Xuebing Du

@theartofmadeline
Cosimo Galluzzi
Sade Olutola
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Today's Document
todays bird
Monterey Bay Aquarium

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
almost home

JVL
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
trying on a metaphor

Discoholic 🪩
styofa doing anything
Not today Justin

#extradirty
Show & Tell
Peter Solarz
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
seen from United States
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States

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@ordophilosophicus
explain your gender in 10 words or less without using boring words like “male”, “female”, “nonbinary”, “masculine”, “feminine” or “androgynous”.
go!
IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE JEREMY AND ANDREW FUCKED
Giving andrew somewhere safe to rest his head
I have a serious question for all europeans: what is y’all’s beef with air-conditioning? Why not have it? -sincerely, a very confused (but nice and cool) American.
A fairy dies everytime someone comes with that fucking "I HoPe JeAn tElLs KeViN tO hAvE a WinNinG DaY" bullshit
Are we even reading the same books????
Yall think Kevin, who as a Raven stood alone admiring the Trojans (because even Jean thought their kindness and fairplay were useless), who sent Jean to the Trojans because he wanted Jean to heal in a place where he could experience Exy without violence, this Kevin is gonna somehow be mad Jean has assimilated well to the team and their playstyle???
For fucks sake
"oh, but Kevin will be mad they are losing"...Kevin literally lost with the Foxes in their first game of the season, to a team he would have crushed with the Ravens, and he didnt throw a tantrum. He then lost to the Ravens and his attitude in the end of the game was to go help Andrew and give the Foxes attention. He has already lost games in way worst circunstances. I am pretty sure losing to the team he admires the most wont be what causes him to have a meltdown.
"oh but he will be frustrated he cant get through Jean" That man literally re-learned the entire game with his non dominant hand. This means he failed for MONTHS at things he used to do with his eyes closed. This means he had a hard time going through absolutely mediocre backliners in the beggining. And no, he didnt throw a tantrum or got out of the court stomping. He went back and practiced more and more and more and more. I am sure having a hard time against the best backliner in the league whom he deeply cares about and whose talent he deeply admires wont make him mad at all.
Not only I am sure. I know canonically what happens when someone talented poses a challenge for Kevin: he blooms in the best of all senses. Just take a look at TKM when Andrew finally decided to play at night practice and Kevin lost himself in their game.
Because the number one thing about Kevin's relation to Exy is that yes, he loves winning, but he loves the game much more. Kevin actually loves Exy itself. He wants to be the best, but he wants to be challenged. He wants to have other amazing players around him and against him too. The game is fun because there are other talented people that make It a challenge(If after everything you havent understood this very basic fact about him, then you shouldnt be analysing his character at all)
So no, he wont be mad Jean is amazing. Kevin knows Jean is amazing. He said It himself that Jean deserved nothing less than a big three team.
He also wont be mad that Jean is playing like a Trojan. That was the whole fucking point.
And no, he wont throw a tantrum about losing. Kevin spent his whole life accepting a second place that wasnt his because of spoiled child. He lost literally everything he had worked for, including his contract with the US Court. He lost against mediocre teams (at best). He lost to his old abusive team. I GUARANTEE yall that losing to the Trojans is not what will make him blow.
Seriously, sometimes I wonder If we have even read the same books at all, because there is no way yall can get a character so wrong.
I will never get over Kevin giving Neil such a disgusted look that it made the guy self conscious about his clothing choices for the first and only time in the series.
the actual line is crazier than that even 😭 the FIRST spike of heat?? implying there was a second, non-shame-related spike?? okay whatever kevneil
I don't think some of you in this fandom consider the fact that kevin is probably more aware of the people he's fumbled than we think, and that he may just be too repressed to allow himself to openly care as an idea that could be entirely plausible often enough. bc some of you guys treat this man like he's an idiot or something within the narrative that he is "oblivious" and i promise that firstly those are not the same things and that he's not that unintelligent that he doesn't know what chances he could've taken. like this is the same man that clocked jean's feelings for jeremy while in the nest just from the way jean looked at his pictures, so we have to give him more credit where it's due. bc also, knowing him, the regret of not taking those chances is probably another thing that drives him to the bottle too. So yeah, some of you guys have to consider the fact that kevin is not as stupid as you think more often.
the thing is, i think kevin is a manipulative character, and i also think it’s one of the most interesting things about him. i mean, you would have to be, if you grew up unable to put even a wall between yourself and your sadistic, pseudo-incestuous brother/best friend/abuser/co-sufferer – someone who was volatile and prone to moments of extreme, unprovoked violence towards both you and the only other person you cared about. it didn’t matter whether it was kevin or jean that riko’s violence was directed at, kevin would be there to feel, watch or participate in it either way, witness to every new method of torture that riko inflicted on his perfect court.
forbidden and unwilling to leave riko’s side, i think kevin knew painfully well the influence his every word and action had on riko’s mood (and, consequently, on his and jean’s wellbeing). he also knew, though, that he was the best – perhaps the only – person able to tame riko’s ire, distracting him; pleading with him; catching a bad mood before it could fester. it didn’t always work (each time evidence of his own failure, he thought), but it was the only strategy for survival he had, and the only person riko cared about enough for it to mean anything. he spent 10 years perfecting the routine, watching riko’s every minute facial expression, every racket clutched too tight or locked slammed too hard, listening for that tell-tale dip in tone or hitch in his words that meant danger for them both.
anticipating what riko wanted before he even asked for it became a key tool in kevin’s arsenal, a way to manage riko’s violence and leverage the small bit of power he had in the nest. unable to express his own desires or agency, he learned to use riko’s wants against him, exploiting those things he knew mattered to riko – exy, his reputation, his status, his father, the master’s anger – to repackage kevin’s own desires: studying history, protecting jean, admiring the trojans, all justified through a carefully constructed raven framework that riko would accept.
it makes complete sense to me that kevin continues to use this survival strategy on other characters. he tells neil outright: ‘when you know what someone wants, it’s easy to manipulate them’ (p.339). jean echoes kevin’s willingness to exploit his desire in tsc, confessing that kevin knew he would ‘do anything’ for him and ‘used it against jean in the end, begging jean to distract riko’ while he made his escape (p.31). time and time again, kevin leverages what other characters want – kevin, for jean, a reason to live, for andrew, exy, for neil – to get them to do what he needs them to do: for jean to distract riko and allow him to escape, for andrew to play, for neil to do the kathy interview. all of which, ultimately, allows him to do what he really wants – which is to keep them all alive.
it’s this same logic that he inverses in keeping the knowledge of who his father is from wymack. kevin knows jean, neil, and andrew, he knows how to manipulate them and keep the ball in his court. he barely knows wymack, especially not when he turns up at his hotel room, and is terrified of him as a coach either way. kevin knows the power of the knowledge that he’s sitting on and has no idea how wymack will react to the information. he’s powerless as soon as wymack knows, with no way to anticipate or control his response, and no way to stop him from sending him back to tetsuji. even with a year of evidence to show him that wymack is a good person, as soon as his hand is forced in tkm to tell wymack the truth, kevin knows that he is at his mercy. it’s not a position he is eager to be in again.
by the end of the first series kevin has more freedom than he has ever had before, but i bet that he has never felt more powerless. the nest – cruel and power-driven as it was – gave him a clear way of understanding himself, his relationships with the people around him, and his place in the world. as that cage ebbs further away, and as those closest to him continue to heal and his sway over them continues to slacken, i really do worry that kevin is going to struggle more and more to exist in a world without the nest, the ravens, and riko
I’m just saying if this is how Exy obsessed Kevin is I’m scared to know how bad Riko is. Like you have to remember Kevin still had other passions like History but Riko existed solely for Exy.
Whatever Kevin feels towards Exy Riko must be so much worse about it. I bet he makes Kevin look like a well adjusted player in comparison.
okay so just realized and also realized i've never seen anyone talk about it but tetsuji hit the ravens with his cane. his cane. he created exy so it isnt from birth and he is still a bit young to need it from old age, so what happened? game injury (nice paralel with wymack there)? accident (or "accident" like kayleigh)? new illness at his thirties/forties? i feel like this is going to relevant whether with what happen or how his need for mobility aids impacts the treatment of his "perfect court" with their "perfect bodies"
Oh Boy do I have theories. To name my favorite: It's actually a punishment from Kengo. We know Tetsuji is pissed at Kengo for getting rid of Kayleigh What if he decides to help orchestrate Mary's escape, to get back at his brother?
From what we know: The Butcher was supposed to offer his son to Kengo/sell him to the family - into Tetsujis care. Some guy broke in/tried to have a hit on the Moriyamas (EC), and the Butcher then took care of that person. (With the boys (Riko, Kevin, Nathaniel) watching). That very evening, Mary decided to bail.
Maybe Tetsuji thought: ok this boy is ok with Exy, but I can humiliate the right hand of my brother (kinda equal to what Kayleigh was to him) by just telling/helping his wife & son to escape.
His brother found out/guessed correctly and punished Tetusji by breaking his knee or something. (Since physical injury is a form of compensation within the Yakuza. ) But the plan worked, BC the Butcher kinda got fucked by that (at least tainted his reputation).
And it further explains why the parts of the family are estranged. Simple family feud.
Another wip bc the concept of finishing a piece is unknown to me.
This scene from TRK gets me right in the Andrew and Kevin feels.
Neil tried keeping his cool, but Kevin started losing his the first time they passed a sign pointing out the way to Blackwell. Neil heard his short, ragged breaths as Kevin valiantly fought off a panic attack and it did nothing for Neil's nerves.
"Hey, hey," Andrew said, distracting Neil from the view. "You'll tear something if you keep breathing like that, Kevin."
Neil turned enough to look back. Andrew was standing up and leaning over Kevin's seatback, arms folded on the cushion so he could look down at Kevin's head. Kevin had a knee hugged to his chest and his face hidden in the fold of his arm. His knuckles were white where his hand was clenched into a fist. Neil didn't think it was the bus that was making Kevin shake like that.
"Look at me," Andrew said. "It'll be fine. You believe me, yes?"
"I believe you," Kevin said, muffled but noticeably strained.
"Liar." Andrew laughed and leaned forward a little to peer out Kevin's window.
I think a lot of people get caught up in a) their "deal" or b) the Andriel of the books. Hell even in the EC Nora tries to distance herself from the Kandriel of it all (and thus the Kandrew and KevNeil of it all, don't get me started how some of the other Kandrew and KevNeil scenes still read) as she implies that their friendships post college are existant but not strong etc etc.
But the thing about Kevin & Andrew especially that gets me is the fact that neither one have any reason to be like this.
Andrew's "deal" is to protect Kevin, from specifically Riko and Tetsuji. It is not to follow him everywhere. It is not to give him outlets like Eden. It is not to take him to the night practices. And it is definitely not to comfort him and help him through a panic attack. Andrew has no reason to do this unless he cares about Kevin.
Kevin, on the flipside, hates being spoken to like this by anyone else. He hates "empty words" and nicieties sort of stuff, he views it as weakness or pity. He holds onto Andrew's meds, keep to his schedule, and obides by Andrew's boundaries despite being brought up in an environment without any. He pushes for the exy for Andrew because that is their deal, he promised to give Andrew something to live for and believe in, so he never stops. No matter what Andrew says or does he is always there for him, supporting him, never leaving him.
This deal they have meant they just needed to be around each other's orbits and keep each other updated. It did not mean everything else that's going on. They do this because they like each other. They want to. There's no other explanation.
And then Andrew goes to Cali with Kevin and they share one single carryon suitcase. Andrew hates flying and hates California. It actually does make so much more sense for Neil to go. But it's Kevin doing the first interview since Riko died while dealing with his complicated ex something or rather. Andrew can't not be with him. They can't not be together.
Crazy.
Kevin Day knowing he is broken parts, and jagged edges, and messed up thinking, and a magnet for danger.
Kevin Day caring but always keeping himself just out of reach.
Never letting Jean know just how deeply and utterly he cared. Letting Jean believe Kevin's sole focus could only ever be the Court. If Riko ever knew Kevin wanted Jean then the repercussions would be enormous. He could never let Jean suffer for his own selfish emotions. Yet, still giving everything he could to keep Jean alive. And outside of the Nest Jean would realise the truth - he is not worthy of an ounce of the love Jean has for him.
Having a crush on Jeremy but never letting it get deep. Always keeping their interactions to text messages and the occasional sighting. Never acknowledging how highly he speaks of him. Jeremy liking him could only ever end one way. And if Jeremy saw him as he was and not the facade the world sees he wouldn't like him anyway.
Wanting Andrew so badly he begged and pleaded to get him to the Ravens but letting him go when Andrew didn't want to join willingly. Making the choice for a second time to keep someone alive by sheer willpower. Never letting Andrew push him truly away. Standing by him through anything. Trusting Andrew with his life. But making Andrew truly his would put him in the kind of danger he could never walk off. And what could he offer Andrew anyway? All he is is exy. And Andrew gets bored... Kevin would never be enough for him.
Dragging Neil to his court to give him what he needs. Demanding his game. Fighting the board for him. Neil giving to him so willingly. Keeping Neil's secrets. Giving Neil all his effort and energy. But he can never keep Neil. Showing Neil any of his feelings would drag the complications they're already in to new dire heights. Even if Neil survived all this Neil won't be his. And Neil doesn't want to be his. Because Neil sees him for what he is - pathetic. And Neil knows he doesn't deserve the caveats he gives others.
Kevin is the reason his mother is dead. Kevin is the reason Riko got so twisted up like that. Kevin is the reason Riko hated Jean. Kevin is the reason Riko snapped at Neil's heels. Kevin is the reason Andrew was hurt in the facility.
Kevin is the poison. He knows that. So he keeps to exy, he can't hurt exy. And exy can't hurt him. And this is so much better for everyone, isn't it?
Isn't it?
They will be safe. He can keep them safe.
I cried as I wrote it
Neil is incapable of doing or saying anything that would make Andrew cry. Even in their sharpest, most vicious fight, Neil wouldn't be able to say anything hurtful enough to break him. But here is a thought. Andrew is volatile, when he has a bad day, the past haunts his mind, disrupting the order of his entire day. He gets irritable, raw, and deeply hurt. If a fight broke out while he was in that state, Andrew would reach a breaking point and throw out something suggesting he blames Neil, blames him for convincing him to have dinner at his cousin's house on that tragic day. That if it weren't for him, it never would have happened.It would be a devastating blow straight to Neil's heart. He wouldn't be able to stop the tears. He would just stare blankly at Andrew, before running into the bathroom and locking himself inside. He would start crying, practically choking on his own tears. Because that guilt has been festering inside him for years, and now, he’s just heard confirmation that he was right to feel it. The moment Andrew realized what he had just done, he would be terrified. He would instantly go pale, his head spinning. He would beat on the bathroom door. Andrew would utterly hate himself for what he said to Neil. Especially because he doesn't actually mean it. He would despise the fact that he used something so weaponized just to hurt Neil, simply because he was hurting himself. Hearing Neil's agony from behind the door, unable to get to him, Andrew would do something he hasn't done in years. He would utter the word "please." Helplessly, he would whisper, "Neil, please open the door." And Neil would open it. But the moment Andrew tried to step closer, Neil would flinch away slightly, but noticeably. To Andrew, that reaction would be terrifying. And then came the words, spoken in Neil's weak, trembling voice: "I opened it because you said please." It would feel like another heavy blow. Neil hadn't opened the door because he wanted to, he did it simply because Andrew had said "please." The crushing realization that even in this state, Neil was still putting Andrew's feelings first, would be too much to bear. Andrew would break down, weeping as he apologized. They would both just sit there on the bathroom floor and cry, completely shattered.
It would be an incredibly heavy, painful turning point in their relationship.
Don't worry, they'll fix it, slowly.
andrew outside the bar: *lighting a cigarette* "let's make a deal" kevin, so drunk he cant stand straight: "can yuo put that out on me"
ftr yallre free to hate thea, it's unrealistic to assume every reader will like every character
bc you're against the 4yr/freshman-senior gap, bc she wasn't well-presented in her scene, bc i cxld the story that would've actually given her more time to breathe, bc you don't want Kevin with a Raven, bc her no-harm-no-foul approach to a man whose first response after any tragedy is "but can you still play", cool cool cool, that's fine by me. i have hated characters for less!
we're only revisiting her now because of the persistent argument that she somehow went out of her way to fuck a 14yo or groom kevin. unsure where or how it started, but at this point I have to assume something in the EC was blindingly unclear. so let's revisit it. not a rewrite or a retcon, but a reword of what we've already talked about before, in hopes it adds a bit of overdue clarification. and then I'mma mute her name, let the conversation die, and keep on keepin' on with my plans for her. thanks, lovies <3