Omni Octopus

All Powerful, Anxiety Fueled, Quarenteen (she/her)

[omni-octopus]

Crash

[whitepeopletwitter]

Sick burn bro

[omni-octopus]

get rekked

[omni-octopus]

The best part of For Whom the Bell Tolls by famed novelist Ernest Hemingway is all the yo mamma jokes

[angelicguy]

watching steven universe is the polar opposite of eating pussy

[pixielight-dee-foxfire]

literally every kind of tumbler discourse is happening in the notes of this

[bluesargentsclues]

Here’s a sampler if you don’t want to spend hours scrolling through:

[sunspira]

[crittizen]

Tumblr but if we were only allowed to have one post

[eepy-soublades]

@anomalous-heretic my cat Jimi

Chunk

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

My dog Riggs

[omni-octopus]

[alwaysbewoke]

that went hella left

[omni-octopus]

Woaaa

[omni-octopus]

when someone coughs on the subway

[omni-octopus]

when someone coughs on the subway

[duplexide]

[dectech]

???

[stewball]

[omni-octopus]

Reblog to raise awareness of The Great Molasses Flood of January 15, 1919

[pietriarchy]

[asexualgeorgecostanza-deactivat]

[joey-wheeler-official]

[piss-bong]

[canopycapers-deactivated2022111]

[schmendrick-lamar-deactivated20]

[journeymanfool]

[dowereallyneedthis]

[favoritefightingfrenchgoth]

[disorderfaking-deactivated20200]

[goofballproximitysurveyor-deact]

[wilburian-deactivated20221116]

great job everyone lets hit the showers

[testosteronetwink]

[post-store]

$27.99

[omni-octopus]

[slyeposting]

You order a package off Amazon. When the Amazon delivery guy shows up to your door, instead of giving you the package you bought, he beats the shit out of you. Then, when he sees that you are not dead yet, he calls all of the Amazon delivery people in the area and they all proceed to beat the shit out of you. Miraculously, you survive. Another miracle: a friend in your neighborhood caught the assault on video. After a month of recovery and extensive hospital bills that you have no idea what to do with, the video has gone viral. You read the comments below. “This is what happens to people who fuck with Amazon!!!” Someone says. “I’ve never been beaten up by Amazon employees, and I’ve been using them all my life!” Someone else comments. Later, you start to see articles popping up about your story. They all mention that when you were 17, your license was revoked for reckless driving. In a Facebook post on your mom’s feed, someone is going on a rant about how not all Amazon delivery guys are bad, and that if you look really close, the “bad” ones are just stressed out. Your name is trending on Twitter. Jeff Bezos films a response to your attack, denouncing the video of you getting beaten to within an inch of your life by his employees as becoming “a symbol of hate towards Amazon.” The people who attacked you still deliver packages around your neighborhood. You saw one of them just yesterday as you were watering your plants. You still can’t pay your hospital bills. Your phone dings- Twitter again. “Maybe if you didn’t order from Amazon,” someone pipes up, “this wouldn’t have happened!”

[slyeposting]

Holy shit

[curlybitch]

Someone did not get the analogy

[homoidiotic]

i Love vaccines, autism, abortions, homosexuals, sex changes and crime

[detectivehole]

i mean this in an entirely platonic, slightly powerhungry way, but i love when people call me the friendly "boss." like "you got is boss" or "whatever ya say, boss." it's so fun. like we're in the worlds shittiest cartoon mafia

[beardedmrbean]

[fishareglorious]

I love this post so much

[omni-octopus]

[fthgurdy]

Re: the last post, the article mentions that some places use clams to test the toxicity of the water. It’s like that in Warsaw- we get our water from the river, and the main water pump has 8 clams that have triggers attached to their shells. If the water gets too toxic, they close, and the triggers shut off the city water supply automatically.  

The clams are just better at measuring the water quality than any man-made sensors.

Edit: check out this documentary trailer : https://vimeo.com/408820791

[zvaigzdelasas]

God Bless Our Troops

[looksmokin]

They hot glued a spring to a clam and gave it full control over the water supply

[sindri42]

No of course not, that would be ridiculous.

They hot glued springs to eight clams and gave them collective control over the water supply.

[strangetikigod]

No of course not, hot glue would kill the clams.

The used silicone adhesive to attach springs to eight clams and gave them collective control over the water supply.

[emily84]

[velociraptrix]

[eightdoctor]

internet ransom note where instead of magazine letters it’s just jpgs of letters found on google

[eightdoctor]

[myboyfriendpetebuttigieg]

Reblog this if you slept with my ex-wife Susan.

Trying to prove a point to my divorce lawyer.