memsys :)

Memsys || 20y/o || they/them alr! mentally ill system who loves psychology

[memsys-parallel]

We're Memsys (they/them), and this is our psychology-specific sideblog (where we also talk about ourselves)! Our main is @longtermemorysauce.

[Below the cut contains blinkies with mild flashing.]

System with a cocktail of neuroses and a fixation on psychology! Our dream is to be a therapist and to make resources more accessible for the public.

Xiomara is our idol <3 I love tptm hehe

Our psych-related stances are that we believe in informed self diagnosis, research proving endogenic plurals, and in recovery and reform. We do not want radqueers, believers in "cluster b abuse", or shedblr to interact with our blog.

I tried to make this intro as screenreader friendly as I could, but I've never done image ID's before. I hope I did alright!

[personality-disorder-archive]

Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD): Symptoms and Characteristics

Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) is a Cluster B personality disorder, meaning it is characterised by dramatic and/or erratic behaviour. In this case, the pwHPD behaves in such dramatic and/or erratic ways to become the centre of attention due to a lack of feeling acknowledged by others, and perhaps a feeling that they (the pwHPD) do not belong.

Symptoms of HPD include:

feeling underappreciated or depressed when not the centre of attention

having rapidly shifting and shallow emotions

being dramatic and extremely emotionally expressive, even to the point of embarrassing friends and family in public

having a “larger than life” presence

being persistently charming and flirtatious

being overly concerned with their physical appearance

using their physical appearance to draw attention to themselves by wearing bright-colored clothing or revealing clothing

acting inappropriately sexually with most of the people they meet, even when they’re not sexually attracted to them

speaking dramatically and expressing strong opinions, but with few facts or details to support their opinions

being gullible and easily influenced by others, especially by the people they admire

thinking that their relationships with others are closer than they usually are

having difficulty maintaining relationships, often seeming fake or shallow in their interactions with others

needing instant gratification and becoming bored or frustrated very easily

constantly seeking reassurance or approval

While HPD and NPD are similar in their need for attention, it comes from two different places. A pwNPD has a need for attention that is tied to supporting their sense of self-worth and superiority, while a pwHPD's need for attention is more tied to feeling like part of a group - feeling real and acknowledged. It's more a form of emotional regulation than it is of regulation of self-worth in NPD.

As with the other PDs, a leading factor contributing to the development of HPD is genetics and abuse in childhood. Unstable and/or unhealthy parenting styles may also contribute to development, such as a parent displaying overly sexual or erratic behaviour; a child may internalise this and have it develop into HPD in the future.

Those with HPD are also more likely to have somatic symptom disorder, a disorder in which the person has "a significant focus on physical symptoms, such as pain, weakness or shortness of breath, to a level that results in major distress and/or problems functioning." (psychiatry.org, "What is Somatic Symptom Disorder?"). This means that, when physically injured, a pwHPD may exaggerate their symptoms to gain sympathy, but it may be due to the pwHPD themselves feeling a form of anxiety around said physical injuries. They think excessively about their physical injury(ies) when they are present, to the point of impacting their ability to function, and a pwHPD may openly express this excessive thinking about physical injuries and get sympathy, which makes them feel acknowledged.

[memsys-parallel]

I have this weird habit where I compulsively dump all the worst shit about me in some kind of attempt to prove to people I'm dangerous and rotten, that they have to know what I'm capable of and what's wrong with me, to run away if they must. Most find it off-putting and leave, and I don't blame them, even though it hurts. I just wish I could stop doing it.

[rainsandrainsand]

[pupperish]

this is how all of pop psych tiktok that tries to convince ppl with bpd that they're better than all the other cluster B disorders sounds to me

[that-cluster-b-bitch]

the psychotic symptoms of bpd really aren't talked about enough. I can't stand the fact that it doesn't get treated seriously, and when it does, it's usually because they're attributing it to another condition. yes I'm psychotic, yes I hallucinate, yes I dissociate, yes I have paranoia, yes my thoughts are disordered, and no I'm not schizophrenic.

(yes these can be caused by bpd and other conditions, for example; I have ppd and bpd, I experience paranoia because of both of them)

[personality-disorder-archive]

^ THIS. Psychosis can manifest in a person due to a number of different conditions, and the manifestation of it in those with PDs isn't all that researched (to my current knowledge) or talked about! But it is quite common (up to 50% of people with BPD experience it), and we should talk and research more about it!

[memsys-parallel]

Having an FP will have you thinking like some kind of yandere stereotype. Pressing my forehead against the mirror… calm down… you do not have to do all that…

[rotforme]

i think having an fp doesn't automatically mean you're supposed to be obsessive or start acting like a yandere stereotype. it can be intense, but it can also be stable, healthy, and manageable. i think people often treat having an fp as if it has to be obsessive, possessive, or unhealthy to be valid. those experiences can happen, but they aren't what defines an fp relationship. It doesn't have to look like the stereotype to be valid.

[memsys-parallel]

This is something that's important to note and that I have been thinking about a lot lately, along with that not every pwBPD has to have an FP (not criteria). I usually have "spikes" where I show (less extreme) "stereotypical symptoms" but they always even out at some point and I feel more normal, albeit still sensitive, for example.

I made this during a moment I was obsessing over mine (you're mine and mine only, etc etc) and probably over-exaggerated it because I was extremely frustrated with myself and didn't have another word for it.

[rotforme]

i 100% agree with you that not every pwbpd has to have a fp for their bpd to be valid and whatnot. i didn't have any for over 2 years until recently. i also experience these spikes but somehow wade through it without ever making it obvious. i tend to mask and suppress a lot of it, so it stays internal.

at the same time, i don’t think the obsessive or possessive framing is something that defines an fp dynamic or needs to be normalized just because it shows up during dysregulated moments. it's more like something that happens around the attachment when emotions are high, rather than what the relationship actually is.

[memsys-parallel]

Yeah, I agree with you on the FP discussion, sorry if it seemed like I wasn't! I was just trying to add on to it and give an example of how every pwBPD isn't as "constantly obsessive/possessive" stereotype as in "mine is typically in bursts and not as extreme as others I see", as I see a lot of pwBPD on Tumblr who DO have strong, constant attachments. I do my best to avoid externalizing it and haven't for some time as I'm working at recovery. Also, I recently went roughly 4~5 years without an FP, so I get that too.

Sorry for wording it that way, truly, I know it's not good to be normalized like that, I was just venting and too upset to look for a better word choice. FWIW, I was expressing it as thoughts rather than actions, and that I was trying to talk myself through not acting on it at all.

[rotforme]

oh my, this wasn't meant to criticize you or anything. i responded to your main post because of how you said, "calm down, you do not have to do all that." that's really only why i commented.

i wasn't trying to argue or accuse you at all. wanted to share my thoughts about it. no worries, don't apologize. and it's good that you're aware of the affect and wording when it comes to things like these. it can get messy really fast.

it's understandable, you were upset at the moment. i'm sorry if it came off like i am policing you or something. was not my intention at all.

[memsys-parallel]

Ohhh okay oops!! sorry I have a hard time reading tone sometimes!! ^^;;

[psychresources]

(source)

[memsys-parallel]

Having an FP will have you thinking like some kind of yandere stereotype. Pressing my forehead against the mirror… calm down… you do not have to do all that…

[rotforme]

i think having an fp doesn't automatically mean you're supposed to be obsessive or start acting like a yandere stereotype. it can be intense, but it can also be stable, healthy, and manageable. i think people often treat having an fp as if it has to be obsessive, possessive, or unhealthy to be valid. those experiences can happen, but they aren't what defines an fp relationship. It doesn't have to look like the stereotype to be valid.

[memsys-parallel]

This is something that's important to note and that I have been thinking about a lot lately, along with that not every pwBPD has to have an FP (not criteria). I usually have "spikes" where I show (less extreme) "stereotypical symptoms" but they always even out at some point and I feel more normal, albeit still sensitive, for example.

I made this during a moment I was obsessing over mine (you're mine and mine only, etc etc) and probably over-exaggerated it because I was extremely frustrated with myself and didn't have another word for it.

[rotforme]

i 100% agree with you that not every pwbpd has to have a fp for their bpd to be valid and whatnot. i didn't have any for over 2 years until recently. i also experience these spikes but somehow wade through it without ever making it obvious. i tend to mask and suppress a lot of it, so it stays internal.

at the same time, i don’t think the obsessive or possessive framing is something that defines an fp dynamic or needs to be normalized just because it shows up during dysregulated moments. it's more like something that happens around the attachment when emotions are high, rather than what the relationship actually is.

[memsys-parallel]

Yeah, I agree with you on the FP discussion, sorry if it seemed like I wasn't! I was just trying to add on to it and give an example of how every pwBPD isn't as "constantly obsessive/possessive" stereotype as in "mine is typically in bursts and not as extreme as others I see", as I see a lot of pwBPD on Tumblr who DO have strong, constant attachments. I do my best to avoid externalizing it and haven't for some time as I'm working at recovery. Also, I recently went roughly 4~5 years without an FP, so I get that too.

Sorry for wording it that way, truly, I know it's not good to be normalized like that, I was just venting and too upset to look for a better word choice. FWIW, I was expressing it as thoughts rather than actions, and that I was trying to talk myself through not acting on it at all.

[memsys-parallel]

Conversation with a friend last night made me realize I gotta take my own advice so… reaching out to my childhood IRLs with my little employment story hoping to spark some life back in the server!! Also screenshotting some Positive Messages and Positive Reblogs/Comments for my supply… yayful!!

[borderlinereminders]

Self-Soothing

Self-Soothing skills are mostly physical techniques that use different senses. This is one of the distress tolerance skills. Different things work for different people, but the goal is to use one (or more) of the five senses to give yourself a comfortable experience when you are feeling in distress.

(These are also really great ideas for grounding!)

Here are some examples to try, but don't hesitate to add your own!

Vision:

Go visit a place you love (a museum, aquarium, maybe the beach, or a trail/view point you love.)

Watch a slideshow of your favourite pictures

Look at an aesthetic collage/board you made

Light a candle and watch the flame flicker and the wax gradually melt.

Find a video you like like a wood stove burning, or maybe rain or snow falling.

Touch:

Use a stim toy that you enjoy that has an interesting texture (slime, soft things, etc).

Pet or cuddle your pet!

Hold a favourite blanket, or maybe a stuffed animal.

Take a warm bubble bath

Lay in the grass

Hearing:

Put on your favourite music

Use an auditory stim toy you enjoy (pop tubes, snapperz, etc.)

Listen to nature sounds

Listen to your pet snoring

Go to a park and listen to the sounds of children laughing and playing

Taste:

Have a nice cup of tea, hot chocolate, coffee, etc

Suck on a hard candy

Chew on gum

Eat one of your favourite snacks

Cook a favourite meal

Go grab a favourite drink from somewhere

Smell:

Light a scented candle and focus on the smell

Use incense

Use your favourite body spray/perfume

Go for a walk somewhere where you can smell something you enjoy like the ocean, or fresh baking at the bakery

Bake or cook something to smell it in the oven

Set up a new air freshener

We sometimes feel like we don't deserve these comforts, or it's hard for us to self-soothe on our own without someone to help us. You absolutely deserve these comforts, and while it's valid to get help from others, being able to work on self-soothing for ourselves can be really beneficial to us and our relationships. I made a deal with myself that I will try self-soothing first and then reach out for help if needed after I make a solid effort on my own. The comfort that I still have the option to reach out makes me more willing to try to self-soothe on my own.

If possible, make yourself a goal to try a new self-soothing technique a week to try when you aren't in distress to see how it feels! Trying these distress skills when we aren't in distress can be really helpful to us being able to use them in distress. When you are trying them, make sure to try and focus solely on the technique. If you are using a taste technique, focus only on the taste and enjoyment of whatever it is. (Using mindfulness techniques to achieve this can be helpful!)

[borderlinereminders]

If you’re someone who needs reassurance from loved ones that they love you, that’s really valid. But the way you ask for it matters. Hinting at it with comments like “nobody loves me” can actually be hurtful to your loved ones. It’s also a good idea to try and reassure yourself first!

The truth is that for a lot of people, giving reassurance constantly is exhausting. It can lead to issues in a relationship over time, and negative feelings on both sides because they may end up avoiding the other person. This is especially true if someone doesn't ask for reassurance directly but hints at it with things like "No one cares about me."

My advice is if you are finding yourself struggling is to first try and self soothe either with skills or things that have helped in the past. Here is my post on self-soothing ideas! And if that doesn’t work, then ask for it in a healthy way.

Some other examples.

Keep screenshots, letters, cards etc that affirm you are cared about by your loved ones. You can even ask someone to give you a recording of them saying it that you can listen to. Bonus: Keep these things in a self-care box that you can use in times of crisis and pull out that has other things in like affirmation cards, favourite treats, self care items, etc.

Examine the evidence. By this I mean try and keep a list of things they've done to show they care about you. For example, I have a list of things my partner has done for me besides saying "I love you" of both big things and little things that I can read when my brain decides to be rude to me and make me doubt he cares.

If the other person has done something specifically to make you feel they don't care, it's important to step back and look at the situation and check the facts. There's a difference between someone lying to you or doing something intentional and someone not replying to you because they got busy. Here’s my post on checking the facts!

Here’s a post on Challenging Irrational Thoughts!

ACCEPTS is a really good skill for distractions! Here's a post on it.

TIPP is a good skill if you are needing to calm down in immediate crisis. Here's a post on it.

If you're having urges to accuse your loved one of not caring, consider Urge Surfing (here's a post on it) and then using a skill or plan that helps you.

If you aren't able to self-soothe that's so valid! It really is. I recommend trying it because sometimes you will be able to. But then sometimes you won't be able to and that's okay. In this case, if you need to get it from someone, ask directly for it instead of doing it in a guilting/passive aggressive/hinting way. You might say "Hey. I know you care about me, but my brain is being rude. Can you please give me some reassurance?" instead of "Sorry I'm such a bad friend/person/burden/etc".

It might also be worth having a conversation when calm with the other person to establish some boundaries and ideas for communication.

For example, if your friend regularly feels drained by you asking for reassurance, they could set boundaries on how often they're okay for you to ask for it.

You both might decide that they will try and message you randomly to offer reassurance because it can mean a lot when that happens.

This might be where they send you messages/recordings/etc that you can read in times of need.

If the friend is doing something specifically, even unintentionally, that makes you question things then it's really valid to have a discussion about it! I recommend using some I-Statements or other communicative skills to talk about it. Even if they aren't doing something wrong, it's still valid to talk about your feelings and see if you can come up with a solution. For example, maybe it's really hard on you that they disappear randomly for a couple days when their energy levels plummet. And this causes you to spiral and think they're ghosting you or etc. In this situation, maybe you and your friend come up with a solution where you establish a single emoji (specific for this purpose) that the friend can send with low energy that says "Hey. It's not you but I'm feeling drained and need to not reply for a bit."

[memsys-parallel]

Having an FP will have you thinking like some kind of yandere stereotype. Pressing my forehead against the mirror… calm down… you do not have to do all that…

[rotforme]

i think having an fp doesn't automatically mean you're supposed to be obsessive or start acting like a yandere stereotype. it can be intense, but it can also be stable, healthy, and manageable. i think people often treat having an fp as if it has to be obsessive, possessive, or unhealthy to be valid. those experiences can happen, but they aren't what defines an fp relationship. It doesn't have to look like the stereotype to be valid.

[memsys-parallel]

This is something that's important to note and that I have been thinking about a lot lately, along with that not every pwBPD has to have an FP (not criteria). I usually have "spikes" where I show (less extreme) "stereotypical symptoms" but they always even out at some point and I feel more normal, albeit still sensitive, for example.

I made this during a moment I was obsessing over mine (you're mine and mine only, etc etc) and probably over-exaggerated it because I was extremely frustrated with myself and didn't have another word for it.

[hussyknee]

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

[memsys-parallel]

the avpd culture of “im not going to create anything for my friends ocs because the concept of mischaracterizing them/drawing them wrong on accident makes me feel nauseous” 😭

[memsys-parallel]

me when my friends dont rip me limb from limb when i do something for them: oh? 🥺 you like me? 🥺🥺 my friend likes me? 🥺🥺

[memsys-parallel]

pisses me off that people looove fictional characters with BPD/who are BPD coded yet cannot handle a real life person with BPD at all

[cddtreatmentcenter]

All around splitting

[ID: A white note with the colorful plural rings on the left reading "CDD treatment center "... take a seat!"" ID end]

read more under the cut

The term split or splitting is used in psychology for a couple of things, most know is probably splitting in BPD where you cannot hold opposing emotions, thoughts or beliefs. It's when you see the world in black and white — all or nothing.

"Splitting is the act of creating a new alter in dissociative identity disorder (DID) or other specified dissociative disorder (OSDD-1). [...] The newer theory of how alters are created is that of structural dissociation. According to this theory, alters are created when no existing parts can integrate new materials (e.g., memories, strong emotions, perceptions, attachment styles) because these materials are too threatening or are perceived as conflicting too strongly with what is already held."

source (link)

Splitting in CDDs refers to the formation of a new alter typically through external stress. Some splits may form from fusing multiple fragments together, in that case the split may be seen as a sign of healing.

Depending on the system and the tolerance of stress they may be more or less prone to splitting. Some polyfragmented systems may split in groups of two or more alters and may have complex splitting patterns.

Newly split alter are not always well developed (fragments) and may take some time to elaborate themselves. More interaction and fronting will usually help fragments develop a more distinct sense of self, they may start out with just one primary function or emotion. In some cases, alters may be clearly differentiated from some other alters but appear highly similar to alters that handle a similar "theme".