Unbetitelt

[nezierf]

living the dream

tomodachi life riso print, colors used: yellow, fluorescent pink, blue, teal

[mariacallous]

[sprinkledsalt]

I am once again posting this excerpt from Why Does He Do That?

"MYTH #4: He holds in his feelings too much, and they build up until he bursts. He needs to get in touch with his emotions and learn to express them to prevent those explosive episodes. My colleagues and I refer to this belief as 'The Boiler Theory of Men.' The idea is that a person can only tolerate so much accumulated pain and frustration. If it doesn’t get vented periodically— kind of like a pressure cooker—then there’s bound to be a serious accident. This myth has the ring of truth to it because we are all aware of how many men keep too much emotion pent up inside. Since most abusers are male, it seems to add up. But it doesn’t, and here’s why: Most of my clients are not unusually repressed. In fact, many of them express their feelings more than some nonabusive men. Rather than trapping everything inside, they actually tend to do the opposite: They have an exaggerated idea of how important their feelings are, and they talk about their feelings—and act them out—all the time, until their partners and children are exhausted from hearing about it all. An abuser’s emotions are as likely to be too big as too small. They can fill up the whole house. When he feels bad, he thinks that life should stop for everyone else in the family until someone fixes his discomfort. His partner’s life crises, the children’s sicknesses, meals, birthdays—nothing else matters as much as his feelings. It is not his feelings the abuser is too distant from; it is his partner’s feelings and his children’s feelings. Those are the emotions that he knows so little about and that he needs to 'get in touch with.' My job as an abuse counselor often involves steering the discussion away from how my clients feel and toward how they think (including their attitudes toward their partners ’ feelings). My clients keep trying to drive the ball back into the court that is familiar and comfortable to them, where their inner world is the only thing that matters. For decades, many therapists have been attempting to help abusive men change by guiding them in identifying and expressing feelings. Alas, this well-meaning but misguided approach actually feeds the abuser’s selfish focus on himself, which is an important force driving his abusiveness. Part of why you may be tempted to accept 'The Boiler Theory of Men' is that you may observe that your partner follows a pattern where he becomes increasingly withdrawn, says less and less, seems to be bubbling gradually from a simmer to a boil, and then erupts in a geyser of yelling, put-downs, and ugliness. It looks like an emotional explosion, so naturally you assume that it is. But the mounting tension, the pressure- cooker buildup of his feelings, is actually being driven by his lack of empathy for your feelings, and by a set of attitudes that we will examine later. And he explodes when he gives himself permission to do so."

[one-bite-is-undercover]

This book is a top recommendation of mine, as a therapist.

[miseria-fortes-viros]

ultimately the truth about frankenstein is that we are all grotesque amalgamations of the best and worst parts of everyone who came before us. and sometimes the people who are supposed to love us because of and in spite of this will not. and we can kill them with hammers for that. and i think that’s beautiful

[miseria-fortes-viros]

my brother in christ frankenstein is the title of the book

[warlockofagnesi]

COUNTERPOINT

[miseria-fortes-viros]

well i can’t argue with that one

[quacksmith]

Ah yes, Mary Shelley’s monster.

[miseria-fortes-viros]

no mary shelley is the name of the monster not the doctor

[villainessbian]

common misconception! mary shelley's monster was actually lord byron

[interestingmistakes]

Reblogging this manually. Op doesn't want credit for fear of being terminated.

[manuciruja]

awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?

[manuciruja]

i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users

[smadsel]

would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.

[smadsel]

that’s not the whole flag, now is it

[manuciruja]

hey staff what the fuck

[calicotisane]

Imagine all of these realizations flooding into this person's brain after a slow gestation of 10 years it all bursts open all at once as one realization as every realization and suddenly everything makes sense in a moment of total perfect clarity and oneness with the earth the universe

[cosmikazie]

hey remember when people said we gotta keep talking about this and then two days passed and it just went quiet. anyways

[cosmikazie]

due to recent (and frankly ongoing as far as this website is concerned) events

[everyday-cutephoto]

[seymour-butz-stuff]

Time to feed unprofessional managers what they’ve been dishing out for far too long.

[beaniebaneenie]

Couple things here, for when you do this to people: 

1. if you get the “answer my call” text, NEVER ANSWER THE CALL. 

They are calling you because they want to have the conversation verbally, and be able to lie later about what they said or didn’t say. Force them to continue via text or email- force them to continue the conversation in writing or not at all. 

2. “Lack of 2 weeks notice is unprofessional!” or the other version, “Not providing notice is illegal!”

No it isn’t. Neither is true. 

And in the US, all states except Montana are “at will” employment (though you may hear an employer refer to it as “right to work” to make it sound better, it’s the same thing). Sure, at-will employment means they can fire you without cause, BUT! It also means that you are not legally required to give a reason for quitting, or to give notice of any kind. 

Is it polite to give notice when you can? Sure. Do bosses expect it? Absolutely. But that does not make you legally required to provide it. 

3. The only thing I would change in the worker’s interaction here was their response when initially asked to come in. 

Employee: “Hey Mark. Sorry I’m unable to cover the shift tonight because I’m studying for my exam tomorrow.” 

Don’t give a reason for your lack of availability. It may be tempting to. You may feel rude if you don’t. 

DON’T DO IT.

You do not owe your boss any information about what you do off the clock, and any reason you give will only ever be used against you. 

Boss: “Hey I need you to cover Jasper’s shift tonight.”

Employee: “Sorry, I’m not available.”

And leave it at that. 

Do not elaborate. 

Do not offer additional information. 

When you boss asks you to elaborate, because they will, be polite but firm. “With respect, that’s personal. I’m sorry, but I’m unavailable to cover this shift/work late/come in early/etc.”

Be a broken record- you’re unavailable. That’s the only information they need to know, and it’s the only information they have a LEGAL RIGHT to know. 

Please stop giving your bosses information they don’t need to know and don’t get to have, because they’re only going to try and use it to fuck you over later. 

[reasonandempathy]

My job is HR. The above is completely accurate.

[foone]

I accidentally glitched out an animation I was working on and created a perfect example of what the passage of time feels like to someone with ADHD

[ammnontet]

the ghoul

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i need to come up with a way to say “i mean like, movies for grownups” that doesn’t make me feel like a villain

[cheaphalloweencostume]

*peeks in the replies* *gets really nervous and locks my house up and leaves*

[cheaphalloweencostume]

well, i mean more like La Piscine or Mulholland Drive,

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i think i am going insane

[mrblackhaironthestreet]

Apparently it is impossible for Tumblr users to think of a not ageist way to describe their tastes, because everything must always be compared to how inferior children are -- despite the fact that it is pretty much never the choice of any child or children when media aimed at them is dumbed down etc.

Things when bad: kids and children are involved!

Things when good: this is very Adult this is specifically Adult only Adults can understand or want this

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i literally just don’t want to watch Kung Fu Panda

[cheaphalloweencostume]

okay we’ve come all the way back around. let’s pack this up. this post is done. “who asked” you just walked into my post that i made on my blog..? who asked YOU?? am i losing my fucking mind?????

[lady-of-math-and-rope]

"I want to watch movies where the writers assume the audience can handle complex themes and sensitive material."

"Do you mean porn? Or are you being ageist? You're ageist if you don't like Kung Fu Panda."

[catgirlforeskin]

trying to make a creative project without men and uproot any masculine words will drive one insane. There's the obvious stuff, right, swordsman becomes swordsmaid, count becomes countess, gladiator to gladiatrix and so on.

But did you know that "-er" is a masculine suffix, for which "-ster" as in "sister" is the feminine equivalent? Baker means a man that bakes, the historical feminine equivalent is a bakster, a webster is a female weaver. Some words already have the feminine as default, youngster, teamster, mobster, but most? Trying to be a principled feminist has you saying shit like goonster

[gwenadier]

Wait for real? Fascinating.

[catgirlforeskin]

for real! Lots of other examples too, anything "patr" comes from father, "patriarch" is the obvious one, but patriot, patron, patronym all would need "matr" for mother is instead. Pope and Papacy derive from "Papa" and would be Mome/Mamacy if you want yuri catholicism (hellworld!!) it's EVERYWHERE

[catgirlforeskin]

My favorite example, beyond the obvious ones like lord/lady, waiter/waitress, steward/stewardess, is housekeeper, which is now the more acceptable term for a maid, when maid, of course, just means "woman" and keeper is masculine, would be keepster or keepess but (to my knowledge) neither were used historically because, well, keeping wasn't something women got to do!

Likewise, waitress has fallen out of favor for host or server, which are also both gendered terms. (hostess or serving girl, respectively. Servant is also gendered, maidservant and servantess were used)

There's been a concerted push with a lot of these to phase out the feminine variants of these words and just treat the masculine variants as neutral, or find neutral alternatives like fireman -> firefighter (even though fighter is also gendered) because the feminine variants are seen as inherently lesser, which, yeah that's how women are seen.

There is a line you have to draw somewhere of "okay let's just treat this and below as gender neutral because, frankly, most words that just mean "person" mean "man" historically because women weren't (and still largely aren't) considered people, and otherwise we're going to shred the whole English language" and I get that.

BUT. I think a lot of folks draw that line at the start and insist that man/guy/dude/bro can be gender-neutral which is obvious stupid. And I think it's always worth having this investigation and questioning how we speak, it shapes how we think about worlds and people real and fictional.

Okay one last silly aside about barista, which is supposed to be gender-neutral from Italian but men got weird about it and then invented baristo so now -ista is kinda feminine? Typically it's just borrowed into English to sound Foreign (Sandinistas leading to the exonym Corbynistas)

[catgirlforeskin]

Bucket, Captain Lieutenant are gendered masculine btw, it'd be buckette captaine and lieutenante. It's not just an issue of suffixes being "ignored"(masculinized) when borrowed from french because we write Debutante with the e. Multiple times a month I stumble into new examples, the battle never ends

[gooned-out-tgirl]

hey i'd just like you to know ever since i saw this post it's been the only thing i think about when at work. Because of it i've tried imagining a version of english that is more feminine or even 100% fem. 1. it's been such a wild ride just going "my god how we speak is weird." 2. I has been a pure joy coming up with an idea for a world for a bee species and a lesbian lizard species to speak in this language.

[catgirlforeskin]

we are now sisters in arms in an eternal war 🤝

[boybeetles]

Sie transvestigaten meinen ikea hotdog…

[warmfuzzybutch-deactivated20210]

[patron-saints]

[Image text: two tweets from orville perker @ literate_coyote. the first says “stone butch blues does not end with jess figuring out where exactly they fit between “butch lesbian” and “trans masc” but ends with them becoming a communist. organized labor and revolutionary politics is what saved them, not figuring out a specific identity. this is important.”

The second tweet says, “the book isn’t really about figuring out where you fit in this huge spectrum of labels (esp micro identities) but to find solidarity with workers like yourself, to organize along lines of shared needs like workplace safety or healthcare, because that’s how we get liberation.” End Text.]

[portraitofhealing]

Does anyone know where I can find this text because????? Holy hell that’s not happening

[warmfuzzybutch-deactivated20210]

This book is free in PDF form and you can by a print copy at cost at https://www.lesliefeinberg.net/

https://www.lesliefeinberg.net/

[queeranarchism]

Leslie Feinberg worked up to a few days before hir death to make sure hir groundbreaking book was available to all, for free. Never ever pay a dirtbag who charges a fortune for some rare old copy. Download this book for free or buy a print copy for dirt cheap. It’s what Leslie wants.

[mumblesplash]

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

[mumblesplash]

cave divers when they are happily married with kids and beloved by their community but theres a crack in the bottom of a lake called The Devil’s Rotting Esophagus where 57 people have died

[meangirlnurse]

gosh, isn't it interesting that this symptom is specific to men for some unknowable reason? listening and learning

[meangirlnurse]

why is this symptom specific to men. think

[meangirlnurse]

#‘I HAVE BIG FEELINGS’ is only allowed for toddlers#you are an adult. use your words. stop making excuses.#bet these men dont do that around their bosses or anywhere there could be consequences they care about either 💅

[mockiatoh]

lol “have you considered your abusive boyfriend might have ADHD? Try having some empathy once in a while”. Great. Love it.

Seriously, ‘the angry man being aggressive and physically threatening is doing so to express that he is mad’. WOW ya don’t say. ‘But this common abusive behavior is different because he’s special’. Bro they all think the reason they’re abusive is special and not actually abuse or not actually about hurting you or not actually about intimidating you!

[obestriddbifftomat]

Why does he do that? - Lundy Bancroft