Growing [trying to]

18+ account | 24 yrs old | tired.

[oshununderground]

[oshununderground]

Until

Have you ever wrestled with a dread so old

That you can feel it stretching back years

Latching onto every moment of

Pain

Grief

Anger

Of lives you’ve never lived?

Until it soaks through your skin

Into your muscles

Where it rests deep in your bones?

That no matter how much you wash

You feel it coat your insides

And soon it leaks out

You see it up around the bend

Hiding in the corners

It’s tempting, cold eyes, begging you towards

Until you let it in

Then you’re tortured

To see the fleeting moments of pain flash across other’s eyes before they rein their emotions in

To be able to see people shift uncomfortably in their seats

The split second they go to cross their arms, but at the last minute relax so they don’t get questioned

You’ll see it everywhere, once emotion is felt, created, it never leaves, it’s just exchanged

Forever doomed to have a soft spot, no matter how many times you’re hurt

Have you ever wrestled with a dread so old

That you welcome it with open arms

To find comfort and peace in your presence

Until the job of dread passes to another?

[oshununderground]

Have you ever been so self aware of a shitty situation that even the idea of drinking and drugs doesn’t fix it? I crave so much for a solution that distractions stay just that: distractions. I know drinking and drugs are just bandaid solutions. As soon as the bottle is empty, as soon as the blunt is smoked the problem is there. I might push it back in line, but the line moves up eventually. It always does. How depressed can you be that distraction doesn’t tempt you?

[oshununderground]

I am am screaming, I found a new way to blend the acrylic paint and now I get to redo 16 bubbles :/:

“Oil Personality” (representation of bipolar disorder) - Oshun

[oshununderground]

When you find a new method of painting 3/4 the way through your current WIP

[oshununderground]

New Girl and Always Sunny in Philadelphia are on the same spectrum but opposite ends

I mean

And

Same person

[amaranthinepoetess]

[plumgarten]

When you randomly get hit with a huge wave of anxiety along with depression

[oshununderground]

Oil and Water

feeling, touching, but never embracing 

longing, wanting, but always grasping

rolling, crashing, but never joining

ebbing, flowing, but always separating

[oshununderground]

Pieces

There are so many pieces of myself scattered across myself

I used to think some pieces were fake. Others.

But what if the pieces were all me. How can I accept them?

How can I be kind if they have caused me such strife?

Have they caused me strife because of my unacceptance?

They have caused me strife because of my unacceptance.

[oshununderground]

I thought I lost myself

I searched and searched for what I knew

Now I may not know who I see

in the mirror

But I think I will offer her a seat

Because maybe she’s kind of cool, too

[oshununderground]

I feel like I’ve lost my muse. My driving force behind creation. Why create? Create what? Anything.

What used to be the most freeing expanse of nothing, just bubbling with possibility has been reduced to this anxiety creating beast.

It could be anything, how do I create anything? How do I decide? How do I create?

I don’t have thoughts. A repeated aspect of my life lately. Lack of opinions, lack of thoughts, lack of desire. I desire desire. How do you desire that?

Am I focused on the wrong thing? Is my desire for desire clouding my desire for creation? To pivot one’s mind is the most difficult thing

[writtenbyevie]

do you ever not write for so long that you’re almost afraid to? like what if I’m dumb now

[oshununderground]

Onions by the Mailbox is my new band name

[alexandhispen]

No, I don't have a plot for my book.

I have a vibe and these three ocs I found in a dumpster.

[oshununderground]

I recently started actual deep healing, and actively working on addressing my problems and admitting when I am wrong. Allowing myself, demanding for myself, a safe space. Allowing myself time. Encouraging myself to branch out. It’s weird melding my inner child and my triggers together to make one person. They used to be so separate, like they couldn’t reconcile.

I love it.

[oshununderground]

I am so proud of myself 💜

[oshununderground]

I recently started actual deep healing, and actively working on addressing my problems and admitting when I am wrong. Allowing myself, demanding for myself, a safe space. Allowing myself time. Encouraging myself to branch out. It’s weird melding my inner child and my triggers together to make one person. They used to be so separate, like they couldn’t reconcile.

I love it.