hereâs a thought: the reason why adult/minor friendships are looked upon with suspicion, and the reason why adults with minor friends are accused of being predatory or having bad intentions, is because we think that minors donât have anything of value to offer adults that isnât sex/a relationship. itâs a continuation of the way adults devalue minors and their perspectives and contributions to the world.
âŠ.No itâs definitely because thereâs a huge power imbalance
do you really think we solve that power imbalance with segregation?
op is absolutely right. this is coming from someone who researches and teaches on age and society professionally. modern western society is age-segregated to an unprecedented degree and there is ample evidence that it is absolutely fucking us over. itâs linked to everything from economic hardship to mental health crises.
intergenerational friendships are important. adults who never interact with young people outside of a defined institutional relationship with a built-in power imbalance (like being a parent or teacher) donât develop the capacity to treat young people as equals, which reinforces patterns of abuse, neglect, social disempowerment, and silencing. young people who lack meaningful connections with adults outside of those same institutions miss out on an incredible source of support and guidance. and everyone misses out on the basic human joy of friendships that could have been really meaningful if we didnât have this weird, broken ideology that says young people have nothing interesting to say, and no value to adults who donât either want to raise them or exploit them or both.
op is right and they should say it.
My life has gotten so much better since I hit college and befriended people six years older than me, and went to work and befriended people decades older than me. I could have been doing this years ago when I badly needed friends bc I had none. But no, minors canât talk to adults except when theyâre forced into a lesser role bc THATâS healthy. :/
A college person being friends with an an older adult is one thing, a teen being âfriendsâ with an adult is another.
fucking genius how you just missed the point. teach me how to do that
how the fuck are minors supposed to be able to identify adults with bad intentions if they donât have any positive, healthy relationships with adults outside the context of said adult being an authority figure
like, sure, with any relationship between a minor and an adult, the adult has a responsibility that the minor doesnât. some shit only comes from life experience. but like⊠that teen who comes to dnd on fridays, the younger coworker, that person met through fandom? iâm not gonna pretend weâre not friends just because iâm older than they are.
itâs not that deep
Like I just. Iâm so astounded by the whole âfriendsâ thing that the person a couple posts above is implying just cause.
Intergenerational friendships are like??? So varied?????
Like maybe youâre 16 and working your first job, and you have an old Chinese man as a regular who sits at a table and reads the Chinese newspaper his family mails him, and you start sitting down and talking to him when itâs slow. And he tells you all about the life heâs lived, of being a child in the aftermath of world war two. And he talks to you about the prejudice heâs seen, and the way he sees people treat each other, and how much things have changed. And you learn a lot.
Or you meet a 30-something mother of two that walks with a cane in a group therapy session, and when you speak to her she opens up about her struggles with drugs, and how she wishes to stay better so she can be there for her kids. And she teaches you about having a more open mind when it comes to religious beliefs when youâre an edgy atheist teen.
Or youâre very isolated in your hobbies, and you meet a group of college students that share your interests and are fine letting you join in on their card games and D&D, and you not only learn the games but you get used to a group thatâs accepting and just wants to have fun and make everyone comfy, and you learn not every group of people has to be judgemental and scary.
Youâre saying that instead of making teens aware of the signs of toxic relationships, and keeping an open line of communication so we can help them take notice of and avoid these things⊠Youâd rather we lock teens in a box where theyâre deprived of the positives?
Force so many teens to be around peers that bully and disregard them, when they have prospective friends in local clubs and support groups that just arenât necessarily in their peer group?
Hardcore Tumblr users really are just puritans huh? Hell even historically, households were made of many generations, and kids helped out in the community and met the adults that kept it going.
Ridiculous
Back in college, one of my friends brought her 12 year old sister over to the dorm when her family was in town. For one night, the whole crew instantly adopted her and went out to a playground at 11 PM and had a blast hanging out together. She gave some solid relationship advice to one of the older members of the friend group (who was, in fact 30 at the time! My âcollegeâ friends included people >10 years older than the frosh), telling this woman more than twice her age that really, she needed to break up with her toxic boyfriend.
Years later we still get updates on her life, and a bunch of those people went to see her perform on stage six years later when she got the lead role in her college(!!!) production of She Kills Monsters.
Do you know how easy it is for a bunch of 18 to 30 year olds to hang out with a middle schooler and have it be a healthy, fun, and positive experience for everybody involved? Super easy! it turns out that kids are actual people with whole sentient brains and everything. Just be respectful and nice!
This. This, oh my God This. I absolutely adore speaking to people older than me when i meet them on discord in other servers, because they have so much to teach! be it 2 years or 10 years, i love friends like this. they can tell you so much âĄâĄâĄ
When I was in my early teens, Iâd sit on the curb next to a man in his 90âČs named Oswin, who would sit by the road in his wheelchair all day and wave to the cars. He told me all sorts of stories about his life (sometimes more than once, which helped me remember them). I wrote part of one into my novel.
I got really close to an adult volunteer with a queer youth group in high school, and she took me in like an odd, overenthusiastic niece. I did have a crush on her a little, but it was the sort of thing that teaches you what you like in a person without meaning anything more than that. She and her wife loaned me a pile of lesbian books to read, taught me to cook, and helped me learn to drive. They were like family.Â
My grandmotherâs friends, who Iâve known all my life, are also my friends. One of them is in the last year of her life now, and as sad as I am to lose her, Iâm so grateful to have known her, to have been friends with her as close as she and my grandmother were. Iâm also grateful my grandmother and I can share this grief and joy.
Itâs possible to theoretically have power over someone and not abuse it. Itâs possible to love someone, to be vulnerable with someone, and not be hurt.
âItâs possible to love someone, to be vulnerable with someone, and not be hurtâ is something I needed to hear today, thanks.
