I am sorry, but while I agree with you in some points, I must say I disagree in most of them
Yes, Rhaegar should have done better by Elia, even if, if, he didn’t love her. Yes he shouldn’t have risked her health by impregnating her so soon after being bedridden for almost half a year, that was vile. Yes, it was a humiliation Rhaegar give the crown of love and beauty to Lyanna, and Elia did not deserve that.
But did she deserve more than Lyanna? Why? Because she suffered more? Since suffering = worthy? This is a dangerous assumption, worthy and respect should not have to be earn, is simply basic fucking decent, something Twyin didn’t give Elia because he was a bitter fucking man child who never grow up and was bitter about Cersei being rejected as a queen and decided to take on whoever was easy.
(Nobles are not supposed to die in such ways in war, and as unfair it may be, they are treated relatively well as hostages while the small folk suffer and is torture, Harrenhal is the best example of that. While not treated well, they were not torture as the small folk, and even is noted in their escape that they are not as injure as they were believe to be)
Did Lyanna did all the wrong some part of the fandom believe her to do? Not officially, not confirmed. All the wrong she has done was be impulsive when entering the competition as mysterious knight and called out her betrothed once about his drinking and whoring, not even to his face, just venting to her brother after hearing he yapp about how great Robert was and all his nonsense.
Does she run away with Rhaegar? Maybe, maybe not, we don’t known, it is not definitely not in her character considering how much she cared about the North, how bothered she was with Robert cheating and how perceptive she appeared to be.
Was she taken by force? We don’t known! It doesn’t appear to be in Rhaegar character either, maybe the fear and despair of the prophecy push him too far and escalated from there, maybe he somehow convince Lyanna that going with him was the best thing to North and Kingdom (remember that Starks are heavily connected to wall and have dreams too) or maybe he rizz her out in the 20 minutes they had semi-alone (Arthur was there) in the godswood, we don’t known.
All the accounts are these characters are biased, even Elia, after all what decent person would (Cersei and Jon connington don’t count obviously) speak bad about someone who went through their that! Most of what we known about these characters is through the lenses of loved ones, their flaws are mostly hidden
True to be told, we didn’t even known if Jon Snow is Lyanna son in the books. Do I believe him to be? Yes. There textual clues potting to that direction? Yes. The horror of show finale was a big hint? Yes. But is not confirmed in the books, we don’t known if will be, Because is not what Jon’s arc is about, his arc is about going from an entitled teenager who can’t see his own privilege to a man and leader who sees people for who they truly are, who see beyond titles and names, who see the wildlings as people not other, who comes in terms with his own name and his own internalized bastardphobia. Not being super-maga-special-unique snowflake hidden Targaryen prince who awake dragons and be the prophecy hero, he is Ned’s son, sometimes more than any of his siblings, he is a Stark, with Stark blood and looks, raise in winterfell, with dire wolf with wirdwood coloring as a companion
And I believe GRRM did this on purpose, because the true heros for him are the one who try to make the world a better place not the ones that are chosen by destiny. So I doubt he meant to portray Elia as expandable to uplift “Jon-Aegon-Jaegaerys-Targaryen special superhero snowflake” narrative because was never the narrative he was writing, this is the fandom and show writing. If anything he place a lot of parallels between Elia and Lyanna, both good brave women of the extreme of the continent with different cultures who are loved by their families and people, both who expend the war locked away from their families in isolation being guarded by Targaryen loyalist, both who were wronged, humiliated and put in danger by Rhaegar, both remember fondly by the ones that loved, both who died young and before their time. The text never diminishes Elia, she also hunts the narrative, and the reason we hear more about Lyanna is probably because house Stark is the house of our protagonist. GRRM writes too much already, he can’t make everyone the protagonist, maybe she will be more explored if Young Griff gets his own POV and the dornish characters get more of the spotlight
The Lyanna-Rhaegar story in my opinion is one of the most interesting thing of the Rebellion, not because is a love story, because for what we known of the characters just don’t make sense. What the hell happened there? What did they know? They went to the fucking isle of face for gods sake, what did they see there that make them risk a war? Making a love story is honestly a disservice for the books, even if Martin wants to make one, I think he will focus more in the conflict within themselves than the love part, and I do believe Elia will have her part to play in this conflict
