Hollanov AU where Shane explodes into six tiny shanebugs 🐞🥹 Inspired by Connor's and Hudson's verizon and peloton ads respectively (i draw so slow that a lifetime has passed since those ads came out lmao)
I need you guys to walk with me and understand that Ilya and Shane's first fuck as a married couple takes place on the edge of Ilya's bed ("Our bed, Hollander, our marital bed--" "Jesus fucking Christ Ilya--") while Usher Yeah! plays at bone-melting volume from the backyard and guys from three different hockey teams yell the lyrics even louder. Shane realizes that Ilya is inadvertently thrusting to the beat and for one very brilliant second it is the hottest thing ever. The mood is genuinely almost ruined when the song switches to Sweet Caroline. Harris should never be allowed to DJ again.
"SWEET CAROLINE. BUM BUM BUM." - Eleven highly inebriated hockey players and David Hollander, who's having great memories of his own wedding where they played the same song.
"Good times never seemed so good..." - Ilya Rozanov, whisper-singing to himself and completely unaware of it as he rails his husband into next Tuesday.
"Why is this hot. Oh my god why is this hot." - Shane Hollander, who at the age of thirty is still discovering things about himself.
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.
Hello I don’t have time to write this, so I need someone else to.
What if we had a Heated Rivalry AU in which the boys elect to engage in some psychological warfare to ensure their coming out isn’t a shitshow within their teams.
Who can they depend upon for assistance? Women.
So Shane gives Ilya’s number to Jackie as “Lily” to add to the Voyagers WAG chat and Ilya gives Shane’s number as “Jane” to one of the Bears’ wives to add to their WAG chat and after they’ve both endeared themselves to these ladies and have built a rapport/trust with them, they admit that they’re not women, and are very anxious/scared about coming out because of hockey culture.
And the WAGs are like, oh, ok, we need to all make a serious effort to work on our husbands and boyfriends and ensure they’re not going to be dicks about this. So they start laying groundwork, encouraging their partners to participate in philanthropy events with queer kids, fundraising for You Can Play, camps, etc. And then they’re extra supportive/proud of their efforts. So anyone who isn’t already onboard is simply Pavloved into being an ally and anyone who is still resistant stays quiet as the locker room vibe shifts.
The next phase is when the WAGs are like, hey, we know you’re not out publicly, but do you want to come to private meetups and stuff? We can all keep it a secret! Even from our boys! And Ilya would really shine here, being dramatic about “oh yes, I would love to spend time with you beautiful ladies but I am afraid of what you say when you know who I am, because I am big famous celebrity but so misunderstood, you see🥺😔.”
And finally after they’ve made tons of assurances that they’ll still love him and treat him the same, and they won’t tell their partners, he tells them his identity. It’s a shock, but they get over it quickly, especially when he shows up in person for the next book club or whatever with a ton of delicious snacks and wine (I imagine hijinks occur on at least one occasion when one of the wives is hosting something and her husband comes home early and they all pitch in to hide Ilya and sneak him out).
Shane’s approach would be much more bashful at the start—the ladies love him because he’s shy but earnest and clearly pleased that they’re making an effort to include him and they all figure out quickly that whatever profession this man is in is very toxic but also he loves and understands hockey on a level that probably eclipses any of their partners so they’re like ohhh he’s in the industry, what if he’s one of the trainers or something?? No wonder he’s so nervous. And there are multiple behind-the-scenes bets over who this man is. Every time these women are at a game they’re squinting at staff like…is it you?? Are you the one who has turned Ilya The Slut Rozanov into a doting loverboy??
But anyway, they’re like we’ve had Jane(?) for a day and a half but if anyone is mean to him we’ll kill everyone in this room and then ourselves. But also they get to see him come out of his shell as he gets more familiar with them— A, because he has great sex tips?? It’s always the shy ones, amirite? (they are especially impressed by this after he tells them who he is). But also that boy is just dying for an avenue in which he can be appreciated for his cattiness; I know he’s keeping them fed in the group chat with his little asides about other players/league gossip. Tell me I’m wrong.
All this to say, when Shane and Ilya finally do decide to come out, on their own terms, all the WAGs are on board on both sides of the equation (maybe they even start cahooting once they know the coming out is imminent?).
So I’m picturing after one of the games— during the playoffs when all the WAGs are in attendance—they decide that Ilya is just going to show up afterward when the ladies arrive to congratulate their menfolk. So there are a bunch of cameras around when Shane is like, “Hey everyone! Lily is here!” And plants a kiss on Ilya and before any of them can react, their wives are like “AYYY ILYA! So good to see you, girl. Give me a hug.”
And the three journalists in the room who are leaving after getting their postgame soundbites are like, wait, holy shit, turn the camera back on, are you getting this?? As the WAGs all converge on Ilya and then disperse to their shell-shocked partners. Some of whom are like, “is this real?? You knew?? You’re on a first-name basis with Ilya Rozanov?”
“Oh yeah, Ilya has been coming to book club whenever he can make it for like a year.”
“ILYA ROZANOV HAS BEEN IN MY HOUSE?? Why didn’t you TELL ME?”
“Baby, didn’t you say after working with the kids from that camp you understood how important it was for people to come out on their own terms?”
”I…did say that. Yes.”
“Besides, he’s the one that introduced me to that microbrew you love so much.”
“My favorite beer. Came. From Ilya Rozanov.”
Anyway. Thanks to the ladies’ overwhelming presence, and their assistance running interference for that first exposure, none of the guys say (or have a chance to say) anything problematic. Shane and Ilya both give little soundbites about how awesome the Voyager WAGs have been and how supportive the team is in general––Exibit A, the guys are totally chill with Ilya coming into the family room! Obviously they trust their captain to keep his relationship separate from hockey (casual stat drop). At which point, Shane also very casually says that the Bears WAGs have been super kind to him as well, and Ilya confirms that HIS team is even MORE supportive of their relationship.
So when the news hits, the Bears WAGs are all like “Yeah, we ARE more supportive” posting selfies they’ve taken with Shane on the rare occurrences he’s been able to join them in person for something. And the Bears players are like, ok we didn’t know, but we’re not going to let the Voyagers show us up. Obviously we’re more supportive of Roz than they are of Hollander.
And then the commissioner can’t walk back all of the ensuing online (mostly positive) fervor, so they have to release a statement about how supportive the league is in general and no, of course we’ve known about this all along, we certainly weren’t the last to know. We’ve definitely been aware of this longer than approximately 50 players and all their wives. Total allies for sure. ✊🏼
oh my god why did i just fucking realize. cliff marleau SAVED hollanov. ilya was hammering the nails in his own coffin and was gonna put in the final one THAT NIGHT after the game. his stupid ass was gonna end it. this is not communicated in the show but in the book he was about to pull the fucking trigger.
BUT THEN MY MAN, HEATHCLIFF MARLEAU, LAID SHANE HOLLANDER SMOOOOOV OUT WITH HIS BIG BEAUTIFUL BODY AND BROKE HIS COLLARBONE AND CANCELLED THEM PLANS AND SENT THAT COFFIN STRAIGHT TO THE WOODCHIPPER
EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND SAY THANK YOU CLIFF MARLEAU!!!!!!!! WE OWE YOU EVERYTHING KING!!!!!!!!!!!
ilya promising children cash if they win knowing he's gonna let them win and then asking shane for money because he doesn't have his wallet. he wasn't even an annoying husband yet but he was letting shane know his potential
I need a fic where Hayden’s youngest, Amber Pike, is Shane’s flavor of autistic, and as soon as they realize, Ilya is like, oh, step aside, I’ve got this.
Like, he’s generally fab with kids anyway but he has a near lifetime of knowledge figuring out what makes Shane tick (and twitch) and this is just a child who isn’t able to control their environment or modulate their responses to things in the way that Shane can.
So when they’re having dinner with the Pikes and Jackie is tiredly recounting the ongoing process of getting Amber tested and how lost they’re feeling, Ilya is like, oh, I have been training my whole life for this. And when 3yr old Amber inevitably starts having a meltdown, Ilya jumps up and says, “Here. I will fix. You stay.”
And they’re like, you know what, sure, have at it.
Within a few minutes of Ilya disappearing with Amber, the crying stops. When they track the two down a half hour later, they’re in the basement on the rug with all the lights off. Amber is wearing a pair of Christmas Pjs (notably a bamboo/cotton mix) despite the fact that it’s February, and she’s laying on Ilya’s chest, ear to his sternum, alternating tapping along as he hums, spinning his ring on his finger, and rubbing his shirt (also a Nice Fabric since obviously Ilya’s whole wardrobe is Shane-approved).
And when Amber sees the family + Shane trooping down the stairs and starts to get riled up again, Ilya is immediately like, “Turn off hall light. It is Dark Floor Time. Only quiet people allowed to join, okie?” And Amber lets out this relieved, shuddery little breath because she has someone who understands and can advocate for her which nearly ends Ilya’s life but also Shane is like, oh shit, yeah, I’m the the best at floor time, I love being quiet and grounded and aimlessly touching my husband, lets fucking go.
So even when the other Pike children get antsy after a few minutes, and their parents take them upstairs, Shane and Ilya stay, letting Amber crawl all over them and get chill before they get her ready for bed.
Afterward, Ilya gives Hayden and Jackie an exhaustive rundown of all the various things they might want to consider for clothing and food and overstimulation and regulation and they’re very grateful but Shane is listening to this going, okay some of this I obviously knew about myself but some of these things I didn’t even notice? Holy shit? He pays such close attention to me?? Hold on, some of these things I haven’t done since middle school. Ilya, did you talk to my mom about my childhood behavior?? And yes, Ilya gives Jackie Yuna’s phone number for additional consult until they get Amber’s official diagnosis and are provided with more resources.
(And maybe at first Shane wants to be annoyed about the fact that Ilya has been, what, researching and compiling some sort of manual on how to handle him? Right up until Ilya reminds Shane that Shane has an Ilya Spreadsheet that now contains over a dozen tabs of Ilya’s likes and dislikes, injuries and recovery protocols, training and diet and supplements, depression treatment with behavioral red-flags and mitigation techniques, and even sexual preferences. And Shane is like, oh yeah, okay, that’s fair)
But anyway. As the Pike kids grow up, Ilya tries not to be obvious about it, but it’s just Known that Amber is Uncle Ilya’s favorite. And everyone is mostly okay with that.
His doting is so quietly impactful for Shane, though, because here is a child who reminds Shane of his own younger self: a little odd, who struggles to articulate what she feels and needs, who gets overstimulated easily and has obsessive interests, but even so, Amber is a favorite and so loved and accommodated by his husband. That’s gotta be healing.
Also, as much as they try to get Amber to hyperfixate on hockey, I think it’d be hilarious if she became a horse girl and Ilya literally buys her a pony.
(Hayden: Oh my god, Ilya. Do you know how expensive horses are??
Ilya: Yes, yes, maybe for 15th best player on the Metros with one hundred other children, horse is big cost, but not for best player in the league married to second best player in the league with Yuna Hollander in charge of sponsorship deals. I set up fund for board and train. Is couch money.)
(Shane is unavailable for comment because he is feeling a velvety horse nose for the first time and realizing that maybe he is also a horse girl).
i’m imagining ilya pissing shane off and shane immediately calling his boss 😭 ilya sits too close to svetlana on the couch and shane is calling his handler like “guess who knows where you can find 50 kalashnikovs 🤭”
this is KILLING me lmao...the week Shane finds out that Ilya and Svetlana were engaged for like four days he briefly remembers how to do his job and almost burns the Rozanov family to the ground
Everyone has their corny fic trope they will never not love, and for me it’s mafia/organized crime AUs. So, consider.
A summer night in Manitoba. Shane fighting sleep from the driver’s seat of his patrol car, four hours left on his shift.
Nights like this are dangerous because they allow his mind to wander back to a time when he wasn’t always a small-town cop, writing parking tickets and getting the short end of the stick with his patrol times. In another lifetime he was one of the youngest members of the RCMP, back before the lifetime blacklist and demotion down to the lowest possible rung of police work with no hope of ever rising up again.
A car zips by, the first in hours. Barely anyone drives on this back-end, one-way road this late, not even teenagers looking for trouble. Shane ignores half the cars that pass through, but this one has a trifecta of infractions: no plates, double the speed limit, dead right tail light.
Shane sighs and turns on the flashing lights, pulling away from his patrol spot on the shoulder. The car pulls over immediately, obediently. Shane is relieved; the last thing he wants to do at 3 in the morning is start a pursuit.
He gets out of his car, flashlight in one hand, wanders over to the driver’s side door prepared to see a stoned teenager or a night shift construction worker woozy from lack of sleep.
Instead, Shane freezes, his fingers going so limp he nearly drops his flashlight.
The man sitting in the driver’s seat should not be here. He should be miles away, at his home base in Montreal, not driving a piece of shit beater in the middle of nowhere.
And Shane should not be here with him, because as far as Ilya Rozanov knows, Shane Hollander’s body burned up in a car fire four years ago.
Ilya blinks at Shane, narrowing his eyes. It’s dark, even with the flashing light spilling behind them and the tiny light in Shane’s hand. If he gets through this quickly, maybe Ilya won’t even get a good look at his face.
“Can I help you, Officer?” Ilya asks, tapping the steering wheel once, twice, with his pointer finger. Hearing his voice sends twin lines of heat and ice down Shane’s spine.
“Sorry, ah,” Shane clears his throat. “You have…you were going a little fast.”
“I am not from around here.”
“Right, well, just don’t do it again,” Shane says. “Um, and get that tail light fixed. Have a good night.”
He turns on his heel, forcing his legs to move fast despite the fact they feel wobbly. He just needs to get to his car and it’ll be fine.
He hears the door of the other car open behind him, heavy boots settling on the ground.
“Officer,” Ilya calls behind him.
He keeps walking, but the feet behind him are walking, too, faster.
Shane makes it to the squad car, grabs the door handle like a lifeline, but before he can get it open, a heavy body is pinning him down.
“Too slow,” Ilya says behind him, pulling his hand away from the door handle so he could hold Shane’s arms behind his back.
“Sir,” Shane whispers. Tears prick at his eyes, the animal fear rising in his body. “Please just…go back to your car.”
“But I wanted to tell you something, Officer,” Ilya says. “It’s very funny. Do you want to hear it?”
Shane hears Ilya unclip something from his belt, feels cool metal press into his side. Ilya leans in so close he can feel his breath along the shell of his ear.
“You look just like my dead husband.”
Shane’s body goes limp, the memories rushing back to him at once.
He used to be very, very good at his job. So good he was once entrusted to lead an undercover sting of one of the country’s most deeply rooted bratva families. He was meant to find all he could on the family’s young and newly minted pakhan, find a weakness in the newly shaken power structure. He had succeeded more than anyone could imagine, including himself.
But he was not meant to get attached. And in that aspect he had failed horribly.
Ilya’s lips press to his neck, over his jumping pulse point.
“Did you think I would not find you, Зайчик?”
Shane has not heard that name in four years, and it undoes him.
“Ilya,” he whispers, the less scrap of self preservation leaving his body. “Please.”
He doesn’t know what he’s even asking for. To not die? To die quickly and painlessly?
Ilya tugs on his arm. It’s pathetic, really, the way Shane peels away easily from the car and collapses into Ilya’s waiting body. The barrel of the gun is still stuck between his ribs, but he knows he would move even without it.
“Come on,” Ilya says, nodding towards the beater. Shane can see now how obvious this whole thing was, a series of petty traffic infractions laid out of him like he’s a rat in a trap. A bunny hopping blindly to the wolves.
“At least tell me where you’re taking me,” Shane says. He doesn’t know where he finds the strength to say it, to make any request at all. Ilya looks at him like Shane has asked the color of the sky.
“You do not know?” he asks. “I am taking you home.”
ilya is a formula 1 driver and shane is his race engineer
he only listens to you.
well. i’m the only voice in his ear.
shane is 1-2 years older than ilya. they've been racing against each other in karting since they were little, formidable competition who keep ending up on the same podium. shane doesn’t hate rozanov, but they’re not quite friends either. at least he’s one of the few boys who never called shane a slur when shane won. shane eventually quits racing and goes to university instead, to work in f1 after.
so when ilya rozanov becomes a protegé f1 rookie at 19, shane is one of the many graduate engineers on his team. they both assume the other doesn't recognise each other.
and shane is smart, he shines through the team, and he's able to pick up things and understand ilya's driving style like no one else can. but more importantly - he's the only one on the team who doesn't rise to rozanov's bad temper and ragebaiting. (which makes ilya do it more) rozanov is fun, charismatic - but he's also such a diva to work with. everyone hates working with him.
so when ilya's old and experienced race engineer rage quitted after ilya straight up disobeying a team order - ilya had a say in who they should promote, and the team unanimously agreed for shane to take the role. he might be antisocial, and very young, but goddamn it he might be the only willing candidate for the job and wouldn’t quit before one season ended.
this partnership is an instant success. ilya achieves all his firsts with shane - and his lil baby crush grows into unsalvagable lust. in las vegas, a series of unfortunate events led to ilya starting 18th, and he ends up winning the race. the party was insane. shane did not show up.
ilya shows up to his hotel room, shirtless, bottle of champagne in hand.
“shouldn't you be at your party?”
“you weren't there. i'm bringing the party to you.”
they hook up for the first time then.
the team wins the constructors champion for the first time that year. ilya is the world champion the year after. thus begins the unbeatable hollander-rozanov dynasty.
ilya has a roster of women to sleep with in every city, but never has an official girlfriend. svetlana, the racing nepo baby turned reporter, has a free pass to the paddock, but they maintain that she's not his girlfriend.
if it was a boring win, ilya does not come home that night. if it was a crazy race, he'd end up in shane's hotel room. and if it was a really bad race? shane finds ilya's hotel room.
this goes on for YEARS.
shane is quiet, bad at workplace small talk, seemingly has no personal life, and eventually everyone on the team figured out he's probably gay, and are nice about it. he doesn't correct people when they tentatively imply that he's gay. he's married to the work anyway, it’s nor relevant.
he's never said it out loud that he's gay, not even to ilya. rose landry the movie star gets invited to the paddock one race, and she got to sit next to shane trackside, and that was the closest shane has ever interacted with a woman. ilya got so jealous he made an excuse to not get a picture with the rose landry.
and they're Not Together. ilya loves women, shane is too busy to date, it doesn't mean anything that every single time ilya has to go to the factory he ends up sleeping over at shane's, because of course shane the freak lives 10 minutes away from the factory. it doesn't mean anything that they eventually end up spending most of the summers together, because ilya 'has nothing better to do' (he has no home to go back to) and shane 'has work!’
one summer ilya even invites shane to his yacht, a forced holiday for his favourite engineer and right hand man, and shane meets his friends and it's all so normal. they can still pretend that they don’t really care about each other.
until The Crash. ilya spins and runs right into the barriers. for a long minute shane thinks he might be dead. but he's back on air, thank god, he's speaking and he might have dislocated his shoulder but nothing that couldn't be fixed.
then the engine catches on fire. shane has never lost his cool over the radio ever in his entire career as a race engineer, but he yells at a delirious ilya who's still trying to recover trom the concussion. get up, ilya. get out. get out now! please. you can do it. shane is still yelling when the fire cuts the electronics short, and all he can do is keep his eyes glued to all the screens, cursing the ambulance for not getting there faster. there's so much smoke.
a lifetime later they pull out ilya, who climbs and stumbles out of the car himself, still on his feet. he waves off the stretcher, hobbling onto the ambulance (with a lot of help) - and does his stupid little wave he always does during his victory lap in the general direction of the helicopter overhead. he had no one else waiting for him at home. he wanted shane to see he was alive and well.
shane yanks his headset off (and broke it) and starts sprinting to the medical centre once he sees ilya's handsome and thankfully unburnt face on camera. he's heaving with his hands on his knees by the time he gets to where ilya has been left to wait to be taken to the hospital.
shane doesn't even realise he's crying. he can't move any closer. he's staring at ilya and there's still a million other people around them and shane suddenly realises he's in love with his driver and his driver might love him back and they're so fucking doomed what about russia what about the sponsors what about all the races held in homophobic countries.
and then shane visits him at the hospital and gets promoted to secret boyfriend.
ilya can't race for the rest of the season because his bones have to heal and he burnt his forearm and has to do physio. it doesn't stop him from turning up to races as soon as he can, to pester shane who still needs to work with the reserve driver. ilya is happy despite being on the bench and he films silly socmed stuff on the track and keeps forcing shane to join - until the internet starts getting a crush on his race engineer.
ilya bounces back next season fiercer than ever. they end up sharing hotel suites more often than not and have a flimsy excuse about Strategy but those two have always been perfectly weird for each other and joined at the hip so no one questions it. the sex is freaky as all hell. shane starts wearing glasses to work all the time. the elusive shane finally agrees to getting on the podium with ilya as the team rep, if only so they could have photos together, close to each other.
beaming, in each other's arms, shane squealing as ilya pours champagne down the back of his shirt. ilya planting an obnoxious kiss on shane’s temple.
One day at the cottage, Shane and Ilya wake up super early and they're both hard, so obviously they have lazy morning sex about it. Then they fall asleep and when they wake up again they go for round two, then a third one in the shower.
"Three rounds before breakfast," Shane comments while they're drying off. "That has to be a personal record."
As soon as he's said it, he and Ilya lock eyes, the same idea occurring to them both.
This is how they end up spending the whole day trying to wring as many orgasms out of each other as physically possible.
It's fun at first, a little bit aggressive in a playful way. They try out new positions and chirp each other ("That's five for me, try to keep up Hollander!") and just generally have a great time with it.
As it takes them longer and longer to get hard after each round, the mood shifts. They are nearly constantly touching and it should get to be too much, shouldn't it, but instead it's like something's been unlocked for them, a bottomless hunger kept at bay for years because they never had enough time to satiate it.
They have time now and they are gorging themselves. It's desperate, almost frenzied, and they're not even talking in between rounds anymore, too busy kissing every inch of each other they can reach.
Eventually, they start to get tired. They've been sore for hours and it's starting to get painful now, so again the mood shifts. The touches turn gentler. Ilya spoons Shane and fucks into him, hips just barely moving because it's painful for the both of them but neither one wants to stop.
That last round lasts forever and by the time they finally come, they're both crying. Shane turns around as soon as Ilya slips out of him, giving him the softest, most tender little kiss.
"I really don't wanna get up to shower," he mutters, the first clear words spoken by either of them in hours. "I don't know if I can even walk right now. This was a terrible idea."
Ilya laughs. "It was maybe not a good one," he agrees. "I think my dick might fall off."
"Mine too," Shane groans. He tucks his face in the crook of Ilya's neck, where he is warm and sticky with sweat. It would gross Shane out if he wasn't also sweaty all over. "At least we broke double digits."
do you think shane ever gets irrationally furious about the ear thing with the girl in the club. like it's been years and ilya has shane underneath him and he's kissing him all over but then he gets to shane's ear and shane goes rigid. ilya is like what. shane says no sorry i just didn't realize i was getting the ilya rozanov special 😐 is this standard with every purchase or did i unlock premium. ilya kindly doesn't bring up that shane went home and had sex with his literal girlfriend that same night
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