Autumn 🔥 @autumnblzit - Tumblr Blog

Me in 2022 when the pandemic hasn’t ended yet because people don’t know how to act right and I’ve been holed up in my house for three years acquiring a new flavor of crazy, going to open the door for the guy in the hazmat suit that’s come to deliver my groceries

lew-basnight

When I was 18, circumstances found me stuck on the family farm for three months, alone with no vehicle. Twice my mom came back for half an hour to drop off food and smokes. There was no internet, only a couple fuzzy broadcast tv stations. Phone calls were expensive. The closest bump on the highway was about 500 people, with a Kwik Trip and some churches. It was about three hours each way. The closest neighbor was a mile away across hills and valleys.

By the end I was wearing a white robe and broad straw hat, carrying a sword, peeing on the lawn, performing magic on the hilltops. I was deep into some wild conspiracy shit and doing a lot of writing, making a lot of mix tapes. I talked intensely with the tv and radio, and developed in-depth relationships with the characters on “Hill Street Blues.”

If I learned anything from the experience, it is this.

Give in to the inevitable craziness right away, and just get comfortable.

higurashinonakukoronigou-moving

hold on im begging you for more information

glumshoe

I heard too many sounds at once and now I am a bitch

tits-n-trix

We're all one sensory overload away from becoming the strongest versions of ourselves

glumshoe

supervillain origin story: two conversations happened near me at the same time

weaver-z

elennastarwards-deactivated2023

I’m Brazilian and my strongest memory relating to a roundabout was when me and my family were walking near my grandparent’s house. My little brother asked what the circle in the ground was and my dad explained the concept of a roundabout, “you’re supposed to go around it, so the road is more organized, look, there’s a car coming, you’ll see how it works” and that car just. Fucking ran over it. Dude just went forward like the road was straight. We never saw anyone do that again and I’m still not over it

yasferatu-deactivated20220102

I'm gonna kill myself

vstheworld

I showed a young coworker my bad emo hair from 2007 expecting the same laughter I get from fellow adults, but she deadass goes “it was cute tho?”

god-sent-gender-bent

Yeah emo phase is coming back and I love it. The only difference is that our first emo phase was like, the first trend to actually be documented online. So all these kids can go back, see how we did it and then tweak it. They can also look up super fucking cool makeup tutorials, have access to hair bleach and crazy colors, and youtube tutorials, where as all we had was a revlon eyeliner pencil, a bic razor (anyone else use that to DIY layer your hair???), and a lot of angst. I'm so glad the new emo kids can express themselves and make themselves look like how they want.

Just remember that those "old adults" still have that same spirit inside us, we just maybe have to have our hair natural for a job. And yes, we're still depressed and listen to that music, we just have to pay taxes now.

bubonicplague-deactivated202005

Christians girls r like "hm..i absolutely fucking despise anyone who isnt exactly like me or fits my narrow ideal of a person...obviously i should be a nurse or a teacher" and we just let them

hotvampireadjacent

catchymemes

liberal-memes

the-bright-path-deactivated2021

is is this supposed to sound *bad*?

the-bright-path-deactivated2021

It was hard to read in the screenshot so I found it and blew it up:

catchymemes

lovlae

oh fr 😳😳

stepfordgoth

I hate these posts because they've gotten in my head, and when I was drunk in the passenger seat of my friends car last night I saw a cop in hi-vis directing traffic and my first thought was "ok he do be lookin kinda safe doe"

catchymemes

This Guy Won’t Stop Photoshopping Himself Into Kendall Jenner’s Photos And It Makes Them 10 Times Better

Credit: Kirby Jenner / IG

via: boredpanda.com

heatandapathy

This is some god tier photoshopping.

sergle

like if a drink is gonna taste bad, then I want it to at least Fuck Me Up, and if a drink isn’t gonna fuck me up, then i want it to taste real nice. but you can’t have a drink that both fails to fuck you up, AND fails to taste good. that’s cheating. and that’s beer.

corporationkills

on all levels , including physical , i am this

racingbarakarts

I used to have geese so here’s a tip for everyone:

If a goose is attacking you, don’t run. No matter what, stand your ground. They can fly but when they’re mad, they don’t usually try to fly. Hold your hands in front of you, ready to grasp. When the goose gets close, grab it by the neck bit closest to the head and squeeze. Not tight enough to choke the goose, but tight enough so they can’t break free. You can hold them until they calm down or just do the next step right away. The next step is literally just to chuck them as far as possible and run for your life. It makes the goose know you’re in charge and you have a better chance of getting away. Trust me I’ve done this so many times that I’ve lost count

myblogisnotinteresting

I can’t tell if this is a shitpost or actual advice. But I do know geese are the fucking worst.

racingbarakarts

Actual advice! Just yeet a goose

61below

Yeet the geese

racingbarakarts

I’ve been reading the replies to this so here’s an update!

DO NOT KICK A GOOSE. Geese are very important for nature as they maintain insect populations and they help pick weeds that try to kill useful plants! Geese are good, they’re just grumpy. Never kick one because you could fatally injure them. They do not have the bone structure to survive a strong kick.

I had to deal with this a lot because my family bred geese. Geese are not happy about their eggs being taken so after you take one, they remember for their whole lives. We had a farm, we did what we had to do in order to survive. We loved our geese and our geese loved us, just not when we were taking their babies.

Do not kill Geese just because they’re mean. Please

Yes you could crawl towards them, but that only works if it’s one goose. If it’s more than one attacking you, you can yeet them as they get close.

This post was about white geese, which is what we bred, but you can do this for Canadian geese too! Because attacking a Canadian goose can get you a fine and even jail time, this is a much nicer approach to being attacked by a goose.

Also for some reason a lot of replies are saying this can break a goose’s neck???? It can’t??? Don’t spread lies. Geese are built to be picked up by the neck and they have tons of muscles in their necks to support being thrown. This is how they fight each other. It doesn’t hurt them. Just stuns them.

DO NOT DO THIS TO SWANS!!!!!!! SWANS ARE EVIL IF YOU ARE BEING ATTACKED BY A SWAN JUST ACCEPT YOUR DEATH. THEY WILL NOT BE STUNNED. THEY WILL NOT FORGET. THEY WILL FOLLOW YOU HOME AND MURDER YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. SWANS ARE DEMONS

askfordoodles

Actually, I have picked up a swan by just, slotting in under my arm; once their wings are held in place they just sorta hiss a bit and accept their fate. It’s how wildlife centres and rspca deal with them. They just use swan-bags, I’M NOT kidding, that completely neutralizes them. LOOK AT ALL THESE DEMONIC BULLIES BEING DEFEATED BY BEING CHIHUAHUA-HANDBBAGGED.

In fairness, in MY CASE, this was a juvenile male, but old enough that the dad had evicted it from the lake. He was in my way, hissing and refusing to move; and if you hiss at me, that’s a challenge, baby!

kedreeva

Most birds will accept their date once you have their wings (geese will, in my experience, chill once you have them under an arm too, I pick them up like that). They transport peafowl in sacks like that too: