Those poor people who work with David. For years they have had to hear about the Canadian treasure that is Shane Hollander.
“Yes I’m taking two weeks off in June. My son is in the Stanley cup finals”
“Yes, that is my son on that billboard, he’s got a new sponsorship”
“Yes, my son has started a new charity and is running hockey camps”
I know at least one of them was hoping they get a terrible in-law, but no it’s Ilya Rozanov. So now its
“Yes, my son and his husband were over for dinner, they wanted to talk to my wife about expanding their charity. You know the one they founded together”
“Yes, I’m taking two weeks off in June. My son and his husband are in the Stanley cup finals. Yes, again.”
“Yes, we’re so happy that NHL players are going back to the Olympics. We’re hoping both of our boys get to go.”
I think David pushes off retirement just so he can keep bragging.
For once, Shane actually catches onto an internet trend before Ilya - if only because JJ sends it to him and tells him he would pay good money to see Rozanov's reaction to Shane pulling this shit on him.
Ilya's pulled quite a few of these internet pranks on Shane and Harris always loves them so, eager to get one over on his husband, Shane sets up his phone, makes sure the camera is rolling, and sits down at their kitchen island with his morning smoothie. When Ilya makes his way into the room, Shane offers him a sip of his drink, which Ilya happily takes, with a softly spoken "thank you, любовь." Shane knows he doesn't like his smoothies but they've reached an agreement, where Ilya will always taste it and, in return, Shane won't make him drink a full glass.
Shane then carefully wipes off the rim of the glass with a napkin before sipping it himself.
He can see Ilya freeze up in his periphery and Shane can feel every nerve ending tingle as he desperately tries to remain nonchalant, so as to not give the prank away.
"What was that?" Ilya asks, his voice perfectly level, if slightly cold.
"Nothing," Shane tells him, trying not to vibrate out of his skin, trying not to look at the camera.
"Was not nothing," Ilya replies. "What did you do?"
Shane shrugs, "just wiped the glass."
"Why?" Shane makes the mistake of looking directly at Ilya and can feel a thrill shoot up his spine. He's not afraid of his husband but in that moment he can understand why some people are. Ilya looks imposing. His mouth a thinly drawn line, his eyes steely, arms crossed over his bare chest in a way that makes his already impressive biceps and pecs bulge out. Shane's throat suddenly feels dry.
"Hygiene?" It comes out sounding like a question, weak and croaky.
Ilya slowly raises his eyebrows before repeating Shane's answer back to him. "Hygiene," he says. He lets the word sit there between them for a while, as though to give Shane the chance to retract it.
He doesn't.
The footage never gets shared and when JJ asks Shane if he ever went through with the prank, he blushes from the roots of his hair down to his chest. He thinks he says no. He knows it's not believable. JJ doesn't press the matter but the look in his eye makes Shane fear he knows exactly what went down. Although, he can't, can he? How could he?
There's no way he can tell, just by looking at Shane, that Ilya slowly walked over to him and grabbed his glass before tugging at the drawstring of his sweatpants, letting them drop to the floor. He can't know how Ilya took himself in hand and tugged at himself, eyes firmly on Shane who sat at their kitchen island and watched on, frozen, as Ilya brought himself to climax straight into Shane's smoothie. He can't know how he walked over to their cutlery drawer and swirled it into Shane's drink before bringing the glass back over and sitting down, watching Shane expectantly. He can't know how Shane felt like every muscle in his body had locked up as he watched the display, nor how quickly he reacted when Ilya simply said, "drink." There's no way he knows that Shane drained the glass. He doesn't know the intensity of Ilya's gaze as Shane swallowed it down. He doesn't know how he then stood and grasped Shane's face with the same hand he had brought himself off with, hooking his fingers behind Shane's bottom teeth to open his mouth, as though to ensure that he had indeed swallowed it all down, before he spat into his mouth and closed it, tilting his head back to watch Shane's Adam's apple bob as Ilya's saliva slid down the back of his throat. He doesn't know how Ilya patted his cheek before walking out of the room. He doesn't know how long Shane sat there, completely immobile, his cock fully hard and straining against his trousers, before he gained enough awareness to collect his phone and stop the recording.
imagine if some arena security guy escorting shane to the ambulance hears ilya’s name clearly when no one else does and sits with it and realizes that he may not know why hollander is so insistent on telling rozanov that he’s ok but he’ll pass on the message.
and so he gets himself into position near the visitor locker rooms and he gestures to ilya as he’s leaving said locker rooms (looking very shellshocked and quiet and scared mind you) and he takes him to the side and just says
“hey i was with hollander when they were taking him away and he kept trying to tell us to talk to you. tell you that he’s ok. man i don’t know why he was insisting but—”
and he just cuts himself off because rozanov’s face is doing something really weird?? Almost like affection?? Then it’s wiped clean and he’s rambling off this excuse of “oh we got friendly at all stars this year he must have seen me stay on the ice once he got hit okok thank you so much for message i have to go”
and the security guy watches ilya practically run to the team bus and just stands there and goes. huh. that’s weird.
then when they’re outed the guy is waking up in a cold sweat at three am thinking oh my god i was informing the man that the love of his life wasn’t dead
I feel like there's a lot of people in the Heated Rivalry fandom who think Ottawa is boring (not true) or, somehow, cool (very not true) so as someone who's lived on and off in Ottawa for the last 16 years, here is a list of the things I know Ottawa for
The viral video of a fight in a MacDonald's where a guy pulls a raccoon out of his coat. That MacDonald's was known locally as 99rideau and it was known for being weird as hell at all hours of the night
It has the largest Ikea in north america (or had? Idk if they've built a bigger one)
The drag bar, Swizzles, which was in an alleyway and then down a set of stairs. Sketchy and then fabulous :D
The great Glebe garage sale - every year in summer one of the richer neighborhoods holds a community wide garage sale and over the years it's become bigger and now it's a huge block party
I cant express how easy it is to find great shawarma in this town. We have a huge Lebanese population
During the Ashley Madison leaks Ottawa lit up like a MF Christmas tree because every politician and ambassador has a side piece
It's the capital of Canada and somehow not one outside of Canada knows this
It's the capital of Canada, on the highway between Montreal and Toronto, and yet somehow every band skips us when they go on tour 😭
There's two major universities and one college in Ottawa. One year all three of them had a dry frosh week that ended on the same day, and that day caused a mass casualty incident in Ottawa because of all the drunk students doing dumb things after being sober for so long
The canal. It's 7 km long and connects the two universities, so I used to skate over to see my sister in the winter. Theres little hot chocolate huts every couple km on the ice.
When skating the canal, It's really common to see people in full speed skating gear go rocketing past you.
The experimental farm in the middle of Ottawa which is an agricultural research center and museum. Theres trails and fields and farm animals :)
Ottawa is still in Ontario, the same province as Toronto. During hockey season the entire town divides into Sens fans and Leafs fans. I remember seeing a bus driver in a leafs jersey (jokingly) threaten to shut the door on a guy in a sens jersey when they were playing each other
The drinking age in Ontario is 19, but just across the river is Gatineau, Quebec where you can drink at 18, so underage students will hop the border to go drinking
Gatineau park has a bunch of trails, an abandoned mine, and an abandoned victorian laboratory
Ottawa is a deeply weird government/university town. It is not boring and it is absolutely not hip or cool.
Ilya Hollander (born June 15, 1991), known professionally as Ilya Rozanov, is a Russian-Canadian professional ice hockey center and captain for the Ottawa Centaurs of Major League Hockey (MLH). Nicknamed "The Russian Menace" and "Roz", he has the most career goals in MLH regular season history of any Russian-born player. He is married to teammate and alternate captain for the Ottawa Centaurs, Shane Hollander.
"Lancer de Hollander, et il compte! Quel beau but!" (A shot by Hollander, and he scores! What a beautiful goal!)
"Let's go, Shane!" Yuna cheered at the TV as David laughed heartily, clapping his hands.
It was Ilya's first time watching Shane play with the Hollanders at their Ottawa home. He hadn't known what to expect when they invited him, but watching the Hollanders put a goofy smile on his face. It was so heartwarming to think that Shane's parents still got this excited watching him score, even though they must've seen it a million times by now.
"Wow, this is his best goal of the season yet," David said as the broadcast replayed the goal in slow-motion.
"Close, but not quite," Yuna stated. "It's not like that slap shot goal he had against Buffalo. The one all the way from center ice. Accuracy from that distance? Hard to beat that."
David hummed. "How about his breakaway goal last week against Toronto? I mean, speed and style points? That was a beaut!"
"Ah, sorry. But you are both wrong," Ilya said carefully. Both Hollanders turned to look at him, expressions expectant.
He shrugged. "You are forgetting Shane's overtime goal in New York back in February."
After a moment, David said, "Oh yeah!"
Yuna snapped her fingers. "When he deked and scored—"
"—Yes, in front of old man Hunter," Ilya smirked.
That made David chuckle, his eyes crinkling just like Shane's when he laughed.
"Not bad, Rozanov." Yuna gave him a quick nod and a warm smile.
The game continued on. Shane was playing like a man possessed, like he knew they were watching.
"You know, Ilya, we watch your games too."
"Mm?" Ilya looked over, surprised. He wasn't sure what to say. "You do not have to."
"Oh, but we want to. You're a great player to watch," Yuna said matter-of-factly. "That goal you had against Vancouver late in the third? What a highlight."
"High wrap around, lacrosse style!" David nodded with a wide smile on his face. "Honestly, son, I was in awe."
So was Ilya in that moment. His own family never complimented him, so hearing this from the Hollanders made him feel a tightness in his chest.
"And you had a hat trick that game." Yuna beamed. "Impressive."
"Thank you," he said quietly. Ilya stared at the TV intently, careful to avoid eye contact.
"Still not as good as Shane, though," Yuna teased, her tone playful.
"Ah, no?" Ilya laughed. "I will have to keep trying then."
"Oh, we know you will."
That was one thing they could all agree on at least.
+ (A/N: The announcer dialogue at the start is in French because they are watching the Montreal broadcast—like how the Habs' main media is all in French IRL.) + (more on AO3) + (tsym @astronautme for the beta)
mycentaurs are NOT groaning at hollanov's pda or telling them to get a room or feeling even a morsel of discomfort when they kiss in the locker room. they are enablers and romantics. one of the first things we see when troy comes out and says he's dating harris is bood telling him to give harris a good luck kiss, and i wholeheartedly believe they're all the same way with shane and ilya. they're at a barbecue and it's why do you need another chair?? just sit on his lap you're married?? if they aren't bickering at practice, everyone turns into amateur marriage counselors and forces them to kiss and make up. the rookies call them their mom and dad (with bood as a third parent and being daddy, of course). they could start describing their sex life in detail and at least 3/4 of the room would be nodding their head and asking follow up questions. that locker room is shameless and supportive
Shane Hollander, hockey superstar, completely unrivalled on the ice, slamming head first into Russia's Pride and Joy Ilya Rozanov at the 2014 Olympics, backstage during the opening ceremony preparations.
Ilya who's an incredible musician/singer, who won Eurovision less than a year ago, who is the perfect candidate to be held up by the regime at the Olympics to go "we aren't just superior sportsmen, we're superior artistic patrons too".
Ilya who finds Shane fascinating as they stumble through communicating (why would Ilya have to have learned English? What reason would Shane have for even thinking about learning Russian?) and get Shane back to the Canadian delegation. Ilya who shows up to all of the Team Canada games because he's curious. Shane who finds Ilya in the stands every time because once is coincidence, twice is freaky, thrice? That's a pattern.
Ilya who, post Russia's Eurovision, post Olympics, is signed to an American label. His popularity explodes. It's incredible, but most importantly it's a way out. He's proven himself to be a good investment and it's easier for his label to sponsor his citizenship in the US than it is to continue to deal with Russian banks and laws and royalties.
Shane who finds his mind wandering to the pretty Russian musician who sang at the opening and closing ceremonies, who he never told his name, who he never got the name of. Who he couldn't really have a conversation with but who made him feel safe regardless.
About a year later, fresh off his first cup win, he gets a google alert. A entertainment magazine posted an article with a photo from the Olympics of him and the pretty Russian. And now Shane has a name. And a screenshot of said pretty Russian boy tweeting publicly "don't suppose a stanley cup winning captain would have the time to show a russian around montreal?" There's no capitalization which Shane finds endearing, and he manages to get Ilya's number.
Ilya has a concert in the Metros' arena. Shane sneaks in easily because it's his arena.
If they fuck in the Metros locker room with Shane bent over the bench in front of his stall well.
Not like there are any cameras in the locker room.
I just know that the rest of the league was PISSED at Montreal for driving Shane away by being homophobic dumbasses because now he's in his husband's arms at Ottawa and they're the sleep paralysis demons of the entire NHL.
News of the trade drops and every hockey player in the eastern conference wakes up with a looming sense of dread and awareness that they are now in danger. Filing a work safety complaint before games against Ottawa because having to play against both Shane fucking Hollander and Ilya godamn Rozanov on the SAME TEAM should really count as an OSHA violation. No comment, we're too busy holding a team prayer circle before the game🙏
(losing a trinket important to me): it’s just plastic. It’s just material. Someone else will find it and it’ll brighten up their day. If i really want to i can replace it. Loss is natural in love. Life isn’t fair and i’ll tear up earth and sky if i knew i could find you again under the covers of my pillows. But like, it’s $16.67 to replace. I’m okay.
you have to realize that you CAN keep everything perfect and safe, but you’ll never get to fully enjoy them. Sweaters get stretched. Stuffed animals get worn. Earrings get lost. and love turns to grief. If i want to be happy, i have to know that sadness is the little brother who holds her hand.
