In a nutshell, this is the backstory of the emperor and erda and you can't change my mind.
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@morgana-the-perpetual
In a nutshell, this is the backstory of the emperor and erda and you can't change my mind.
we as a society should talk more about how anakin skywalker was getting NO SLEEP in rots. who’s letting him around this cult leader while he’s getting no sleep ??? like no wonder he’s like “hmm these points about the sith are kind of valid.” he hasn’t slept in like three months.
I think the reason that so many Pro-Jedi people insist that the Jedi were actually allowed to have romantic relationships but simultaneously condemn Anakin's relationship with Padmé is that the shippers want to have their cake and eat it to.
They need Anakin to be Wrong and Bad for getting married, while Obi-Wan or some other Jedi banging one of their clone subordinates (who are literally slaves) is completely virtuous and healthy. They need it to be okay for every other Jedi but Anakin to be allowed to have a partner and a family. They justify it by acting like Anakin and only Anakin is incapable of loving correctly, that he is inherently predisposed to being selfish and possessive. Anakin is the only one who has to choose between being a Jedi and being with Padmé because it is impossible for him to be a good person and a husband at the same time — or, at least, that is what these people insist.
They want to ship as they please, and they also need the Jedi to be right about everything, so they completely demonize every single thing about Anakin and his relationship so that they don't have this conflict — which is all made easier by the fact that they already hate Anakin to begin with. It is a refusal to engage with the source material as it is, because if they did, they would have to engage with what the Jedi actually believe and what the consequences of those beliefs are. On a fundamental level, I would say most Pro-Jedi fans actually disagree with a lot of the Jedi's beliefs, but because they want to agree with the Jedi — because never for a moment have they ever thought that it's actually okay to disagree with the good guys in a narrative, or perhaps they think they just can't disagree with religious beliefs — there's an extreme amount of cognitive dissonance they resolve by altering the on-screen and subtextual canon to suit their worldview, and then they turn around and gaslight anyone who disagrees with this distorted version of canon they have constructed in their heads.
TL;DR: they want religious characters to bang without having to engage, explore, or disagree with those religious characters' beliefs.
any take on Anakin Skywalker that reduces him to a single-sentence archetype is not just incomplete but outright wrong.
Anakin is a study in contradictions. He’s kind, selfless, cares deeply for his loved ones, and craves the praise of others, and he’s also impulsive, arrogant, self-centered, and defiant, and these character traits all stem from the same core of who he is—an insecure, lonely child who grew up in hell with only one point of light to guide him. the three characters he’s closest to each have a completely different idea of who he is, because who he is doesn’t always make sense unless you dig beneath his surface emotions and get to his motivations. Palpatine sees him as a blunt instrument, a powerful but controllable weapon he can use to enforce his will, while Obi-Wan sees him as an unstable time bomb, poised to go off at any moment and needing to be guided carefully into only blowing up at the right moment to fulfill his destiny, and finally, Padmé alone sees him as a person, whose name is Anakin; her loving husband, the father of her future children, and a good person at heart who is starved for empathy and compassion from the people in his life. Padmé is the only one of the three who really takes the time to understand Anakin; Palpatine only sees the parts of him he can manipulate, and Obi-Wan only sees the parts of him that he can’t control.
I’m sorry if that’s too much nuance and you’d rather just call Anakin an incel or a ‘republican boyfriend,’ but by doing that you are fundamentally no longer discussing the canon character of Anakin Skywalker.
If there’s one concept regarding Anakin that I’d love to see in Star Wars—but haven't really seen much of, whether in fandom or canon—it’s his relationship with the Force. After all, technically, the Force "fathered" him alongside Shmi; it created him and placed him in her womb.
I’ve always interpreted the Force—at least for the Jedi—as something very abstract; it’s not a saint, an *orisha*, or a god, but an abstract concept present in all living beings. I won't get too deep into that, but to get straight to the point: while everyone theoretically has a connection to the Force, Anakin’s is different. He is the child of the Force; he was created by it. I like to imagine the Force literally getting hands-on and making Anakin—much like Hippolyta sculpted a girl (Diana) out of clay and sand from the shores of Themyscira, and the gods breathed life into her. I like to picture the Force sculpting Anakin and placing him in Shmi’s womb. He ought to have a special bond with it; after all, it created him—the Force is his other mother.
It’s a concept I don't see explored much, but one I’d love to witness: that mother-son dynamic between Anakin and the Force. Just imagine baby Anakin back on Tatooine, unexpectedly protected by absurd, inexplicable circumstances. How do you explain a chubby, giggly baby with arms and legs so cute you just want to nibble them, even when Shmi didn't have enough milk to feed him because they were starving? How do you explain what stopped baby Anakin—just learning to crawl—from falling into a ditch? Or why animals never attack him?
It’s just a silly little concept I wish were explored more—the Force acting like a mother hen to Anakin, whether he’s on Tatooine or...
'I had a mother who loved me'
(aka, the Jedi Order is NOT Anakin's family)
This is a topic that I've seen discussed elsewhere and I felt compelled to add my own thoughts. I've seen some takes I vehemently disagree with, especially regarding Shmi and Little Ani in TPM, and Anakin's 'decision' to leave with Qui-Gon. It's crazy how some people will blame little Ani for 'wanting' to be a Jedi, yet apparently Luke in ANH is allowed to want this, even though Luke likewise barely knows anything about what being a Jedi entails, and even though it's much more risky (and, frankly, far more unrealistic) to dream of becoming a Jedi in the Dark Times era?? As if a nine-year-old slave-boy wanting to take part in his new-found freedom by learning to be something he associates with heroism means he somehow 'should have known' he wasn’t going to be a ‘good fit’ for the Order. My argument is that there was nothing wrong with Anakin, and there was in fact no legitimate reason for him or ANYONE ELSE to believe he'd not be good at using the Force to help others (which is what the Jedi are supposed to do), especially when he had literally just done so in the pod-race. The whole reason Qui-Gon noticed Anakin was because of how strong in the Force he already was, even untrained. Qui-Gon has faith in him, it's just the Jedi Council that doubts him. Because, unlike Qui-Gon who perceives Anakin's positive qualities and potential, Yoda and the Jedi Council are afraid of him. Because Anakin is basically an 'unknown' (read: uncontrollable) entity suddenly in their midst.
While the Prequels film-canon stands on its own in this regard, we can also look to the novelizations for even more emphasis on this topic. In the TPM novelization, several things are noteable: first of all, even before Qui-Gon arrives, Anakin has had prophetic dreams about becoming a Jedi. And since Shmi is aware that Ani's dreams and visions do often come to pass, when Qui-Gon appears and offers to take him away to be trained, why wouldn't she think that maybe this was somehow Force (or Fate) ordained? And that therefore it was the right thing to do to let him go? And the second thing, is while it's also clear that Little Ani (like Luke!) has a romanticised view of what being a Jedi might be like, his actual motivation for becoming a Jedi is not simply because he 'selfishly' wants to embark on some fun adventure without his mom. On the contrary, every. single. time. little Ani thinks about the possibility of becoming a Jedi or leaving Tatooine, it's directly in relation to eventually returning to FREE his mother and the rest of the slaves:
He was several things in the course of his dreams. Once he was a Jedi Knight, fighting against things so dark and insubstantial he could not identify them. Once he was a pilot of a star cruiser, taking the ship into hyperspace, spanning whole star systems on his voyage. Once he was a great and feared commander of an army, and he came back to Tatooine with ships and troops at his command to free the planet’s slaves. His mother was waiting for him, smiling, arms outstretched.
and
He gazed skyward, his mother's hand resting lightly on his arm, and thought about what it would be like to be out there, flying battle cruisers and fighters, traveling to far worlds and strange places. He didn't care what Wald said, he wouldn't be a slave all his life. Just as he wouldn't always be a boy. He would find a way to leave Tatooine. He would find a way to take his mother with him. His dreams whirled through his head as he watched the stars, a kaleidoscope of bright images. He imagined how it would be. He saw it clearly in his mind, and it made him smile.
Anakin wants to escape slavery and train as a Jedi so he can come back and continue helping his friends and family on Tatooine. So he can return to free the slaves. Little does he know that he won't be allowed to do that... :'(
It's important to note as well that at this point, Anakin *also* has no idea that, as a Jedi, he won't be allowed to get married and have a family. Even though he is already naively imagining himself someday marrying Padme. So he doesn't know that not only will he not be permitted to return for his mother as he'd always hoped, but he will also technically not be allowed to even have a family of his own even when he's old enough to do so.
And what of Shmi's thoughts on Anakin becoming a Jedi? At the start of the AotC novelization, she is trying to be happy with the thought of it, but ONLY because she believes he must be living his best life as a Jedi. She has no idea that he had to go through rejection first before being accepted into the Order. The AotC novelization shows that as Shmi is being held captive and tortured by the Tusken Raiders, she tries to comfort herself by holding onto her imagination of what Anakin's time as Jedi is like:
All those times staring up at the night sky, she had thought of him, had imagined him soaring across the galaxy, rescuing the downtrodden, saving planets from ravaging monsters and evil tyrants. But she had always expected to see [Ani] again, had always expected him to walk onto the moisture farm one day, that impish smile of his, the one that could light up a room, greeting her as if they had never been apart.
Heartbreakingly, as Shmi is being brutalised to death, she clings to the hope that her beloved Ani's life is now better than it was before, and that it was worth saying farewell to him all those years ago, even while simultaneously desperately longing to see him again.
As an aside, it aggravates me to no end that *cough* certain parts of this fandom perpetuate the idea that Shmi is just some blank, wholly selfless entity with no wants or desires of her own. That she's the ‘perfect’ example of a Jedi with no 'attachments' (aka an Old Order Jedi), and that somehow Anakin is a just a 'failure' compared to her. Yes, it could be argued that Shmi is shown to be a better or truer 'Jedi' than most of the other Jedi in the story (aside from Luke in RotJ), but guess what that would mean in that case? (Hint: it has to do with love and family.) Because first and foremost, Shmi is a MOTHER who is trying to do the best for her son, even though a piece of her heart is always missing while he is gone. The AotC novelization shows repeatedly that she tries to assure herself that she did the right thing by letting Ani go, but the human mother side of herself also cries out for him and misses him desperately. She might have let him go in TPM, but in AoTC she wants to see him again. In fact, she believes strongly that she will see him again (because she loves him and he’s her hero because she’s his mom and she trusts he will eventually come back to find her), which is the only thing keeping her holding on until he arrives. How can Shmi be a perfect example of an Old Order Jedi when the motivating factor for even her most selfless actions is her personal FAMILIAL attachment to and unconditional LOVE for Anakin?? Also, how insulting is it to claim that Anakin is a 'failure' in comparison to his 'wonderful, perfect mother', and then proceed to place all the blame on him for being said 'failure'....when he was shown on-screen to be doing just fine in taking after his mother prior to his time in the Jedi Order????
As another poster noted elsewhere, Shmi Skywalker is the only person responsible for the truly good person Anakin Skywalker was.
This is the heart of the entire saga. Anakin's True Self is good because of his mother. Because of how she raised him (to be selfless and to want to help others) and because of the unconditional LOVE she had for him. It was the Jedi Order that failed to provide that for Anakin, and Sidious who manipulated the situation to his advantage.
(And if Shmi was the only person who truly solidified Anakin's inner goodness, then Qui-Gon was the only Jedi who was presented as being equipped to bring out the best in Anakin when Shmi wasn't around. The only one who was prepared to act as an openly warm and compassionate parental figure to Anakin, the only one who could have properly mentored Anakin and helped him navigate both his Force powers as well as the Jedi Code, and the only one who was shown to be willing to stand up to the Council on Anakin's behalf. The tragedy is not that Qui-Gon found Anakin or even that he offered to take him to train in the Force. Rather, the tragedy is that Qui-Gon is slain in the Duel of the Fates, which leaves Anakin without a true protector and advocate in the Order, and allows Sidious an 'in'.)
So the idea that the Jedi Order is Anakin's ‘replacement family' is simply not true—certainly not in the way the story actually pans out. It's telling that, in the original Prequels-era EU, Anakin ran away from the Jedi Temple multiple times. That is NOT the behaviour of a happy child. (It is, however, typical behaviour for children who are struggling in institutionalised care.)
And indeed, the very first paragraph of the AotC novelization opens with Anakin dreaming that he is part of a warm, loving family:
His mind absorbed the scene before him, so quiet and calm and...normal. It was the life he had always wanted, a gathering of family and friends—he knew that they were just that, though the only one he recognized was his dear mother. This was the way it was supposed to be. The warmth and the love, the laughter and the quiet times. This was how he had always dreamed it would be, how he had always prayed it would be. The warm, inviting smiles. The pleasant conversation. The gentle pats on the shoulders. But most of all there was the smile of his beloved mother, so happy now, no more a slave. When she looked at him, he saw all of that and more, saw how proud she was him, how joyful her life had become.
Why would Anakin be dreaming longingly of being part of an openly loving, happy family if he already had that at the Jedi Temple? (Tellingly, he notes that this seems like something normal, as if he's aware that it ought to be commonplace despite the fact that it's currently missing from his own life.)
And later on, when he's visiting Padme's parents' house for dinner, he sees this exact type of scene he's been longing for play out right in front of him, and he wishes that his mother could be there to enjoy it, too:
Anakin took a good helping of several different dishes. The food was all unfamiliar, but the smells told him that he wouldn’t be disappointed. He sat quietly as he ate, listening with half an ear to the chatter all about him. He was thinking of his mom again, of how he wished he could bring her here, a free woman, to live the life she so deserved.
Note that Anakin is thinking about his mother, and putting her first in his mind. He can barely enjoy the meal while he believes his mother could be out there, suffering.
Later on as he and Padme are heading to Tatooine to search for Shmi, they bond over the fact that both their mothers told them the same nursery rhyme ('home again to rest'). It means a lot to Anakin that he can bond with Padme over this similar childhood memory. (No doubt something he would not have had in common with his peers in the Temple, since their only childhood memories would have been within the Jedi Order, rather than in a true home. And certainly not with a mother.)
Finally, we get to the RotS novelization. Yes, THAT one. The one in which we see that Anakin was perfectly willing to walk away from the Order the minute he returned from the war and discovered Padme was pregnant. Willing to walk away to start their FAMILY together. But then his nightmares began, and he reluctantly stayed just a little longer, thinking the Jedi (whom he originally joined with the express intent of wanting to help his loved ones) could offer him some solution to the horror his nightmares were showing him:
If not for his dreams, he’d withdraw from the Order today. Now. ...Let the scandal come; it wouldn’t destroy their lives. Not their real lives. It would destroy only the lives they’d had before each other: those separate years that now meant nothing at all.
To drive the point home, we also have the pivotal scene where Obi-Wan—speaking on the Council's behalf—tries to convince Anakin to spy on the Chancellor. Their exchange says it all:
Finally, he said, "He's my friend, Obi-Wan." "Yes," said Obi-Wan softly. Sadly. "I know." "If he asked me to spy on you, do you think I would do it?" Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to fall silent. "You know how kind he's been to me." Anakin's voice was hushed. " You now how he's looked after me, how he's done everything he could to help me. He's like family." "The Jedi are your family—" "No." Anakin turned on his former master. "No, the Jedi are your family. The only one you've ever known. But I'm not like you—I had a mother who loved me—" And a wife who loves me, he thought. And soon a child who will love me, too.
Anakin's story breaks my heart because all he wants—all he has ever wanted—is a family. Not to just to 'have' one in a vague sense, but to be PART OF ONE. He wants this, because even when he was slave living an unfree life, at least he had his mother. At least he could feel his mother's love, and could openly demonstrate his love to her in return. For Anakin Skywalker, being a Jedi was never the goal in and of itself. In his mind, it was always primarily a means to save those he loved. To save his family. This is simultaneously the most tragic and the most beautiful thing about his character. It is both his fall AND his redemption.
And those who insist on ignoring Anakin’s deep-seated longing for a family and want to act as though he should just be content with the Jedi Order instead are willfully missing the entire point of his story.
i think about "i had a dream i was a jedi. i came back here and freed all the slaves" a lot. the clarity ani speaks with keeps me up at night. then i think about "i didn't actually come here to free slaves" and become violent. "if anakin had been trained by qui-gon he wouldn't have turned to the dark side." no, if qui-gon had handed ani his lightsaber, he would have freed slaves then and there. if qui-gon had asked how to free as many slaves as possible, anakin would know. shmi would have known. but he doesn't ask. he accepts enslavement as something he cannot change like the rest of the jedi. i'm supposed to find him more trustworthy just because he pushes boundaries when it suits him?
anakin wanted to be a jedi to bring true freedom to himself, his mother, and his comrades. he's told to invest, be patient, sacrifice, and devote himself. he turns because the people who had the power to help him continuously chastise his urgency and dismiss his expertise as someone who lived under such violent and dehumanizing conditions. he turns because after all that devotion he's burying his mother on the planet she never escaped after having relentless dreams about her that his mentor repeatedly told him to ignore. he turns because the only people who actually let him feel anything were the woman he had to love in secret and the most evil person in the galaxy. the motivation of fighting for freedom is replaced by a deep need to hold onto what he managed to attain, to the jedi order and to padme, and when those things start slipping through his fingers, when they start pulling him in opposite directions, what does he have? where can he go? who can he talk to? everyone is telling him the same thing: "don't trust yourself. don't trust your feelings. i have the answers. listen to me."
leia describes tarkin as someone "holding vader's leash." darth vader is an attack dog, but palpatine didn't train him. the jedi did. the jedi stripped him of his humanity, his urgency, and his clarity. they insisted he needed their approval, their training, and their answers. he trusted the jedi with his dream, with his love and his life and his freedom. they said "we'll handle it," and every time they did, he lost something else. of course they rip children from their homes, isolate them from their families, and teach them not to have any attachments. if you're attached, you won't mindlessly obey. anakin skywalker was a good boy who wanted to do good for others. the jedi took that goodness and turned it into obedience. they set him up for palpatine to manipulate, a perfectly trained attack dog who has nothing left anymore. no mother. no wife. no heroes to dream about. just the one thing he has for himself, a blurry, desperate mess of feelings spinning out of his control because he's been taught that he's going to mess it up if he does what he feels is right.
anakin skywalker they could never make me hate you. i hope that in the magical afterlife you got to beat the shit out of all the jedi again and then settle down with your mom and padme sipping space martinis. my angel boy. you were so good. i love you so much. i wish i could rustle your curls and tell you every day how good you are and how right you were from the beginning, that you were a jedi the way they were supposed to be because you were the kind of person who understood the value of the myth. "i am a jedi like my father before me" because the other jedi were a bunch of useless, bureaucratic, detached space cops. i am a jedi the way my father was and the way my father still needs because they never set him free. they just put different chains on him and told him it was necessary.
Rewatching Book 3 of ATLA and cringing at how dumb the Iroh fanservice plot twists are:
"Iroh lied about killing the last dragon before Zuko was born because he wanted to protect them! They actually deemed him pure of heart and worthy to learn the truest form of firebending🥰" .......... even though he continued to be a violent general in an evil genocidal empire long after that...? I'm questioning the dragons' wisdom now.
"Actually Iroh and all the other old guys in the show are senior members of a super secret society working for the good of the world!!" ..... even though one of them flat out refused to teach the Avatar waterbending for misogynistic reasons, another refused to teach the Avatar firebending for personal reasons, and Iroh was an evil war general barely 6 years ago so I suppose he's only a recent member?
I love AtLA as much as anyone, but yeah it is, uh. Pretty abundantly clear that the White Lotus didn't exist in the writers' room until at least season two, and they didn't have a full idea of its role in the narrative probably until season three. The timeline on Iroh "Did A War Against All The Rest Of You" Azulonson joining and being trusted so high in the membership is also. Very questionable.
Which is all to say I think it would be perfect if we got to the season three end game and realized Iroh was actually still an errand boy initiate in the White Lotus. And Piandao pulls aside the main tent flap to reveal our Supreme Grand Lotus:
Gran-Gran
Canonically traveled the world without Committing A War, thus reasonably having met and networked with most of these other people in a positive way? Check
Saw the Avatar and told her only grandkids to go help that kid ASAP, don't worry Gran-Gran's just going to stay riiiiiight here while you're gone and definitely not relive the excitements of her youth? Check
Would recontextualize Pakku's constant sour grapes face (and his reaction to seeing Katara's necklace) to "my ex left me and now she's my superior, if I don't train her grandkid she will mobilize a global movement to Kick My Ass"? CHECK
Gran-Gran for White Lotus Grandmaster 2026
You are Iroh, you finally land a job in your new field. This is the first time in your life you’ve ever had to work your way up. This time, this time you will succeed or fail entirely on your own. No weight of expectation bears down from your father, no brother waiting in the wings, salivating for you to slip up. No legions of men looking to you with trust and hope and faith shining in their eyes. You feel… free, hopeful, ready.
Then your kid assaults your new boss.
Or not really your boss, more like your boss’s boss’s boss.
And it turns out everything is really really hard when everyone around you isn’t trying to curry your favor or affirm your ideas. Outside of the fire nation people don’t just nod and go along with you. They ask follow-up questions and instead of adopting your plans and automatically beginning to work on adapting and generating solutions they instead point out flaws that you hadn’t considered. Nobody is troubleshooting for you, nobody stands ready to spin anything that goes wrong in a favorable light. You are repeatedly written off at best and criticized at worst.
Turns out you kinda suck at this new thing you’re trying, and while it’s a novel experience you do kind of want to ask Agni why you had to be so GOOD at destroying the world and so BAD at uniting it. Why will nation and sons alike follow you so readily towards certain death, but not turn back with you towards peace and life? Were you ever the leader you imagined yourself to be or have you always been a fool riding a mighty riptide and believing yourself the fastest swimmer.
Iroh having to go have a little lie-down after his nephew assaults his boss's boss? CANONICALLY CHECKED
The idea that Anakin made his own choices but that those choices were largely, directly or indirectly, results –
of the teachings he had received after leaving his mother — both from the jedi and the hidden sith
of being surrounded by systems and organizations which had gone corrupt or had ceded moral authority to those gone corrupt, blind to the larger galactic picture
of being born in the times when the galaxy's rotting underbelly was showing teeth and turning the galaxy against itself, developing harsh fears in harsh conditions
All of this is also the cause of the galaxy's fall. The galaxy gave away itself under a false promise, just like Anakin.
Anakin is the galaxy — his fate is the galaxy's fate.
(tags via @/shipsnsails)
Adding to this — his first real choice, which is choosing Padmé, enabled the destiny that led to his redemption. Almost like the force knew that between the Jedi and the Sith, what the chosen one needs is unconditional love. His real choices brought balance to the force!
Idk I feel like a lot of fans forget that Palpatine is in fact a beloved figure in-universe. The RotS novelization calls him the most respected man in the galaxy; the people of the Republic like and trust him so much they’re willing to support a sudden genocide and outright descent into fascism for him; in Andor, a group of rebels fighting the Empire seem to respect him and legitimately believe that the ISB is running a shadow government responsible for the Empire’s atrocities.
Right up until ANH with the destruction of Alderaan and dissolution of the Senate, Palpatine is an incredibly popular leader. The vast majority of people in the Star Wars galaxy like and support him. They don’t know he’s the villain, and that’s kind of a vital part of the story
I was thinking about this while watching Andor S1. I wonder if people, specifically working with the Empire, would change their minds on what they were doing if they knew they served under a Sith Lord.
I don't think they would for 2 reasons
1. To most people the sith are history, a boogeyman of the past
2. The empire by (Palpatine's) design is a system of apathy and cruelty, good people with morals, standards, lines in the sand, etc don't thrive here, they get washed out, killed, or beaten down to the point that they give up, but it does reward and empower the people who gleefully partake in evil or ignore it, so the revelation that their emperor is a sith is met with responses of "whatever I'm still getting paid or "yay!"
When flowers still grew on Terra Neoth and Erda 🍀🌞
It must be so fucked up to be Luke Skywalker post-RotJ
You just barely survived after four years of being mentally put through a human meat grinder, you're not recognizing the person in the mirror anymore as yourself because that naive farmboy was just erased from existence, and the only happy memory you have as of recent is reconciling with your father moments before he died in your arms
And everyone around you are happy about his death, and all that remains for you is gnawing guilt because you feel like you've been slapped, spat on and gutted personally by the universe itself
You can't even share this feeling with anyone, the loss you carry, the grief over someone you barely knew - grief because you barely knew him, because all this time you could've had a father, you could've had a person who actually gets you, and you were robbed of it by the world you just saved, the very system all your friends are trying to reestablish
Even your sister doesn't get it - she had a loving family of her own, family your father contributed to killing by the virtue of being the part of the Empire, and she's happy that he's gone, because it means there's one monster less in this universe
Nobody understands why you're so sour even though "the bad times are over", nobody understands why you're so withdrawn despite being surrounded by friends, while you live every day of your life with a hole in your chest just trying to get by and not think about it
Because the only person that mattered to you, the person you built your entire life and personality around is gone, and this is your second crisis about it in the last year, just after you started to accept that the idealized version of your father doesn't exist, but you can still have a real one, the one who still cares and wants to be better for you, wants you two to be an actual family
And people are happy about it
People are happy about your loss, people you don't know congratulate you on it like it's an achievement, patting your shoulder and spatting all sorts of profanities in his back - "You must be so happy to finally be rid of this scum hounding you down, how did it feel to kill him? Bet he wasn't even that strong"
Everywhere you go there are people celebrating you not being able to sleep because of nightmares about him dying, and asking you to raise a glass to his suffering in whatever afterlife he ended up being
And all you can do is grit your teeth, make an awkward joke, and tell yourself not to ruin the mood, it's their right to celebrate
And when you're alone - all you can think about is what you could've done differently, doubting you really would make the same choices again if you knew where it leads, because where it leads is you having a second meltdown in a week because you don't know how to cope with this all alone and only person who could help you and guide you is dead
And people are happy about it
And you doubt it will ever get any better
Must be very fucked up, yeah
So Anakin sat in the Jedi Temple and cried as he thought about Padmé but also about the Chancellor whom he turned in to Master Windu and he wasn't sure if he did the right thing even though he knew already that Palpatine was a Sith Lord but he loved him too much to patiently stay there while his favorite person was being arrested–
pro jedi logic is so bad sometimes
anakin: secretly breaks the jedi code (a la conservative PT jedi edition) and decides to keep serving the jedi despite his personal desires (leave and be with padmé) because he wants to help people by fighting in the war (which, imo, is flawed logic, because he could probably help people better by not fighting in the war - but also very typical of many young men who enlisted to help in wars, particularly wwi/wwii - anakin believes in the ideals of the jedi, and also anakin is a padawan, he is not calling the shots on the jedi going to war, he's just a foot soldier. also these are the pew pew movies and he has to fight in the clone wars for film continuity. anyway).
pro jedi: he's selfish because he broke the sacred jedi code
me: actually I think the jedi is more selfish by asking its people to dedicate everything to the order and eschew all else, without ever giving them a real choice otherwise
me: historically many people like the jedi have been married and done fine
me: also the jedi isn't a utopian found family
me: also. anakin broke the jedi code a little. the jedi council betrayed the fundamental principles of the jedi order as purportedly neutral peacekeepers to fight on the republic's side in a civil galactic war to leads slave soldiers into battle, to save face and power.
there were no negative consequences of anakin and padmé marrying and their 'selfish' (it's not selfish) decision to secretly marry and keep on sacrificing themselves for the people is celebrated by the narrative (the marriage part). get another argument that actually holds water.
Have you ever imagined how survivor's guilt eats Anakin alive at completely random, casual moments? How it hits him like a runaway horse when he least expects it?
Picture a nine-year-old Anakin settling into the Temple, starting his classes, eating in the refectory, and learning the social norms of the Order—how to act and speak with those around him. Imagine him having a normal lunch, with nothing particular on his mind, until his brain suddenly reminds him: Your mother is still a slave; while you eat this full meal, she is likely going hungry. The food suddenly tastes terrible, and he can't bring himself to eat another bite.
I imagine young Anakin trying to sleep in his Temple bed, tossing and turning as he drifts toward slumber, only for his mind to remind him: While you sleep comfortably, your mother is still a slave with no mattress or pillow. He can no longer sleep, suffering his first bout of insomnia.
Anakin's intrusive thoughts are the worst for him; beyond robbing him of his peace—something so vital to the Jedi—they remind him of his own powerlessness. The Order forbids him from contacting his mother, preventing him from taking any action against her owner or rescuing her.
Guilt and these thoughts consume him; unable to stop them, he tortures himself over his inability to change the situation.
e.k. johnson out here writing some of the best anidala shit ever
she’s NOT having it 🙅🏻♀️💅🏼