Melon

She/Her. I’m here, and it’s your problem now.

[ephemeralhorror]

[ot3]

i think out of disrespect we should just start using "spamtenna moment" as shorthand for when a nothing tier yaoi ships between side characters somehow manages to eclipse in fandom popularity all of the central character relations of both the main cast and the rest of the side characters that aren't men. i think this should become such a widespread and entrenched form of fandom lingo for insulting ships that the next generation of teens will grow up understanding its meaning and not its origins in the same way teens of my generation used adjective!character parlance long before ever learning what bang paths were.

[maxknightley]

the thing about Revolutionary Girl Utena is that on any day where she doesn't have a duel she is presumably still tearing it up on the b-ball court

[maxknightley]

Mondays: Free throw practice

Tuesdays: Cardio drills

Wednesdays: Swordfight with someone whose worldview and/or neuroses are embodied in the events of the fight itself

Thursday: Ohtori Academy vs. St Ignatius Non-Yuri Catholic School (Go Shooting Stars!)

[chronophobica]

what they DONT tell you about clarinets is that you have to fucking build the damn thing every single time. "what instrument do you play" fucking legos man idk

[alphabetizing-posts]

about build clarinets damn do DONT every fucking fucking have idk instrument is legos man play" single tell that the they thing time. to what "what you you you

[howverychaotic]

I really need to start reading the blog name because I thought I was having some sort of moment right there.

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[iwantwings44]

[adelidae]

getting up from bed tips

getting up from bed cheats

getting up from bed codes

getting up from bed ending explained

[dankmemeuniversity]

[iamoutofideas]

[cybermanes-deactivated20251227]

wow babe you’re really good at staying up incredibly late and barely sleeping every night

[honorculture]

[toastyglow]

"it's inscrutable" maybe to you it is. I scrute it all the time

[i-give-you-a-fish]

You get a Milkfish

Chanos chanos

[fish-identifier]

i scrute the milkfish

[homunculus-argument]

A three-circle venn-diagram where the circles are "sex workers", "the furry community", and "people working in morgues". I don't know what the overlap parts are.

[flufflogic]

Fourth circle needed: IT workers

[homunculus-argument]

You say that with such confidence that I am compelled to trust your vision. Personally I have no idea where this is going.

[trytocallmecal]

i'd say the overlap between "sex workers" and "people who work in morgues" is probably "seeing naked strangers a lot"

[homunculus-argument]

"professional handling of bodies of strangers"?

[small-gods-curator]

Putting my neck out for you folks here

[fallingtowers]

"grackle" really is a perfect name for a bird. knocked it out of the park w/ that one

[playwrongs]

there's nothing i like more as a computer program than a long period of silent contemplation - not doing anything, not rushing anywhere, just standing here and enjoying this moment with the user. oh, it seems once again he has summoned my beautiful and ruthless wife Task Manager. hello, my darling! what are you doing with that long cruel scimitar

[bookhobbit]

on tv people are always getting called by professional titles instead of names eg captain doctor detective what have you. wish this happened more in real life in general for your average person. I would like to simply be addressed by the element of my life that is relevant to the current situation, I mostly do not want people to know or use my name. hello patient, the doctor will see you now. dear applicant we are sorry to say that we think your resume is terrible and we hope you crumble into unseeing dust forever, goodbye. you there, shopper, please stop hiding under the clothing racks and leaping out to bite people. and so forth

[soup-mother]

Guy who lacks the vocabulary to simply say "they are doing some touhou shit to me" voice: "This terraria boss is like some crazy lesbian armpit porn!"

[sillyzlaurr]

"The Shadow Crystals are far more than mere pieces of glass. In actuality, they contain a certain power..."