josh peck’s relationship test
author’s note: i wrote this for myself, with my own name inserted, so it’s not super universal, but i’m sure you can make it work. i just love me some david, hope you do too.
summary: y/n and david film a relationship test with josh peck, then can’t keep their hands off each other in the tesla on the ride home :)
“I already hate this,” I say, sitting next to Josh and tucking my feet under my legs.
Josh and David both look at me. “Why?” Josh asks, serious, looking expectant.
“Because now I can’t cuddle David,” I say, popping my voice up an octave and making puppy eyes at David.
Josh pouts his lip and David wracks with laughter, clapping his hands.
Jason’s on the other side of the room, behind the camera. “That’s an intro.”
As Josh scrolls through his notes, looking for the first question, I put my eyes on David.
“Hey,” I whisper seductively, loud enough for the camera. “You look so hot right now.”
“Whoa, Y/N,” Josh scolds, not looking up.
David ignores him, making his face go slack, copying my whisper. “I was just about to tell you the same thing, you steamy little slut.”
“David, ew–” Jason pipes, but I lean into it, sticking out my tongue and leaning towards him. We pull away, right before our mouths touch, both laughing, Josh still uncomfortable.
“We can go, if you guys want,” Jason jokes.
David pulls on Josh’s arm. “Yeah, that would be great, actually.”
At this point, I almost pee myself laughing, my hands covering my mouth.
“Can I please just ask you guys the questions?” Josh groans, still hamming up how uncomfortable he is.
“What’s David’s favorite food?”
“Oh, God. I have no idea,” I lean forward, staring into space, feeling both David and Josh watching me. “He posts about food so much. He loves so many different types of food…”
I pause for a second. “Actually, yeah. He doesn’t have one.”
Josh gives me a sad face. David cracks his gum, irritated. “Babe. Come on. Buffalo Wild Wings.”
“Oh, as if. You haven’t had B Dubs in months.”
“So?” David argues defensively. “It’s still my favorite.”
“Ugh, fucking– whatever.” I pretend to be mad.
“David?” Josh looks down at my boyfriend.
“Josh?” David mimics, leaning his head briefly on Josh’s shoulder.
“Who’s Y/N’s celebrity crush? Slash hall pass?”
“Jeff,” David jokes, turning to me.
“Stop,” I groan, flopping against the couch. “I hate this joke. It was a year ago!” David laughs at me, then composes his face as he stares into space to think for a second.
“Um– what’s his name– Noah something? Noah Centineo?”
I blow him a kiss. “Good guess, but no cigar, baby boy.”
David groans, then looks to Josh. “Who was it?”
“Harry Styles,” Josh tells him, pretending to look sad for him. David starts banging his head against the soft back of the couch.
“Stupid! Fuck!” he yells. “I knew that!”
Josh starts to ask me the next question before David stands up and throws a burst of dabs all in a row before sticking a whip at the end, hyping himself up. “Can’t! Miss! Another! Question!” he yells.
“Y/N, where did you and David first kiss?”
I smile, beginning to blush, and I watch David and his expression becomes almost the same, his cheeks flushing pink as he waits for me to answer.
“James Charles’ Tesla,” I whisper, almost not in the room because I’m remembering.
“It’s him,” Corinna taps me on the arm. “It’s David.”
“What? Where?” I whip around, almost spilling my drink.
Corinna laughs, but there he is, David Dobrik. There’s almost a glow about him, his big smile and laugh as people perform for his outstretched camera, people orbiting around him. The iPhone flashlight helps, too.
I inhale. “This is stupid. I feel like a dumb fangirl.”
Corinna shakes her head at me, rolling her eyes. “Y/N, it’s not like he doesn’t know who you are. You’ve been talking, he’s not just gonna not realize you’re here or not recognize you. You have green hair.”
I chew on my lip, still watching him. “You have a point.”
After a few moments, David stops recording. The flashlight is turned off. The people that have been clinging to his side starts to dissipate, and then he’s not David Dobrik. He’s just David.
“Okay,” I tell Corinna, downing the rest of my drink. “Fuck it.”
“Whoa, whoa,” she says, a bit of panic in her voice, catching my arm. “You sure you don’t want to make him come to you? Play hard to get?”
I pause, glancing at him. He still hasn’t realized I’m here. “Should I? I don’t really have the patience for that.”
I turn at the loud voice, and there’s James, a big smile on him as he comes toward us.
“James, thank you so much for having us,” Corinna reaches out to him first, hugging him. She starts gushing about his makeup, and I glance again at David, who has his eyes on me now. He must have heard James shout my name, and is moving through people, his floppy brown hair standing out as he snakes between the bodies.
“Hey,” he says, smiling broadly. “I thought that was you, greenie.”
“Hey,” I say back, smiling up at him, feeling the alcohol rush into a redness on my cheeks. Before I even decide to say it, I’m saying– “You know, you’re cuter than your hilarious DMs would indicate.”
But he leans back in laughter, his smile booming loudly. “I can’t tell if I should be flattered,” he tells me, close now so that I can hear him in the din of the party.
I’d almost forgotten that Corinna was distracting James until a long-nailed hand taps David on the shoulder.
“David!” James interjects, grabbing both of our shoulders. “Do you want to see my Tesla? It’s the new one.”
David’s face drops in total shock. “Yes. Absolutely,” he looks down at me again. “Come on. The new model is super cool.”
We follow James out of the crowded living room, through a side door and down stairs until we’re in a low-ceilinged garage with white walls and fluorescent lighting.
It’s a sleek navy blue, almost black, Tesla model 3.
James makes squealing noises. “And I got a custom license plate, too.”
I look down and see JAMESCH on a plate near the base of the car.
“Holy fuck,” David says, still flabbergasted. I look up at him. One of his hands is in his hair. “James, please let me sit in it.”
“Sure, sister,” James tosses him the keys, and David catches them with one hand. My girl brain makes my knees shiver slightly.
“Get in with me,” David murmurs down to me, still marveling at the car.
When we climb into the car, David turns on his camera immediately and points it toward us. “Hi sisters!” he says, doing James’ signature wave.
I laugh, then hold up a peace sign, pretending to pose.
“So we’re in James Charles’ new Tesla Model 3 right now. And it’s– Y/N, what would you say it’s like?”
I raise my eyebrows, acting impressed, looking around the interior of the car. “It’s insane.”
“Insane,” David repeats. “I mean, this awesome screen. Look, he even named it Sistermobile.” David points to the screen behind the wheel. It does, in little white letters, say Sistermobile.
I laugh, leaning on the console to see. “I guess he has to stay on brand.”
He tilts the camera so it’s just pointing at me. “Plus, it comes with a hot girl.”
I laugh again, even harder, though I melt on the inside. “That’s absolutely right. I was designed by Elon Musk to work as a functioning backseat driver to go with every Tesla vehicle.”
He laughs, makes one or two more jokes, and then switches off the camera. “Where did they go?”
I look up. He’s right– we’re alone in the garage. James and Corinna are gone.
I turn back to face him. “Just us, I guess.”
“Finally.” He breaks into a big smile.
I mock a guffaw, leaning on the console. “Have you been wanting to get me alone, David Dobrik?”
He’s leaning on the console now, too, his breath starting to fan across my face. I look up at him through my lashes. My blood feels like it’s beating inside my cheeks. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have ulterior motives.” It doesn’t come out as confident as I want it to.
He giggles slightly, and I can really feel it on my skin. I can feel the vibration of his words as he says, “Like what?”
He can’t stop looking at my lips, and I don’t think I can, either. “You tell me, you’re the one who obviously has them.”
I wait for his eyes to flicker down to my parted lips one more time, and then I close the distance between us. His mouth is warm and soft, and I quickly feel all my breath leaving me. Then his hand is in my hair, and his lip is between my teeth, and all too soon, the Tesla begins to honk.
We look up to see James holding the keys, standing with a hand on his hip, the sleeves of his SISTERS hoodie bunched up around his forearms.
David smiles. “That was a really nice moment.”
“Hey, David?” Josh turns to him, smiling. “What’s Y/N’s favorite movie?”
David claps his hands triumphantly. “Easy. Mr. & Mrs. Smith.”
He leans forward to look at me. “I know you, babygirl.”
“He knows you, babygirl,” Josh mimics, staring me down. “But it’s time for our lightning round.”
I lean forward, looking directly into the camera, totally focused. Out of the corner of my eye, I see David copy me, and I smirk a little.
“Y/N– David’s favorite salad dressing?”
“Ranch.” Next to Josh, David does a little yes, baby.
“Yes. David– Y/N’s favorite dessert?”
“Y/N– David would want Shawn Mendes or even more Shawn Mendes.”
David laughs, his voice thin and high. “I love him.”
“David– what bothers Y/N the most about your relationship?”
David throws up his hands, and at first, I panic. I almost hadn’t let Josh ask the question.
He surprises me. “This is so easy,” David looks at me, gesturing, completely forgetting that we were in a lightning round, clearly settling into a long answer. “So, Y/N is from California, and I’m from the Midwest, and for college she went to– you went to Iowa– Iowa?”
“Iowa City? The University of Iowa?” I fill in, unsure where he’s going.
“Yeah, the University of Iowa. Which is, like, the rival school of ISU, where I almost went. So, if I had gone to ISU, we would have been in the same state, and Iowa City, where Y/N went to school, is sort of, like, the place to be if you want to party,” David explains.
“A lot of frats,” I add, heartwarmed, realizing what he’s saying.
“So, if I’d decided to go to college at ISU, we totally could have met,” he makes eye contact with me. “And she hates thinking about that. She hates that we could have met earlier and we didn’t.”
I look at Josh, who looks almost as heartwarmed as I do. “So you guys were totally fated. One way or the other, you were gonna end up together.”
“No, actually, I made sure we ended up together,” I joke. “I moved to LA so I could find him and make him fall in love with me.”
Josh laughs, but David raises his eyebrows. “That’s not too far off, babe.” I slap his arm.
Josh guffaws a little, still thinking about the story. “You know, that’s not actually what she said, but that’s really–”
“Wait, what?” David looks at me, bewildered. “That’s not what you said?”
“No,” I laugh, covering my face. “I don’t want to say it now.”
David grabs my shoulder in mock anger. “Tell me!”
I giggle more and more, hardly able to talk. “It was– that– you don’t–”
David gives me a look, realizing what I mean. “That I always wear a condom?”
I nod, dying laughing. Josh looks incredibly uncomfortable again.
“I hate you.” David stands up, pretending to walk out of the room. I fall off the couch.
Josh turns to me, still laughing on the floor, then to David as he sits back down. “Why does he wear a condom? Why do you wear a condom?”
I wheeze, sitting back up next to Josh. “For the record,” I look into the camera. “I am not trying to get pregnant so I can steal all of David’s money.”
“Sure, babe,” David interrupts, rolling his eyes and then flashing a big smile as we all laugh.
When we finished filming, Paige comes out with a sleeping Max and, smiling, says that we should probably go, so he can sleep. Whispering, we agree, and tiptoe over to Max to kiss him lightly on the forehead. David almost gets too distracted, his hands wandering to Max’s little socked feet, but I curl my hands around his waist and jostle him gently.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he whispers. “Just can’t get over him.”
“I need some alone time with Uncle David,” I whisper into his neck, a bit lower, just for him. Paige stifles a laugh as David whips immediately to me, drawn.
That’s mostly it. We whisper goodbye to Josh, hug Jason in the street. He gets into his car, and we get into David’s. I turn to him as the Tesla turns on, his left hand on the wheel and the right on my thigh, as usual.
“It’s really sweet that you remember that.”
“Yeah.” I wrap my hands around his, interlacing our fingers.
He squeezes my hand, but gives me a sort of of-course-I-remember look.
“Of course I remember,” he tells me, pushing some of his curls out of his face. “You’ve talked about it enough that it would be bad if I didn’t.”
“Do you wish that was how we’d met? In Iowa? I feel weird that I don’t know, even though we’ve already talked about it.”
David sucks his teeth, thinking about his answer as he looks down at the backup camera. “Is it bad if I say no?”
I guffaw playfully. “Yes!”
“No, no, wait,” he backpedals. “Think about it. I would’ve been back and forth all the time, since you can’t drive, and that would have gotten super annoying for both of us. And having classes. And we would have been totally different people. What if Old David and Old Y/N didn’t like each other?”
I shiver. “I think about that sometimes. How we might not have fallen in love if we’d met at any other time.”
He squeezes my hand again. “Don’t think about it, love.”
He starts to pull his hand away, beginning to back out of his parking space, but I catch it before he can bring it to the wheel. He looks up at me expectantly, so I lean over the console and kiss him. His hand comes off the wheel to hold my face to his, while I loop my fingers into his shirt collar to bring him closer.
When he pulls away, my head spins. I feel like a teenager. I blink hard, and he chuckles at me.
“You’re so amazing,” he says softly, his thumb on my cheek. “My perfect girl.”
I tighten my grip on his shirt and pull him into me again.
When he pulls into his driveway, the lights are already on inside, and we can plainly see Natalie moving around in the living room, even from inside the Tesla. My mind immediately deflates from the somewhat flirty car ride over, his hand having teased my thigh the whole way. David sighs, mirroring my thoughts.
“I don’t want to have to talk to Natalie,” he mumbles.
“Neither do I,” I admit, looking at him. “Sorry, Natalie.”
“Can I– can I just–” I wait for him to finish, but instead he unbuckles his seatbelt and leans over the console to kiss me again, his hand crunching a fistful of my hair as he holds my lips to his. He breathes heavily into it, and I smirk slightly. I love the effect I have on him.
So I toe off my shoes and gracefully climb into his lap. His breath is against my mouth, my hands holding myself up by his chest. His hands move down, and start to slip up into my shorts. My mouth is on his neck then, biting and sucking under his ear and jaw.
“Y/N, no. You know the rules,” he scolds me, pulling me back lightly by my hair. He doesn’t let me leave marks on him.
But instead, I ignore him, leaning forward to nip into his jugular again.
“Y/N–“ He wants to scold me again, I can tell, but he’s hardening and moaning beneath me, so I don’t stop.
After a moment, he brings his hand up to my throat and pushes me away until I’m against the steering wheel. I arch, reaching up to hold his hand in place.
“You’re not listening tonight.”
I whine in response, needy, grinding my hips against his. “Baby,” I beg.
“What is it?” his fingers tighten around my throat.
“Please,” I wheeze, my eyes fogging looking at his smirk.
I hum out a whine again, because I don’t know what I’m asking for. I let my tongue fall out of my open mouth, and then his fingers are off my throat and buried into my mouth.
“God, your fucking mouth, Y/N. Your mouth.” It’s his turn to moan now, as I run my tongue over his fingers.
“Do you want my mouth?” I whisper to him, leaning forward to press my lips against his ear.
“No,” he tells me bluntly. “Take off your fucking hoodie.”
I wiggle to sit facing away from him, and swivel my hips as I pull the hoodie over my head and leave my shorts in a pile next to the brake.
He grips my ass as I raise to straddle him again, but he’s pushing me forward, bending me over the wheel and pulling me apart with his thumbs.
“Fuck,” he praises, still holding my pussy open for him to admire, and then his fingers are deep inside me, curling and writhing.
“David!” I call back to him, feeling him screwing with my soft g-spot. I’m about to start fucking myself on his fingers when his mouth is wrapped around my clit.
I yelp in surprise. He sucks and licks as he fingers my g-spot and kneads my ass.
“David– David–” I moan out. He smiles against me, biting my clit lightly before he starts to suck and lick it in earnest, a pearl of flavor he’s been craving.
The pleasure shoots through me like daggers. It’s winding and twisting like roots, radiating from where David’s mouth moves hungrier and hungrier against me.
I’m about to cum when he stops. I whip around angrily, when I see him leaning his chair back as far as it will go.
He pulls on my thighs. “Bring it to me.”
I almost don’t know what he means, but then I realize that he can’t look at me, that his eyes are trained on my dripping pussy, his tongue out of his mouth.
I smirk and reach down to recline his seat the rest of the way.
My breath comes out in pants, in the passenger side now with my legs draped over him, completely naked. David’s cock is partially exposed, him panting too, his hoodie discarded in the backseat.
“That was incredible,” he wheezes.
I poke him with my toe. My skin in covered in a sheen of sweat. “One of our best.”
“We’re gonna end up telling our grandchildren about that.”
David laughs, then turns his head to look at me. He has serious sex hair. “Hey. Come here.”
“I just ‘come here’-ed for about twenty-five minutes.”
He makes a kissy face, so I lean forward and let my lips touch his.
It’s incredibly chaste, even with my lack of clothes and David’s cock so close to me. They’re little pecks, loving and clean and innocent.
“David,” I say, leaning my forehead against his. “I love you.”
His hand comes up to my neck, holding me in place. “I love you more.”
romaincrisis
dededos
germansingergirl
janainaart
snowghoul
yousharknotpass
