[escuerzoresucitado]

Most mentally stable child soldier

[swishersposts]

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

[zsnes]

its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post

[targuzzler-deactivated20180224]

pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs

[junglejim4322]

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

[prince-johnny]

[lowpolyanimals]

Bird from Daytona USA

[friendlyfrankenstein]

the scariest thing about old tv isnt really the racism or the sexisim because you kinda go in braced for that it's all the scenes where suddenly an actress is holding a lion cub or a chimpanzee is in the same room as a toddler, or suddenly theres a lion, or there's a chimpanzee again but it's driving a car, or holding a lighter, or holding fireworks. You just kind of watch in horror as over and over an actress performs with only 1960s tv film shootings best animal handling between her and the opening to Nope.

[retroactivebakeries]

[kiradical]

This is how I learn that the famous chimp my dad got my nickname from tried to kill Reagan. Fuck yeah.

[minor-locrian]

a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war

[interyuurei]

Ppffllbbbpfpvfpbbttt…! Pause to breathe and purr/brux… Pfffffbbbllbbttbtbplblb!

[childsacrifice]

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

[kaylmao]

idk i would personally rather give up access to certain products seasonally or locally than have people enslaved to give me the ability to have any product any place any time. i think i can go without tomatoes in january.

[machinot]

I would take a job pushing the Sisyphus rock if it paid 20 an hour and I could wear my headphones

[puppygirllaika]

you're telling me i have one task, minimal oversight, no time pressure, and every time i complete my goal I get to take a break while walking back down the mountain, during which time I am free to be myself and enjoy the pleasure of my own company in brief respite from my labor? Damn, i could imagine myself happy...

[black-pill-becky-deactivated202]

hitting you hitting you hitting you hitting you hi-

[lesbianredpanda]

[judithchopsley]

ooouughhhh turquoise MiG cockpit.......

[judithchopsley]

shes so cool.......

[makingtrouble]

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

[makingtrouble]

Actually I've decided this is a poem

[cupiidzbow]

I have to defend overhated women characters with my life this isn’t a game to me anymore dog I’m so serious

[planefood]

rules for thee and not for me

[captain-price-returns]