Happy free confused and lonely at the same time.

[myheartwrites]

Fear called love

The look of love can be faked too,

I heard it from somewhere.

Endlessly scrolling through reels,

I watch clips of drama

That make me feel love deeply,

Only to realise—

That can be faked too.

How dumb of us

To believe, expect, and crave

The love we see

Before knowing the truth.

It never occurred to me that way.

I knew they were playing their roles,

But what changed?

Realisation punched my face,

Leaving me scared and alone.

Never had someone who truly loved me,

Now it’s terrifying to know

They can fake it too.

Should I be timid or be a fool?

Should I try, or leave it all?

Should I love,

Or never look for love at all?

These questions,

Consuming me slowly.

And I’m scared to fall

For the look of love—

Because it can be

Faked too.

[myheartwrites]

[taylorswift]

You belong with me. 💚💛💜❤️🩵🖤

Letter on my site :)

[myheartwrites]

Now we are like stars,“so near but too far away for even a start”.

[myheartwrites]

Just as I see the stars so near but yet so far

He seems to me just like a star

Seeing him but with clear distance

And my longing looks at the star

My eyes open for every little glance

But it's a star

Every one sees him with the same looks

How can I be different 

When he's looking at all of us

Yet for me there are billions of star

He's the one shining bright with its own glamorous spark

And I'm blinded by the sparks

So I see no other star.

[bts-trans]

241202 V's Instagram Post

김연탄씨🖤

Mr Kim Yeontan🖤

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

[myheartwrites]

I like him

I just realised

I looked at him from a distance, looking just for his glances

I'm looking at him and then he looked at me

We stayed like that for minutes, but their was distance

I knew I was looking at him but did he meant to look for me?

Was he also looking for me or I'm just overseeing like I always do

I watched him walked towards me I took my steps back

I stayed still but he moved past me without a word

I questioned myself what was I even thinking?

I put myself together and went towards my friends

Waiting in the queue with them I realised someone walked into us

It was him but again in distance

This time they interacted and I shook his hand by chance

And then he just went away

I'm in my head again why'd he do that what was the reason of him being like this

Well maybe it's just me in my head

Time passed, clothes changed we saw each other again

Again from distance, and the damn eyes doing their thing again

It's the repeat of series

But then we got a chance, the only chance possible

He started first but I had a company

I felt the air, my breath my mind coming to a pause and then we just talked

It was just a minute or two

He went ahead without looking back as I wasn't there

I took my steps back stayed their and saw him ahead

For a minute I hoped he'd look back at me but he didn't

I took my steps back and went away

I walked fast and he didn't realise that I was gone

Another minutes passed

And again the distance and the eyes

Both seeing each other but with nothing to talk

That's the last thing we did together

The distance and the eyes that's what we had

Steps back and forward that's what we did

And then we were gone.

[myheartwrites]

I'm still haunted by his thoughts even when I've moved past him.It wasn't the love he gave me it was his silly little talks, his giggle, his humour how he adores me. All I've asked from him, was to talk truly about him but he lied and lied and now every little lie makes me not sure about him.

Once in a while I wonder if I was the reason he lied what if I reacted less then he could've stayed

What if I let go of his mistakes he would've been there

What if I never asked him why he did what he did

What if I'm the problem and I'm overreacting

What if I've always been his temporary person

I'm questioning all the what ifs and he's not even wondering about me

What if it's only me who's thinking about him now,

I really need to let go of him

All the places he holds of me

All my time that I had was for me

Every little corner in my mind and heart

I need to empty all the space consumed by him

I need to feel the void

I need to breathe as I was before

I need me back

(time feels like I've been paralyzed by it, like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it)

(did the love affair main you too, in this city barren and cold I still remember the first fall of snow and how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too well)

[myheartwrites]

I don't show but I bleed too.

[myheartwrites]

He made me all his colours,

but little did he know he was painting me gray

I'm the shade now which I don't know anymore

Is their a warm gray? All I see is clouds and storms.

[myheartwrites]

Smile again....

I was smiling in the photos that we captured

Just how you captured my heart

I was happy at the moment, to see you smile so brightly 

Just like all the guilt you've forgotten when you saw me smile 

We exchanged words that day which all I meant and  means nothing to you

We walked home together but by different roads

I knew this might happen, you proved me right for the first time

I gave all that I had and that meant nothing to you

Well, all I had was the memories that I don't want anymore now

All that you did for me was just for show which no one bought tickets to saw

No one knows about us or how much you meant to me

And now, I keep you out my life

I've burned you and everything that once belonged to us

And I smiled again,

Again while deleting all the photos in which we smiled

Burned all the my guilt that you made me believe in

Burned every part of you in my head

And smiled again.

[myheartwrites]

You are beautiful. You are preety.

If you think you're not or someone thinks you're not just remember some people do not like flowers of any kind and some may have various allergy from them.

The right one will accept you like who you are you don't have to change your colour or your fragrance for them to be liked. If they care they will help you grow as you are and push you to your limits.

[myheartwrites]

People always talk about the world

Some say it's huge and some says it's small

I believe the both

When I look at the stars, we're all sharing it

But when I think of the places that still has sun makes me feel like the world is big

But we still got the sky which is constant and we're all looking at it

I believe that's what I think about love

Distance, time, interruptions, miscommunication, anger are the small factors which makes love fall out

But if a small or huge LOVE remains constant between us

Things would be probably different

We all look at things differently but if we can find one constant among it then,

It's all possible.

[myheartwrites]

I assume ,

That you might be gone

Might have moved on

For good i guess

You might not think about me

Or this friendship of ours

When we had each other

All secrets that we talked under the stars

When the first morning message that came was your

Your little audios that were nothing but how you get bored

Your day when you talked me everything but nothing for me

Those pictures and collage that was made by you

Holds nothing no more?

Did you ever look at them and reminiscence where did it all go wrong

Did you ever think abt the audios which you never replied to?

Or play them overagain to find a clue of what you did wrong?

The flower that made you loss of words, did you throw it? Or had it hidden in the cardboard box of yours,

You said two days that's when we should talk but you remember me the third day when all the time was gone

I told you if you cared you just had to call

But you never did and I guess you never felt wrong

But you should know,

I waited a day, two and it's more than a month now

All you do is show me your status and this how we communicate now?

You know I never called but for you I did

I guess I cared too much but you didn't even gave a shit

You're the one who called us bestfriend at first

Even when I told you that never works, I told you what regrets as bestfriend I've had

But you told me don't worry I remember your words

And now all I can do is remember it all even when I want to forget

And I do look at the picture of us and remember you said you wanted more time for us

I asked you to speak because I fear that this day would come

You walked away that day with all that regret of yours

You came home and messaged how sorry you was

I never accepted your sorry but took words of yours

Gave you a chance and made it up to you

Just for you to ruin it again

I thought you'd notice but all you did was gave excuses

Which I no longer ask for

And let me be clear

It was never about her

It was all about our friendship which you started and got over without me knowing,

that you found a replacement of me and for your secrets and a friend you've longed for

[myheartwrites]

Again?

I'm afraid

Afraid of myself

Can't process the situation

Been going in and out again and again

Without knowing any consequence

Will it be better tomorrow or do I have to repeat it again

I fear of the repetition

Overthinking all of my worst fears might be real

So real that I would fear to do everything again

Again like the old days

The gloomy, sad moments that I endured for tomorrow to never be the same

But again it's repeating

And I'm afraid

Afraid that I might miss the better tomorrow again

My good golden days that I've dream would possibly never happen

So do I have to repeat again?

Again?

[myheartwrites]

~VOID~

It's the void

It's not you, it's not the memory

It's the emptiness that you gave

It was full before

Before, when everything was right, when everything i had was beautiful

When you were not included in me

When I only had me

It must be easy for you to feel full with the replacements that you made of mine

You must be full with all that you've got now

You must be enjoying every ounce that you've got without thinking of me

It must have been so easy for you at the present

The present in which I won't be included anymore

And guess what

I'm filling the void with myself again

For myself, for me, for my peace

And you won't be a part if it anymore

It's how filling the void of you is helping me to live and be present in the moment

I don't even want that void of yours

So I'm filling it again with myself

Much stronger this time.

[myheartwrites]

I'm hiding,

Hiding in plain sight

If you see me, just smile

You'll know about the hart times

My anxious head my stressed breath

So just smile as you pass by

If you wanna know how I'm living

Give me a _high-five_ & I'll tell you how I'm *living*

Living in my mind in stressed time

Feeding myself the poison in my life

Breathing in the smoke for my lungs to die

Everyday trying to give up but pulling myself hard up to give the _best in my life_

If you ask me

Do I wanna DIE?

I'd say 'Yes' for your peace, but 'No' I'm gonna survive

I'm gonna fight my anxious fucked head, my stressed breathe, free up my mind and feed myself a happy life

Breathe fresh air so, I survive

So 'YOU'

Just pass by as your fake smile