bad ass. smart ass. great ass.

kris. 18. philippines. perpetually 4'9. a constant embarrassment, occasional disappointment. will eat you out of a house and home. i am also a lamp.

[marciaillust]

I’m gonna give the audience (me) everything they want @wellfine‘s comics are just too good and inspired me to draw this one 

[xenoveno-deactivated20230410]

Atsumu and Osamu

[writing-prompt-s]

You were once the demon king. “Defeated” by the hero, you went into hiding to pursue a simpler life. Today the “hero” has appeared, threatening you family to pay tribute, not realizing who you actually are. Today you show them what happens when you have something worth fighting to protect.

[caffeinewitchcraft]

You are told at seven that you won’t ever do anything good in your life. You grow up knowing that it doesn’t matter that you help your younger sister make her letters properly or that you’re the one who stays up late with mother when too many custom orders come through the tailor shop. It doesn’t matter that you don’t want to hurt anyone or control anyone or anything of the sort. It doesn’t matter that your name means Light in your mother’s native language because as soon as they realize that you’re the Demon King, no one ever calls your name again.

You are chased out of your village the moment your powers bloom at fifteen years old, and the skies turn black with your fear. A rock hits you between your shoulder blades just as you make it to the main road and you stumble, falling to your knees in a mud puddle at the very moment the skies open up.

“She’s cursing us!” the midwife who delivered you screams over the thunder. “She’s damning us with her!”

Your mother is crying, but she doesn’t raise a hand to help you. She did everything she could, keeping your Role a secret all these years. She won’t risk anymore with another little girl to take care of.

No one tells you that you have a choice. No kind stranger drags you out of the rain and into the warmth of their home where a wise sage tells you it is not how we are born, but what choices we make.

Instead, you take the little pack your mother hid for you in the depths of the forest and sling it over your shoulder. There’s money, provisions, and more wraps to cover the evil mark on your left bicep.

“Your destiny will find you,” your mother told you only hours ago. “I forgive you for it.”

She meant the words as a comfort, but you only heard condemnation in it. Without having killed so much as a fly, she is already blessing you with forgiveness.

Keep reading

[frodo-baggins]

Namárië Ian Holm. 12 September 1931 - 19 June 2020.

[cillianmurphy]

Ian Holm (September 12 1931 - June 19 2020) as Bilbo Baggins in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

[catchymemes]

[bella-alva-lovat]

I reblog this anytime it pops on my dash

[darkverrmin]

I like the idea of Geralt finding out more astonishing details about Jaskier's sex life:

"You slept with a bruxa and didn't get your dick cut off??"

"Hey, by the time I realized that she wasn't human, a nice mage came by to help me. She killed the bruxa and then I slept with her, which was much more pleasant".

"You fucked a mage??"

"You sound like you're surprised. By the way, when I was younger, not long before we met, I slept with a Witcher, too. I think he was from the school of the Wolf, like you. Short brown hair? A huge scar over his right eye? Kinda rude-"

"YOU FUCKED LAMBERT!???"

[remijaecrowley]

I love how I could see Geralt being kinda out up til finding out jaskier fucked Lambert. Then I picture him grabbing his sword and Jaskier grabbing at him yelling ,"you can't kill your brother for fucking me before we even MET, Geralt!!"

[selectivegeekwithstandards]

Now I’m just imagining Jaskier subverting Geralt’s limerick “lambert lambert what a prick” - and saying it in a way so that it sound’s like Jaskier is wistfully thinking of lambert’s prick. as in “what a great prick” and Geralt being SO ANGRY. 

[darkverrmin]

Can you imagine Geralt and Jaskier being together and Geralt brings Jaskier to Kaer Morhen for the winter. And they all sit at the table, Geralt glaring at Lambert. And then Lambert, because he's Lambert, suddenly asks Jaskier: "So who's better in bed, me or Geralt?"

And Jaskier eyes him for a moment before casually answering "Eskel" and Eskel spits out his stew

[ilovejaskierthebard]

But is he wrong tho? The answer is no. ESKEL IS A SEX GOD PASS IT ON

[darkverrmin]

Geralt: When did you have time to fuck Eskel??

Jaskier:... Remember the fight we had on the mountain? And didn't see each other for a year afterwards?

Geralt: So you decided to drown you sorrows by sleeping with a Witcher?

Jaskier: Not "a Witcher". I knew he was your brother.

Geralt:

Jaskier: That was payback, baby. We're even.

Geralt: *glares at Eskel*

Eskel: Hey, I didn't kNOW HE WAS YOUR BARD-

[iliveinmyblanket]

I just had thought

Concept: describing male protagonists like how female protagonists are written.

John's dick juggled as he walked, he arse big and bountiful. As he walked his abs were piercing through his tight shirt.

[iliveinmyblanket]

Why is this hidden in the comments? 😂

[cephalopodvictorious]

LIKE A sexy goose neck

[iliveinmyblanket]

Sdjhdjskl

[ilovejaskierthebard]

Where is the modern au where Jaskier is a smut writer and Geralt is his poor editor who is unknowingly his muse?

[iliveinmyblanket]

Oh my god someone write this.

[catboygiroux]

Never forget

“dick so hard it could hammer nails”

most memorable line I’ve read from harlequin romance smut

[ilovejaskierthebard]

"Jaskier..."

"Yes, Darling editor of mine?" Jaskier answers, voice betraying how eager and ready he is for praise from his normally silent and formal editor. Every chapter of late has been given nothing more than a 'hmm' at and it had pushed Jaskier to new creative limits if only to get some sort of reaction. "Go on, give me your review, it doesn't even have to be lengthy.Three words or less."

Geralt sighed, shutting his eyes for a moment in pain as he uttered words in a way he never thought he would have to.

"...no dick has ever been hard enough to hamner in nails. Ever."

[cephalopodvictorious]

"three words or less" "it's not realistic" "what's not realistic?" "the positions, the scene. the human body doesn't bend like that" "...mine does" [geralt.exe has stopped functioning]

[mewbotz-deactivated20210224]

jaskier: my body bends that way 

geralt horny but hiding it:

[jaskierpankratz]

Jaskier: “So what do you think?!”

Geralt: “Just one question.”

Jaskier: “Yes, I’m free for dinner.”

Geralt: “What? No. Are you trying to win the Bad Sex Award this year? Nobody would believe this drivel.”

Jaskier: “Well, it is a fantasy... but I wasn’t even trying to be extreme with this one. What’s not to believe?”

Geralt: “Chapter four. The thing Rowe did with the...”

Jaskier: “That’s definitely possible. And quite enjoyable.”

Geralt: “The ending of chapter six...”

Jaskier: “Well, my partner certainly liked it.”

Geralt: “Soren’s leg would have broken in chapter eight.”

Jaskier: “Not with a good yoga routine, I assure you.”

Geralt: “And why would they use...”

Jaskier: “Oh, my dear heart, it’s delicious.”

Geralt: “...”

Jaskier: “...?”

Geralt: “... I’ll pick you up at seven.”

Jaskier: :D

[likorys-shimenawa]

Oh god, why can I totally see the cliche “I’m but a poor hentai comic maker smut writier who need to check if my things are physically possible, so won’t you help me by demonstrating?” happening when Jaskier decides to take revange on Geralt for all those questions (and lack of faith in his expirience)? xD

[iliveinmyblanket]

Guys did we just invent a new au

[conquihare]

beautiful beautiful i’m proud to be in this fandom qwq 

[my-darling-boy]

I was going to rewatch 1931 Dracula again tonight and just as I turned it on a BAT started flying around at my window and wouldn’t go away and I’ve never seen a bat at my house before and let me tell you I’ve been so gay touched starved this quarantine I was about ready to risk letting a wild bat in my room if it meant it could possibly be one tall, Sexy vampire

[my-darling-boy]

Ah rabies

[my-darling-boy]

But what if the bat was from my secret gay vampire admirer

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

The most random benefit of finally listening to The Horror and the Wild is that every single Witcher fanfic title makes sense now.

[daryshkart]

Recognition by @castillon02 was wonderful exploration of Geralt and Jaskier deep affections and understanding of each other 

[daryshkart]

Viper School witcher Jaskier owns my soul and finally i drew them together~ Anyway, i’m still in love with “demand an encore” by @theaceace check this story out!

[poprocksromance]

I adore the idea that Jaskier very deliberately constructs a soft, weak persona. I’d love to see more of his smarts on display in fics and for him to demonstrate surprising backbone and ability. Give me a Jaskier who lounges in fineries while artfully toying with the rich and powerful. Give me a Jaskier who stands to his full height and scares the utter shit out of someone. Give me a Jaskier who is older and smarter than his 18 year old self and never dissuades people from thinking little of him because it suits his needs just fine up until the moment he ruins them.

[robotslovedeath]

what a mighty sword u have there, witcher

[a-starr-ion]

w a t

[witchersjaskier]

can you imagine how weird it must be to be jaskier’s classmate from oxenfurt?

like that lazy fucker who never did anything but graduated with honors is now the most famous bard on the continent and also is fucking the most famous witcher on the continent and it’s just a wild ride for everyone, especially when someone remembers that jaskier is also a viscount.

[rockroseandthistle-deactivated2]