hello little gay people who live in my phone

19 ⚘ they/them + neos ⚘ multifandom ⚘ artist! ⚘ silly on main ⚘ autistic swagger

[p1nkc4lyps0]

Opening up commissions because I'm a broke university student! If you've ever seen my art and wanted something in one of my styles nows your chance!

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[hungry-mongoose]

*nibbles post*

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[blackpyrefly]

makes your puppy dusty

[himborc]

ahh fuck!!!!! my puppy!!!!!

[flipchild]

Yeah its baically Dusty puppy thursday

[layton-heritage-posts]

WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG-

[layton-heritage-posts]

ABSOLUTELY CATACLYSMIC WRONG BLOG MOMENT. WORST MOMENT OF MY CAREER.

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

screaming

[dr-moonrose]

[zizibutik]

A coworker of mine shared a story that she interviewed for a place, they asked her if she could become and animal, what would she be. She said dog, because they are loyal, friendly, and protect their family. The interviewer said that's wrong, because dogs are lazy. The correct answer was giraffe, because they reach high for leaves and that's a sign of ambition...

????????

[coolmaycroft]

[magicratfingers]

did icebreakers with new team yesterday and the question was if you were a fruit what fruit would you be (lazy icebreaker tbh) and i was like fig bc they can be pollinated by wasps and they die in there and i like to always have something at the center of why im doing something and everyone else was like i eat a lot of bananas

[nikoco11]

how polite!!!!

[kristina100000]

mozzarella and cheddar when i open my fridge and its not their time to be added to a fuckalicious grilled cheese sandwich

[horce-divorce]

"I would never jeopardize the beans" pales in comparison to it's newest successor, "beans r not woke. How could u do this?"

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[snafooey]

[redstonedust]

people saying my evil clone would be called greenstonedust but you have failed to consider that 'evil' and 'opposite' are not the same. we all have capacity for evil and thus my opposite self would not be evil, they would be as complex and flawed as i am, just in ways that contrast my own flaws. my EVIL clone would be called shadowkiller666dust the fallen angel of blogging. and they would be cool as fuccckkkkkkkk.

[kvothes]

so true

[lesbianredpanda]

Official Wednesday post

[westiec]

It's Tuesday

[shopwitchvamp]

Happy "Not Only Is It Not Friday, It's Not Even Thursday, Official Wednesday, It's Tuesday" Monday, everyone

[fagslop]

[dead-salmon]

reminded me of these

[laserwalnut]

RULE #1 Follow someone if they do something you like

RULE #2 Unfollow/block someone if they do something you dislike

RULE #3 Don't announce that you are utilizing RULE #2 when you are

[longhorned]

never join a local trans group in proximity to a naval base

[lokaror]

i eat your grandads clothes

[flyingsquidzeez]

Macklemoth

[scooterplastic]

I [gets really mad at having to recognize my own existence in the form of first person pronouns] use my collection of bottled wasps to post they get really loud when i show them a good drawing

[edwad]

describe nyc in 3 words

new york city