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Kalecgos is red heart super saver yarn
✨ 1.0 - Coming Aug 5th
Create a cozy space for your spouse! 💕 Once married, you'll unlock three unique pieces of their furniture to utilize in your home's design!
Shen Yuan is literally the epitome of liking a bad story and spending hours pacing back and forth going 'but what IF it WAS good?' and despairing over How It Is Not
#my wife recently spent 45 minutes telling me and our other wife how she doesn't like this book becauss she's so annoyed with sqq#she loves binghe and believes that he is Valid. she just thinks sqq is the stupidest motherfucker ever to draw breath.#specifically she said that if the book was just binghe she'd probably love it.#and at the end of this 45 minute tirade i just went 'some big sqq energy there babe'#and she yelled 'I KNOW' and stomped off#easily one of the funniest conversations I've maybe ever had (tags via @words-writ-in-starlight)
Just off the top of your head, don't need to try and look it up to check out anything:
Can you name a web search engine that you used before Google?
Yes
No
Don't know/just want to see the results
The book I'm reading suggests that Google became so market dominant that most people couldn't name a search engine that came before it, so I'm curious.
genius
Due to a system error, sy arrives in pidw 99999 years before lbh's birth.
His glitching system crashes and shuts down before he can even figure out wtf is happening, leaving sy stranded in actual primitive society, now cursed with immortality.
After all, he can't be allowed to die until his first mission begins. So what's the mission? Right... He has no idea because his system died before he could finish reading the message.
All he knows is that it has something to do with lbh.
So he goes about trying to figure things out. He has no special powers, but is quite literally indestructible--which he finds out the painful way. Multiple painful ways. Very very many painful and strange ways, over the tens of thousands of years during which he sits around waiting for the protagonist.
He may or may not have accidentally started a cult at some point. Got dragged into some political kerfuffles. Built some cities here and there, because he went through an engineering/architecture phase, out of sheer boredom. He might have invented paper or something, because he once watched some videos about historical paper making--or was it about block printing? He doesn't even remember any more.
Anyway, he waits and waits, and lbh just would not fucking show up. He's lost all sense of time. He can no longer tell if something happened a hundred years ago or ten thousand. He's worried even his memories of pidw would start to fade, so he writes down everything he can remember, and makes multiple copies, hiding them all in secured locations.
And over time, he's... built a bit of a reputation. Legends from multiple cultures all tell of an old, fallen god, forced to roam the mortal realm forever.
Oh yeah, despite his millennia of cultivation, he cannot ascend. It's like something is blocking him from it, probably his stupid mission that just. would. not. start.
No big loss, he supposes. He still has no idea what even happens once you ascend. Everyone who does is never seen or heard from again. What if it's just a big scam?
But his immortal existence can also be pretty depressing. Friends come and go. Kids he's adopted grow up and die within the blink of an eye. He stops adopting, not even pets. The early heavenly demons are somewhat more durable, but even they aren't truly immortal. Sometimes sy would accidentally fall asleep for centuries, then wake up bleary-eyed, unsure where or when he is, before he eventually ventures out again to go on some new adventures.
And some of those adventures are... um. Look, he gets really, really bored sometimes, okay? And somebody like him obviously shouldn't get romantically involved with mortals (and when did he start thinking of other people simply as "mortals"?) So, the responsible thing to do is to just have strictly casual relations. And since sy ain't no player, he limits his options to other men. Like, he's not gay or anything, but it's just the sensible thing to do. It's just a bunch of men helping each other out, getting some physical release together. And he's weirdly popular with men for some reason? Maybe they all got the same idea as him. Cool, cool.
And thus, the legend of an unfathomable immortal who cruelly toys with the hearts of men is born... Beautiful beyond comparison, ancient beyond time, but oh so terrible. Beware, O mortals, of the temptation that would be your ruin!
And sy, of course, assumes its just some funny story about a powerful succubus, or something.
And so he waits. And waits. And waits. And waits. And waits.
And during one of the century-long naps he takes, somewhere on the Luo River, a newborn is sent floating downstream in a basket...
_
Luo Binghe has not expected to see his own name written on an ancient scroll, locked inside an even more ancient fortress in the demon realm.
The fortress is in ruins, so old and battered it's barely recognizable as one. The scrolls are only preserved by some powerful magic, likely of heavenly demon origin.
Except, none of the characters on the scrolls look ancient. They're almost the exact same writing lbh himself uses.
All this weirdness pales in comparison to what the writing describes.
It's a exact, detailed record of lbh's own life.
Thing's no other soul should know. Things from his early childhood. From his disciple years. From those nightmarish years in the abyss.
Moments of his greatest shame. Moments of his greatest triumphs.
Then, there are the things that have not yet come to pass. Some are even accompanied by crude illustrations. There are sketches of *him*, not quite accurate but still recognizable.
And the scrolls claims he will go on to rule the three realms, even though lbh's world domination ambitions are still in their infancy at this stage.
What is this, some ancient prophecy? So many things feel so awfully *off* about these scrolls, but as lbh continues his bloody wars of conquest across the realms, he can only admit that they have their uses.
They tell him who would help, and who would ultimately betray him. The traps laid out for him. The damsels waiting for his rescue. Lbh feels like he is cheating fate. He feels like he's toying with something dangerous beyond comprehension, but he is not one to fear such things.
But where do these scrolls come from? Why were they created? Just *who* created them? As his power grows, lbh puts everything he can spare into the discovering the secrets behind the scrolls that have inadvertently defined his life.
But he also has another more immediate problem to deal with. There are whispers that there is an ancient, elusive god in slumber, who is the only being that may be able to put a stop to lbh's supposed tyranny. Lbh wants to dismiss such myths as mere make-believe, but his scholars are less certain.
Well, if some ancient being does exist, then lbh will certainly root them out, and then either slaughter or subjugate them, like he's done with all the other false gods that dare to make noise in his domain, which at this point encompass the entirety of the known world.
Though, it's said that this one is also some sort of deadly seductress. Lbh snorts. Yeah, he's met plenty of those, too. Maybe this would be prove to be the *fun* sort of subjugation after all...
tbc...
I'm sure that I'm far from the the first person to notice that this line in Wintersmith (2006) was published just a year before Pratchett's 2007 announcement of his posterior cortical atrophy diagnosis.
Out of nowhere, Roland, a boy who in this book also happened to acquire specific additional traits like glasses and a love of books, suddenly has a deep, angry hatred of anything which takes memories.
The above line hit me like a damn train, and then I skipped back and reread the sequence as Roland and the Feegles arrived and realised that the Underworld Roland is in is filled with confused old people being parasitised by 'bogles' which steal their memories and identities. It's not remotely subtle but also heartbreaking in how understated it is. The strangeness of the woman dragging a cardboard box is nightmarish. This is actual horror.
Terry. Oh my god. Sir. This is one of your children's books and you brought this here. You brought this here because you trusted and respected your young readers with something so hard and personal. This is Terry writing down his deepest fear, in a children's story, the safest place to put the most frightening things you can think of.
And this sequence doesn't have a lot to do with the climax of Wintersmith where it's found. The monsters in the Underworld could have been anything at all. I was expecting stuff from the Dungeon Dimensions, not the most personal expression of vulnerability I have read in any Discworld book yet. It didn't need to be here, but Terry needed to write it. Good god. I'm going to have a little cry about this.
Roland isn't summoning a sword, is he, Terry? He's summoning something very light which fits a boy who is better suited for using paper to assert himself. Something mightier than the sword?
"A weapon that chopped away everything that clung and lied and stole"
"Bogles scribbled themselves into existence"
This sequence is so deeply, openly personal I feel like I just read Sir Terry's diary. GNU.
Tbh germ theory DOES sound crazy. Like if you told a regency-era nobleman that tiny creatures lived on the surface of everything and THAT’S what causes consumption, they’d be like “ah, I see you are a lunatic. Would you reside in my hermitage? Rantings and ravings do so amuse my guests”
But if you told a Medieval person this they would probably go "Ah, so when the miasma settles on surfaces it gains evil life. I understand."
Yeah, actually, it would probably be pretty easy to explain germ theory to a Medieval person as tiny evil spirits that live on everything, but they can be purified by soap and water, or by alcohol, because that is why God has granted us those things. And because they can float in the air, if you cough or sneeze after they have infested you, that can cause them to infest others. And when you are sick, the angels God has deputized to defend the bodies of His beloved children are at war with the evil spirits, and, sadly, sometimes they lose, but the best way to help your angels win their battle is to rest, drink plenty (this would probably be small beer in this time period, not water, because the water was also infested), stay clean, and for the sake of God do not allow anyone to let your blood, for the angels need that blood in their war against the evil spirits. Bloodletting is good for some types of illnesses but not the kinds caused by the tiny evil spirits.
boiling as a sterilization measure is also easy to explain. water returns to the air when heated and it rises as steam back up to the floodgates of heaven; we know God created the world in seven days, He's not up there making more water every time it rains. it circulates. the returning of water to heaven also purifies the water of unclean and malign influences. you know wormy water from a muddy puddle will kill your kid. you know you wouldn't wade into a bog and have a slurp. water that remains in the low places of earth absorbs all that is unclean from our waste and it may also sponge up new diseases from hell, we're not totally sure about that one, but it seems likely. God set up the heavenly water cycle so that the earth's waters wouldn't totally fill up with gunk.
what does this have to do with boiling your surgical tools? well look, the boiling water releases bubbles of steam which carries the malign influences up to heaven. you boil a knife, you send all the miasmic particles off with the steam to heaven. if you rinse the knife off in a bucket the water isn't hot enough, the particles go into the water and then right back on to the knife. you gotta boil it to get the particles all the way away. how can a tool or rag or a bed have miasmic particles on it when you can't smell them? humans have a lousy sense of smell. look at your dog on the hunt. are there no rabbits in the woods just because you can't smell them? we know that miasma is carried on the air, and is what makes stench so dangerous, and we know that humans can't smell worth a damn compared to dogs cats horses etc. a dog can smell if a rat died in a corner of the room last week. you can't. do you think licking the spot where the rat died is going to go well for you? luckily, what humans lack in snout we make up for in brains. we have extra brains where our sniffers should have been. God set that up for a reason.
and why does a rinse with wine spirits work? man, look how fast alcohol evaporates. my guess is that because wine contains a lot more vice than water, it evaporates a whole lot faster, in sort of an equal and opposite way that a rock falls faster than a feather. if you want the miasmic particles to get off there FAST, you dunk it in something that's going back to heaven at a gallop.
what's up with honey? it just preserves things against corruption. doesn't clean them off. honey doesn't evaporate at all. probably because bees don't sin. it's not good for ridding a tool of particles-- it's sticky-- but fine for preserving anything you don't want to go to heaven OR hell. this is why you wash the wound with wine spirits or purified water FIRST, to sluice the miasma out, then slap the honey on AFTER. and boil the damn bandage, too. you wouldn't put a rotten door in a sound doorframe and expect it to keep out bandits, would you? cmon.
ive never wanted to send a death threat over a game before
tautological wordle answer
posts that make you open wordle
I see I'm not the only one who questioned today's word XD
The strongest guy in the Magnus Archives is that one guy who was so obsessed with his dog that he just walked right out of the Spiral because it was her dinnertime
This is one of my favorite episodes. Fears can't hurt you if you're chill enough. The guy who walked in a spiral for four hours and then just left because he remembered he had somewhere to be is, to me, the avatar of the entities' fear
strongest people in the magnus archives:
guy who kept the coffin of the buried in his living room and used it as a coffee table
walked out of the spiral because his dog needed dinner
the plumber who was so inattentive that the stranger put on a whole spectacle for him and he straight-up missed it all
the guy whose primary concern with the evil taxidermists was whether or not they were money laundering (they weren't)
AND he didn’t even realize evil taxidermy was at play for the longest time because he came in like “I love and respect autistic people, of course I’m not judging eye contact”
we CANNOT forget the woman that was actively being swallowed by the buried and when there was nothing she could possibly do she lied down on the ground and accepted her fate so thoroughly and with such calm that it had to barf her back up.
And if my memory is correct she KEPT TAKING THE UNDERGROUND TO WORK
Coming out to nii-san
Level 1: The text supports a transgender reading of the protagonist.
Level 2: The text supports a transgender reading of the author.
Level 3: The text supports a transgender reading of the reader.
Woe! Flower Man Upon Ye!
hey gang i got popsicles pick one as pass the box to someone else
mint
lemon
orange
strawberry
cola
pineapple
dark cherry
anise
"i cant believe you dont have this or that flavor" listen they had these ones okay
Happy Jirachi day and thank you for giving us this legendary gif
do you ever find something that is so funny and you want to share it with everyone but it also requires 18 layers of context spanning things like. 90s anime. aviation history. europop. canada. in order to even remotely understand why it is so funny
in the late 90s there was an anime called initial d which was all about street racing and drifting. naturally every single drift was played for great drama and excitement.
in 1999, an italian named giancarlo pasquini released a europop song under the alias dave rogers called Deja Vu. this song was picked up as the theme song for the above anime. it in turn became a meme, a shorthand for drifting and Cool Moves as a concept.
in 1983, air canada flight 143, a full sized 767, ran out of fuel halfway to edmonton, alberta. this is not something you want to have happen to a huge airplane. the flight chose to try and make an emergency landing at a nearby decomissioned airforce base (as they were falling fast and could not make it to a proper airport), where they ran into a second problem: they were falling out of the sky at 500 feet per mile, but reached gimli (the base in question) while still too high to safely land. normally a plane would just do a big loop-de-loop to lose altitude, but they had maybe three minutes of airtime left before they hit the ground: not enough time to make any kind of circle. the pilot, therefore, decided to execute a side slip to lose speed and altitude. this is Not a move you want to do with a massive 767, because airplanes are not built for that and if you screw it up that plane is hitting the ground at a high speed at a weird angle and breaking into a million pieces. nevertheless, the captain tried it... and succeeded. the plane landed perfectly, and there were no major injuries! (a couple of people did get minor injuries when evacuating the plane after.) he did it so well, in fact, that the plane was refueled, flown out of gimli a couple days later, and continued to fly for another 20 years with the nickname "Gimli Glider."
what is a side-slip, you ask?
it's drifting.
the guy goddamn drifted his 767.
in 2008, the tv show Mayday: Air Disaster featured the gimli glider with full reenactments as an episode on season five of their show.
and so, in conclusion, the thing i have been giggling to myself about all weekend:
this is somehow starting to make the rounds so because i am a pedant i am going to take this time to talk a little more in depth about air canada 143, the GIMLI GLIDER
so you may be wondering: how the hell does a 737 (capacity of roughly 100-120 people) run out of fuel midair? the METRIC SYSTEM, that's how!
up until the early eighties, airplanes would have three people in the cockpit: the pilot, first officer, and flight engineer. generally speaking, the pilot's job is to fly the airplane; the first officer's job is to provide support, monitor instruments, and assist (the pilot and FO will swap roles periodically), and the flight engineer's job was to watch over all the fuel gauges, electrical systems, hydraulics, etc., to make sure they were all working properly, as well as taking charge of things like "setting engine power."
however, in the early 1980s -- when this story takes place -- the flight engineer role began to be made obsolete as computers and more advanced systems became capable of doing most of that work. the boeing 737 of this story was one such plane: actually, air canada 143 was quite a new airplane at the time of the accident, and had no flight engineer.
also in the early 1980s? canada was making the switch from the imperial system to metric.
neither of these things is bad in and of themselves. but put together? one of the flight engineer's jobs was to monitor fuel; it hadn't yet been made clear whose job it was now. canada, at the time, was doing refuelling in a convoluted "the fuel is weighed in pounds but put into the plane as liters" system that required Math and Conversion.
let's talk about AIRPLANE FUEL. unlike a car, you don't take your airplane to the station and fill 'er up: fuel has weight, and airplanes care a LOT about weight. way more than you'd imagine. it's the pilot's job to therefore calculate a) how much fuel they need to get from A to B b) how much extra/emergency fuel they need for safety and c) if and when they need to refuel and by how much. is there bad weather in the area? where's the nearest backup airport? if i need Ten Fuels to get to alberta and there's storms in alberta, i need another Two Fuels to circle around and kill time before landing safely, plus another Five Fuels to get to calgary in case alberta is impossible. my airplane is fully loaded, which means it's heavier than usual, so needs another One Fuel for takeoff power. so altogether i need Eighteen Fuels. except i'm in canada in the 1980s so now i need to figure out what that is in liters, and this used to be the flight engineer's job, and idk man. maybe it's 5 liters? that sounds right?
...you see the issue. it isn't that anyone was slacking off, but no one was quite sure what the conversion was, and so instead of giving the soon-to-be Gimli Glider 18 Fuels, they took off in that fucker with nowhere near enough fuel. to make things worse, the plane had a broken fuel gauge, which was a whole other thing and series of comical misunderstandings, but basically it meant that not only was there No Fuel, but the fuel gauges looked something like this:
the very-soon-to-be crashed airplane's day started off normally. they did a little hour long flight from one city to another with no issues. because they knew the fuel gauges were being silly, while on the ground they did a "stick test", which i'm imagining involved a tree branch, basically checking that yep, there was fuel in the tanks, we're good! (in actuality, what it was doing was measuring the weight of the fuel. except, again, they had their maths all backwards, so due to this convoluted conversion process they went "our fuel weighs 5 kilograms, which equals 20 pounds, which equals 18 fuels, which equals 900 liters." just. silly math. i don't want to make these guys out to be idiots: they would obviously have never flown the plane if they had realized their mistake. but the other problem was of course that the process was already convoluted and required multiple conversions; imagine how much worse it would be if, like these pilots, it was a new system you weren't used to!)
so they boarded their passengers and set off from montreal with the intention of flying to edmonton. and that's when things all went terribly wrong.
pictured: the intended and my interpretation of the actual flight.
all this set up leads to the actual flight, which is almost boring in summary: while high up in the sky, the plane suddenly ran out of fuel. this is bad. we do not want this to happen. the pilots had no idea what was happening at first, but i mean: it was pretty obvious. there's no fuel. no engines. no power. you're 30,000 feet in the air in a 64 ton machine and gravity is going hey girllll heyyyy.
but the thing is, airplanes are really cool. like, this is what got me so interested in these plane crashes and accidents: airplanes are awesome. because first of all: just because you weigh as much as a building and are thousands and thousands of meters in the air? doesn't mean the airplane just falls. hell no! without power, an airplane will still stay in the air, losing altitude, sure, but gliding fairly safely and manageably. this doesn't mean you're safe, but: when air canada 143 lost all power, it still had time and options. it also had... the RAT.
the Ram Air Turbine, or the RAT, is an amazing fucking guy. if an airplane loses power? a hatch pops open, and a little propeller drops down automatically. he's wind powered, and he will provide just enough backup power to keep the most critical systems online, even without fuel or engines or god. we LOVE the rat. and the rat leapt into action here, providing the pilots with enough basic systems to keep going.
this doesn't mean that air canada is out of the woods. landing without power is not easy! the trick to landing an airplane is doing it at a nice shallow angle and low speed, which involves things like "doing nice steady turns to line up with a runway" (no time, we're falling steadily), "using engines to get our speed right" (what engines), "getting to the correct altitude and speed to touch down gently" (we have NO POWER we can't go "oopsie too low" and pull up and adjust). if a plane loses too much speed, it WILL fall out of the sky (a stall) because the aerodynamics stop working. if it's going too fast, you're not landing, you're diving cockpit first into the ground. without power, you can turn, but turns will reduce speed. you can't level off or go back up. you are Going In A Downward Direction. the trick is figuring out how fast and how far and aiming at a runway.
this is also where ATC comes in! we love air traffic controllers!! air canada called a mayday, and ATC leapt into action. their job becomes to Get Them What They Need. air canada wants to go anywhere in canada? atc will move everyone out of the way and get them any runway in the northern hemisphere. when this happened, air canada 143 was near winnipeg, which was their initial goal: this IS going to be a crash landing, and the nearer they can be to emergency services, the better. however, the first officer was doing Good Math, calculating their rate of decent vs distance flown, and soon realized that even though they could literally see winnipeg from the windows, they just weren't going to make it. they were falling too fast.
enter: GIMLI. the first officer had actually trained there during his air force days; it's a former base with two runways. it wasn't ideal, because ATC had no information on it and it lacked instruments and equipment (normally, for example, airports will have locator beams and so on to help an aircraft lock on to the runway at the Correct Safe Angle), but... better than a field or lake. one of the dangers of this type of no engine landing is actually being non-committal: waiting too long to make a decision, trying to maximize time in the air rather than land. this makes sense! it's probably pretty human instinct! prolong that crash as long as possible! but it's much, much better to simply Commit and Prepare and Go For It. and that's exactly what air canada now did.
they told ATC they're going to gimli and made the turn. the cabin crew was meanwhile preparing the passengers for a crash landing.
the crazy thing about plane crashes is, actually, that they are very survivable. don't get me wrong: they're bad. people die. but the number of worst case scenarios where dozens of people still, somehow, survive? shockingly high. of course, you don't want ANYONE to die. i would be terrified if it was me. but cabin crew had to know it would probably be... well, not okay. but that if they got everyone prepared and braced, people were going to make it out. people were going to survive this. possibly most of them. possibly all of them.
as the plane approached gimli, problem #87 came up: they were still too fucking fast. they're gliding down! they can't stop! normally, a plane would simply slow down with flaps, or maybe do a couple of big circles before reorienting themselves towards the runway to lose some speed and altitude, but they don't have time -- or altitude. and that's where the theme song KICKS IN
here are reasons you DO NOT DRIFT airplanes, by the way. it can fuck up your engines: engines work in part by taking IN air, so flying at a Drifting Angle means that's all wrong. the aerodynamics are wrong. you're losing speed VERY fast. you can get OUT of the drift, but now your engines are fucked. on the other hand, this plane effectively HAS no engines, but... there's a reason people don't drift planes, okay.
another plot twist: gimli air force base was no more. the runways were still there... but it had been turned into a drag strip, ironically enough. and it was family day! picture this. you're a nice canadian racing fan in 1983, at the strip with your family, cooking hotdogs and poutine on a grill. and a fucking 737 APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE in front of you. because that is exactly what happened. there were KIDS. on BIKES. with a PLANE HEADING RIGHT TOWARDS THEM. in the mayday episode, the kids tried to outrace the plane in a panic: in the pilot's telling, the kids simply froze in fear.
by the time the pilots realized the runway was occupied, it was way too late to turn back. they landed. in a twist of bad luck that turned into good: without power, they had to manually release their landing gear.... and the nose gear didn't lock. this turned out to be a weirdly good thing: without nose gear, the plane's nose hit the runway and acted as one hell of a brake in ITSELF, grinding on the asphalt as the plane barreled down at high speed. the pilot also intentionally steered the plane into the rail in the middle of the runway, trying to slow the plane even more. and... it worked! the plane came to a stop. everyone was fine. even the kids on bikes.
all this friction caused a small fire in the nose, and so the pilots called for an immediate evacuation to be safe. this caused a bit of an issue: because the nose was on the ground, the butt of the plane was higher than usual, and the back slides were basically just vertical drops. a couple people got mildly hurt using them, as you'd expect.
meanwhile, the drag strip folks were rushing over with fire extinguishers and the like, and the small fire was easily contained (note: do not fuck with burning airplanes. this one had no fuel so COULD be contained). by the time ATC got emergency services to gimli, everyone was safe, ankles were being iced, and presumably everyone was eating hot dogs.
the airplane itself had some minor damage (from when the nose acted as a brake), but was largely intact: it was patched up, refuelled, and took off from gimli a while later, where it flew for another 20 years before retiring of old age.
and that is the story of the Gimli Glider: that time a pilot drifted his plane so hard that he saved the lives of everyone on his plane.
all 69 of them 😎
I had read the story of the Gimli Glider before, and I had seen the video with "Deja Vu" playing, but I never understood where the song came from or why it was supposed to be funny before.
This is "The Most Tumblr Punchline" in action, only I didn't realize there was something to look up.
Now that I do?
Okay, that's funny.