ManiacShipper @megguiemcgarden - Tumblr Blog

please please please Shane giving Ilya princess treatment out in the open and people seeing, seething with jealousy. God, pretty please. He hates the way Ilya drives and wants him safe, so he's the one that drives everywhere. He takes them to practice and games, and sometimes they rent cars during away games, and Shane drives them then, too. He always opens the door for Ilya and Ilya uses the opportunity to ask Shane for a kiss before he closes the door.

Ilya tends to hide injuries and now that they're in a team together, he can hide them from him, so Shane's constantly carrying things for him. He'll carry grocery bags, practice bags, take-out, everything. He's always holding onto stuff or taking things from Ilya's hand. He'll constantly appear on centaurs promo videos holding things for Ilya, like his phone or his sticks.

Once they start planning for kids, Shane buys a sensible, reliable volvo to be their parent car and Ilya brags about it on social media like, "my man just bought me a new car while your broke boyfriend takes you to olive garden and calls you high maintenance break up with him."

Ilya loves pda but Shane's still hesitant to start it for himself so whenever they want to get some physical reassurance or need to be closer, Shane pulls Ilya closer to him rather than going to him. Shane's sitting down and Ilya's close to the couch, he pulls on him so he's resting his hip against his shoulder. They're sitting together on a couch, he pulls Ilya so he's leaning on him. There's no more seats, he pulls Ilya on his lap.

They make a interior design/architecture video about their properties and Ilya's going off about Shane buying him building, house, a condo. "My grown, mature husband who knows about finances and adult stuff, invested for me, and he got me a house."

He's always bragging about having a "my rich, hockey husband," despite Ilya earning more from his contract. One time one of the cens let it slip that hollanov sometimes upgrade their hotel rooms, and Ilya's telling everyone Shane's responsible for that. Once Ilya retires, Ilya acts like Shane's paying for everything whenever they go out to eat or buy anything that can be considered luxury. The sugar daddy jokes get worse.

He's going "my man, my man, my man" every day. Don't ask him about his husband because he will talk about him at length, but his man doesn't like that.

fanficnaticcc

no bc YES YES YES

like ilya is incredibly soft for shane and does all of this sweet stuff for his husband and dotes on him but MR. SHANE HOLLANDER-ROZANOV does not play abt his baby.

like i fully believe shane realized that ilya hasn’t someone dote on him or take care of him to the same degree he does for others probably since his mom. so shane MUST give his baby the soft life he deserves.

and ilya my sweet baby is INSUFFERABLE abt it. like he’s arguing in the comments talking about some “okay but what does your man do? oh okay, OH OKAY! that’s what i thought 🙄😒”

some of the guys even wanna have him kicked from the WAGs gc bc ilya is inadvertently making them look bad with how much he brags abt shane and what he does for him. (mind you shane is ALSO in the gc but that’s not the point rn)

ilya uses “shane’s credit card” when he goes out with the girls and he NEVER SHUTS UP ABT IT. “oh no ladies, i’ve got it. my HUSBAND gave me his card to pay for it. said to treat myself 😛”

mind you it’s from their joint bank account, the card js has shane’s name on it. but that doesn’t matter. ilya is living his spoiled rich hockey husband dreams, fuck you very much.

fanficnaticcc

i had an unhinged thought/heated rivalry headcanon and so i just share w/ the masses

okay so for background context the centaurs do one of those “football players do ballet” videos for social media… but harris has them try pole dancing instead. it’s a litter dirty (read the video is full of innuendo) but overall super fun and innocent. and highlights how strong pole dancers are and tries to help yk break some of the stigma surround pole dancing.

anyways the headcanon isn’t abt the pole dancing. though i do believe that ilya is good to a point that it’s highly questionable. (it’s to the point that harris tells shane to be on the opp side of the room and not look at him bc he can’t edit out the hungry look in shane’s eyes) and shane’s good on a technical standpoint esp for someone who’s never done it before but he’s still as all hell.

anyways the video gets posted and gains a lot of traction as suspected. most of the comments are all in good fun if not overly freaky (but again that’s expected).

but then people start honing in on ilya and talking about how promiscuous he must be. and some ppl try to take it as far as to say he was selling himself for sex. (which immediately gets shut down by yuna bc that’s her baby and who tf you feeling like???) but even that mainly doesn’t get much traction bc again yuna doesn’t play.

what DOES gain a bit of momentum is a recently retired bigoted player making a twitter repost of the video saying “we’re really supposed to believe that Ilya Rozanov is in love with Shane Hollander when he acts like that??? This really confirms their whole relationship is the equivalent to a stripper saying she loves you 🙄🤣”

it blows up enough to get shane’s attention. and bc shane doesn’t need to hide anymore and is way more confident in himself (also read a petty petty bitch) HE replies to the tweet with a candid picture of ilya spinning upside down on the poll looking right at the camera (with presumably shane behind it considering how he’s looking at the person) and going “Just because that stripper didn’t love YOU, doesn’t mean my stripper doesn’t love ME. We are not the same.”

it blows the absolute fuck up. everyone’s going crazy abt how protective and possessive shane is. a lot of ppl are bashing the player. even more are asking to be shane and ilya’s third. harris considers sending a cease and desist but in all truthfulness its not that bad or overtly sexual and shane deserves to defend his husband and their relationship on main. (plus harris thinks it’s hilarious when shane gets this way with the media. despite refusing to show that bc shane is js as much of a gremlin as ilya is.)

ilya, the little shit, replied to shane’s post saying “when would you like a private showing Mr. Hollander-Rozanov? i’m available this evening. 😊”

twitter legit almost glitched tf out after that. and shane does indeed go upstairs and get his private showing after seeing that tweet. (they add a stripper pole to their home gym)

knownqueerbaiter

#myshane pretends he’s not nosy or a gossip but #myilya films one of those videos where he pretends to be on the phone with someone going “she said WHAT? to WHO?” and shane is like. hey. hey. who are you talking to—is this harris. who said something. what did she say. is this about lapointe’s new girlfriend. ilya what did she say

lauryn2557

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Shane and Ilya gossip together in this series.

ma-tsu-the-male-goddess

Anybody have any more fic recs for Hollanov publicly flirting before they’re out or even together? Some amazing examples below:

Rivals or Pulling Pigtails by Music_Feeds_My_Soul

WIP 3/4 15K Rated: T

Or, after Shane is outed by a teammate, Ilya decides to bin their ten-year plan to publicly woo his boyfriend as if they aren’t already dating.

The public predictably loses its mind.

Many more Recs below the cut

shanebug

lowkey my david and yuna hollander parenting thesis

shanebug

yeah...

toasted-rivalry

A ‘Bears walk in to Ilya’s house and see him napping with Shane AU’ where Ilya somehow manages to still keep Shane’s identity a secret.

Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.

Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.

He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.

So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”

So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.

Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.

Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.

Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.

So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.

When the Bears leave soon after, some of them have LEARNT some things about themselves. But crucially, none of them have learnt who their captain is fucking.

smokingrozanov

Somebody online comments “I know it’s big” on Shane Hollander’s Calvin Klein ad campaign & gets a response from lilyrizz24 that says “how would you know. You know nothing. Delete this. He wouldn’t show you. Seriously delete this.”

lamignonette

lavenderprose

Crucially #myshane plays to his twentieth season which is just long enough to have the experience of meeting Ottawa's new draft prospect, also named Shane, and to smile and jokingly say, "Hey nice name," and for the rookie to gulp and say, "Thank you sir I am named after you" and that makes Shane sit in his stall and stare at the floor between his skates for. Significantly too long to be healthy.

graceebooks

shane and ilya consistently blowing each others minds and shane is just like “wow ur blowing my mind” and ilya is like “this is Normal”

eisenkrahe

flipocrite

not she berry or he berry but no berry

and that is berry good

luulapants

in a reasonable canon, shane would simply have THEE most dependent and intimate relationship with the montreal team nutritionist. like, he has her on speed dial. they text multiple times per day. she spends 60% of her work hours adjusting meal plans for his texture issues and aversions. nobody else really sees how intense their connection is.

when he was crashing out about trading to ottawa, he said, "You know, it's just gonna be really hard to leave melissa," and hayden was sitting right there like. "melissa?? it's gonna be hard to leave MELISSA??"

but i think we can probably convince melissa to move to ottawa with him, don't worry.

riddlemaster101

#heated rivalry#cackling about shallergies verse#melissa getting a text that's just 'melissa they put fucking treenuts in my protein bar'#he does not need to specify which one#melissa sighs and puts on her glasses and gets to work#GOD melissa goes on vacation and hears the news that shane had an allergic reaction and is FURIOUS#WHO FUCKED WITH HER RECORD#NOT A SINGLE FUCKING TIME ON HER WATCH HAS SHANE HOLLANDER HAD A REACTION DURING THE SEASON#WHO WANTS TO DIE

via @penandinkprincess

penandinkprincess

melissa barging into ottawa's offices and just handing over a contract for her employment.

"um, excuse me, ma'am, who ar-"

"i have kept shane hollander alive and fed his for almost his entire nhl career, and i have invested too much time to stop now."

"but ma'am, we-"

"no more questions. sign."

obviously she's a dietician with a specialty in athletes which means the primary concerns of her patients are 1. need All The Fucking Calories and 2. need All The Fucking Protein, but in my heart, she is the flavor of dietician who focuses also on enjoyment and satiety (fun fact: you actually digest food better and get more nutrition out of food you like eating). like you're going to eventually get sick of how much you have to eat by the time you're 3/4 of the way through the season, but by GOD WILL SHE TRY TO MAKE THINGS ENJOYABLE AS LONG AS SHE CAN.

so she meets 20 year old shane who already comes into this meeting apologetic because he KNOWS this is all specific and it's a pain to have aversions when he already has allergies to work around, so he doesn't mind a lot of repetition when-

and melissa is just ✋ i did not put in the work to get this degree only to suck at this job. let's talk texture preferences.

(melissa does NOT know about mango time) (shane is kind of afraid of what she would do to him if she found out) (he cannot have melissa being mad at him it would actually send him into a nervous breakdown)

itastelikesand

emortal-l-deactivated20250308

[ID: a screenshot of a comic speech bubble. The black text in it reads "No matter how open-minded, socially conscious, anti-racist I think I am, I still have old learned hidden biases that I need to examine. It is my responsibility to check myself daily for my stereotypes, prejudices and, ultimately, discrimination." /ID end]

anarchistmemedistro

pupucino

antiracism is a constant process. i was raised in a racist village and it's not easy to get rid of it. i moved away over 10 years ago but those ideas are still haunting me.

genderkoolaid

also keep in mind that shame + guilt are not conducive to growing as a person. when it comes to "checking yourself" it should be a non-judgemental process. it's not about flagellating yourself for every bad thought or trying to purify your mind of all corruption. it's only when acknowledging your own racist thoughts doesn't fill you with dread that you can really progress past the white guilt of it all.

radical self-acceptance & genuine self-critique are not opposites. they need each other. do not let obsessive-compulsive behaviors colonize your desire to grow as a person.

paxamericana

official-kircheis

As per my last clay tablet,

lurking-latinist

CCing Ibbi-Ilabrat on this one just to make sure we’re all on the same page!

ariaste

“The sesame is visibly dying” makes me lose it every time. My sesame #mysesame

kat

i had a dream last night that the entire world used a currency (?) called angrypennies which as the name implies are obtained by experiencing anger. the stronger and more intense your anger was, the more angrypennies you'd gain. an all-consuming rage would earn you more than a slight irritation, etc. so people were always searching for ways to fuel their anger and purposefully keeping themselves angry all the time because they wanted to earn angrypennies. unclear if angrypennies could be exchanged for goods and services, or if they were just a collectible.

anyway, as if this wasn't heavy-handed enough, at one point british comedian greg davies appeared and explained that angrypennies couldn't be worth feeling angry all the time. this was a real revelation to dream-me and i was finally able to break free of the angrypenny grind and allow myself to experience emotions other than anger.

kat

it goes without saying that i will be using the word angrypenny as if it was part of the common vernacular instead of a term that my dreaming brain conjured up i.e. "he's all about the angrypennies" (derogatory way to refer to a guy who searches for reasons to be angry and possibly lacks introspection)

uhhhhmanda

Woke up at three am with the horrible realization that in addition to recovering from extremely invasive brain stem surgery Deokhee's going to have to quit smoking AND endure methadone treatment -- because he's been taking the world's strongest opioid (and whatever Cerelib-A is made of) for god only knows how long.

Man's gonna wish he died!

uhhhhmanda

Currently 5 tabs deep in the Mayo Clinic and PubMed researching testosterone supplementation for men on methadone. Did you know that there's an International Index of Erectile Function? Administering the patch would be easy, but imagine Seok attempting to administer the survey:

Seok: Over the last month, how do you rate your confidence that you can get and keep your erection? Very high? High? Mod- Deokhee: Is this necessary? Seok (her eyes enormous, à la Miette): Of course it is! We have to monitor the effects of the testosterone as well as the serum levels. Deokhee: Can someone else administer the survey? Seok (mocking): I'm your doctor~~~ Deokhee: You're my neurosurgeon not my endocrinologist. Seok: You want an endocrinologist? I'll get you one. Deokhee: Why does that sound like a threat?

and so on and so forth.

If she wants to pretend that she's going to do a paper on this (And hey, maybe she really is!) she would also need to test his pain tolerance, as reduced testosterone due to opioid use causes hypersensitivity to pain. Lots of potential for these freaks there.

northern-punk-lad

I hate the uk government for making me agree with Elon musk

a-cheetosandroid

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