Today went well overall. Lots of great conversations took place alongside some... very silly ones lmao.
Here are some highlights from this morningâs lesson:
Me: *removes the wooden dicks from my bag and slaps them on the table*
Students collectively: o_O
Me: *demonstrating how to put on a condom*
Also me: *puts it on wrong the first time, even though I practiced twice beforehand* So everyone, here we see what not to do. Letâs try that again
Me: *finished demonstration, holding a sheathed wooden dick* so what questions do we have about condoms before I unleash you all to practice on the models?
Student: *raises hand* yeah, Iâm wondering how youâre feeling about your life choices up until this point?
Student 1: *raises hand* miss, why are the condoms so... slimy?
Me: thats lubricant, it helps get rid of friction that might cause discomfort during intercourse.
Student 2: *raises hand* can you use lube on a slip and slide?
Me: *genuinely considering the possibility*
*during a conversation about excuses people have heard for not wearing condoms*
Student 1: I had a guy tell me he was too big to fit in a condom
Me: *opens a condom, puts entire forearm inside and pulls it up to my elbow* hereâs why thatâs not true
Student 2: I once saw a video of somebody that put an entire watermelon in a condom before, so unless that dudeâs got a watermelon shlong, thatâs cap.
Me: *slowly losing composure behind my mask* you have the right idea, but letâs refrain from using the word âshlongâ in class, please.
Me: what are some ideas of things we can say to people who try to pressure you into having unprotected sex?
Student 1: tell them you donât want their penis cooties!!
Student 2: penis cooties? Pretty sure thatâs just herpes
Me, internally: like... youâre not wrong
Me: alright everyone, time to return the wooden models up front. Remove the condoms by firmly grasping the base of the model and sliding it off. Donât forget to throw it away please!
Student 1: FIRMLY GRASP IT
Student 2: idk if I can return it now, miss. Iâve become attached to mine(the wooden dick)
Student 3: yeah, most men are
Me: *trying to keep a straight face*
Student 1: miss, why are the wooden dicks so shiny when you take the condom off
Me: oh, thatâs just the lubricant from the condom.
Student 2: so you know you put the condom on right if your dick is shiny after?
Student 3: yeah! If your dick is shiny, youâre doing it right
Me: *trying to keep my composure pt. 36716159* uh, yeah thatâs not necessarily the case. You see, these models are wooden. Penises are not.
Student 3: then why is it called morning wood?
Me: *internally self destructs*
Me: *casually wiping off the lube from wooden dicks w/ a paper towel before returning them to my bag* so what questions do we have about the use of contraception?
Student: miss can you please not make eye contact with us while you do that?
