[betterthankanyebitch]

Jesus: i’m going to come back in 3 days

people: yeah okay Jesus

*three days later*

jesus:

[pupmkincake2000]

Hank Anderson, a grumpy big softie who is eventually all over his android-partner Connor😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[only-tiktoks]

[elodieunderglass]

People in the old days were clipping everything to everything… clipping cardigans into capes, shoes into different shoes. clipping through the roof. Clipping through the floor.

[momo-de-avis]

you guys wanna see the most accurate and blasphemous representation of the words ‘catholic shaming’?

[momo-de-avis]

happy easter, everyone

[momo-de-avis]

you know Easter is just around the corner cause this post is making rounds again

[momo-de-avis]

It’s that time of the year again

[pinky4daddy]

Hi there I’m looking for a honest and loving sugar baby companion here and I will be paying sweetly $800 dm [phone] WhatsApp

[momo-de-avis]

This is the funniest thing that has happened to this post

[lilboreddev-blog]

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

[thatblackwatchdouche-blog-blog]

2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!

We’ll find you Amanda.

[iceslushii]

this has almost 11 million notes what is this

[yiffmaster]

I’ve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site

[llsilvertail]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I’ve never even heard of this before tho??? Wtf??????????

[computationalcalculator]

oh my god, I didn’t think there were any surviving versions of this post left

For those who weren’t around in the Deep Lore times, this is one of the relics of the editable post era. This post has THE SINGLE HIGHEST NOTES of ANY post on this site, bar none, but with more than a dozen variations. Every single post you’ve ever seen with more than 3 million notes has been a different version of this one.

This is the “Dean’s Gym Shorts” post. This is the Flubber post. This is the original “Reblog if you support gay people” post. it was ALL of them. before half the site got nuked, it had even more notes than it has now - at one point, well over 15 million, and that was years ago.

This, with no exaggeration, is the ONE TRUE heritage post

[curlicuecal]

very excited about this new medical option where we swallow a vibrator

[bananonbinary]

i regret to inform you all that i did the research so you dont have to, and its exactly what you think. it's a machine. its got an app. you can monitor the pill, in your body, through the app.

[curlicuecal]

you raise such a good question

what is endgame for the vore vibrators

[curlicuecal]

y'all, literly nothing on this website will tell me what is in the capsule or what happens to the capsule when it comes out the other end, but I have learned that it takes 3 weeks of treatment to see significant results and also that you have to place the capsule in an "activation pod" before you swallow it

and yes there is an app

[curlicuecal]

I found a pdf they provide for physicians and I am currently making my way through it

current fun facts:

-the Pod has a usb charger and a wall adapter

-do not MRI this capsule, dear god

-do not bite the capsule

-if a child swallows a capsule they need to go to the hospital

[curlicuecal]

more fun facts from the dosing instructions

there are no directions for what to do at the end of the line so I am assuming the mystery capsule (that should not be allowed around pacemakers) gets flushed

it does say to see a doctor if you think it has not been excreted "within 2 weeks"

ps I assume this is standardized language, but I LOVE the idea that the vore vibrator might accidentally interfere with TV and radio

[curlicuecal]

@kawaiianimeredhead i vote yes

[curlicuecal]

[emi--rose]

@anonymousalchemist

[kelssiel]

can’t believe y’all haven’t switched to calling these vorebrators yet

[boingmann]

Elias: *tries to mind fuck future!martin*

Future!Martin: *punches him*

[toebeedetermined]

I just- they’re so- I mean-

[that-bastard-with-all-the-bones]

WERE ANY OF YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PHYSICAL REACTION TO HOT PEOPLE??? LIKE HEARTRATE RISES AND ALL THAT. THAT’S REAL??

[that-bastard-with-all-the-bones]

I’ve been dramatically exaggerating my reactions to hot people for YEARS because I thought that was what everyone did. For COMEDIC EFFECT. are you telling me all the squealing and people getting flustered and those ‘not to be a lesbian but oh my god’ tags were Not A Joke

[that-bastard-with-all-the-bones]

At least dinosaurs. Are real

[that-bastard-with-all-the-bones]

A small collection. Happy ace week you guys

[sirfrogsworth]

TIME OUT! I called time out!

[free-range-tiddies]

That corgi said:

[khujo-n]

Fucking finally. I can finally post this and oh fuck I’m so incredibly proud of it. I’m gonna go cry and sleep now Oh TMA season 5… What an adventure

[tiktoks-we-like]

[crypticauthour]

Even Weird Al has had that™ experience with Tony Hawk

[packder]

[roguetelemetry]

Tony Hawk IS Forrest Gump

[foone]

So I looked up why and how this happened, and it turns out Weird Al hired a company called Birdhouse Skateboards to provide some “skate/punk” extras for the video. Birdhouse Skateboards is a company started by Tony Hawk, so not only did Weird Al end up putting Tony Hawk in his video without realizing it, he actually hired Tony Hawk’s company without realizing it! And then Tony Hawk just decided to go along as one of the extras himself.

BTW, he’d already won like 40 contests already, some of them international skateboarding contests. So it’s not like Weird Al cast some unknown skateboarder who ended up becoming World Famous Skateboarder, he was already well known and was running his own Skateboarding company.

[woodrider]

I love driving at the exact speed limit and having speeders behind me get frustrated. i will get to my destination when I get to my destination and so will you. im teaching you patience right now. you should be listening & learning.

[bodhann]

You’re making me late

[woodrider]

leave earlier ♥️

[tsukithewolf]

At this point if I see this 

I know it’s the tumblr equivalent of

[lemonsharks]

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

[sighinastorm]

I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.

[therinde-dreams]

My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT

[idhren]

She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar

[villainous-queer-deactivated202]

My ancestors watching me use my stand mixer while living in a small apartment and attending university: Thou hast kneadeth bread in FOUR hail marys??? FOUR??? And thou ist poor as a churchmouse, yet liveth in a fine cottage with four pounds butter and fresh berries in thy larder!! And two featherbeds! And thou attendeth the King’s college, as a lord!!

[lagt-duck]

My ancestors being like:

Look at this fine young lady! She can paint she can sew and embrody, she sings and read

And without a wealthy father to pay for that, plus she is florid in the body! She doesn’t know hunger!

We did it!

[ruffboi-mags]

Me: /wearily studying/

My Ancestors: TRULY SH— what? They? A little unorthodox, but reasonable I suppose. TRULY THEY PROSPER, FOR THEY LIVE IN A DWELLING WITH MANY ROOMS AND ONLY THEIR SPOUSE TO SHARE IT WITH! THEY HAVE DOGS WHO DO NOT PERFORM A FUNCTION! THEY HAVE MANY BOOKS AND DO NOT HAVE TO SPIN THEIR OWN YARN! THEY BATHE AT A WHIM WITH GENTLE SOAP FREE OF LYE! OUR DESCENDANT BRINGS HONOR AND PRIDE TO OUR LINEAGE!

Me: /yawns and sips my coffee/

My Ancestors: /cheer wildly/

[shadow-daughter]

Me: *hunched over at my desk nursing a headache.*

My Ancestors: “Truly, we prosper; see here, our infirm descendant need not even work on her poor days, but has the luxury to rest as she sees need! A doctor attends to her illnesses; her clothes are warm and free of pests; she cares for exotic and dangerous animals within her own home! We have found the height of luxury!”

[amuseoffyre]

Me: *treats myself to a pineapple and a bunch of bananas*

My Georgian ancestors: ZOOTH SHE HAS BOUGHT A PINEAPPLE! NOT MERELY BORROWED ONE! TRULY SHE HAS ACHIEVED FAR MORE THAN WE COULD KNOW!

[captainlordauditor]

me: [puts on warm socks and a blanket, is now warm regardless of the weather outside]

My impoverished Russian Jewish ancestors:

[existentialterror]

Me: [learns to knit from youtube videos]

My ancestors: Our descendant, the heir to all our hopes and fears for a far-off future… She can buy fine clothes woven and knit by automatons, with but a fraction of a day’s earnings… and she does… she has so much free time to do as she pleases… and she uses some of that time to do what we did.

One woman from rural Poland, who died from smallpox in 1717 CE, a grandmother at 35: I knit roses and peonies into my and my children’s gloves… it wasn’t much extra work to dye the red, once I had already cleaned the wool and spun the yarn, and to knit in the designs… and I wasn’t a gifted knitter but I was a good knitter, and I thought, well, it might not make a difference to how warm the glove is, but it made the children happy and it made me happy. I liked to make things beautiful when I could.

Another woman, a peasant from what’s now France, who died from getting kicked by a mammoth in 8995 BCE: [Patting her on the back] I made my family’s clothes too. Every day my sister and I wove and wove and tended our children. We went out of our way to make the cloth lovely. Not a trace of it remains anywhere on earth now… But it mattered to us. And she might not know our names, or know it was us, but evidently, it matters to her too. She has so much beauty available to her, in every direction, and she wants to make it where we once made it.

[everyone sobbing and high-fiving each other.]

A man from Britain, 1104 CE, sitting at the trans-temporal telescope, reporting on my doings: She’s stopped knitting and now she’s playing minecraft.

The other ancestors: Ah, yes, the dream of building. We know this one well. What vision doth she design now?

Telescope man: Looks like… Some kind of floating temple?

Everyone: [Goes completely apeshit]

[gallusrostromegalus]

Me: studying Marine Biology, out in the middle of the Elkhorn slough absolutely fucking covered in the most foul-smelling mud and swamp scum you can imagine, deliriously happy as I spot a tell-tale bubbling in the mud. I jump off the small dock and drive my entire arm into the mud like a Mortal Kombat Character ripping someone’s heart out of their chest, and pull out a 4lb, two-foot long Geoduck Clam and hold it aloft, triumphant.

My Homminid ancestors, who were doing exactly this with much smaller clams 900,000 years ago: *going absolutely literally apeshit over my flawless technique and the marvelous size of my quarry* CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[neil-gaiman]

Hello, Mr Gaiman,

Sorry to bother you, but if Crowley and Aziraphale have both spent (I assume) a considerable amount of time in London, why do they have such different accents? Is it because they have spent time in other different places or is it simply because Crowley is a demon and Aziraphale an angel?

Thank you.

Throw a dozen stones in London and you will hit a dozen Londoners who will tell you, in a dozen very different accents, that throwing stones at people in a crowded urban metropolis is wrong.

[valquainton]

Non-British writer: “She had a London accent.”

Brit: “Which one?”

Non-British writer: “She had an English accent.”

Brit: “*Which one??*”

Non-British writer: “She had a British accent.”

Brit: “WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT???”

Non-European writer: “She had a European accent.”

Europe: “We will hunt you down and kill you like a dog in the street…”