i tried making a contrapuntal poem for hollanov, which can be read 3 ways: shaneâs side alone, ilyaâs side alone, or both sides together. inspired by the long game.
Ilya notices it right away. Jackie is dropping Ruby off to spend an afternoon with her uncles like she's done countless times before. But something seems off with Ruby. She's not her usual chaotic self.Â
"How are you, sweetheart? Everything ok?" Ilya asks. Â
She just nods and makes her way to the living room. Jackie gives him a look and as they hug goodbye, she whispers, "She's going through her first little heartbreak."Â Â
"Ah." Ilya nods. He knows this is a very delicate matter. Â
He planned a full mani-pedi day for them. So, they're sitting on the living room floor with an assortment of nail polishes and accessories on the coffee table while Shane is reading on the couch. It's hard to miss how Ruby is sighing the whole time and Ilya knows it's not about the bright teal color he's currently putting on her nails.Â
"You know you can talk to me about anything, sweetheart. I'm here if you need."Â Â
She lets out her biggest sigh yet. "I'm sad.. about a boy." He's holding her hand while he expertly puts on another coat of polish on her nails. Â
"Mm. Do you want to talk about it? I promise it will help."Â
She nods determinedly. "There's this boy in class and.. he's really cute."Â
"Oh, I bet." Ilya smiles as he's switching to her other hand.Â
"I asked him to sit beside me at lunch one day." She continues, "And I gave him half my sandwich."Â
Ilya raises his eyebrows, intrigued. He makes a sound urging her to continue. Â
"Then I told him I liked him and he.. he just ran away," she says quietly. Â
Shane chokes on his tea in the distance. Ilya has to stiffen his face as he squeezes her hand in his. Â
"What is his name and where does he live?" Ilya deadpans, half serious. "I will find him and kick his ass, yes?" Then he playfully mock wrestles a nearby floor pillow. Â
This pulls a shocked but delighted laugh from Ruby. "Uncle Ilya! You can't!" They giggle at the silly thought. Â
Ilya goes back to holding her hand. "Sweetheart, thank you for telling me this. You are being very brave," Ilya says sincerely. "Now I will tell you a secret. I have a very similar story."Â
She's listening intently as he continues. "Some time ago, I invite a boy I like very much to my house and make him tuna melt. Then.. I tell him I like him and he runs away."Â Â
Ruby audibly gasps. "No!" Her face is astonished. "What did you do??"Â Â
"Well, I was very sad.. like you. But then I remember what my mama told me." Ilya's voice is getting tender all of a sudden. "She said, if you love someone, let them go. If they do not come back, it was not meant to be."Â
He pauses to give her a loving look before continuing, "But if they do come back.. then you know they are yours."Â
Ruby processes what Ilya said for a long moment. Then she asks, "So, did he come back??"Â
"Yeah," Shane replies as he gets up from the couch. "Yeah, he did." And he walks over to give Ilya a chaste yet soft, sweet kiss.Â
Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.
The thing about Persuasion that just kills me is that the central premiseâ âI hope the person who broke my heart has a miserable life and I get to watch them be humiliated while I get everything I ever wantedâ is so universal.
But Wentworth is only able to fully enjoy it for like A DAY before he starts realizing how terrible it is. He watches Anne suffer in silence and he hates it. He watches her being treated like an inconvenience and a joke and a piece of furniture and he hates it. He hears sneering comments at her expense and he hates it. He spends evening after evening in her company, where he is celebrated as a handsome, dashing hero while she is shoved to the side and ignored and he hates it.
He probably spent a lot of heartbroken hours out on the sea wishing revenge on her (like ten yearsâ worth), but then he gets to see it happening and revenge turns out not to be that sweet after all. He probably thought âI hope she never gets married to anyone else and she has to spend the rest of her miserable life with her miserable family, listening to them talk about nothing and regretting ever letting me go.â But then he has to watch her live through it, and it is just excruciating. Watching her bite her tongue. Watching her keep her eyes down on her clasped hands. Watching her silently accept everything as if she deserves it.
Heâs like, âYES, itâs all HAPPENING! Sheâs all ALONE and PALE and OLD andâŠsad. And her family treats her terribly, and sheâsâ no one is talking to her. No one even knows that sheâs funny and smart, they justâ they just make her sit in the corner. Sheâs hardly eating anything. And she really isnât that old, but they are acting like sheâs dead? Her family is even worse than they used to be, how is that even possible? Why isnât anyone helping her? Why is she the only person taking care of anyone? Why isnât anyone taking care of her?â
And his nasty âsheâs so altered I should not have known her againâ comment that he KNOWS got back to her starts ringing in his ears. And his cocky âyeah Iâm just here to find a YOUNG, HOT girl to marry now that Iâm SUCH A CATCH, whatevsâ approach starts to make him feel queasy, because sheâs HELPING, sheâs trying to stay out of his way and help him pick a young wife, and she hardly ever smiles anymore, not really. He watches her slip out of rooms when he enters them and he hears her laughing with her nephew sometimes but then go quiet when anyone else approaches, and he doesnât know what to do.
Anyway, every fandom has a bunch of Pride and Prejudice AUs, but I WANT PERSUASION AUS. I NEED THEM. I NEED THEM.Â
laughing because i KNOW shane was so precise and textbook perfect when he assembled that campfire.
he set up the most beautiful teepee of sticks that anyone has ever seen and brought out the big guns by also setting up a log cabin arrangement of the thicker logs to make sure they'd have a good burn time on this fire. the mathematical precision in the angles and choice of thickness? gorgeous. stunning. he even shaved off wood shavings for tinder instead of using paper or pre-bought firestarter. if he wasn't afraid of fumbling it and ruining it, he would have used flint. as it is, he got it with one match, and he KNOWS how good this fire creation he just did is.
and yet it is spent on an audience that simply does NOT appreciate any aspect of it because his city kid ass truly might be experiencing a firepit for the first time. ilya has no frame of reference for how sexy shane's firestarting skills display just was.
man just performed a perfect outdoorsy person mating dance and the audience of his performance doesn't have the experience to understand how impressive and sexy and "you should fuck me about it" it was đ.
ilya already mad firepit time has to happen at all because shane already said no sex on the patio furniture so this planned chunk of time is already a wash and ilya was then so mad about shane immediately going to fuck around with sticks that he didn't pick up on the no being one of the "convince me to say yes" variety đ
the rituals are intricate, and they are both still very dumb đ
OH MY GOD DAVID DID THE SAME THING TO YUNA WHEN THEY WERE DATING.
he confessed it later in their relationship together because by that point it was funny that he had tried so hard to impress her with his fire skills at bonfires and hangouts and it just hadn't worked because she just. hadn't really noticed at all. and now it's a playful/teasing thing ("oh? you're building a fire? david, we're already married." "yuna, i'm starting a flirting fire can you come look at it, please?"), and shane who hasn't consciously decided to copy his parents but also hasn't gotten the full story of them dating and WHY they mention david building fires so often (because ewwwww parents being in love which means kissing. GROSS.), but he's seen his mom standing by or sitting and watching and both of them looking so content and happy and his mom teasingly complimenting his dad on how well he builds fires.
and then he tries it on ilya and it just. doesn't work. excuse me, please be impressed by this fire i made. from watching my parents, this is supposed to work. play your part here, please.
and now i'm feeling extra-soft imagining yuna and david coming over one night and seeing shane keep glancing at ilya as he's making the fire and understanding EXACTLY what he's trying to do here.
(and also understanding exactly why it is NOT working for him XD)
LMAOOOO ok but the idea of yuna and david watching shane fail to flirt with ilya via fire starting is so funny to me. like, at this point ilya just probably thinks shane enjoys sitting by the fire since the first time they did that at the cottage it was a very chill experience involving more talking & watching the fire, meanwhile poor shane is like â:( why isnât ilya swooning and giving me a kissy for being the best fire-starter. why isnât he trying to show off with his own fire. :( he didnât even call me Mr. Fire Man or try to chirp meâ
and this miscommunicated little circle probably goes NOWHERE until david and yuna go from âaw heâs mirroring us this is kinda cuteâ to âoh shane is getting sad that ilya isnât flirting back.â at which point david probably takes ilya aside and is like âilya. as a member of the family, i want to share some of my secrets for how to start a good fire with you.â
and ilya is of course like âah! bonding time with david :)â and so david shows his city boy ass some very basic fire starting stuff (because ilya TRULY does not know shit about this đ) and also tells him some stories about impressing yuna with his fires back when they were dating. ilya is trying to learn well, but heâs not at all thinking about this skill in reference to shane.
UNTIL âïž theyâre close to finishing and yuna comes over. and she starts the little fire flirting thing with david. âoh my, thats quite an impressive fire.â âwell iâve got someone pretty impressive to impress ;)â and ilya kinda watches from the side like đ
shane meanwhile is ignoring the fire pit because 1) parents flirting EWWWWW and 2) oh so NOW ilya is interested in fires đ€ hmph he hasnât even glanced at shane in the last 10 minutes!! âŠbut of course once david and yuna start wrapping up their routine and ilya glances at shane he immediately wanders over to check out how ilya did and also chirp him about how his fire looks and that activates the competitive instinct in ilya.
so the next time shane makes a fire he chirps & compliments it. and shane looks so soft and pleased and is it getting hot near this fire?? wow hollander very sexy~
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesnât like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if thereâs anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says thereâs nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, itâs just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. Iâm the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilyaâs life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced theyâre all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilyaâs hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when heâs causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god Iâm not Anyaâs dad Iâm her brother and she thinks weâre both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
chatgpt is a threat to the symbiotic relationship between fanfic writers and their betas. we are losing our traditions. eradicate the soulless machine and ask your friend who has a full time job and 3 kids to annotate your omegaverse fanfiction like any other responsible adult.
Iâll try my best to describe this. Itâs a video with a mash-up of a bunch of different Disney movies, set to a song thatâs a mash-up of a bunch of other songs. That in and of itself wouldnât make it praiseworthy, but this is DONE SO WELL that just, holy cow.
One day Ilya learns that a Pike is a kind of fish and it's all over for Hayden after that. "Yes Trout? What did you say?" "Bass is on the phone and would like to know if we can babysit his children." "Hello children, this will be your coach for hockey camp, Mr Tilapia."
AU where art historian Kip has a blog that matches hockey player thirst traps with works of art. Like 50% of them are Ilya, partly because Ilya does so many thirst traps and partly because it really irritates Scott.
amandla
areudirty
gummygunk
blakekathryn
vaporwave
titsay
