Brigadier General Of The Raccoon Army @pnuipckel - Tumblr Blog

this is funny

like really, really funny

I have googled my life away. I have read bible verses. I have studied the ohilosophical meaning behind the numbers. I have become a modern Gallup trying to ask people to help me figure this out. What the FUCK does it mean.

agentstarkrodgers

Reblog when you get it…

yongmalyang

THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY WHAT DOES IT MEAN

smokefuneral-deactivated2015020

this girl ate only purple go-gurt for 10 years of her life and this is what happened.

Slurp on my ‘gurt.

Cause you know its purp.

Put me in the dirt.

Put me in a shirt.

nightvision222242

The brutality of this

jame7t

if tumblr still wants to turn this site around they should add breeding

archibaldtuttle

the only way to get a new sideblog is to get your main blog pregnant by a mutual.

jame7t

you’re on the dev team now 👍

catgirl-rikie

wiiwheel

idk why I wrote all this im sick

ml-futch

DAISY IS A WHAT?! PLEASE!!!!

bruno-has-definitely-deactivate

the-punforgiven

I wish wizards were real so bad imagine coming out of a wal mart and seeing some guy with long robes and a big hat in the parking lot surrounded by wacky particle effects screaming some shit like "By the moon and the starlight, by the shield and the sword, I summon to me, my Honda Accord!" And then just getting into his car and driving off

whetstonefires

so there's basically two reasons he would need to do this and they're both funny

his magical honda unsummoned while he was in Walmart; this means it's not even a real car and could look like anything and he picked or was forced somehow to pick a Honda Accord

his normal honda was left someplace while he came to Walmart by other means, and he can teleport the car to him more easily than he can teleport himself places

nucleariguana

there's also the idea that he drove to walmart in his honda accord, and then when he got out he either forgot where he parked or wanted to skip like 20 seconds of walking so he just summons it right in front of the door

petterwass

To not have to find a parking space, most wizards keep their Honda Accords in a extradimensional oubliette when not driving. This also saves on garage space.

christ-chan-official

Clearly the wizard had to summon his Honda Accord because someone stole it while he was shopping. The carjacker is now tumbling violently down the freeway like a source engine ragdoll

rathayibacter

spells that instantly summon vehicles are pretty elaborate, and have a high risk of clipping into something and causing serious damage. instead, imagine this:

the wizard casts his grand spell, the light around him flares, and then, across the parking lot, you see his honda accord begin slowly and carefully driving itself to his location. this takes several minutes.

#good meme for Honda accord owners (me)

notoriousmasc

every autistic faggot i know would fuck a 350 pound man within an inch of his life. this is what i believe is called a "universal constant"

notoriousmasc

this post bload up in the autistic faggots who want to fuck a 350 pound man within an inch of his life community

caoten

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

azem-ghale

allegedly-human

hi, gentle reminder that you can reclaim slurs for yourself but not for the entire community! Please don't say g*y when talking about other fags, it is a harmful word that has been used against the queer community to hurt mlm, use less harmful words like cocksucker, faggot, queer, and fairy! Thank you ✨

allegedly-human

how long until someone takes this one seriously I wonder