MineSecretBlog

[minesecretblog]

Soccer Aid 2014!

Can somebody put a link over everything of Soccer Aid. Not just the match but also how the player came in the playersbus, I've missed the first hour that's why. Thank you!

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About my last post!

Hello Blres,

I just wanted to say that I'm going to a rough time with myself. I just need to have some time to work on myself and try to be happy again.

It's funny because I didn't went to school today because I had pain AGAIN ! :(. And my mom talked with me about maybe seeing a therapist. She said that it isn't bad for me to see one because it will only make you feel better. I'm such a loser because I'm crying again like WTF. 

So the next time when I go to the doctor I need to ask him if there is a therapist I can visit cause I feel like that with a therapist I can really express my emotions and how I feel. 

Still I'm just scared of everything but maybe one day it will be better but then you will be hearing from.

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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School again :(

Hello Blres, 

I'm already going to tell you that this is going to be my sad post. School started again after a two and a half week vacation. It's the third day of school and I'm already depressed.

I'm listening to a sad song and I'm crying so hard right know! You Blres have no idea how much pain I have! Not just the pain that I feel but everything mentally and physically.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't on this world anymore. Sometimes I even think why am I born. I just see how much I hurt other people with my annoying talk about my pain. I know some of them want to help me but I'm just not that kind of person who wants help but I know that I need help. 

There is just nothing that can  make me happy and that's sad. I thought that 2014 I could change something about myself a bit but I just feel like shit.

There is just nothing to live for. I'm sorry that I'm saying those thinks but I honestly feel like this. I want to do things that is just not possible because my dreams are just to big and I don't even know if that will make me happy. 

I feel like a horrible person who does everything wrong. I'm crying so hard that I can't even breathe. I have almost no tears left. 

An hour ago my sister said to me 'if there is something wrong you can tell me because it isn't good to keep everything to yourself' but I just can't. I can't even tell her how I feel and that's not good. I just can't enjoy life anymore. I just hurt so much people. 

Sometimes I feel like to maybe talk to a therapist but I'm scared to ask my parents about it because than they will see me as a weak person and loser and I don't want that. I feel like I'm doing nothing good in there eyes.

It goes really bad at school I just got a 1 at English and I was shocked because I'm good in English. I think a reason for that is, is that I'm not foccused anymore. My depression is definitely a big part of that. 

I'm going to finish it here because otherwise it will be to long. 

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Happy New Year!

Hello Blres, I just want to say a Happy New Year and I hope you will have a good new year and a good night! You will be hearing from me, - Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Almost over!

Hello Blres,

I know I haven't posted in a while but I needed to do this because I saw a video that made me cry and inspired me to write this because the year it almost over. This is the link of the video you should watch it it's such an inspiration. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ut8rL0n_yQ&hd=1

So the year is almost over and honestly I'm glad it's over. Last year I wrote that I wasn't ready for 2013 and I was right. There happend ofcourse some good things but most of the time the year sucked so I'm happy when it's over.

I'm not a person who goes and say my new year revolutions will be this and that but I will definitely change something. I don't know what but I have to because I'm getting to an age that I already have to know what I want to do later but I don't know. I have so many things that I want to do in 2014 and I hope that I can accomplish all of it. At this moment in my life I'm not in a good place, most of the time I'm depressed or down and then I'm not in the mood for anything. And for me that's sad because I'm at an age that I suppose to have fun but I don't have fun and that's not good.

I know this is maybe kind of boring to all of you but other wise I don't have time to post it and for me I feel like I had to post it to make me feel better and realise that I have to change meself a bit not for the person who I am but for the things I have to do. So I will end the post here. 

Question of this post: What I your new years revolutions?

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Break downs! :(

Hello Blres,

I want to cath up with you guys a bit. I have my results and they where negative but know I have to go to the hospital next Tuesday to know what is going on I will definitaly write something about that.

But know I will explain my title. I had 2 breakdown this week and I maybe think that I'm going in to a little depression.

My first break down was about my sister because she annoyed me so much I just couldn't take it anymore. In that week I did something wrong and I know I made a mistake and I will learn from it but she kept pushing saying things like 'you shouldn't do that anymore', 'you did that really wrong'. For god sake I know I did it wrong she just needed to leave me alone. 

My second break down was also because of my sister. We needed to go somewhere with the car and that is a 1 hour drive. But I'm so scared to sit in a car because I'm scared that I will have a panic attack or that my stomach will hurt. She just annoyed me so much that I did't even went anymore. 

I feel so emotional the last couple of week I don't know how it comes I think that I get a little depression I hope to get out of there soon as possible because right know I have to do a lot of work for school. 

Question of this post: Have you my Blres ever felt really down?

Well you just read my anwer so you know. I hope that I will get some of your answer to help me get through everything.

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Today!

Hello Blres,

I want to post this blog because I think it will help me! I will still do the blogs about what all happend in the time that I was away but that will come later cause I want to do this first.

You all don't know but for the last 4/5 years I have some really stomach problems. I went to the doctors so many times but they couldn't find out what is was they gave me some medication but it never really helped any of it. 

Wednesday I went to the doctor again and this time the doctor thought of doing a bloodtest to know if it is maybe something in my blood and if not than I need to do some further tests.

When the doctor told me about what I could possible have FREAKED ME out!! My parents and I even looked it up on internet to look what the symptoms are and it kinda matches with my situation. For you blres to know I get the tests results on Tuesday. 

The doctor sad that I could possible have a gluten allergy. At first I thought okay if I have that then I know all the time what my problem was but then I read some more. I read that if you have gluten allergy there is a possibility that you can't have kids later and that if you are pregnant the risk of having is miscarriage is big. When I read that I didn't know what to think or do I just started crying..... I always wanted to be a mother, I always dreamed of being pregnant. Ofcourse the test results are not in yet so maybe I don't have that problem but if I do I don't know what to do. 

When I read that I felt so lost. I didn't know what to do so at sudden I was sitting on my knees by the bed and I just started praying. I never prayed in my life so I didn't know what to do but it felt good. Even I'm not religius at all I feel like that I'm getting more spititual. 

I know it's a long blog but I just wanted to tell you how I felt today. The whole point of this blog is about when you feel really down and you heared something that you don't wanna hear find something that will get back on your knees and live your live.

When I'm getting back my test results then I will make a blog about that because I hope that I will be hearing good news and not the bad one.

Question of this post: What have you done to get back on your knees again.

My answer is praying. I know this was the first time that I prayed but it honestly felt so good that I will do it much more often!

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Twitter!!

Hello Blres,

I wanted to say that you can also follow me on Twitter! My Twitter is www.twitter.com/ElizabethDawn33 I don't post much on Twitter but sometimes I will.

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Ashamed! :(

Hello Blres,

I feel so bad and so ashamed. I haven't written something in months and so much happend! I honestly can't say how bad I feel pff.

Why I didn't wrote in a long time is because I was really busy with school I had stress and I just needed a bit of time of. I know it's not a good excuse but I promise I will get back on track because I really missed writting my feeling. I love writing my feelings out if some kind of therapy for me.

To explain all what happend in the past few month it a lot but I think this week or next week I will make more blogs about it each individually so you will still get to know what happend in the past few months. 

Again I'm really sorry and I hope you guys will forgive me!

Question of this post: Have you ever let somebody down?

My answer is yes and that happend a lot of time. I think I will make a post about it and explain why.

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Finding Band Members!

Hello Blres,

  I’m sorry but I have to do this message in Dutch.

  Zoals de titel al zegt ben ik op zoek naar bandleden die samen met mij in een band willen. Ik ben op zoek naar een vrouwelijke gitarist en een vrouwelijke drummer, ik wil dat ze gepassioneerd zijn door muziek en door songwriting. Ik wil ook dat je een beetje goede vocals hebt. Ik wil een band starten die de wereld wil over nemen met de muziek die we kunnen maken. Mijn plan is om onze muziek en gevoelens aan de medemens te laten horen en hopen om op één dag de wereld kunnen veroveren met onze muziek. Het fijne zou zijn als je in Nijmegen en omstreken woont maar als je ergens anders woont, maakt het niet uit.

  Waar ik naar op zoek ben:

-         Vrouwelijke gitarist + vocals (het fijne zou zijn als je gitaar en bas speelt, gevorderd).

-         Vrouwelijke drummer + vocals (gevorderd).

-         Leeftijd: tussen 17 en 22.

-         Je moet er 100% voor gaan.

-         Songwriting, het beste zou zijn als we onze eigen liedjes kunnen schrijven.

-         Creatief

  Dus als je hier aan voldoet dan neem contact met me op, stuur me een bericht via deze Tumblr en hoop dat we dan snel aan de slag kunnen gaan.

  You will be hearing from me,

  - Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Hello Blres,

I'm in a reall rush I have to do a lot of things but I just wanted to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day! And I can Honestly say I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! If you really love someone then you will show it to that person everyday and not only because on one particular day so for me this day is shit!

I will speak to you very soon but I have to go again!

Question of this post: What do you thing about Valentine's Day? Leave me some answers so I can read them.

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Been Away!

Hello Blres,

I don't know how many times I will say this but I'm sorry again for not posting anything. I would love to post more but I thing I'm just to lazy but I really want to share my story with you. Somethings did happend in these 2 weeks.

Last week I went to a concert and it was of THE SCRIPT I fucking love that band (sorry for my language). I went there with my little sister and my best friend, and I could honestly say that it was the best concert I ever been to. Everything was perfect the music the people. But there where some dom people who only came for one song and that is sad because who are true fans can't go because of their money issue and than someone is going just for one song that is just sad. I don't know it just didn't felt right but I had the best time ever and nothing is going to take that away from me.

Then this week I started my 10 week internship and it was quit boring. I literally did nothing there I just posted some packages to some people and that was it. I have workinghours and I don't even get paid like I need to get something because I'm not doing it for fun. Doing a countdown can't wait till I get to school again (this is the first and last time you will get to hear that from me).

Thursday I went to Klaas van der Eerden he is a stand-up comedian. He was hilarious I went there with my little sister. I laught so hard that I cried when my sister saw I cried she had to laugh harder. He was just genius and funny. I really needed that because the internship was horrible that day.

Question of this post: To which concert would you like to go to?

Mine was The Script I wanted to go there since the beginning and my dream came true, I'm blessed with that.

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Pissed!

Hello Blres,

I'm so pissed right now I was making a huge assignment for school that I have to deliver it tommorow and what happend my laptop crasher. Now everything is gone and I have to make it again! HJHjhdhushgfdhjfdhjfhjdhjfdsjfdshhjdsfojfdjodfojdf. I'm just so angry right now I just wanna cry and suffer. But if I don't make this assignment I may not pass this year. So I will make the assignment again full of joy (sarcastic).

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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I have to be strong!

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I HATE THIS DAY!

Hello Blres,

I hate this day already and it isn't even 9 am. I talked to you about how I'm in love with someone well this morning I found out that he has a gf.......(complete silence). My heart broke in like a million little pieces. And the worst part is that I like her she is nice. I don't know what to do I really need your help!!

So I thought maybe school will help to put my mind on something else well karma is a bitch the trains doesn't ride so I'm at home crying and listening to sad music. Sometimes I'm just such a idiot. I don't hate this day I just hate myself. But I knew it would come to this because I saw some things on Twitter what he usually doesn't do so.....

Well question of this post is: What do you do when your heart is broken? Please give me some reactions because I need to know. I feel so down and I can't be happy please?

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Horrible!

Hello Blres,

It's almost 11 pm and I'm still working on some schoolprojects, it's really killing me because I'm so tired I just want to sleep! Do you have that to my Blres?? I just needed to post something so that was actually it.

Question of the post: Do you always have a lot of schoolwork to do? And if yes what kind of work? Leave in a message and I will answer it.

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx

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Busy! :(

Hello Blres,

Again I'm really sorry that I haven't been posting something but I'm just so busy with school it is just killing me. I have like a million big assignment to do and then I also have to learn and because of that I can't post anything. But I promise when I'm done with those stupid assignment that I will post more (but I also promised that if I had school that I will post more) but really this time I really going to try to post more things.

I want to do something new , whenever I post I will ask you a question so that you can answer me and I will respond back if I have time but 100% sure that I will respond back. I will do those question because I want to know you more. So this post question is 'What are thoughts on school?'. You can also send me answers privatly if you want to.

You will be hearing from me,

- Elizabeth Dawn Xx