Only Sometimes

[hungwy]

*grabs your hand* no… WE’RE back on our bullshit

[queerdungeons]

Non threatening green men

[nidai-lightning-remade]

OP has clearly never had that monster in the middle sit on your counter at three am and stare you down until you feed it with full eye contact

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i dont like to intrude normally but i really absolutely MUST know what events went down between you and gumby

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

vampire conspiracy theories, go!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

absolutely superb 

[nigahz-deactivated20190311]

yall are so fake for making sans undertale jokes like wasnt our Friend. like he didnt buy us a Meal at grillby’s. like he didnt help Hide You from papyrus. like he didnt stack hotdogs ON YOUR HEAD. yall are such fake friends and you need to know.

[xxxtictacion]

Me making a friendship only to find out they’re a dick

[meatswitch-deactivated20231107]

this is my mom making stroganoff

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was in a mall with my friend and then suddenly his watch started beeping and I asked him why he had an alarm set for 3:00 and he told me that it was because it was Wendy’s time. Immediately after, we found a Wendy’s and when we walked in, all the employees were chanting “Wendy’s time” and it sure was something.

[quintessentialbeings]

sometimes i worry about the people on this website and their weird experiences and then i notice their username

[ladyananas]

sometimes i worry about my willingness to shrug off stories like that like “eh it’s wendy’s, weird shit happens there”

[bonerfart]

make sure your wife is plugged into a charger every night or bring a portable wife charger with you on long trips

[12b6]

there are people who could easily date me and are not doing so, how fucking rude

[kjhjhjdkjdnkldndlj-deactivated2]

gimme the soup boys and free my soul , i wanna eat soup out a little bowl , and drift away…

[taylorisapuppy]

#it’s what they deserve

[cacoons]

[saiasus]

I wish Ari would do acting again :(

[violentdevotion]

I think we all wish Ari would act again

[frvent]

i live for older girls who take care of you and give you advice on weird things w/o judging bc they’ve experienced it and are just so warm. my only goal in life is to be that for others one day

[onlytwitterpics]

[gaystation-4]

[memeculture69]

[andhumanslovedstories]

So I came home from work today and there was a kindle addressed to me that I did not remember ordering. I spent the afternoon trying to figure out how I accidentally purchased a kindle from Amazon, and when I came back from hanging out with Catherine, I told my parents, guys, you will not believe what I accidentally ordered for myself. 

“Huh,” said Dad very casually. “Did you get charged for it?” 

I spent the next five minutes checking my bank account and came back into the living room to announce, “No, I didn’t. Do you think it’s a mistake? But it has my name on it! what does this mean”

It was around the time that I started to sound panicked that Dad confessed to buying it for me (“I didn’t realize the mystery of it would be so terrifying”). Which was very, very sweet and slightly unfortunate because yesterday I purchased a replacement kindle for myself. 

So anyway, we now have a family kindle 

[andhumanslovedstories]

Me and Mom were talking about the kindle this morning, and she told me about how a few weeks ago, she got into her car only to discover that it had been mysteriously cleaned.

“But who would do this?” she said to my father who said he was sure he had no idea. “A student? A stranger? Someone who broke into my car to steal it but felt bad about how dirty it was? WHO??”

Eventually Dad was like, “Honey. It was clearly me.”

Poor Dad just wants to be a man who expresses his love through silent actions, but his family consists of panicked, suspicious women who apparently are very sure that strangers will ominously do nice things for us

[joshpeck]

i’m so dateable…and yet here i am….not being asked on dates…..tragic……

[gaynehollander]

if we’re mutuals, and I don’t care whether we’ve been mutuals for twelve (12) minutes or three (3) years, you can send me a message any time about any thing. family life is shit? bitch, tell me about it and even if I can’t help, I can listen. struggling with mental illness and feel like you can’t talk to anyone? talk to me. literally. you always can. saw a cute cat? SEND THAT BITCH MY WAY