transing my gender, one day at a time.

Talking about trans/queer stuff. Opinions abound. liberation over assimilation. No one wins the oppression olympics. 21+ 03/20/21💉 10/04/23 🔪 08/21/24 🚮

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

I've been seeing the term "secondhand dysphoria" in some places. Do you know what it is, is it like a real valid thing?

it roughly translates to "I saw someone that I think is ugly and it made ME feel bad" so like yeah I guess it's a real thing but you should probably stay away from people who think of themselves as the center of everything like that

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

like take the transness out of the equation, reminder that cis people also get gender dysphoria. if you heard a cis woman say she saw a woman who was so ugly it made her feel bad about herself, you wouldn't worry about whether that's "valid" you'd just think she was an asshole

[makingqueerhistory]

Herculine Barbin — Making Queer History

Herculine Barbin’s life is often introduced as a “case” — a nineteenth-century medico-legal puzzle that forced doctors and judges to decide

Herculine Barbin’s life is often introduced as a “case” — a nineteenth-century medico-legal puzzle that forced doctors and judges to decide what, exactly, made a person male or female. Born in 1838 in France and raised as a girl within Catholic schools and convents, Barbin would soon become the subject of medical examinations, legal judgments, and public scandals aimed at determining her “true sex.” The historical significance of her life, however, is not just tied to the ambiguity of her physical body but also to the extraordinary paper trail she managed to leave behind. Indeed, much of what we know about Barbin comes from her autobiographical memoir, written near the end of her life and after her legal sex reclassification–a groundbreaking text shaped by both hindsight and a need to justify a life that had been made publicly scandalous. This written work survived alongside a dense archive of medical, legal, and journalistic records, offering a rare first-person account of how sex was defined, enforced, and punished in the nineteenth century. Collectively, these materials reveal how Barbin’s personal experience was subordinated to institutional authority, as well as how the modern demand for a single, fixed sex could transform an individual’s life into a problem that needed to be corrected. 

[genderkoolaid]

the transandrophobia Wikipedia page is not being deleted (good work!) but I wanted to share the exchange that went to down.

I saw these screenshots in the notes ~2m after it was decided:

I just took these of the project page:

& looking in the edit history, I see this:

Nice to see this get defeated so quickly.

[fishtank-thinktank]

Also, I feel like it’s important to mention! That if the issue around the page is mainly the word transandrophobia, it should also be stated that the word is used two times in the entire article!



Twice, one in the intro alongside other words used to describe the oppression that trans men face in this way, the other one being a restatement of that fact: “is sometimes referred to as anti-transmasculinity,[1] transandrophobia,[2] or transmisandry” “The discrimination experienced by transgender men has been described using various words, but none have seen widespread use. Terms used include anti-transmasculinity and transandrophobia.”

The word transandrophobia is used twice in the article, both times referring to the different words that are used to describe trans men’s oppression.

[atlas-affogato]

FTM Book Recs

One of the funny, and by funny I mean infuriating, things about the trans discourse on this website is how everyone screams themselves hoarse "read Whipping Girl" as if its the only book written on the experiences of trans women or transfeminism. But also, people scream at you to read Whipping Girl to.....understand trans men? Julia Serrano is a trans woman who admitted that her book doesn't cover the scope of the trans masculine experience. So here, here's some nonfiction books written by actual trans men. Enjoy.

• Hung Jury: Testimonies of Genital Surgery by Transsexual men, edited by Trystan Cotten • From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond, edited by Morty Diamond • We Both Laughed in Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan • No Poster Boy: Trans Fag Essays by Elliot DeLine • Side Effects: on Being Trans and Feeling Bad by Hil Malatino • A Trans Man Walks Into A Gay Bar by Harry Nicholas • Black on Both Sides: A Racial History of Trans Identity by C. Riley Snorton • Men in Place: Trans Masculinity, Race, and Sexuality in America by Miriam J. Abelson • Emergence: A Transsexual Autobiography by Mario Martino • Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits by Loren Cameron • The Phallus Palace: Female to Male Transsexuals by Dean Kotula • FTM: Female-to-Male Transsexuals in Society by Jamison Green • Transmen and FTMs: Identities, Bodies, Genders, and Sexualities by Jason Cromwell • Self-Made Men: Identity and Embodiment among Transsexual Men by Henry Rubin • Manning Up: Transsexual men on Finding Brotherhood, Family and Themselves, edited by Zander Kieg • Just Add Hormones: An Insiders Guide to the Transsexual Experience by Matt Kailey • Self-Organizing Men: Conscious Masculinity in Time and Space, edited by Eli Clare • Man Alive: A True Story of Violence, Forgiveness and Becoming a Man by Thomas Page Mcbee • Amateur: A True Story About What Makes A Man by Thomas Page Mcbee • Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green • Both Sides Now: One Man's Journey Through Womanhood by Dhillon Khosla • What Becomes You by Aaron Raz Link

And, because I believe in my heart that all trans people have more in common than differences and there's really no such thing as separating our community, I am including here transgender book recs written by non-binary, genderqueer, trans feminine and trans woman authors. Enjoy these too.

• Gender Outlaws: on Men, Women and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein • Genderqueer by Maia Kobabe • Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg *(this book is fiction but intensely important to the butch and trans masculine lesbian community) • Tranagender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman by Leslie Feinberg • Before We Were Trans: A New History of Gender by Kit Heyam • Black Trans Feminism by Marquis Bey • A Short History of Trans Misogyny by Jules Gill-Peterson • Captive Genders: Trans Embodiment and the Prison Industrial Complex by Eric A. Stanley • Surviving Transphobia by Laura A. Jacobs • Transgender History by Susan Stryker • The Transgender Issue: An Argument For Justice by Shon Faye

A lot of the books on this list are on the older side for nonfiction, my interest leans more towards the 90s and 00s and that shows. I encourage anyone with any other book recommendations to add on.

[downwithpeople]

[transfemme-shelterdog]

As a trans woman, I really, really, don't appreciate people acting like they know what it was like for me growing up. Like yeah, I realize that your childhood was like that and I'm sorry that you were treated that way. But don't act like that's how it is for everyone.

I was very much seen as one of the guys growing up. I went to "boys nights" with the guys, which typically consisted of very masculine activities, I had gay cis dudes hit on me, I never once was seen as anything other than a dude.

Guys never once mistreated me, or saw me as anything other than a man. Even through University, I was seen as a man to the point where my University friends were shocked when I came out to them as a trans woman.

I was even treated as "one of the safe ones" all through high school by the girls I hung out with. I had an all female friend group that I hung out with and gossiped with, and was allowed to hang out with them in and out of school, because friendship with me never came with the possibility that I was gonna make things weird and try to fuck them. I showed no interest in dating them and treated them like any other person.

They literally called me a "Girl's guy".

So, your experience isn't universal, and I really wish people would stop acting like their trauma is standard. Because it's not.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

And then there's my husband, who hated being a girl, hated femininity, was bullied by girls growing up, never had any friends aside from a few guys in high school, and was never accepted as a girl by girls.

Trans experiences aren't universal.

[gh0st-note]

They truly aren’t, because I for one actually grieve the boy I used to be, even though that isn’t who I am anymore. I mourn what could have been and yet I’m excited for what is going to be. I felt fine being a boy, and was very much seen as one of the “bros” once I finally found a friend group (even if they still treat me as one of the bros but that’s a separate matter) I personally had very little trauma surrounding my identity growing up as a young lad, even if I constantly felt out of place. Just like being trans is a spectrum, so is trauma. No one’s trauma is the same and you CANNOT presume what other people have gone through.

[pingintech]

i was definitely NOT treated as a boy growing up on my best days maybe as a real fa of a boy but never like any of the other guys even when we were really little we were more autistic freak outcast than one of the boys but we very distinctly were a young boy until we were about 6 or 7 id say and we were happy with it and even remember that time fondly id absolutely agree with the take that many trans women are not "socialized as men" because i wasnt people never treated us like a man we were always too flashy and faggy and flamboyant we were never in with the jokes against women we were always constantly thinking about how different we would be treated if they knew we were different tm especially given how we were treated for still being different despite actively suppressing it all

but i am loathe to any and every argument that treats marginalized groups as monoliths even coming from members of said marginalized group

in fact those arguments often do the opposite of the intended purpose instead of arguing that trans women are not socialized male because socialization has a million different class based gender based internal perception based cultural based community based geological based factors they instead argue that trans women are not socialized male because while indeed socialization happens in neat specific distinct ways universally for specific innate categories of people (<- it doesnt) trans womens experiences are a third thing an other and this is inherent to all trans women as is male socialization to all men

essentially instead of

A. debunking and refuting the idea of biological essentialism innate in the idea of sex based "socialization"

or

B. affirming trans womens experiences and placing them among cis womens as similar in many key ways

what it often does is

A. affirm the idea of socialization as innate to gender essentialism instead of biological essentialism simply moving the goal post and creating an easy avenue for radfems to infiltrate the community

and

B. treats trans women as a unique third gender with its own innate immutable experiences different both from cis men AND cis women essentially only further othering trans women from womanhood as a whole

what the argument SHOULD be is instead that socialization being conceived as simply a binary male female thing that imbues universal experiences to all males and all females is patently idiotic because no men have the exact same lived experiences even ignoring the fact that men of color and immigrant men and disabled men and poor men and wealthy men and men from the global south and men from the imperial core all lead VASTLY separate lives and many men are some combination of any of the above and beyond same for women no women even in their subjugation under the patriarchy have the same lived experiences that can be standardized across the board even before discussing the ways women of color and immigrant women and disabled women and addicted women and women in domestic abuse relationships and pregnant women and women with chronic illnesses and homeless women and fat women and skinny women and women with children all can live vastly different lives and many are some combination of the above and beyond

we are not any more different from anyone else by something as ultimately trivial as sex even within a system meant to oppress others across sex and gendered lines and believing so only enforces and enables these divides men are given many privileges in patriarchal societies because they are treated as if they are biologically superior if you recognize the differences between women and men in a patriarchal society to largely be down to socialization and yet you still believe socialization is innate to their sex OR GENDER then you are not arguing against the biological essentialism you are simply giving it a face lift and a paint job you are not pointing out the constructed artificial nature of things but instead blaming society instead of biology while still acting as if it is an unsolvable problem innate to the spiritual concept of gender and or the mythical concept of sex

if we instead argue this way we

A. address the issue as it is something of our societies own creation something purposefully made that can be purposefully unmade

and

B. affirm trans womens likeness to cis women in that all of us are more similar than we are different and genitals are not and have never been the deciding factor in our experiences and their similarities to other women our experiences have been

[scramratz]

I think most people, even within the queer community, fail to recognize trans men as an entity in itself. You're either trans or a man.

The idea that someone can be fully and wholly a man and still not be afforded the privileges given to cis men is foreign to most. The identity of "man" is synonymous with privilege and power, so when trans men say "hey I'm not as privileged as you think I am, there's more to it" that's unbelievable to most. They think we're purposely misgendering ourselves to gain imaginary oppression points. They compare us to cis men who refuse to acknowledge the privileges they do have because there's no such thing as a man that isn't privileged.

Its upsetting because it puts us in a bind. Either we suck it up and take the very real oppression we face head on and keep it to ourselves, or we advocate for ourselves and face ridicule for implying we aren't privileged or we're outright misgendered.

[hellofmychoice]

People truly do have a difficult time conceptualizing trans men. That's why other groups of marginalized men or intra-group male privilege are always brought up in these conversations. Not that those conversations are irrelevant, but it does mean they often get used as stand-ins instead of engaging with trans men directly.

Unlike other marginalized men, trans men are in fact marginalized specifically for being men. Because our existence disrupts the assumption that masculinity is natural, exclusive, or biologically assigned. The hostility directed at trans men is often rooted in the belief that we are “betraying” womanhood, aspiring to something we supposedly should not be allowed to become. That is gendered oppression.

Saying "men don't experience misogyny" or "men aren't marginalized for their gender" or "nobody is trying to stop you from being a man" is no different than saying "men can't get pregnant." Trans men aren't misgendering themselves, you just don't actually understand or respect trans people.

Perhaps people think they're being radically accepting of trans people but they're actually working from an incredibly cis-centric framework based on oppositional sexism.

[doubleca5t]

Listen, fellow trans women, I love you all, but if you think that trans men or transmascs are an oppressor class you need to log the fuck off because you are being brainpoisoned by discourse-mongers. That is a legitimately rocks for brains take

[doubleca5t]

There is a HUUUUUGE gap between "transfems experience a unique intersection of oppressions which are not experienced by transmascs", which is true, "some passing trans men benefit from male privilege", which is true, "trans people are not immune to transphobic rhetoric and this can sometimes take the form of transmascs engaging in transmisogyny", which is true, and "transmascs should be treated as equivalent to cis men because trans men are men and therefore as men they are a danger to trans women" like do you see where the gigantic leap of logic comes in here?

[doubleca5t]

There is something personally offensive to me about accounts that go out of their way to post about transmascs being dangerous or untrustworthy or transmisogynistic when the primary danger to trans women right now is the goddamn United States government. Like we've got people in the white house who would outlaw all HRT if given the opportunity and you're gonna post about trans men?? I don't even mean this in a "we have bigger fish to fry" sort of way I mean this is the sense that building solidarity is one of the most important things you can do when faced with a hostile government and society. It's not just that the claims being made are bullshit and transphobic it's that the whole thing feels actively self-destructive toward creating any kind of community that's of any use to anyone

[mortalityplays]

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter was one of the best works of sci-fi of our generation and one of the best works of transgender fiction ever written, and there are world renowned authors who still have successful careers after they publicly assassinated the nascent woman who wrote it. I don't think they should ever know peace.

[mortalityplays]

Isabel Fall is the patron saint of works unwritten and art unmade by a culture that cannot tolerate trans women

[mortalityplays]

I think this constantly and then I get angry for thinking it, because trans women should not have to be martyrs or saints to animate our politics and our art. that work should have been her debut, not her epitaph. I should be moved by her career, not her absence. I could spit.

[mortalityplays]

read it again

[cock-holliday]

reinstalled shinigami eyes to take a look at the damage and it's so much worse than a year or so ago when i deleted it. virtually every intersex blog i know of regardless of how they feel about tme/tma is marked red unless they are especially vocal about liking it, countless trans men are marked red regardless of whether they are vocally inclusive, most who are marked green are either famous guys or are (somewhat) infamous for their transphobia and exorsexism if not also racism.

Plenty of transphobic cis folks are green. Virtually every trans-positivity account is red except for the ones who are unapologetically transphobic to at least part of the community. Countless trans women who vocally uses the term transandrophobia are marked red. Several trans women who dont even use the term but have at least on one occasion defended or sympathized with trans men are red. Several trans women who are bigender/NB/Etc with inclusion of any "male" or masc terms are red regardless of whether they seem to have anything to say about trans men.

It is BLEAK. I've been trying to remove reds and greens as I assess, but it is really really gross that it was a pretty well-known soft rule a decade plus ago that you didn't mark trans people red at all even if they were shitheads, unless they were actual proud terfs, because the flagging was guaranteed to isolate them from community.

Inability to assess risk and a total aversion to narratives that contradict what you assume to be the case for others is getting people into a lot of trouble.

Shinigami eyes is completely dead and less than useless, but since so many people still seem to trust it, I do not want people to keep getting flagged as violent evil transphobes cause they started identifying as genderqueer.

[transfaguette]

when you’re a little girl boys will say “so if boys and girls are equal that means I get to hit you right?”

and then you grow up to be a trans man and people will say to you “oh i thought you wanted to be a man, that means you have to put up with [abusive behavior]”

and they will tell you these 2 things do not stem from the same desires of gendered punishment and control

[transfaguette]

#cis men view trans men as women they can hit without scrutiny #and cis women view trans men as men they can hit without consequences

[spinosacha]

This is Doris Pollas, the cofounder of the organisation now known as lgbt+ Denmark which by being founded in 1948 is one of the oldest ongoing queer organisation in the world.

Doris lived in a farm in Jutland as a child. She was always butch and figured out she was a lesbian in her teens. When she heard about a club in copenhagen where boys kissed boys and girls kissed girls she went just some months after and it was through that club she started a paper connecting queer people all up to seventies and co founded lgbt+ Denmark.

She is now 97 years old and wishes for every queer person to have an as loving and accepting family as she did.

I don’t see a lot of older gays from my country, so learning about Doris, a masc lesbian, was really nice.

[greaseonmymouth]

Doris passed ways last summer, aged 101. Here’s the obituary LGBT+ Danmark wrote for her - in English

Doris Pollas 1924-2025: The Last Pioneer Has Passed Away - LGBT+ Danmark

Doris Pollas 1924-2025: The Last Pioneer Has Passed Away - LGBT+ Danmark

[maive-the-sheep]

As a transfem. Before I was open, I would sometimes have cis woman friends say "i hate all men talking about their issues, all of them should just die, oh but not you, you are different"

And let me tell you. They made it scarier to come out, to transition. And didn't feel safe. Cause then its like I'm walking a tightrope where I've seen men and women do terrible things and if I step out of line they might want to kill me for my existence. And that too far out of line might be transition, might be how I've been a csa victim of multiple cis women and being open.

Men-hating women aren't feminists, they just hate people for an unchosen trait. And saying people are inherently evil, excuses evil actions.

[atelier-tamamoland]

"you cannot have a category of person that stops being a person or everyone that someone wants to get rid of is going to end up being put in that category" and other really fucking obvious and basic observations that everyone ignores in favor of putting people they want to get rid of into a category they think makes them stop being a person

[love-ardour-anarchism]

I don’t even LIKE referring to myself as transfem.

It feels dysphoria inducing, not super strongly but definitely and clearly.

I was assigned male at birth. I grew up a truly genderless child.

I only started performing femininity when I subconsciously understood that my masculinity was always seen as equal to being a man which I never wanted.

I became an effeminate teenager, while ridiculously dysphoric because what I truly wanted felt impossible to attain.

I wanted masculinity not manhood. I wanted to be viewed as something other than a man without performing societally normative femininity.

I felt myself tearing apart under the pressure of thinking I had to choose the exhausting and yet dysphoria inducing performative femininity that I never felt truly comfortable with or the dysphoria of being seen as a man and ultimately I began my outward transition journey by trying to conform and perform femininity.

I jumped through all the hoops. I referred to myself as a trans woman. I started taking estrogen and then progesterone and truly all of that has been a beautiful thing for me.

But I only found comfort and peace with myself when I’d reached a level of base and non-performative gendered perception that I started to feel comfortable with slowly but surely embracing my butch identity and masculinity.

I am not a man.

Butch is my gender.

My experience is trans masculine. I found euphoria in embracing my masculinity.

I’ll refer to myself as transfem if I have to but if anything that’s my history.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I used to have this friend who was an intersex trans woman with XXY chromosomes and whenever an argument came up that people said you need two X chromosomes to be a woman or whatever she’d be like well I have two X chromosomes and let me tell you that doesn’t change transphobes minds at all but it is pretty funny to see how confused they get.

[brightlotusmoon]

[zhenya-grey]

*raises hand* I'm an intersex trans woman with XXY. and yes. It doesn't save me at all to say "I'm afab actually" spoiler alert, transphobes don't believe me. or "I have 2 X chromosomes tho" and wow shocker, once again they don't believe me!

[dramatic-dolphin]

it's actually so funny that all you need to do as a female athlete to be immediately disqualified is being good, because everyone knows women suck ass at everything and if a woman is good at something that's unnatural. hashtag feminism hashtag protect women.