why so pale and wan, fond lover?

'mostly void, partially stars'

[technofinch]

I have GOT to stop spending $30

[sizzlingcandyj3llyf1sh]

“source?” the mold in my water bottle told me

[damazcuz]

When all you have is a handsaw, every problem looks like a beautiful lady in a box. And you have a magician outfit. And people are watching.

[technofinch]

I often complain about my life but one thing I am grateful for is that I've almost never been shot at with a cannon. That happened all the time in the old days and it seems like it sucked a lot

[willgrahamscock]

[hanniballecterscock]

things are getting… spicy in the spice section

[willgrahamscock]

[pukicho]

Just saw a fish get his head torn asunder by a massive cleaver. Hope he’s okay.

[superhero-justice]

He is not.

[pukicho]

I'm trying to remain optimistic

[flaskrobonoid]

gen z is trying to cancel the mysterious and horrible obelisk im building at the edge of town

[werewolfoffeverswamp]

my sister and her husband go see new movies a lot and a place near the theater they go to does $5 margaritas on monday so they’ve started doing marg movie mondays where they go see a movie and get a marg but they call the margaritas different things based on what they’re seeing. as far as naming goes “wuthering margs” was a little bit of a miss for me but it was preceded by “margipliers” when we saw iron lung so thats kind of a lot to live up to

[longseasons]

does anyone like me and want to understand me

[vinceaddams]

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.

[sawed-on-shotgun]

hello my name is Stray Hair snd my big dream is to play the itsy bitsy spider on broadway. doyou mind if i practice on the side of your head.

[eebie]

I just ate one

[eebie]

You can lie when you name things

[helicalsymmetry]

8 hours of decent sleep will have you thinking things like 'i am a beautiful horse and i will never die'

[helicalsymmetry]

2 hours of bad sleep will have you thinking things like 'i am a stranded whale and i need to be covered in dynamite in an ill-advised attempt to clear the beach'

[oldmanpusspuss]

I bet for like a fraction of a second getting hit by a bus would feel really good

[alex-strike-is-tr4nsg3nder]

Like sexually?

[oldmanpusspuss]

probably

[iamoutofideas]

*puts my cigarettes out on you*

[frogmoss1]

*wuickly smokes it all before you can reach me*

[iamoutofideas]

oh a wise guy huh? *rolls up my sleeves* why I oughta…

[frogmoss1]

*wuickly rolls your sleeves back down before you can hit me*

[setalye]

i let my cat sniff dr pepper and she identified all 23 mysterious flavors with ease

[loulooser]

Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th

[spinostarz]

i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny

[loulooser]

why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????

[jarsjam]

THERE'S TWENTY ONE THIS TIME???