nah

look at mah catt

[damazcuz]

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

[beardedmrbean]

this sounds like a party to me

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

I think ao3 is literally the only site where no censorship means no censorship. you can post the most vile things on there — things that will get taken down on any other platforms — and ao3 will protect you, your works, and your rights to create whatever you want, however you want.

and no, this isn’t me saying “write that messed up, disgusting thing” because while, yes, write it if it’s what you want (I myself enjoy writing dark fics, something I believe would be considered “vile” to a lot of people), this is me saying in a world of censorship and capitalism, ao3 really is a treasure.

everybody say thank you ao3

[parkchanwoohoo]

This whole series is so goddamn funny

[boybeetles]

Sie transvestigaten meinen ikea hotdog…

[boybeetles]

I think the most important takeaway from this image is OP is a freak complaining about how they have no red cabbage. Who puts red cabbage on a hot dog. Everytime I read a German tweet they are posting about the most gross food combos. Red cabbage by itself? Okay that’s good. On a hot dog? Straight to jail.

[gallusrostromegalus]

At the gate for my flight home from visiting friends and there's a woman here with a service Shiba Inu. No pics because he has a Do Not Disturb vest and taking pics of strangers is illegal but I need to stress how ON DUTY this animal is. Ears up. Eyes doing Lazer scans of everything. Examining everyone who passes within 10ft like a security guard. Ass planted on her feet. I have never seen a dog with such intense chivalric guardian energy before. He has tiny eyebrows and they are FURROWED with concentration.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Man behind me having unhinged phone conversation. There is an internationally famous dairy in the area I was visiting and he was commissioned by the lady on the other end of the phone to collect specific cheeses from there. The lady is very high strung about the type and condition of the cheese.

The man does not know from cheese. The man "ain't never seen no cheese but orange before" and "I showed ya list to the cheese lady so if it's wrong it's her fault ok?"

I am 80% sure she sent him there for a really specific bleu cheese, 40% sure he does not have the very specific bleu cheese, and 100% sure he's done with her shit.

Our flight is delayed.

He does not have the cheeses in a cooler, just a regular backpack.

[gallusrostromegalus]

I need to emphasize that there is no cooler bag in the backpack. He has Jansport backpack that is jam-packed with cheeses. There is apparently $405 dollars worth of cheeses in that backpack, which I know because he has been trying to get the lady to venmo him the expense, which she has failed to do. It is unclear whether his relation to the lady is romantic, familial or what, but I'm leaning towards "what".

Two more people have joined us. One is a very elegant man with a perfect manicure in a tailored business suit, the other is a neon-haired person of indeterminate gender wearing a fox kirigumi. The Shiba Inu has been staring at the latter for three minutes now.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Uh oh.

Cheese man has been demanding payment because apparently he went like six hours out of his way and paid with his own money and between the cheese and price of gas, he is pretty sure he does not have enough money in his account for an Uber home.

The lady is FLABBERGASTED that he is demanding payment at all, as she was under the impression he was doing this for her out of the goodness of his heart.

He's not having it. He's insisting she told him she would pay him back- he would have gotten her maybe one cheese somewhere closer to his business in the area out of love, but he went out of his way because she agreed to pay him costs+ extra to cover it.

[gallusrostromegalus]

HE RECORDED THE CONVERSATION IN WHICH SHE PROMISED TO PAY FOR THE CHEESE, SHE'S THAT MUCH OF A FLAKE.

I am about to offer this man cash for some of these cheeses because our flight is now more delayed.

[gallusrostromegalus]

"YOU ALWAYS DO THIS! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS AND I FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME! NO! NO! FUCK YOU! IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY ME, YOU DON'T GET FANCY CHEESE."

"OR ELSE WHAT?"

"I'm gonna-? THE BABY SHOWER? MONICA CAN'T EVEN HAVE THIS CHEESE SHE'S PREGNANT!"

"The cheese lady asked if it was for someone because the mushrooms or whatever in the cheese are dangerous for the baby or something?? You wanna poison Monica?"

"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?"

"YEAH OF COURSE I GOT THE CHEESE, THATS WHY I DON'T GOT MONEY FOR UBER!"

"YEAH, GO TELL! GO TELL MOMMA I STOPPED YOUR STUPID ASS FROM KILLING MONICA OR THE BABY! FUCK!"

*hangs up phone*

*head in hands, borderline hyperventilating*

The man in the three piece suit is in the chair next to him. He waits a moment, then reaches into his carryon and pulls out an entire bottle of wine with the TSA pre check sticker on it, and taps cheese guy on the shoulder.

"If your friend doesn't want it, would you be amenable to having it right now?"

[gallusrostromegalus]

Naturally, I have volunteered my box of wheat thins and offered to buy one of the harder cheeses which should be fine if it makes it home.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Meanwhile, Kirigumi has noticed that the Shiba Inu is staring at her and is correctly intimidated.

[gallusrostromegalus]

1. This is some fucking great Camembert. I have compensated cheese guy accordingly. So have like six other people. He's recouped like half his losses.

2. Cheese guy is crying a little about the cash and opening up about his problems. The cheese lady is his younger sister. Suit guy is being very generous with his Pinot Blanc. We are having a picnic/improv family therapy session.

3. This is apparently the latest in a long string of his sister asking for something and then flaking when he asks to be paid back. Started with paying him back only some of what he was owed, then claiming something she paid for him was of equal value when it was not, then recently telling him his memory is wrong and he said it was a gift or that he'd do it for free.

"Yeah, the specific thing of trying to convince you your memory is unreliable is called gaslighting and it's really fucked up." I say

"yeeeeah. The other stuff I forgave because she's never really had a good job so she can't pay me back all the time but at least she was making an effort y'know? But that was. That was over the line."

"If you haven't already, check on the rest of your family's finances. My brother started trying to gaslight everyone when he started stealing from our parents." Says Pinot Blanc.

4. Shiba Inu Lady has purchased a cheddar. Apparently, the dog's name is Donut, and he's her service dog because she's severely visually impaired.

"Oh, he's a guide dog?" Asks cheese guy.

"oh, no." She laughs. "He's too short, and the way my eyes are, it's easier for me to navigate with a cane. No, the problem I have is that some morally impaired people see the cane and think they can get away with stealing my bag or assaulting me because I wouldn't be able to give a description- which is wrong, but rather than deal with that I got Donut, and he helps me by howling at anyone who gets in my personal space and biting anyone who grabs me!"

"Uh." Says Kirigumi. "He's been staring at me do I need to back up or..?"

"Ohdear! No, no- He wasn't looking at you! He loves cheese but he knows he's not supposed to beg so he decided the way to deal with something he wants but can't have is to stare in the other direction."

"OKAY!" Says Kirigumi. "I'm wearing fox pajamas and thought like. He thought I was another dog or something."

"No, no- he doesn't care about dogs, and you get a warning before he goes for the calves. Very helpful, when I was living in Italy!"

"Oh what part? I have family in Tuscany." Says Pinot.

"Does he want a cheese? There is still so much cheese." Says cheese guy.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Plane may be arriving. I am paying for in flight WiFi to keep y'all updated.

[gallusrostromegalus]

1. Cheese guy has sold all but two or three cheeses that he an Pinot are going to eat on the flight.

2. I know they're planning to continue because Pinot talked to the gate agent so he and cheese guy can sit together and talk about family drama and cheese.

3. Pinot has been teaching him about different types of cheese and how to enjoy them.

4. Cheese guy apparently repairs computers and other technology devices for a living and is currently doing the software version of scraping barnacles and other crap off Pinot'macbook.

5. Pinot is now convinced that cheese guy is the smartest and most interesting man in the world.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ok so the Wifi wasn't working on the plane (also like, nonstop turbulence) and also they got seated in a different row from me, but:

Now that I've heard the word aloud, and they are an astrophysicist. Who correctly believes in being comfy as fuck on planes. They are also familar with the concept of a meet-cute and is rooting for them too.

Got to walk the nice lady and her Tactical Assault Shiba to her next gate because it was on the way out and talk for a bit. Donut is called that not because he is the color of a Donut (which he is) but because he likes to sleep curled up in a perfect circle. He has a sister who does the same thing named Bagel.

Lost track of Pinot and Cheeseguy for a bit but when I saw them again at Baggage claim, Cheeseguy was holding both their jackets, and Pinot was on the phone to his hotel about "Well do you have any rooms with TWO beds?". The rest of the call indicated that yes, there were rooms with two beds, but Readers, I Had A Moment.

:)

Anyway, it's 2AM, I need to sleep, if you feel like supporting this kind of hard-hitting reporting, I have a Tip Jar!

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[yamada-ryo]

So it turns out the windows 11 'shut down' button no longer shuts down the computer entirely. I know this because task manager snitched on the runtime. So I shut it down and turn the main switch off and guess what happened on the next boot. American Megatrends. How the hell does windows 11 even manage to fuck up shutting down

[yamada-ryo]

Apparently it fucked with my bios settings? Now I can't even run my emulator.

[yamada-ryo]

This shit was NOT set to off before. This OS is a virus that fucks with your system. And not in a good way.

[switch-to-linux]

I have a suggestion

[h-nry]

[depsidase]

[depsidase]

[donjuaninhell]

I swear, some of you people somehow manage to possess all of the three most unfortunate character traits someone can have: a) kinda stupid, b) obnoxiously contrarian, c) deeply annoying.

[tockthewatchdog]

stuff you say when you don’t give a fuck about women quite frankly

[cardassiangoodreads]

Hence the not-uncommon adage that the washing machine did even more for women's liberation than the birth control pill

[3liza]

one thing everyone who is struggling with cooking for themselves needs to know is that the shittiest rice cooker, like the ones that cost $5 at rite aid, can make entire meals. you can put anything you want (except uncooked meats that need prolonged temperatures to be safe to eat) in with the rice and push the button and go lie down for 20 minutes. you will learn through making slightly over or undercooked rice a few times how you need to adjust the liquid:rice ratios. you can put rice, a bag of baby carrots, whatever salt and spices, and a can of tuna (or a can of shredded chicken, beef, etc, or tofu, or canned beans, or canned tomatoes) in a rice cooker and it will be completely edible in ~20min. it costs like $1 per batch, less if you get regular carrots and cut them into chunks yourself. you should have frozen spinach and peas and corn in your freezer, or whatever frozen veg is safe for your food allergies. this kind of meal can survive in the fridge for a while and the freezer even longer. if you make it badly it wont poison you and can be salvaged with hot sauce, if you make it disastrously it can be thrown away without losing more than a dollar or two. if you make it okay it fullfills the Just Need Some Real Food requirements completely. if you need more calories you can add butter or oil, or eat sour cream on the side. if you forget about the rice cooker or fall asleep it will dry out on the bottom but wont burn. they should teach you this in 5th grade

[roadhogsbigbelly]

"I've never met a picky eater of color" very much does feel like a pretty benign example of "people of color are cool, white people we uncool" type of racism because I think every culture has their own version of "chicken strips and fries" it's just that people aren't going to clock "curry and rice" or "miso buttle noodles" as being "safe foods" because their "ethnic". whatever that means.

[myfootyrthroat]

Sometimes someone will talk about an acquaintance who is an "undiagnosed narcissist with obvious borderline personality disorder traits" and I'm like... We used to just say "a bitch", and I know all the reasons why that was bad, but I'm not sure this is better.

[todaysbird]

thinking about the time a dude with a booth trying to get sign ups (no recollection of what for) approached me and said “Hey! do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” the correct response to this is “i don’t know”, so that the original speaker can say “enough to break the ice!” however, he did not count on Animal Facts Georg saying “i think about 990lbs?” which destroyed any hope for a normal and productive conversation

[spockwithacat]

The thing with using 🍇 instead of just saying rape is that if you really need to avoid censors you could use phrases that already exist like forced upon or violated or something else. 🍇 is genuinely the worse possible thing to use when talking about a serious topic and no I never want to see anyone use it when talking about something that happens in real life. It’s genuinely so stupid

[prismatic-bell]

Also?

Assaulted.

Assaulted is a word.

[penrosesun]

AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON 🍕

“CP” ie. “child porn” is already an outdated and fundamentally offensive term that implies that children can be porn stars. It’s like referring to a child sex trafficking victim as a “child prostitute”. You should never use it. There is simply no circumstance where “CP” is the appropriate term for CSAM / CSEM (child sexual abuse material / child sexual exploitation material).

And

Cheese pizza?!

CHEESE fucking PIZZA?!??!

The FUCKING PIZZA EMOJI?!??!!

What the actual fuck is WRONG with you?!!?!?

[prismatic-bell]

I will say I've used "cheese pizza" when a child unexpectedly walked into my immediate vicinity. I didn't know if the friend I was talking to knew the term CSAM and I had to pivot on a dime, because I didn't want to be the reason a six-year-old said "mommy, what's porn?" and you never know what kids that age are paying attention to.

So there are actual uses for these phrases. But basically every one I can think of involves surprise small pitchers with big ears.

[penrosesun]

Yeah, that’s another thing: a quick emergency pivot away from a word, either to avoid censors or because someone small has literally just walked into the room is an isolated moment. It doesn’t go on for years.

If the social media platform you’re on is seriously taking down any post with the word “rape” in it, it is only a matter of time until it’s also taking down any post with “🍇” in it too. Have a look at Chinese social media if you want to see this arms race in real time – coded phrases get censored, and then people move on to new coded phrases, and then those coded phrases get censored, and it goes on literally forever until either the censors or stop caring about people talking about it, or people give up and stop talking about it. Things like “🍇” and “🍕” and “kiddie 🌽” and “unalive” have been around for years. Do you really think TikTok and YouTube still don’t know about them???

These aren’t actually about dodging censorship, except maybe in a cargo cult sense – if your post was actually in danger of being removed for using the words “rape” or “CSAM” or “suicide”, none of the above would save it from that.

[almostdefinitelydying]

This is just like saying unalive when terms like "passed on", "kicked the bucket" and "parked permanently" are RIGHT FUCKING THERE.

y'all sound like brain damaged children saying "grape" and "unalive".

[orvillepeckspocketpussy]

one thing i am quite grateful to Brian David Gilbert for is the phrase "If you needed ME to tell you that... I'm glad I told you that."

it has been etched into my brain for the past six years, fundamentally altering how i consider knowledge gaps held by others, as well as myself. people usually need to be told stuff before they can know it! that's how knowing stuff works! this is an extreme example played for laughs but it's a legitimately helpful philosophy!!

[foxes-in-love]