I don't even know @pcoescapades - Tumblr Blog

Mulan AU where she does get caught by the other fresh recruits while she's bathing but Mushu helps her spin it like the lake is cursed by an evil lizard demon and will turn men into women if they stay in it for too long.

From there it's not actually difficult to get the other soldiers onboard with covering up the fact that poor Ping took one for the team and got afflicted by the vagina curse, especially since it would have been all of them if they hadn't gotten the warning ahead of time. So they agree to help him cover it up, because obviously the army's not going to understand.

Shang is... tentatively glad that the men are bonding and getting along, even if they continue to be deeply weird about it.

great-art-and-a-purple-tongue

Ling: Hey man, what's up— you've got boobs?!?!

Mulan: Uh, what boobs? Huh? Where did these come from?

Mushu: *facepalms and thinks quickly* (speaks from the shadows) I AM THE SPIRIT OF THE LAKE! BEWARE MY CURSED WATERS FOR THEY WILL TURN MEN INTO WOMEN!

Ling, Yao, and Chien Po: Oh no! The spirit of the cursed waters!

scribeofchaos

Chi-Fu: SHE'S A WOMAN LI SHANG!

Mulan: Look-

Ling, Yao, and Chien Po: WE CAN EXPLAIN!!

[One convoluted, chaotic explanation later]

Shang: ...is this why you've all been insisting we don't camp anywhere that doesn't have a lake.

Shang: and then none of you actually swim in it.

Shang: and you all keep jumping at shadows.

Shang: wait a second Ping did this happen before or after you became insanely good at fighting?

Shang: did you get better at fighting after you became a woman.

Shang: are women better at fighting than us.

Mulan: ....uh. well. maybe? no one's ever tried to find out.

Yao: [thinking very fast] y'know Captain it's just so hard to find recruits these days.

Chien Po: Real shortage of men.

Ling: Lots of women, though.

Mulan: [catching on] Without marriage prospects.

Shang: You're right, men. The spirits must have done this in order to show us that we should be recruiting women as fighters.

Mushu [from the shadows, seeing an opportunity to do the funniest thing]: EXACTLY, LI SHANG. I HAVE TRANSFORMED PING INTO A WOMAN BECAUSE YOU HAVE TOO LONG OVERLOOKED THE TRUE WAY TO WIN THE WAR.

Mulan [seeing an opportunity to get all the stories straight]: O Great Spirit, is it reversible?

Mushu: WHY WOULD YOU WISH TO REJECT MY GIFT? I HAVE SEEN YOUR HEART, CHILD, AND HAVE ALREADY ALTERED THE MEMORIES OF EVERYONE WHO KNEW YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR THE ARMY. YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THEIR DAUGHTER.

Li Shang: Welp, the spirits have spoken. Ping - wait is your name still Ping if you're a woman now?

Mulan: Uh. Actually, I was thinking of renaming myself. How do you feel about Mulan?

BONUS:

Mulan [climbing out of the eleventh lake the men have arranged for her to swim in]: Yeah no, it didn't work. Still got boobs. [tries to appear dejected].

Chien Po: If it makes you feel better, they're very nice boobs.

Mulan: Thanks, Chien Po.

somestorythoughts

Mulan and Mushu, somehow opperating on the same wavelength: oh haven't you heard?

warmfigure

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

unlettered-heathen

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

thundergrace

The only way to talk to these people.

one-time-i-dreamt

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT

mariacallous

perfectlyvalid49

I want to be very clear on this. You can be out drinking with your friends on Friday night and dead on Sunday because of meningitis. Does that sound a little specific? Guess why I have such a specific scenario in mind.

And getting vaccinated is an easy way to prevent that. There is no medical reason to stop recommending that vaccine. There's no new study that shows that it's unsafe, there's no replacement that's better. This is literally the government making its citizenry less safe for no reason.

#please #vaccinate your offspring #i quite literally almost died as a newborn #from meningitis #if not for my grandma i wouldn't be here

batmanisagatewaydrug

unexpectedly sexy part of the Sinners credits. we LOVE a thoroughly sourced film.

memewhore

lastoneout

Calling that whole entire fucking Jamón Ibérico leg that goes for, according to the Costco website, $650 just "Costco ham" is the funniest thing I've ever fucking seen. They teach entire classes just on how to cut and serve one of these things correctly. It's some of the most expensive, top tier cured meat in the entire goddamn world, and if this is from Costco then it's also black label jamón ibérico de bellota which is the highest grade version. It can only be made in Spain or Portugal out of specific breed of pig(and for black label it has to be 100% purebreed, too) that is raised free-range and, during the last part of it's life, fed a diet exclusively of acorns. This is like calling a good cut of wagyu beef you got at the supermarket "Safeway steak" like. You're not WRONG but also HUH?????

catastrophic-crow

so what you're saying is that the cat was completely justified

dosomethingbabesaysomething-dea

rb to give the previous person a fucking break because life aint life-ing the way its supposed to life and it fucking sucks.

grace-is-tired

i see that quote all the time on here about waking up sick one day and never getting better. but I feel like that isn’t the whole truth. in reality the sickness creeps in. first you start to feel more tired but you chalk it up to being busier or maybe more stressed. then your joints start to hurt. but not everyday all the time. you just notice it every few days. and maybe some of the symptoms come and go and you wonder if it’s all in your head. but after weeks and months it becomes more constant until one day your baseline changes to be one of pain. and that’s when you realize this isn’t going away. you are sick and you’re not going to get better.

guesswewillfindout

Getting sick is gradual.

Admitting you're sick happens all at once.

Then you grieve for the rest of your life.

There may be an event that precipitates you admitting your illness. You may almost lose your job or be hospitalized. You look back and you realize all the things that could have been symptoms you just ignored. Because you may have never heard of this illness or didn't know those were the symptoms for it.

And don't talk to me about acceptance. I know I'm sick. I accept that fact and the facts that go with it:

I have limitations I didn't have before

I miss out and I must accommodate myself

I have to manage and moderate all the aspects of my life in a much more strict manner than I ever thought I would.

I don't have to like it. Pain isn't peaceful. I'm not at peace with my pain. And I want to fight my disease. I don't want to feel bad. Fighting it is something that gives me purpose.

You should be concerned when I stop fighting.

heymamona

please reblog this if it is okay to anonymously confess something to you.

kosmogrl

don’t take my defeatism too seriously I will always begin again and again no matter what

kosmogrl

I might sound miserable most of the time but at my core I’m a very hopeful person

solitairians

whenever I confess to people that i feel like I am just roleplaying as a normal person they're always like noooo you don't strike me as someone who's roleplaying as a normal person at all!!! :) and every time internally im like well yes that's because I am excellent at it

unofficial-autism-post

Unofficial Autism Post

solitairians

thememedaddy

skribblegurl

some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.