torta y bisexual al mismo tiempo

i'm an adult

[delphissoracle]

i rlly wish I could know why some ppl block meee 😫 leave me an anon letting me know why before blocking me

[json-derulo]

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"

[mymansmoon]

well I think hollanov get horny in the cens arena at some point and find themselves an empty room. shane blows ilya on his knees and ilya brings him back up to tug at his cock mercilessly, talking dirty to him in low hungry tones. problem is just as shane's reaching his peak a knock sounds on the door. "cap?" one of their teammates says, muffled. shane's eyes widen and his breath hitches and ilya's hand closes over his mouth. his other hand doesn't stop. oh fuck oh fuck— "ya!" ilya says, raising his voice to be heard through the door, still looking in shane's eyes. shane is trembling all over as the cens player says, "hey, hollzy with you? coach is looking for you both." "yes, yes, we were just discussing something. tell him we will come now." ilya adds only the slightest emphasis to those last two words, but shane's body catches onto it instinctively, and he comes. his eyes roll back in his head and his hips jerk up into ilya's fist as their teammate goes, "alright, I'm heading out after that. see you guys tomorrow." and ilya says, "see you," over shane's muffled noises. footsteps recede from the door and by the time they're gone shane is done, slumped against the wall, breathing hard. smiling dazedly at a grinning ilya and saying, "you fucking asshole."

[findafight]

Jackie Pike started the pike-hollander mpreg inside joke one day after Shane babysat the twins. They were crying and pouting because they didn't want uncle Shane to leave and Jackie said "sometimes it's like they think you birthed them" and Shane goes "I could've but it would've interrupted the hockey season :/ " and then Hayden pats his shoulder and goes "we'll get the timing right next time buddy" Shane shakes his head "not until I retire, we've been over this" Jackie sighs, "and until then you still get favourite parent privileges with the ones I had to carry" "we appreciate your sacrifice"

This also low-key started the polycule joke/rumours but at the centre it is mpreg Shane 🙂‍↕️

[cuppydogshane]

putting tampa aside (gasp i know) I think there is an argument to be made for first time vaginal at the cottage

[cuppydogshane]

like i just think shane on his back in the mid morning sun all the windows letting the light stream in and ilya laying between his thighs and pushing in so slow after hes fingered and licked shane as loose as hes possibly going to get and already has ruined the sheets with lube bc hes not risking any part of this being painful for Shane. and shanes thighs are shaking around his waist because he wants it so bad and is finally getting it And hes still nervous and scared that his body wont let this happen but also so so eager and trusting in Ilya to make it good. hello can anyone hear me

[cuppydogshane]

Ilya is worried uncharacteristically about not being able to fit all the way but after a while shane just grabs his ass with both hands and yanks Ilya closer and he slots in all the way in deep and shane is juuuuuust deep enough inside for him to fit without it being painful and they both Yell and shane squeezes his legs around ilyas waist and says fucking PLEASE fuck me and make me cum Ilya. can anyone Hear MEEEE

[cuppydogshane]

putting tampa aside (gasp i know) I think there is an argument to be made for first time vaginal at the cottage

[cuppydogshane]

like i just think shane on his back in the mid morning sun all the windows letting the light stream in and ilya laying between his thighs and pushing in so slow after hes fingered and licked shane as loose as hes possibly going to get and already has ruined the sheets with lube bc hes not risking any part of this being painful for Shane. and shanes thighs are shaking around his waist because he wants it so bad and is finally getting it And hes still nervous and scared that his body wont let this happen but also so so eager and trusting in Ilya to make it good. hello can anyone hear me

[cuppydogshane]

hello voice note trans shane anon back but i firmly believe ilya puts shane in the Torture Nexus by telling shane that he can pick which hole he wants ilya in but CRUCIALLY he can only choose one (this includes his mouth). shane bargains for the ENTIRE three days before he and ilya meet up, sending increasingly Insane hole pics, and ilya is (of course) saving and complimenting him on all of them, but he will not let shane get out of picking one, and ANYWAY this is how shane ends up thinking he wants ilya to fuck him in the ass but then he’s literally dripping wet and ilya’s mouth feels SO GOOD on his t dick and his chin is wet and shane is abruptly EMPTY and then he’s telling ilya that he’s changing his mind and he wants him vaginally, now please, yanking on ilya’s hair SO ilya, who is magnanimous, gives him one prostate orgasm (do not speak to me of biology) then takes off his condom and slides Directly into shane’s vagina and he gets an orgasm and then ilya comes inside of him and smears it over shane’s t dick while he whimpers okay byeeeeee the entry way rug is Destroyed but neither of them care, and shane cries his way through an overstimulated t dick orgasm with only the slick drag of ilya’s cockhead against his t dick.

Shane has a spiritual prostate (Ilya is really good at hitting his g spot through the back wall)

I really love all of this just imagine me nodding beatifically with a boaner

[80slesbiab]

Kate McKinnon getting her hair pulled by THE pornstar Nina Hartley

[rose-chateau]

[bitterkarella]

the flat hand thing works, she’s correct

[lyrifemme]

The flat hand thing is so correct, and I’ve thought about this clip like four times a week since i saw it like ten years ago. That is NOT a noise she intended to make

[tiktoks-i-enjoyed]

[shamebats]

[gaymingbinosaur]

My grandma told me she was happy I got the option to be single and unmarried once.

[televisionenjoyer]

Me sentía genuinamente suicida hasta que me enteré lo del cinemark de lugano DIOS nunca se maten que existen las PELÍCULAS

[televisionenjoyer]

Aparte no solo estoy feliz por mí, estoy feliz primero por el hecho de que se estén abriendo CINES un tipo de establecimiento que ya se daba por muerto y hoy se están ABRIENDO CINES NUEVOS. Segundo lo que esto significa para Lugano y Soldati, una región con un montón de gente que tenía que viajar como mínimo media hora en transporte público para ir a un cine decente COSA QUE NO PASA EN NINGÚN OTRO RINCÓN DE LA CAPITAL. Tercero la verdad que todo lo que está pasando en la comuna 8 me pone muy feliz. Revivieron el parque de la ciudad, están renovando el autódromo, trajeron nuevas líneas de colectivo, sinceramente EMOCIONA que un barrio que pasó tanto tiempo abandonado hoy se pueda integrar un poquito más a la calidad de vida del resto de capital (falta un montón, pero al menos EMPEZARON a hacer algo)

[nocontextmessi]

[ghostfiish]

Presented without context

[tortapane]

sleeping beauty😚

[nicky-olives]

you know i'm thinking i am bisexual because i have started liking men again but then my whole dash goes crazy over those connor storrie pics, even the lesbians seem to want that gay cock, but he genuinely. does nothing to me jajaja

[nicky-olives]

newly bisexual but completely immune to conventionally attractive men.

[nicky-olives]

you know i'm thinking i am bisexual because i have started liking men again but then my whole dash goes crazy over those connor storrie pics, even the lesbians seem to want that gay cock, but he genuinely. does nothing to me jajaja

[sentimentalslut]

"very guilty and problematic client" holy copaganda batman

[sentimentalslut]

let’s start parsing who does and doesn’t deserve representation and assign moral weight to agreeing to protect their rights I don’t see how this could possibly go wrong

[anarchistmemedistro]

[bitch-duck]

This is the endpoint of assigning morality based on ontologies of people. You wind up with the simplest ontology: good or bad.

[madlori]

Getting tired of saying this but

THE POINT OF A DEFENSE ATTORNEY ISN'T TO GET THEIR CLIENT OFF. IT'S TO MAKE THE STATE PROVE THEIR CASE AND DO THEIR DUE DILIGENCE.

IT'S TO PROVIDE A CHECK ON THE POWER OF THE STATE TO JUST THROW PEOPLE IN JAIL.

If someone "gets off" because of a technicality that means the state DID NOT DO THAT.

[delsicle]

Okay, so I'm reading through your Bratva au tags, but I haven't gotten to everything yet, so forgive me if you've already done something like this, but yesterday I was reading through the Ilya gets kidnapped idea and could NOT stop thinking about the reverse. Shane goes missing, and it's not long after Ilya finds him after his "death" so the trust has definitely not built back yet and Ilya doesn't WANT to think Shane ran on purpose, but that voice is definitely in the back of his mind. (How did Shane get kidnapped when Ilya would likely be keeping him locked up for a while after learning of his betrayal and finding him again? *Waves hand vaguely* Maybe Sasha or someone is bitter Shane is getting another chance when anyone else would be killed and sells him out to an enemy family, trying to make it look like Shane betrayed Ilya again.)

So Ilya's in the torment nexus wondering how this even happened and if Shane's really in danger or if he's just left him again. Shane, meanwhile, is ABSOLUTELY in legitimate danger. He wonders when he first wakes up if Ilya is behind this, testing his loyalty. He's determined not to betray him again either way, so he refuses to cooperate. And then they rip off the first of his fingernails, and he stops wondering if Ilya is involved. Angry and betrayed or no, Ilya would NEVER hurt him like that. So he doubles the attitude and protects Ilya the only way he can, even if he knows rescue may not be coming because Ilya might be thinking the worst of him.

But Ilya isn't letting Shane get away again, and if there's even a SLIGHT possibility he's in danger, Ilya wouldn't be able to rest. Maybe he finds out who orchestrated Shane's abduction and goes full scorched earth because clearly these people have forgotten just who the fuck he is. When he does find Shane, he's horrified. Shane is missing several fingernails, he's been electrocuted, he's been burned, etc. He fucking annihilates everyone in his path, he's never felt so violent in his LIFE, but he touches Shane so SO gently, whispers praise and assurance and love to him and kisses his face and wrists and ankles as he unchains him. And Shane's not 100% with it, but he knows it's Ilya. He says he loves him back, keeps repeating that he didn't tell them anything. he didn't betray him, he didn't he didn't--

And maybe while Ilya's having a moment about how THAT is the first thing Shane is focusing on, there's a cliche movie moment happening in the background where one of the bad guys who seemed dead is actually alive and getting up and taking aim at Ilya who's not looking. But Shane sees and, casual as anything, takes the gun from Ilya's waist with his poor, abused hand and shoots the motherfucker directly between the eyes before anyone else can blink. He whispers a strained "don't FUCKING touch him" before promptly passing out, and Ilya does not know what to do with the love and affection and worry--and frankly VERY ill-timed horniness because holy shit that was so hot--that's just OVERFLOWING in his body with nowhere to go. FUCK he loves this man.

And the abductors recorded the entire interrogation so Ilya watches it, which confirms that Shane didn't give them an inch, but he already believed that by this point. He's really just watching it to torment himself until Shane wakes up and calls him a dumbass and makes him put it away and get in the bed with him, and they just hold each other so gently and finally actually talk about everything that happened and how much they love each other and the unholy things they would do to stay together and keep the other alive and safe and happy.

Anyway, this got SO long, I'm so sorry, but it would not leave my head. I hope you like it <3

YIPPEE we're back to bratva kidnapping!!!

I love this so much as is, and I will sayI'm a sucker for cliche movie moments. like Shane saving Ilya with his own gun..."don't fucking touch him" oh it's too classic it's too good!!!

and then of course we get Ilya doting over Shane, kissing his bandaged fingers, working himself up apologizing that he allowed Shane to get hurt, until Ilya is in Shane's lap and Shane is comforting him, too..THE HURT COMFORT IS TOO JUICY IT'S TOO GOOD