they are things my friends and I have said! also, spoilers for new crewmates for any opla only people!
Usopp: Hah, watch me yeet a bomb!
Nami: Heads, we die. Tails, we live.
[The crew watches, enraptured.]
Nami: Fuck, it's heads.
Usopp: I'll get the paper for the will ready.
Luffy: Woah, my elbows are elbowing.
Robin: Bitch is a state of mind.
Zoro: A-weed popcorn? Did you just sing 'a weed popcorn~'?
Sanji: I said, "I just made popcorn", you fucking idiot!
Zoro: I had my headphones in!
Sanji: And you think about weed first?!
[In snowy biome]
Usopp: Aw, man, my hair's stuck together with the snow now.
Usopp: Hydrogen, you whore!
Chopper: That... is not what I expected.
[Deadly quizshow]
Host: So, what direction does Mars' orbit go?
Nami: [Rapidly spinning her finger around her head]
Luffy: Uh... around?
Nami: Well, I tried.
Sanji: This is some bullshit! All he gave me was hot milk. This is not hot chocolate!
Usopp: All he gave me was hot milk? That's what she said.
Robin: Fossil is baby! Fossil baby!
Franky: C'mon, ink baby, work!
[Successful printing of poster done]
Franky: Ink baby has delivered.
Nami: I am done, I am through, I'll be finished soon so suck my-
[Easel falls right on her head]
Nami: ...Dick.
about to try and write a college parody of high school is killing me bc I'm sad I can no longer just spam it in my Instagram notes or lyrics of it in my discord status if needed.
there's gonna be serious spoilers in here. like vague enough that you won't know who did what but the au basically depends on how insane these plot points are.
i wish more people knew about nickleodeon's the astronauts bc holy fucking shit the concept would go so well with phm!!
like the idea of a bunch of kids being ignored by their parents who have vaguely been announced to be searching for something that can further earth's journey into space/searching for different life (the trip is literally called the odyssey) and then getting trapped on a ship bc some employee entrusted his kids to give him his space keys and those kids make an immature choice to go on the ship and they have to launch on their own?? oh my god ryland would be PISSEDDDD.
and then not only that, these kids are getting pushed around by their parents to be paranoid of each other and to take a commander's position, a position that requires years of training and mental fortitude and it ends up being in the hands of the youngest. she's a prodigy but holy fucking shit. she had a whole mental breakdown and ryland would have to definitely talk her through that once their ships meet and he's finally sort of in contact with ground again. which he would definitely get to shit talk way earlier and not be presumed dead. also the amount of shit they do unmanned is insane. definitely more things to talk through, especially since them trying to fix a cpu issue gets one of them killed and then revived.
also, they tried to return to earth and got stranded back in space and bc the show got canceled, it ends with them looking at a giant rock in space, that they assume is an alien vessel and it was a cliffhanger.
instead, i'd imagine that it was perhaps a dead crewmate of rocky's and instead, they end up floating past his old ship and approaching the hail mary. because the hail mary and the odyssey ii are both pretty large and nasa based, the two get to chatting and therefore, ryland grace now gets a bunch of traumatized human kids and a direct line to cuss out almost everyone but (and maybe he saves her for later) eva stratt back on earth. although rocky's definitely doing more of that.
also, the kids would absolutely get overexcited over rocky since they meet him when he has a translator and the guy would have no clue what to do with it. just imagine the whole "oh wow kids!" dissolving into
"oh god these are kids and i did not read any parenting manuals yet. can rocky handle this, question? rocky is fucking it up already. oh god adrian how is adrian gonna handle me coming back with 6 children?"
things i did that i believe the strawhat crew would do!
luffy: watched multiple people stand on coracles (search up plastic versions or "how hard is it to balance on a coracle?" and you'll get why that's a disaster) and wanted to join in on the fun, knowing damn well i still had glasses on. immediately fell off while clutching my glasses, exclaimed i was fine, and then took a while to get back on my coracle with the help of two people. the next year, i got the hang of it and led a coracle onslaught against a poor canoe crew because i wanted to and we had a splash war. fun times!
nami: did a really meaningful interview for my theatre program (which i love dearly!). at the end of it, when they asked me and the guy i was partnered with about anything else we wanted to say, i did a beautiful speech about giving the program just one chance because it would be unforgettable and the most wonderful experience of your life... and then went "also, money pls?" with a pouty face and begging hands. mind you, my theatre teacher then just had to tell the film crew that i do this a lot. she just had to bring up our summer trip last year where i went swinging from like 12-15 feet up in the trees and instead of acting nonchalant, i screamed "PLEASE GIVE [insert theatre name] MONEY PLEASE GIVE US MONEY!" to the rest of the camp. yeah. i did an ad from the air.
zoro: have done my kickboxing classes with a strained back shoulder thing and fully let the teacher scold me for "slacking" bc i just awkwardly accepted that he didn't hear me tell him that. also did that class once with a sprained left wrist and fully accepted I'd just be grimacing my way through jabs.
usopp: once saved a handball pe game by blocking the ball multiple times with inventive techniques... that included my face. my team won our tournament in the end but to what cost of my poor sore nose? and it gets worse. i am a constant glasses wearer. you know, and i know, and every one of us wearing glasses knows there was an indent as well for the rest of my classes. i lied i was fine but like... OW.
sanji: once emptied out my family's spaghetti stash all by myself because every time i was alone, i would get hungry and bored and eventually got over my worry that i wasn't splitting anything evenly with my brother or my parents. i tested so many recipes. some were awful (do not put sesame oil in without spoons or holding yourself back) and some were incredible even if basic. i love my pasta in tomato sauce with brown butter and gochujang. also, never added oregano despite it being in my house. i guess i forgot it existed.
chopper: once got so into a game of capture the flag as a kid that i just genuinely ran around saving everyone i could and then cried when people did dramatic sacrifices and got thrown in jail. i was a very emotional and dramatic little 9 year old. also, we were in color teams so you can imagine how much funnier the image gets.
crewmate spoilers for opla only fans!
my honorary vivi mention! (yes she stays back on alabasta but she's still a member in my heart): this was around 2020-2021 i think?? during a vacation in my parents' home country, my mom ambushed me with a meeting with a hospital board to talk about a vaccine's effects of young children to teens since it was being imported over there soon (you can probably guess what vaccine this is). i was terrified but surprisingly talked a lot. mind you, in the other past days before that, i fumbled a basic conversation, i was binging anime bc of how i was holed up in my hotel room even though i could have done more productive things, and one special day i got so nerdy and bored that i wrote up 4.7K words for an application in one day (from scratch if that makes me more of a loser or more impressive). also this story is the story that got me into the college i'll be attending in the fall lol :)
robin: talked to a friend gleefully about our knowledge of hitler's miniscule embarrassments (his art being factually lacking in technique, his awful health, his sweet tooth, etc) which then somehow led to us talking about the myth of "Romans' insane and slightly sexual tactics leading to the origin of the word testify" and the actuality of what other fucked up sex things Romans did instead of that a la Nero as an entire group looked upon in horror. i can cite one saying: "you guys discuss these things like it's average knowledge. it's not. it shouldn't be!"
franky: out of the three times i've swung on the swing mentioned in the nami thing, one of them was hooting and hollering and cool flipping even though that was banned. the other one was me afraid i was gonna die so i tearfully screamed how much i loved my friends and once calm made silly heart signs. and that was my second time on the thing...
i have brook and jimbei moments in mind (i am a theater kid so music and dramatics is my thing. i am also a kid made for the tropics since i'm southeast asian and i technically live on an island already. plus, i've made so many sex jokes and have been the voice of reason too many times despite how contradictory those sound) but i've gotta rewatch because i don't have as good of a hold on those personalities. i also need to desperately catch up and opla's helping me revisit things ofc.
the three fun ways to see the newly iconic "don't you worry about me and size" scene between zoro and sanji in opla.
1, the classical no homo way. sanji is saying it because he claims he has a larger dick than zoro.
2, the zosan way. sanji is saying it because he is a shameless size queen who accepted bisexuality in the live action and wants zoro to get that.
3, the one i personally love sanzo way. sanji is saying it because that man has a larger dick and needs zoro to know that he definitely knows how to use it in a way that counts.
remembering kaiji tang is not only gojo satoru's va, but also nishikage seiya/duske grayling's va...
the insane potential transferring the idea of "all the information from my six eyes tell me you're suguru geto... but both my heart and my soul know otherwise! now tell me, who the hell are you?!" into an au where nosaka's tumor is actually part of the insane mysticality of soccer (a la aliea crystal style) and is less of an infection that would kill him but simply a curse that marks him as an easy pawn to control until he's trapped in his own body.
broooooo, the idea of some evil employee taking the lead to live vicariously through this poor kid and nosaka forced into the backseat and nishikage the only one who notices... yesssss.
robbing all the angst from satosugu to put it on nishikage x nosaka lol
in october last year, i watched Tron: Ares for a school trip (senior movie trip happens every year during the psat to make sure the school is empty for the underclassmen to focus. it was unfortunately the only pg13 movie left) and let me tell you, everyone thought that shit was BUNS. visually pretty and musically fun buns but still. BUNS. it was so buns that months later i still think about it.
and now i have an urge to rewrite the whole thing but where it's yuri with Athena and Eve (the female cast and a bit of the guys like Evan and Arturo - maybe just everyone except Jared Leto - carried). i mean, athena experiencing the rain felt more real than ares. also, ares seemed more teenage feeling despite the fully grown man playing him. that could be purposeful bc of the whole "robot experiences emotions for the first time" concept but his actions were just so unbelievably teenager like despite the adult energy.
i think the storyline would be cooler if we went like this:
Eve, weighed down by the death of her older sister, is trying to carry out her footsteps.
Athena, a program already training her successors - Ares!! - and knowing she'll eventually fade, is trying to be the best she can be.
They collide the same way the movie works (crazy fight scene and all) but the 29 minutes being up looks awful with Athena collapsing and holding her kid apprentice up.
Eve and Athena have a reluctant bond in the Grid about legacy, especially after Athena brings up Tess as an example of a fading light and trying to understand why Eve's still carrying on the style of thinking that should be null when she's succeeding in games. Ares sees this and with my reimagining him as an Azula type character (prodigal young adult or teen even crashes and burns. no more Jared Leto!!!), he argues with his mentor and gets set up against her. When they escape, it's more of two women bonding over the heavy weight of legacy in the tech industry and building romantic tension and Seth enthusiastically wing manning his serious best friend to get the serious robot lady all Gen Z Tron gaming fans would love with thumbs up in the back instead of the weird third wheeling and Jared Leto creepily flirting with personal data digging.
the movie would be the same except it's a distraught program with the body of a soldier but the mind of a child going berserk over losing the thing he thought he was made for instead of using a black woman randomly going hysterical over her lost purpose to be the end villain instead of the white guy. also, we're not killing ares off bc why would you make the war weapon raised to be a war weapon murder the other war weapon?? or at least let athena wound ares so fatally that nothing works to heal him? i feel like that defeats the purpose of the learning to be human arc.
so Eve gets a bigger role (no more damsel in distress! she gets her badassery back!) in working with Seth and Ajay to run the poor kid back to a particle thing and save him. that changes his mind or at least gives him a debt. the two robots decide to still go around the world but Athena always holds a smaller particle laser to keep them safe. and the movie ends the same with an opening to a sequel.
when my elite school's bomb threat problems get into people magazine and is technically national news that also becomes city-wide news as well for a little bit and all I can think about is "wow i wonder if Amanda Lehan-Canto from successful YouTube channel and content creation company Smosh saw it"... i now know i have a problem.
