C

“Pants are an illusion and so is death”

[obsidiannn]

Shout out Oscar for answering the question we all had “does he ever order his own burger?”

[obsidiannn]

You’re not a man… but worst of all you’re not even a muppet.

[obsidiannn]

Was talking to my friend about how Dan and Phil finally confirmed they were together with my friends and one of them went “don’t they explore haunted houses? That’s them right?” She thought Dan and Phill were Shane and Ryan. And honestly they are the straight Dan and Phill… I can see it.

[obsidiannn]

I’m now going to be treating my dating life like when congress overrides a presidential veto. If I decide to go on a date w a guy and 2/3’s of the senate (my friend group) says no after he’s already done 1 thing wrong… my veto is overruled and so is the possibility for a relationship

[obsidiannn]

Just set a boundary! Had to repeat affirmations because I was so incredibly anxious despite the fact IM the one who was done dirty

[obsidiannn]

Now that the Muppet Show revival has been announced imma just say it… idk if yall will be able to handle the level of cunt that will be served by Miss Piggy AND Sabrina Carpenter

[obsidiannn]

Nobody is safe from the obscene amount of niche fun facts I have locked away in my brain now that the muppet show revival has been announced

[obsidiannn]

What the fuck is in the air rn. Why are all my friends falling in love. Everyone is coupling up. I feel like I’m on love island and I’m up for elimination cause the huzz don’t want me

[obsidiannn]

I hate the stereotypes around female formula 1 fans. Like God forbid a girl understand and enjoy a sport WHILE ALSO thinking Charles Leclerc is one of the hottest men I’ve ever seen. We can do both I promise!

[re-reclass]

Superman losing his composure only when people shrug off the lives of others. Doesn’t matter how well he knows them. Doesn’t matter if they’re even human.

He gets upset at the Justice Gang for brutally killing a rampaging Kaiju and not even attempting to find a way to move it or at least euthanize it more humanely.

The only time he raises his voice during Lois’ interview is when she digs into his interference in geopolitics, because people would have died if he hadn’t acted. The only time he yells at Luthor is when Luthor abducts Krypto. The only time he cries is when Luthor murders someone he barely even knew.

He saves a fucking squirrel for god’s sake. We’re so back.

[obsidiannn]

I can’t stop quoting the Smurf poster anytime someone brings up Smurfs. Every time it’s mentioned without fail I hit em with the “Did you know Rihanna IS smurfette”. The look you get is worth it every time trust.

[obsidiannn]

I’ve never seen a Smurfs movie poster that had any other phrase besides “Rihanna is smurfette” and I like to think that IS the tagline.

[obsidiannn]

If you thought Kendrick’s level of hater was inspiring… WAIT till you see the new Superman

[obsidiannn]

My dog Brutus’s first Ides of March!! He’s so excited to kill Ceasar!

[obsidiannn]

At my school we have a class where u teach at a local elementary as your first period. And my second graders have just decided im teaching 3rd grade next year. They refuse to accept that I’ll be in second grade again next year. Apparently they’ve made my choice for me 😭😭

[obsidiannn]

Bro I hate talking to introverted men. Like you just gotta keep trying until you figure out if they hate u or have anxiety. It’s a constant guessing game

[obsidiannn]

Why did we stop talking about gargoyles. Bring them back.