Shitposter in training

Maturity incarnate. Except the complete opposite.

[fangsup-cobrastyle]

Making this its own post because I occasionally remember this and can't stop laughing

When I was 14, my friends and I went to see Madagascar 3 - told our parents and then walked to and from the theater by ourselves. When I got home, my mom asked me all kinds of questions about the movie, and I told her about it, and I kept singing the stupid Afro Circus song

and eventually she gave in and was like, "Wait, you guys really went to see Madagascar? I assumed you were lying to us and sneaking into a rated R movie." And I fear I have never felt so lame as I did in that moment.

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[goblin-steve]

I'm about to become a viral sensation. That's right, the doctor said I'm infectious

[goblin-steve]

I'm in your computers

[goblin-steve]

Uh oh

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

Me: I don't know. I just don't think there's much comedic potential to the idea of a "pizza samurai"

PIzza Samurai, entering physical existence due to the sheer willpower which I still spend thinking about him: I will defeat you with my New York Style martial arts Pepperōnin, also real now: Prepare to get sliced

[charl0ttan]

dude why is your cutie mark a cigarette burn & we arent horses

[iapislazuli]

when i was at walgreens (at 3 in the morning which explains all of this) the cashier was talking to her coworker about how shed rather be a werewolf than a vampire because vampires are condemned to hell but werewolves arent and then she asked me what i thought and i said vampire because im already condemned to hell and she said in the nicest tone of voice “i dont think anybody is condemned to hell….” paused, stared at me for a few moments, and added on “…not even gay people” 

[iapislazuli]

Happy pride month to the filthiest most brutal read I’ve ever been given in my life

[roadside--picnic]

[immigrant]

this was tumblr in 2013

[allegedly-human]

This is tumblr in 2026

[aflo]

A standard porno with the bad acting and music and whatnot but partway through the action the camera pans to a millipede and hunting spider locked in a duel for survival, the sounds of sex fade out and the scene in the background blurs, epic battle music starts to play

[deadelated]

the gay thoughts are back

[mosasadogs]

saw you laying on our couch on your stomach kicking your feet cutely before posting this

[deadelated]

I was literally sitting like this with my guns

[twistedpictures]

dudes online used to spend 72 hours on photoshop uninterrupted editing people’s faces to look scary and we called the finished product some shit like jeff the killer and put him in spirit halloween and on wikipedia These days you open tumblr and top of dash is a 42 note edit of jerma’s face so fucked up looking that it could’ve been used to texture a corpse in a y2k valve game and you get a little nauseous and otherwise just keep scrolling. and this is known as “a tuesday

[arlo-maintenanceman]

Like this?

[theribthatgrewback]

two more

[puh-dding]

[puddox]

saw someone including "Mandate of Heaven" as one of those christian terms tumblr likes to use to sound profound. which i get where you're coming from but t☝️hat one is chinese

[yuriinullification]

holdon

what the fuck is going on in this site's backend

[mrsandman42069]

[sapphling]

returning dead eyed on bloodied soles again and again to the drafts page to make another crack at writing "the post"

[dragoncommunion]

(letterboxd user reviewing Portal) it's "god forbid women do anything" vibes

(steam user reviewing Kill Bill) Let me make you an analogy. Kill Bill is kind of like cheese. Why? Becausue its good. You like cheese right? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cheese. Watch this movie. 👍

[dragoncommunion]

(ogre crossbowman) me going to use bone bolts after run out of poison ones and then me definitely going to rout

[bonesbeetle]

compilation of my all-time favorite tweets

[fandom-man]

[11thsense]

Hello, Emily. This is Adam Driver. I came across your blog in my free time today and it pained me greatly to find a post you made recently calling me ugly and, I quote, “garbage”. I began to cry, because I have anxiety about my appearance. You have truly hurt an innocent 30 or 40 year old man who wants nothing more than to act and be happy. I hope you consider your actions in the future, as I am still crying because of you. Thank you, and goodbye.

GOUSJCJ DICJ

[jonbutter]

dude so distraught he forgot his age