 teaspoon of grain mustard

X3 teaspoons of Delouis Fils Mayonnaise

X2-3 tablespoons of Greek style yoghurt

Salt and pepper

Optional: Handful of grated Cheddar cheese or Red Leicester

Optional: 1-2 handfuls of very thin celeriac matchsticks

If possible make this an hour before you want to eat it so it can sit in the fridge and the onion can soften a little in the yoghurt/mayo.

Finely slice the white cabbage, removing the hard centre once you get near the end. Sprinkle the white cabbage in a large bowl. Finely slice the white onion in to half-moons and sprinkle in to the same bowl. Top and tail the carrot and with a peeler, take off the outer skin. With the peeler, peel carrot ribbons straight in to the bowl, make the ribbons as long as possible. When you can’t get any more from the carrot and you are left with a stump of carrot, stop, and eat the carrot stump. *if you want to add celeriac, add it now, air on the side of caution with it as it has a strong flavour*

In to the bowl add the handful of finely chopped parsley and chives/and or coriander. The little green flecks of herbs make the slaw look and taste really fresh. Give it all a stir round.

Plop in the teaspoon of grain mustard, the x3 teaspoons of mayo and the 2 table spoons of yoghurt. Give it all a big stir round, make sure everything is coated and check how wet it is, if it needs more sauce add another splodge of yoghurt. Add a generous sprinkle of salt and a few twists of pepper. *If you want to be really decadent add a handful of grated cheese now*

 Clingfilm the bowl and pop in the fridge and you are good to go. 

[megabekatron]

Beef Tacos

I have been told that I need to work on my pictures - I know this. I have a very dark kitchen and only an iphone camera to work with, but have you tried taking a picture of a taco? It is really fucking hard, especially when you have forgotten to do a presentation pic and already eaten three before remembering to take said photo and have food all over your hand and plate.

Any way my helpful boyfriend suggested he hold it next to the cat as the internet loves cats and thus more people will read this post. If that isn't a winning digital strategy then I don't know what is. 

Now to the actual recipe...

I love Mexican food, I think this is because I always feel that side dishes can really make a meal and in Mexican food there is lots of choices of side dishes and condiments and being greedy I always like to have just a little bit of everything. Mexican food generally gets a bit of a bad rep with chains churning out pretty average Tex-mex fare. So with a bag of nice beef mince and a gift of some coca nibs from a friend (chocolate is a major Mexican ingredient) I decided to make some tacos and give myself a spicy treat.

First step was looking for recipes that I could compare/ contrast and look for inspiration. Well there are surprisingly very few beef taco recipes out there and the ones that are, are quite bland so I took what I know about Mexican and beefy flavours and went from there.

The warmth of the spices gives it a nice tingly earthy taste and simmering the beef in a little stock keeps it nice and juicy. As always I would recommend getting the best mince you can, supermarket mince has a lot of water and fat (even the lean stuff) so if this is released pour some of it out the pan otherwise it will never brown. Better mince will give you a beefier flavour.

Putting chocolate in food can be very tricky (as I found out once with a Sicilian beef pasta dish, it just tasted only of chocolate and was a bit strange.) so always put in tiny amounts and gradually work up, you want a hint of the chocolate but really what you are tasting for is a rich beefy flavour that makes the chilli stand out.

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: 40-45 mins

Feeds 2-3 hungry people, maybe 4 if you have more sides.

 500g of beef mince

1 white onion, finely chopped

1 chilli finely chopped (add two if you are feeling butch)

3 fat cloves of garlic, finely chopped

300ml of warm beef stock

Big squeeze of tomato purée

2 tsp of cumin powder

2 tsp of ground coriander

1 tsp of smoked hot paprika

½ tsp of ginger powder

Handful of oregano   

1 lime

Handful of chopped fresh coriander

10 cocoa nibs or ½ - 1 square of dark chocolate

Salt and pepper

Oil to cook

Serve with:

6-9 taco shells

Green crunchy lettuce

Salsa/ guacamole/ grated cheese  

  In the largest frying pan (on med/low heat) you have soften a finely diced white onion in a little oil. When it is softened add in the cumin, ground coriander, smoked paprika and ginger. Stir it all in. Add the finely chopped garlic and chilli and give it all another good stir and let it sit for a couple of minutes.

Turn the heat up a little and add in the mince, stir it all up and brown the mince. If there is too much liquid, tip a bit out otherwise it won’t brown. If the pan looks over crowded, take some out and cook it in batches. When the mince is brown add in the 300ml of warm beef stock, turn it down to a simmer and let it bubble away. Throw in the oregano and squeeze in the tomato purée, give it a stir and leave it be.

Get the oven pre heated for you tacos shells (see the box of the ones you have bought) chop up your lettuce nice and small and start putting all your sides in nice little dishes. The tacos usually take about 6 mins so pop them in about now.

When there is just a little bit of stock left, taste the beef then add in either the 10 coca nibs or half a square of dark chocolate and give it a really good stir. Taste the beef, can you taste the difference the chocolate has made? It should have a deep rich beefy flavour that heightens the chilli taste. Season with salt and pepper, taste again and then if you still can’t really taste the deep rich beefy flavour that the chocolate brings add in the other half of the square of chocolate. It is much better to be cautious than ruin it.

When all the stock has gone, turn the heat down/off and squeeze in the lime (or ¾ of the lime and put a ¼ in your beer) and sprinkle over the fresh coriander. Serve with your warm tacos shells, salad and sauces. The tacos will break and you will get it all over your hands and face but that is what kitchen towel was invented for. Nice. Leave out the fresh coriander and you can freeze this for another day. 

[megabekatron]

Parsley and Artichoke Summer Drizzle Sauce

This recipe is a classic example of what happens when I play ready steady cook with what is left in my fridge, combined with my deep loathing of throwing out food.

This sauce is the ultimate BBQ condiment, it works really well when warmed through gently with broad beans and served as a side vegetable dish or drizzled on grilled white fish, shellfish, falafel, steak or pasta. Keep it in the fridge topped up with olive oil and it should last 2 weeks.

Parsley on its own and un cooked can be quite a rough raw taste and you can tire of it pretty soon. By adding the garlic, lemon and salt the leaves are very gently broken down and don’t have such a harsh taste. Adding the pine nuts give you a little depth of flavour and the roasted artichokes just balance and lemon/ salt flavour with a little sweetness. I am pretty pleased with this little summer drizzle sauce (oooh I like that) as I am sure this is my own creation and not cribbed off someone else - AND - its parsley based, so it pretty much will go with everything. 

Makes approximately a jam jar’s worth of drizzle sauce.

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: none.

Big bunch of flat leaf parsley – like you get from the grocer not from the supermarket

2 tsp of pine nuts

3 garlic cloves

¼ of a lemon - juice only

300ml olive oil minimum – you might need more

3-4 roasted artichokes from a jar plus a little of their oil

Salt and pepper to taste

 Wash your parsley and dry it best you can. Put a frying pan on very very low and gently toast the pine nuts, golden is good, brown/black is bad, they will be bitter and you will have to chuck them.

 Get out your food mixer/ blender/ chopper machine and put in the garlic cloves (chopped up a bit) a little bit of olive oil (100ml) to get you started. Chuck in the parsley and pine nuts and get blitzing. Have a look and with a spatula push any bigger leaves or nuts back down towards the blades. Chop the artichokes a bit and add them in. Blitz again.

Taste a little bit of the sauce, it will be quite harsh with the lemon and parsley so add in some more olive oil (100ml) and some salt and pepper, taste again, it could probably do with a bit more salt and olive oil. Blitz it all again.

Give it a final taste. It should be fresh, with a little salty tang with the lemon and garlic but also a little sweet from the artichoke and pine nuts. Spoon it in to a jar and fill with olive oil so all the sauce is covered. Keep it in the fridge and drizzle on all summer meat and veg. 

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Wedding Favour Peppermint Creams

 I am getting married in 5 weeks and like a complete moron I thought I would make my own wedding cake (which I can't eat cos I am coeliac) -which has been a nightmare- and make my own wedding favours. My poor bridesmaids and friends have just received this recipe along with presentation guidelines, costs and photographs. ( I am nothing if not thorough.) If you are getting married and even if you love cooking like I do, don't make your own favours and wedding cake, it is stressful. 

Any way - peppermint creams is somthing I used to make in Guides when I was young and is also Dan and I's favourite chocolate bar (Fry's chocolate cream) so I thought it would make a good wedding favour...apart from I forgot about some people not being able to eat raw egg whites. 

These are easy to make and the lemon boosts the peppermint taste, buy extract not essence for better flavour. When you make these be fully prepared to get everything covered in icing sugar and chocolate. Good luck. 

2 free-range egg whites 

1 lemon, juice only 

2 tsp peppermint flavouring 

850g/30 oz sifted icing sugar, plus extra for dusting 

300g/12oz dark chocolate 

Makes 120 – 125, 1 inch heart shaped peppermint creams. At 5 peppermint creams per person, this should make enough for 24 people.  

Prep time: 30 mins

‘cook’ time: 10 mins

Whisk the egg whites in a glass (clean and grease free) bowl until stiff peaks form when the whisk is removed. (This recipe still worked when I couldn't get it totally stiff !) Slowly whisk in the lemon juice, peppermint and sifted icing sugar to a stiff paste. Roll the ball around the bowl to pick up all the icing sugar and clean the bowl, try and form the ball like you would bread so that you have a smooth top and not many visible cracks in the paste.

Tip the peppermint mixture onto a work surface dusted with a lot with icing sugar     (also cover your hands and rolling pin with icing sugar, a plastic rolling pin is best if you have it as it will stick to everything.) and roll out thinly. Move the mixture gently as too much handling will cause cracks and dry it out. If it dries our either add a TINY spot of water or a TINY drop of lemon juice to bring it back together and smooth out the cracks.

Use a 1 inch heart cutter to cut out the hearts and place them onto a baking tray covered in greaseproof paper if you have it. Chill in the fridge for 1-2 hours, or until the mixture has set.

Meanwhile, melt the chocolate in a bowl set over a pan of simmering water. (Do not let the base of the bowl touch the water.) Or in a glass bowl in the microwave for 10 second bursts – never any more than this and stir after each blast. If the chocolate gets cool while dipping and is hard to work – microwave again for 5 seconds.

With the chocolate in a bowl get a table spoon and dip it in the chocolate and hold it vertically so that chocolate collects in the spoon bowl, but also drips down back in to the bowl. Take the heart peppermint cream and insert the left hand curve of the heart in to the bowl of the spoon and then slide it round in the spoon bowl to the bottom point. This should give you and even / small chocolate covering on one side of the heart that should be quite easy to reproduce uniformly and shouldn't use too much chocolate.

Put the finished ones on a baking tray covered in grease proof paper, keep enough space between them so they don’t splodge on each other and try to not get chocolate on the white parts of the peppermint cream.

These should keep a few days in a sealed box in the fridge. Can be frozen. 

[megabekatron]

Shin of Beef with Ginger and Soy. Serves 2 fatties.

This is actually a HFW recipe taken from River Cottage Everyday which I have fiddled with a tiny bit and added veg. This recipe was a big beefy tangy tasty surprise, hence there being no pictures as I wasn’t expecting it to be so good (also we were starving). This economical dish is packed with flavour and gives off a good amount of ‘lip tingling’ heat from the ginger and chili. The acidic fruity tang of the apple juice, soy and vinegar makes this a light but very satisfying dish. Tastes even better the next day.

Beef shin is a very economical cut of meat with lots of flavour because it does a lot of work. Whenever possible I buy my meat from The Ginger Pig and get Hubbub to deliver. The quality of beef you buy will make a difference to the depth of flavour in the dish and the beautiful smell that wafts round the kitchen, shin is already an economical cut so buy the best you can and -at the risk of sounding like Sainsubury's - taste the difference in flavour. The ugly membranes in the meat is nothing to worry about they are what gives the dish its texture.

I would make this on a rainy Sunday and then freeze it without the green veg for mid-week tea or start it on a Sunday morning and make your house smell heavenly by tea time. Serves 2 fatties or 3 normal people (I usually make things in portions of 3 and either freeze the third portion or scoff it for my lunch the next day.)

Prep time: 20mins

Cook time: 2.5-3hours

2 knobs of beef dripping or some oil for cooking 

1kg (ish) of 1inch pieces of beef shin, on or off the bone 

4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced 

1 inch piece fresh ginger, thinly sliced 

2 tablespoons of seedless raspberry jam (plum, crab apple or redcurrant would do) 

100ml soy sauce 350-400ml apple juice (or enough to cover the beef) 

1.5 tablespoons of Mizkan seasoned rice wine vinegar (cider or white wine vinegar would do) 

Salt and Pepper Pack of Sainsbury’s tender stem broccoli with garlic and chili stir fry Or 

1 small handful of mange tout 

1 small handful of fine green beans 

1 small pak choi, cut off the end and peel off the leaves 

¼ red onion finely sliced 

1/3 of red chili finely sliced 

Handful of coriander 

Serve with boiled rice.

1. Try and get your meat out an hour before cooking it. Heat the beef dripping in the pan and pat down your shin of beef with kitchen towels so it is dry, season all over with salt and pepper. Brown your meat in a flat heavy bottomed pan or casserole dish (not pyrex, they um, they explode when put on direct heat. Apparently I had to do this twice in order to learn my lesson). Cook the meat in batches so you brown not stew the meat. When all done, set the meat to one side. Preheat the oven to 120°C (100°C fan).

2. Turn the heat down on your pan and add the garlic and ginger, soften them, don’t fry them. Add in the jam, soy sauce and vinegar and mix well so the sauce has combined and there are no lumps of jam. Put the meat and sauce in the casserole dish, in a single layer if possible. Pour oven enough apple juice to just cover the meat. Sling in the onion and chili from the stir fry pack or that you have chopped yourself.

3. Put the dish in the oven for 2.5- 3 hours, check it after 2hours (have a little taste) the meat will feel firm to the touch still so tasting it is the only way to know if it has softened.

4. 10 mins before the end of cooking time get your rice on and add in the broccoli, beans and mange tout. After 5mins add the pak choi and coriander. The veg will be cooked but very firm.

5. Dish up and serve with boiled rice in bowls, it looks ugly but it tastes good

[megabekatron]

The Lazy Cook’s Confit Duck. Serves 2.

‘Lazy?!’ I hear you shout, ‘This takes three and a half hours, how is this lazy?’

Proper Confit Duck can take about a day to make as there is marinating overnight and slow cooking and blah blah blah.

The real lazy/smart way is to buy a tin of duck confit (you can buy them in France, at Borough Market or on ebay for £7) and just pop them in the oven. Do treat yourself to this as they are delicious and are incredibly tender, more so than these, but this is the lazy version as you have to do practically nothing when they are in the oven. So a bit of time is needed to cook these, but very little effort.

Duck legs can be a little tough when cooked quickly during the week or your skin isn’t crispy if you cook them gentle and slow, especially if like me you are hungry and have no patience. I cook them night before while I am cooking whatever tea we are having that night– leave them in the oil over night and then dry them off to cook them the next day in 30min. Bosh, job done, om nom nom.

Serve your duck legs with whatever you like. I recommend cabbage with chestnuts and mash or with my cider bake. This also works very well with rabbit legs, which I heartily recommend as they are a) lean meat b) free range c) completely sustainable d) cheap and e) tasty. Cook them the same way ( but on 160 for 15-20mins) or let them cool and roll them in breadcrumbs and deep fry for Kentucky fried thumper.

Serves 2.

Prep time: 10 mins

Cooking time: 3-3.5 hours / 30mins

2 duck legs

Bottle of vegetable oil/ sunflower oil or olive oil if you are feeling fancy or duck fat if you have it

Buttery mash potato or Cider Bake, Savoy cabbage

 Put the oven on 100°c fan (120°C without fan). Get a pyrex dish with a lid (you can never have too much pyrex) and put 2 duck legs in the bottom and pour over the veg or sunflower oil until both legs are just covered. Put lid on and shove them in the oven for 2/ 2 and a half hours if you have the time.

 After 2 hours, have a look, you should see tiny little bubbles in the oil. For the final hour now turn up the heat (I told you I was impatient) to 120°c (140°C without fan) and cook for 1 hour. After the hour take them out to cool, leave the lid on.

At this point you can leave them in the oil/ put them in the fridge and have them tomorrow or eat them now. Take the duck legs out of the oil and put them on some kitchen towel. Put a wire rack in the bottom of a baking tray and crank the oven up to 180°C fan. Dry the legs and little and place them on the rack. Shove tray in the oven.

After 20 mins, check on the legs – if the skin is crispy, whip them out to rest, if you like your skin a bit more crispy leave them in for another 5-10mins.

Serve with mash or cider bake and cabbage. Lovely comfort food for any time of the year or week. (It rained today so comfort food is allowed.) 

[megabekatron]

T bone steak with Beef dripping chips. Serves 2.

T bone steak and Beef dripping chips

 Ginger Pig T bones, plus a cheeky fillet in the middle. 

Lidgates T bone, cooked on a griddle with beef dripping chips. 

There are 2 ways to win a man round to your way of thinking. If you aren’t feeling inclined to do the ‘other’ cooking him a steak is a good place to start. (Save the 'other' for when you really have fucked up.)

Personally I am costing my man a lot of money in the form of a wedding. I of course am going mad on food and wine and he understandably wants to be more frugal, but on the whole he is being very patient and generous so I figured he deserved a steaky treat to remind him why I am worth him spending all his savings.

 You may ask why I am ‘doing a recipe’ for steak, after all in theory it is pretty easy to cook. It is actually spectacularly easy to get wrong. I have practically stopped eating steak in restaurants, except when I go to Hawskmoor, this is because I am fed up of being disappointed with bad steak. This isn't necessarily the fault of the guy cooking the steak; a good steak starts with the meat itself – which my friends is a rant we will save for another day.

People argue over what constitutes a great steak and all over the world the criteria is different from each country and individual. For me it is about flavour over tenderness every time ( I believe ageing gives more flavoursome cuts the tenderness you need, also I have no problem with chewing) and fat means flavour. If you want a good steak I would always recommend going to your local butcher and never the supermarket – again a rant for another day.

My favourite Butchers is The Ginger Pig (they supply the Hawksmoor so if is good enough for them, it’s good enough for you.) The fat and the flavour of the beef comes from the great care the animal receives when it is alive. When it has been slaughtered it is hung for a minimum of 30 days with a 40day option as well (stronger gamier flavour, if you love beef do a taste test with some friends.)

I have also had a T bone from Lidgates , their steak awas smaller (about ½ inch thick to Ginger Pigs inch thick steaks, though this was ordered online so they will probably cut thicker in the shop.)The steak had a lot of very good marbling but less fat on the outside and has white fat opposed to the Ginger Pig yellow fat (this is due to how the animal is ‘finished’ and the kind of grasses it ate). I found that the Lidgates steak was a tiny bit tougher, though thinner and had some gristle in tit. The flavour was more delicate and less beefy, which makes me think they don’t hang them as long, but I may be wrong. I also recently bought a T bone from Meat N16. I never ate it as the butcher cut the fat off without asking me, I was so distraught by this I gave it to my other half rather than eat it myself (what? I can’t be nice to him all the time it would confuse him.), so their steaks may be taste great, but I can’t see how if they cut all the fat off.

A note on cooking steak:

I like my steaks medium rare because I always want the best of both worlds (hence my favourite steak also being T bone.) You can cook your steak rare (1-2mins on both sides) or medium (4 mins either side.) You cannot – and I really mean this – cannot cook your steak well done. Please, I am begging you to try a medium steak; you might as well not bother as you are throwing your money away if you cook your steaks well done. If you have had a steak that was not well done and you didn’t like it, it is because it wasn’t rested properly.

Cook time: 30-40mins

Serves 2

X 1 30day T Bone steak* (about 700g will feed two people well. Available to buy from Hubbub

1/5 of a block of beef dripping

3 medium potatoes ( or more, to be fair you can never have too many chips.)

Green salad/ bag of salad, who cares it’s just there as a token gesture

Salt and pepper

Olive oil and balsamic vinegar for the salad

 Take your T bone out of the fridge at least 1 hour before cooking it ( I would open your wine to breath too). You want the steak at room temperature so that the meat is relaxed when cooked. Over the hour keep patting it down with kitchen towels, you will only get the brown crust if the steak is dry and you will be amazed how many towels you go through. Keep patting the steak down until you either a) run out of kitchen towel b) get too hungry c) get bored

Turn your oven on to 160/180 C and put 1/5 of the block of dripping in a baking tray and place it in the oven to heat up. Slice your potatoes (skin on) in to wedges.

 Par boil your potatoes until you can get a knife part way in. Drain in a colander and shake them about to chuff up the edges. Salt and pepper them while in the colander ( hot things will absorb more flavour than cold things)and let them steam for a few minutes.

 Put your potatoes in the oven, these should take about 30-40mins depending on your oven and patience. They will smell divine and have a crispy golden brown colour, and when you eat them you will make funny sex noises because they are so delicious. If they are coming along too quickly just turn the oven down a bit.

When the chips have had about 20 mins in the oven get the biggest heaviest frying pan you have ( cast iron is best, griddles are fine but I prefer all over brown, not just stripes) and put it on a medium/high heat with a tiny nob of beef dripping in the pan.

 A Ginger Pig steak is about 1 inch/ 1.5 inches thick, this is pretty thick so for a medium rare steak it is going to take a bit longer than a Lidgate’s steak that is about ½ inch thick (about 3 mins on each side) Because GP steak is thicker and because I like mine medium rare I start by scoring in to the fat around the steak first ( a mini meat Mohican), small cuts into the thickest part of the fat, don’t go all the way to the edge of the meat, this will help it cook through in a short time and release some fat for you to cook the steak in.

 When your pan is hot take your steak in your tongs and hold it on and edge, fat down in to the pan first. The fat is going to take the longest to cook and we want to render some down to cook the meat in. When you have a yellowy colour along the length of the fat and the edges (take your time, try and cook all sides and turn it about, it is worth the effort) turn the steak over and place it flesh side down for 2 mins and leave it. Check it after 2 mins and turn after 3 mins for the other side, turn the pan down slightly. After 3 mins on each side take the steak in your tongs and then put the flat top of the bone down in the pan ( so you are holding it upside down), this is to get some heat in to the bone and help cook the meat closest to the bone while not over cooking the flesh. It’s gonna spit and be hot and these are big steaks so do this as long as you can for a few more minutes. You should now have a beautifully brown steak with golden fat and a little bit of a smoky kitchen.

 If you are nervous about it being too rare, you can either cut in to it slightly to have a peek or now put it in a low oven for 5mins. What I do is now rest the steak on a chopping board for 5-7mins, seasoning both sides. I mean it, be patient, you need the meat to relax and all that juice to go back in to the meat.

 While the steak is resting, get your chips out ( get every last crunchy bit) and put a few handfuls of salad on the plates and a sprinkle of salt and pepper and olive oil and balsamic.

 Enjoy with a good bottle of red that has been breathing for an hour and your favourite steak sauce, though I urge you to try it ‘dry’ to start with so you can really taste the flavour. If you require a condiment I recommend Oxford sauce it has a Worcestershire sauce/ anchovy flavour, brings out the beefy taste of the steak.

*T bone steaks have a bone in sirloin on one side and part of the fillet on the other. Because of this you will never cook both sides perfect, the fillet is always going to be a bit more done, so if you are sharing and you prefer your steak more done, have this side. I just love T bones for the flavour the bone gives to the meat, I also like chewing on the bone ( do it, it is nearly the best bit) as the meat closest the bone is the sweetest. I also like Poterhouse steaks for the same reason.