I don't know either.

Emm☆28☆still here

[homunculus-argument]

Starting to understand that some people really genuinely can't "just eat" the same way I can't "just sleep". Yeah you need the stars and planets to be aligned just the right way and be in the right mood and have the right music on and have the room in the right temperature and the air moisture must be just right so you can chew and swallow one (1) single green bean, just the same as I need to lay in bed for two hours playing magic the gathering before my eyes force themselves shut. There are things people recommend that would be better to do if they worked, but they don't so I can't just fucking do that instead. Can't just go horizontal and wait 30 seconds like my boyfriend does.

[beacon-lamp]

hello beloveds ☺️

[iceslushii]

made an alternate version for the mutuals ive never spoken to

[thetreeofliberty]

You are appreciated

[emeraldspiral]

[tinysweetvoid]

[creekfiend]

gender essentialism is soooo funny bc it's like "this is what women are like" and you're like "I've met women and many of them, if not the majority, have not been like that" and it's like "well women SHOULD be like that" and you're like "why should women be like that" and its like "because that's what women are like"

[animperfectangelsblog]

[should-be-sleeping]

I keep fish and sometimes breed them (free fish hack). At the moment I have some beautiful fellows that are getting up there in age, so it's time to create more.

I separate all of my fish by their gendies as soon as you can possibly tell them apart to keep the population of my tanks where I want it, and to prevent inbreeding (and all of the complications that stem from that). These lads have effectively never seen a girl.

When I added the female to continue their legacy, they didn't know what to do. So they did what any respectable man might do in that confusing situation: ignored her and continued having sex with each other.

So preoccupied with one another are they that I'm honestly not sure if they will ever include her in any way that matters. Their bloodline ends with gay sex, and tbh, I kinda love that for them.

The g in lgbtq stands for guppy. 🌈

[should-be-sleeping]

As if to mock me directly, they are now going out of their way to have sex in front of her while she just floats there like

[should-be-sleeping]

I've turned off the light so that maybe they'll include her by accident. 🤫

[should-be-sleeping]

Free fish!

(Created by accident in the dark.)

[should-be-sleeping]

I need you all to know, I sat on this news for 72 hours, closely monitoring, waiting for more to be born and this is it. There are 4 of them. 😂

[stevishabitat]

[should-be-sleeping]

Asdfghjkl

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

"Accidentally discovered straight sex while confused in the dark" is like. The opposite of a porn premise.

[should-be-sleeping]

I'm down to the last 9 fish and have given up selective breeding in desperation and just made the largest aquarium co-ed. They simply will NOT have heterosexual sex. I'm at wits end. Like please include the females. I'm begging. 🙇

The lights are off. My fingers are crossed. There are 0 fry. It's been months.

[fallout-lou-begas]

so in the 2003 Aquaman series they introduce a new backstory for archvillain Black Manta in which the entire reason for his (hyper)fixation on destroying Aquaman's life was severely maltreated autism, which Aquaman then cures him of with his magic water hand to completely redeem him. and this is obviously insanely stupid and ill-conceived and genuinely hateful, but given all of that, this is still one of the funniest speech balloons i've ever read in a comic. me @ myself when i remember how i acted in high school or whatever

[soreheadinamblemood]

[bootyshorts-with-this-on-the-ass]

Booty shorts with “it’s plot exposition, it has to go somewhere” on the ass

[iamnotlanuk]

[dahliavandare]

You’re just not ready. At no point in this video when he says the next thing are you ready.

[kaijuno]

My morning glory doesn’t like the wind chime

[ikebanaka]

SHUT

[typhus-andronicus]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I need to admit something to the US Tumblrinas. Philadelphia isn't a place to me. It's a cream cheese. You say "philadelphia" or "philly" and I immediately, and exclusively, think of the cream cheese. "Twelve people die in Philadelphia disaster" wow that must've been a Molasses Flood style event

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

No I trust the Americans, the cheese lovers, and the fans of the molasses flood to find this one on their own.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#PHILADELPHIA DIDN'T EVEN INVENT CREAM CHEESE#IT WAS INVENGED IN CHESTER NEW YORK 4 HOURS SOUTH#*starts being dragged away by Philadelphians* YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME

Not gonna lie I always just assumed cream cheese was hundreds if not thousands of years older than the USA. That's way too late to be creating new textures of dairy.

[existennialmemes]

Every Website right now: Give us a scan of your driver's license or be banished. It's for safety.

Every Website for the last 10 years: Oopsies we had another massive data breach! Tee-hee!

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[itseasytoremember]

I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts

[shofarsogood]

[ekjohnston]

The Cake Wrecks blog is one that I miss.

[cutshaw]

every couple of years there's a new superhero movie that will have many people telling you "no I know marvel is bad but this one is different, it's really good!" stay vigilant. it's gonna be bad

[digital-realms-420]

[cryptid-sighting]

patch notes for Forest: deer have beam attacks now

[nightporter1980]

i would so love to know what was going on in this persons head. i would rather be shot dead than sneak food into a movie theatre. What?

[valtsv]

woman in a victorian novel: *develops a fever from worrying too much*

me, shivering and sweating with stress-induced anxiety: wtf that’s so unrealistic lol