We are a surreal country
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@pappenheimer
We are a surreal country
the type of ridiculous stuff i was hoping for
Artificial intelligence will never be able to surpass this type of earnest human absurdity that we all love so fiercely. Why was Mariah singing in Italian? She doesn’t know Italian.
@robinade YOU CANT JUST LEAVE THAT THERE hdhddhdydhdndhhfnff
so, funny story about my dad
many years ago, when my father was a young man, he was living in London, and he was not doing so in the strictly legal sense. plus he was squatting, and one of his roommates was a burglar. like, full on breaking into homes and stealing TVs kind of guy. not a group of people who wanted to attract the attention of police.
so one day, my dad dropped that roommate off at work (someone's house, I assume), and went to drive back to their squat on his roommate's motorcycle. let's assume the vehicle itself was of questionable legality, and my dad for sure didn't have a license to drive it. let alone anything that said that he was allowed to be in England in the first place. and my dad
gets caught
in a roundabout.
he cannot figure out how to get out. he hadn't been in the country too long, and was still figuring out how to navigate all of the weird things that for sure did not exist in Israel or Greece or anywhere else he had lived. and you know what? fair. I DID grow up in a country with those cursed circles, and I struggle with them sometimes myself.
now in this particular roundabout, there was a police car parked at the center, and those police officers watched him go around two times. and he figured that if he went around a third time, the police would pull him over and ask for documentation that he did not have.
now, another fact about my dad is that he has balls of steel. this man has made many choices that I would describe as....unwise. many of those choices involve brashly making illegal choices right in front of authority figures, and then talking himself out of them like a snake oil salesman.
so my dad. he drives that motorcycle right up to the cops at the center of that roundabout, and he says "excuse me. I'm a foreigner in your country, and I'm stuck in this roundabout. can you help me get out?"
and who would do that if they had anything to hide? that is a move made by someone who believes that police always act in his best interest. nothing suspicious going on here!
so he got escorted out of the roundabout by a police car, was bid good day by the helpful copper, and took himself back to his illegal dwelling on an illegal motorcycle which he was illegally driving in a country he was illegally living in, where he proceeded to do many more of the things that add up to his lore.
its crazy how pretty much every single thing you can possibly do eithetr feels bad at first and then good or good at first but then bad
popular canadian satire site the beaverton is expanding into micro-horror and it’s good
I am whatever the opposite of a speed runner is. I am a game meanderer. I have to look at literally everything. I am overly cautious in every way. I forget to pause and wander away from the game. I take a minimum 7 hours to get through any given level. If you give me a timer I will cry.
Can we tho?!
Shoutout to @wheel-of-fish for making the best sweatshirt of all time so I can remind the world of when people sent in THE LITERAL PHANTOM OF THE OPERA for hostage negotiations.
(There are tons of goodies in her shop! Check it out at the link above!)
when the number of days since you last backed up your laptop resembles the year we last heard from the franklin expedition, you should probably back up your laptop. lest all your stuff be lost like the franklin expedition.
we built this terror
Doctor: What do you see in this X-ray?
Students: *collective gasp*
Doctor: Please don’t do that in front of patients.
Some alternative statements you could consider when your initial reaction is just ‘!’:
I’m glad we took that X-ray
Well this is almost certainly diagnostic
When one of my classmates broke my leg in 2nd Grade, there was an entire fiasco and I nearly died but I do remember the guy from radiology storming out to the little curtain area I was in and SLAPPING the X-ray up on the back light and the doctor actually shouting "JE-YAY-SUS! No wonder the kid doesn't have any damn blood!"
i have corneal dystrophy so my corneas will just kind of. tear. for no reason. quite frequently. cause of death: blinked too hard.
so one time i was in the eye hospital (id been there the day before and a junior doc dismissed me entirely as nothing being wrong, sent me off with no treatment, and my optician was Not Having It)
selfsame junior doc eye rolled and, when it was clear i wouldn't be leaving again, begrudgingly called in the consultant who took one glance at one eye, said "oh my god" and sent for a second consultant
who took one look and said "'ive never seen anything like it" and sent for a third
who took a quick look and said "wow. jesus. what a mess" and sent for the fourth etc
(junior doc getting progressively more embarrassed the whole time)
anyway both of my corneas have torn so many times it's apparently just a mess of scar tissue. but if you were wondering what's worse than one doctor exclaiming in surprise with 0 info, its having the entire department do it in succession
A few days late, but happy 20 years to "I was there when it was written"
Which reminds me. The work colleague who makes display signage using AI art is finally getting told to knock it off bc a reference librarian overheard some patrons mocking said AI art the other day and also bc we got a write in comment about how disappointed the commenter was that the public library ie an information center would use AI. We come to the brick and mortar library to get away from that etc etc etc. So, you know. Be loud and annoying about it in public, maybe you’ll get lucky and it’ll do something.
Javert: "Can this be true? I don't believe what I see... a man your age, to be as strong as you are 🥵...... a memory stirs."
Valjean, looking at the tent in his trousers: "That’s not a memory."